INFP female married an ESTJ male

INFP female married an ESTJ male

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17
Thank Tree2Thanks

This is a discussion on INFP female married an ESTJ male within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; I am an INFP female and my husband is an ESTJ. I know now there were somethings that I failed ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    INFP female married an ESTJ male

    I am an INFP female and my husband is an ESTJ. I know now there were somethings that I failed to see before we married. I am no stranger to messed up relationships. I told myself this one would be different. I would like to believe i was also played along by an ESTJ whose true colors were made clear once the honey moon phase was over.
    Regardless i was wrapped into the fairy tale of him being my high school sweet heart coming back around after both our seven year relationships failed. So here we are and i feel as though the longer i spend with him the more i am struggling inside.
    I have spent time getting to know him more then he ever has with me. I feel i poor on acceptance and credit because he works while i stay home. Thats made me more insecure and with more emotional needs being piled high from non forfillment. I try to talk to him and he gives me a list of practical things he does and asks what i do. Of course i feel like shit and not enough. I ask for time and love and he gives it in order to get sex. He texts me the same three words everyday. i love you. I feel guilty for not being happy but not once has he asked me how my day was or the kids. I get more attention ignoring him then i do telling how i feel. I never fill understood and i am told i should be happy about the roof over my head. He sees my emotional needs to be crap and i am starting to with drawl. I don't care to see his text right away. I am tired of doing all the work and watching him not care about me melting away.
    It hurts to sleep with someone you cant even get off with cause you are so distant. Then when explain they dismiss you and ask what you have done for them lately. His favorite quote is how he gets nothing and i get taken care of. I feel so damn bad but not bad enough to sleep with a monster. I take care of two kids all day but his the only one whose able to give me love and conversation and does neither without some form of coldness or time restriction. How do i get it in his head without the fear of losing him to his flirting ways that this behavior needs to change. I see now its his personality but either way i am asked to do far more emotionally then him. He gets to hurt me with words and cry about sex. While i just look like a stay at home mom.
    TyTy thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists


    Dual relationships? these are suppose to work on paper

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists


    People are not "types" people are people, his faults are his own, there have little to do with his preferred cognitive functions.

  4. Remove Advertisements
    PersonalityCafe.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4
    INFP - The Idealists


    Check out socionics, it explains the strengths and weakness your relationship is suppose to have:
    Duality - Wikisocion

  6. #5
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by MissErica View Post
    I am an INFP female and my husband is an ESTJ. I know now there were somethings that I failed to see before we married. I am no stranger to messed up relationships. I told myself this one would be different. I would like to believe i was also played along by an ESTJ whose true colors were made clear once the honey moon phase was over.
    Regardless i was wrapped into the fairy tale of him being my high school sweet heart coming back around after both our seven year relationships failed. So here we are and i feel as though the longer i spend with him the more i am struggling inside.
    I have spent time getting to know him more then he ever has with me. I feel i poor on acceptance and credit because he works while i stay home. Thats made me more insecure and with more emotional needs being piled high from non forfillment. I try to talk to him and he gives me a list of practical things he does and asks what i do. Of course i feel like shit and not enough. I ask for time and love and he gives it in order to get sex. He texts me the same three words everyday. i love you. I feel guilty for not being happy but not once has he asked me how my day was or the kids. I get more attention ignoring him then i do telling how i feel. I never fill understood and i am told i should be happy about the roof over my head. He sees my emotional needs to be crap and i am starting to with drawl. I don't care to see his text right away. I am tired of doing all the work and watching him not care about me melting away.
    It hurts to sleep with someone you cant even get off with cause you are so distant. Then when explain they dismiss you and ask what you have done for them lately. His favorite quote is how he gets nothing and i get taken care of. I feel so damn bad but not bad enough to sleep with a monster. I take care of two kids all day but his the only one whose able to give me love and conversation and does neither without some form of coldness or time restriction. How do i get it in his head without the fear of losing him to his flirting ways that this behavior needs to change. I see now its his personality but either way i am asked to do far more emotionally then him. He gets to hurt me with words and cry about sex. While i just look like a stay at home mom.
    When we responds with his cold behaviour, which is naturally how his lead function works, response with your Fi and Ne showing true sincerity. He will understand because both Fi and Ne are part of his function lists too. You may think that his coldness is strange and unrelatable but that is just another side of his personality which he mistakenly uses because he is not away that logic doesn't work when trying to bond. Without you being honest and sincere showing that the problems you have can't be solved by his natural Te Si thinking, you won't get anyway.

    The guy has feelings, he just finds them hard to use since usually he doesn't get a warm reception with his Fi, thus he is likely to think that logic works for everything.

  7. #6
    INFP - The Idealists


    @MissErica have you started to develop the thinking and sensing side of your personality? It is also important for you to do so since it would make it easier to understand where Te types are coming from, they aren't necessarily bad despite the difficulties they have with Fi.

  8. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    i dont think he is bad. i think i am upset at the constant extra work and over looking i do. i mean how hard is it for a man to get in his head foreplay is worth it but he takes the easy way out. so am i hearing that for the rest of my realtionship i will be needing to forfill myself and allow him to get his insensitive way. i probably sound alittle upset and i am. he asked me to tell him my value. i dont have answer. However you ask me his value and i am ready to list them. How do you sleep with someone who does not know your value? i dont undertand why i feel so insecure or measured by what i do. he isnt happy when he doesnt get his way and his way i cant give unless i feel secure. How come when i ignore him and shut my mouth he comes running to me ?? he loves me when i am not expressive isnt that like a plastic doll?? i am just venting and saying every word i cant say to him. i love him and i wish i k

  9. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    knew he loved me. i wish he valued me and i wish i could make him happy and not lose myself. i dont want to be a bitter wife but i think in order not to that requires some medication to stop me from thinking so much lol and a forget everything you say card. lets say i give and give and let him be him. i am still not me and do you think he would happy? wouldnt you be pissed to be less of a pain in the ass and still have an unhappy husband?

  10. #9
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by MissErica View Post
    i dont think he is bad. i think i am upset at the constant extra work and over looking i do. i mean how hard is it for a man to get in his head foreplay is worth it but he takes the easy way out. so am i hearing that for the rest of my realtionship i will be needing to forfill myself and allow him to get his insensitive way. i probably sound alittle upset and i am. he asked me to tell him my value. i dont have answer. However you ask me his value and i am ready to list them. How do you sleep with someone who does not know your value? i dont undertand why i feel so insecure or measured by what i do. he isnt happy when he doesnt get his way and his way i cant give unless i feel secure. How come when i ignore him and shut my mouth he comes running to me ?? he loves me when i am not expressive isnt that like a plastic doll?? i am just venting and saying every word i cant say to him. i love him and i wish i k
    Tell him so, its hard for a person who prefers thinking to know in advance that emotional needs are required. Tell him that you have you have problem, just be raw honest and direct, don't waste time warming him up with lies. Don't make him believe that you are a plastic doll, there is no harmony that has ever been built on lies you know it.

    Pour your heart out with honesty and be direct, if you start playing on the fence being suggestive thinking he'll see it then I can see where your issue is. The thing is that he doesn't see so and it becomes a game of somewhat for him that he response with his natural challenging "Te" behaviour since he mistakenly perceives it as a game.

  11. #10
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by MissErica View Post
    knew he loved me. i wish he valued me and i wish i could make him happy and not lose myself. i dont want to be a bitter wife but i think in order not to that requires some medication to stop me from thinking so much lol and a forget everything you say card. lets say i give and give and let him be him. i am still not me and do you think he would happy? wouldnt you be pissed to be less of a pain in the ass and still have an unhappy husband?
    @MissErica Be direct and present it as a problem, being sure to make it specific that it isn't a logic based problem since that would confuse him by thinking that logic is the way to go in such an uncharted territory for him. Don't be scared just let out the truth, he will see it, he does have Fi and Ne like you so communication should not be an issue. Be honest and direct pour your feeling as they are.


     
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] Female ISFP married to male INTJ
    By Under The Trees in forum INTJ Forum - The Scientists
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 03-10-2018, 06:09 PM
  2. Female ISFP - Male ESTJ Relationship
    By Annette03 in forum ISFP Forum - The Artists
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 04-18-2016, 02:54 PM
  3. [ENTJ] ENTJ female And ESTJ male
    By Youlistentome in forum ENTJ Forum - The Executives
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 04-07-2012, 11:57 PM
  4. ESTJ female seek ENTJ male
    By WickedQueen in forum ENTJ Forum - The Executives
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 06-18-2009, 11:40 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:40 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0