Best for two "P"s tp be together? or two "J"s? or "P" and 'J" combo?

Best for two "P"s tp be together? or two "J"s? or "P" and 'J" combo?

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22
Thank Tree13Thanks

This is a discussion on Best for two "P"s tp be together? or two "J"s? or "P" and 'J" combo? within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; I know of an artsy ISFP couple who are loving parents but struggle with setting boundaries for their children. They're ...

  1. #1
    ISFJ

    Best for two "P"s tp be together? or two "J"s? or "P" and 'J" combo?

    I know of an artsy ISFP couple who are loving parents but struggle with setting boundaries for their children. They're both very laid-back people and it translates into their parenting. There is very little structure in their home. The children are under 10 years old and basically run the household - and the parents (being the easy-going type) are not setting any kind of discipline, but instead bend over to cater to their children's wishes (e.g running to McDonalds at 7 am on a schoolday to buy them hamburgers for breakfast, because they refuse to eat what was prepared) The children are growing up to be spoiled, lazy, and with little sense of responsibility/discipline, from what I see.

    My husband knows of another couple -ISTP male and ISFP female - who also struggle with parenting and household organization. Their children are 4 and 2 years old, and they have no bedtime (e.g go to sleep whenever, sometimes at 11 pm on weekdays). Their house is always a mess. This couple also has major financial issues related to the 'sloppy' way in which they run their business - which has potential, but is being very mismanaged at the moment.

    I can't help thinking that all of this disorganization has a lot of to with their perceiving traits - hence leading to them being very relaxed, easy-going, and not very structured when it comes to parenting, managing household duties, and running their business. Of course, I know all perceiver individuals are not like this. I think, though, that if each 'P' in the relationship was paired with a J, that there would be someone to bring balance... . to set a schedule for the children, pay the business bills on time, wash the dishes every 2 days etc etc., and that this would be a good thing. I definitely think my iSFP friend (in the first couple) could've benefited from being with an ISTJ, for example, instead of an ISFP. She's always been very-laid back. If she were married to an ISTJ, he would help to counteract her 'unstructuredness'. She could also maybe complement the ISTJ with her gentle, laid-back and free-flowing nature - maybe encouraging him to relax a bit and be spontaneous at times.

    Anyway, those examples are related mostly to parenting and marriage, but it got me thinking. What do you think is best in a relationship? Two 'P's? Two 'J's? or a P and J combo?

    Do 'P's have more fun together than they would with a J? Do two J's usually fight for control?



  2. #2

    It depends on the individuals. Some people are attracted to opposite personality traits; some aren't. Some people might prefer getting certain things from friends or family and other things from a significant other.

    A couple that shares the same weak points might get on splendidly if one or both of them has worked on strengthening those weak points or if they end up in an environment/lifestyle that doesn't put pressure on those weak points.

  3. #3

    Personally, I like some J's, but not all of them and it really depends on the kind of relationship as well.

    For example, my dad, brother and I rarely get along and it's a ESTJ/ENTJ/ESTP relationship dynamic. I find them too rigid and somewhat on the boring side. Also, them being older means that there is this lack of respect for me as an individual. They still tend to think of me as the baby of the family and it's hard to get taken seriously even at 37 when I give them ideas about what to do with their lives.

    With my INTJ mom, It's much more of a caregiver/receiver dynamic where we switch. Sometimes I take care of her, sometimes she takes care of me - but mostly I receive (for obvious reasons).

    With my ISTJ wife though it's a lot more complex. I tend to be the entertainer and decision maker in the house. She makes the decisions too and most of them are based on a lengthy discussion or a series of discussions, but when it comes to pulling the trigger most of the times I need to be the one who finally does it before we move forward. With Si I've noticed that there's quite a bit of unexpected flexibility - at least compared to my very Te heavy family.

    I have more control, more freedom, more power with my ISTJ than I've ever had in my past relationships and it's nice to have that kind of dynamic. She's kinda like the rock that I needed to make sure I stay rooted/committed and don't get too crazy. Her mind works opposite to mine so it covers up for everything that I personally lack and we make it work.

    "P's" for me are great for friendships and having shared hobbies. I would not be able to survive in a relationship with one. Both of us combined will create too much "chaos" and that's exactly what happened with my ESFP ex.

    Do 'P's have more fun together than they would with a J? Do two J's usually fight for control?
    Fun depends on the initiator ... I bring the fun in this relationship. New ideas for new experiences is sort of my thing. She basically tells me if it would be good, bad or something that may not be as fun because she brings in the practical aspects of each activity instead of just giving into every whim and fancy.

    With my ESFP ex, we had a bit of a rockstar lifestyle ... And over time it started to feel hollow and empty .. like a facade built upon a weak foundation. With my ISTJ, it's literally the opposite. We have fun doing things together and bonding, but it's not half as high energy as my previous relationship - but I do not miss it nor crave it because I accept that the foundation of our relationship is so strong, so very strong that being somewhat less in terms of doing things everyday is just as good in a different way.

    When we do things now, we are able to squeeze out much more fun from them because we both take our time to make up our minds to do it and therefore when we do it, it's usually as good as expected, or better. That even includes household chores.

    I think from experience I can say that P+J relationships are better than P+P or J+J relationships. Also, from experience ISTJ+ESTP is probably one of the better matches overall.
    Last edited by SilentScream; 09-25-2018 at 05:49 AM.
    Zeri thanked this post.

  4. Remove Advertisements
    PersonalityCafe.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4

    I think the most important thing is to look honestly at what you're going to struggle with and what your children might need. Two ISFPs having an ENTJ kid will end up with a kid that is basically running the house, sure. But an ENFP and ISTJ might have completely different problems and every kid has different needs.

    I'm married to an ISFJ and I'm an INFJ. I think that if we have an EP kid they will get frustrated with us a lot.

    Also remember that sometimes this can provide a good learning opportunity. The ENTJ kid might learn to accept that not everyone is the same is them and learn that sometimes the most practical solution is to sit back and let people make their own mistakes. An ENTJ with ENTJ parents might not learn this until they're already an adult and run into big problems at work for example.

    My point is: there's no real 'best' or 'right' way to do this sort of thing. The most important part is to keep on communicating with your partners and with your children. If you're an ESTJ parent raising an ISFP it might help you to see that this child needs time to reassess their feelings and priorities and that if you rush them they might only get frustrated.

    And in the end, while you do get to choose your partner, I don't think it's healthy to use MBTI to assess the wisdom of your choice. There's ENFPs that are a lot better at organizing than some ISFJs and that is fine. We're all still individuals even if we share some aspects of how our brains work.
    Zeri thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ISFJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Drecon View Post
    I think the most important thing is to look honestly at what you're going to struggle with and what your children might need. Two ISFPs having an ENTJ kid will end up with a kid that is basically running the house, sure. But an ENFP and ISTJ might have completely different problems and every kid has different needs.

    I'm married to an ISFJ and I'm an INFJ. I think that if we have an EP kid they will get frustrated with us a lot.

    Also remember that sometimes this can provide a good learning opportunity. The ENTJ kid might learn to accept that not everyone is the same is them and learn that sometimes the most practical solution is to sit back and let people make their own mistakes. An ENTJ with ENTJ parents might not learn this until they're already an adult and run into big problems at work for example.

    My point is: there's no real 'best' or 'right' way to do this sort of thing. The most important part is to keep on communicating with your partners and with your children. If you're an ESTJ parent raising an ISFP it might help you to see that this child needs time to reassess their feelings and priorities and that if you rush them they might only get frustrated.

    And in the end, while you do get to choose your partner, I don't think it's healthy to use MBTI to assess the wisdom of your choice. There's ENFPs that are a lot better at organizing than some ISFJs and that is fine. We're all still individuals even if we share some aspects of how our brains work.
    Agreed. I do like theorizing about it, though... :-)

  7. #6
    ISFJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Jawz View Post
    Personally, I like some J's, but not all of them and it really depends on the kind of relationship as well.

    For example, my dad, brother and I rarely get along and it's a ESTJ/ENTJ/ESTP relationship dynamic. I find them too rigid and somewhat on the boring side. Also, them being older means that there is this lack of respect for me as an individual. They still tend to think of me as the baby of the family and it's hard to get taken seriously even at 37 when I give them ideas about what to do with their lives.

    With my INTJ mom, It's much more of a caregiver/receiver dynamic where we switch. Sometimes I take care of her, sometimes she takes care of me - but mostly I receive (for obvious reasons).

    With my ISTJ wife though it's a lot more complex. I tend to be the entertainer and decision maker in the house. She makes the decisions too and most of them are based on a lengthy discussion or a series of discussions, but when it comes to pulling the trigger most of the times I need to be the one who finally does it before we move forward. With Si I've noticed that there's quite a bit of unexpected flexibility - at least compared to my very Te heavy family.

    I have more control, more freedom, more power with my ISTJ than I've ever had in my past relationships and it's nice to have that kind of dynamic. She's kinda like the rock that I needed to make sure I stay rooted/committed and don't get too crazy. Her mind works opposite to mine so it covers up for everything that I personally lack and we make it work.

    "P's" for me are great for friendships and having shared hobbies. I would not be able to survive in a relationship with one. Both of us combined will create too much "chaos" and that's exactly what happened with my ESFP ex.



    Fun depends on the initiator ... I bring the fun in this relationship. New ideas for new experiences is sort of my thing. She basically tells me if it would be good, bad or something that may not be as fun because she brings in the practical aspects of each activity instead of just giving into every whim and fancy.

    With my ESFP ex, we had a bit of a rockstar lifestyle ... And over time it started to feel hollow and empty .. like a facade built upon a weak foundation. With my ISTJ, it's literally the opposite. We have fun doing things together and bonding, but it's not half as high energy as my previous relationship - but I do not miss it nor crave it because I accept that the foundation of our relationship is so strong, so very strong that being somewhat less in terms of doing things everyday is just as good in a different way.

    When we do things now, we are able to squeeze out much more fun from them because we both take our time to make up our minds to do it and therefore when we do it, it's usually as good as expected, or better. That even includes household chores.

    I think from experience I can say that P+J relationships are better than P+P or J+J relationships. Also, from experience ISTJ+ESTP is probably one of the better matches overall.
    Thanks for sharing. What do you think about ISFJ and ESTP relationships? This is "supposed" to be a perfect match, according to Keirsey. I some doubts about it, though.

  8. #7
    INTJ

    As others have mentioned, it's going to come down to the individual and their preference. Some like the same, some like opposites. That said, all the Ps I know well go for Js.

    While I like P types for friends, I have a strong preference to be with another J romantically. I need things planned/organized etc -- I can only be fun/relaxed/spontaneous from that base.

    Perhaps how extreme you score in P/J also factors in (I'm on the high side). Things I perceive as important left open, things left a mess etc are highly annoying to me. With friends, that's their business/problem -- the same isn't true for my SO.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeri View Post
    Thanks for sharing. What do you think about ISFJ and ESTP relationships? This is "supposed" to be a perfect match, according to Keirsey. I some doubts about it, though.
    It depends. Fe-heavy ISFJ's (more like the social ones) could get problematic for my desire to remain free of social obligations. Fe individuals tend not to see people as objects like Se does and therefore Fe feels obligated to convince the ESTP to be caring, kind and considerate where Te in ISTJ's doesn't care about that sort of thing.

    I can be kind and considerate in spurts, but more often than not my question is "but why?"

    I think an example would be better. My ex and I were planning my ex's graduation party from college and on my birthday she brought up that we should postpone the party (something I had already paid for) because her parents (ESFJ's) wanted some remote old lady in a hospital to recover so she could attend ... and I was like "but why?" and she couldn't give me a convincing reason so I stuck to my guns.

    It created a huge fight between us (over a lot of other hurts too) where there was way too much fighting for control over someone completely irrelevant to my life and I just gave up on the relationship entirely at that point because it was a consistently repeating feature in my life and I no longer wanted any of it. Life was always a juggle between what I wanted and what her parents forced us (more me) to do based on social obligations - which I hate.
    Last edited by SilentScream; 09-25-2018 at 07:32 AM.
    Elwinz and Zeri thanked this post.

  10. #9
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I like a girl who appreciates my Pness
    JennyJukes thanked this post.

  11. #10

    i suspect an isfp couple would try to provide the absolute freedom they themselves wanted to their kids, ending up spoiling them. if i could, i would ask them one question: would you do it again? and i wouldn't be surprised if they say yes, fuck discipline.
    Zeri thanked this post.


     
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Post A Photo of A Place Where You Will Be, Or Want To Be
    By Crowbo in forum Travel & Local Interests
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 08-04-2019, 11:24 PM
  2. What are you reading (Doesn't have to be a book it can also be a magazine)
    By Electra in forum Book, Music, & Movie Reviews
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 03-08-2019, 08:12 PM
  3. just want to be judged by a keen eye (to be a bit more certain)
    By PlasticRenaissance in forum What's my personality type?
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 07-24-2018, 11:21 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:06 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0