Thoughts on this Relationship Theory

Thoughts on this Relationship Theory

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This is a discussion on Thoughts on this Relationship Theory within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; So my relationship theory (for compatibility) is to keep the first and second letters the same, and switch the last ...

  1. #1
    ISFJ

    Thoughts on this Relationship Theory

    So my relationship theory (for compatibility) is to keep the first and second letters the same, and switch the last two. For example, ISFJ should be good with ISTP... and INTP with INFJ etc etc.

    Rationale: I think introverts match better with introverts, and extroverts match better with extroverts. I think people prefer someone with the same kind of energy as them. Personally speaking, as an introvert - I don't think I could be with someone who was very chatty and social, it would drain me. I like having someone who understands my need for personal space/time, and who has the same needs. It works. I also notice (in my social circles), that extroverts tend to gravitate and seem to enjoy being around other extroverts, and introverts with introverts...so I really don't buy the theory that extroverts and introverts need each other, to balance each other out. I see more potential for relationship conflict with an I/E match over the long term, than otherwise.

    I think the second letter should be the same for reasons of having the same way of looking at the world, and communicating about it. So sensors will be more compatible with sensors, and intuitives with intuitives.

    I think the last two letters can be different, because they can provide opportunities for balance in a relationship. So Feelers with Thinkers etc. Thinkers can balance out a Feeler's emotionality etc, and Feelers bring emotional balance to a Thinker's world. Judgers and Perceivers can also balance out each other - with Judgers bringing structure to a Perceiver's life and Perceivers helping Judgers to lighten up and be more spontaneous (stereotypically speaking).

    So following the theory, the matches would look like this:

    ISFJ - ISTP
    INFJ- INTP
    ISFP - ISTJ
    INTJ- INFP
    ESTP - ESFJ
    ESFP- ESTJ
    ENTJ- ENFP
    ENTP- ENFJ

    Happy for any thoughts/feedback. Do you have any experience with these matches, and what was it like?



  2. #2

    I can really see why you would suggest this in theory

    I can see some contrasts in this which could come with some issues

  3. #3

    I think the first-two letters theory has been discussed a couple times before so there's something in it.
    I personally do find that in my personal relationships extraversion has been the biggest issue, so introversion is pretty much a must for me.
    S/N doesn't really matter for me. I like both.
    I prefer T's.
    And I prefer P's.
    So for me IxTP makes the most sense, so does fit your theory.

    I couldn't imagine an ISFP and ISTJ couple though :D I feel like the ISFP would rebel hard against the ISTJ.
    Probably is all dependent on the subject person. A different ISFJ may be on the borderline for introversion/extroversion, they might enjoy being taken out of their comfort zone. For example, I really enjoy being with ESTP because of that but for a long-term thing, probably not. But ExxP might be perfect for another ISFJ.
    Elwinz and Zeri thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Unknown

    I don't think it is as simple as that. FJ and TP seems a very common pairing and i can agree.
    However FPs needs their feeling validated and understood more than other types and they are not gonna get it from most of Ts. They needs FJs. I know real examples of marriages like INFP and ESTJ but INFPs in such relationship is miserable and has to suppress large part of herself/himself.
    Last edited by Elwinz; 02-18-2019 at 10:31 AM.
    Zeri thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeri View Post
    So my relationship theory (for compatibility) is to keep the first and second letters the same, and switch the last two. For example, ISFJ should be good with ISTP... and INTP with INFJ etc etc.

    Rationale: I think introverts match better with introverts, and extroverts match better with extroverts. I think people prefer someone with the same kind of energy as them.
    Interesting theory but I have some qualms.

    There may be other factors. Consider the environment. In an extroverted environment it might be better if one partner were extroverted. Else two introverts could end up isolated. Also how close need the partners be to be compatible? An introvert and an extrovert need not be close if they accept each other. What about two extroverts? These might have a problem being close right off the bat. My wife and I are unquestionably introverted. Consequently we have distant relationships with people in the real world. Yet if either of us wants extroversion, we have places to go that allow for both.

    Second letter? Same will find things in common to share vocally. Different will complement each other in practicality.
    Zeri and ANAXEL thanked this post.

  7. #6

    I've experienced the INTJ-INFP pair and it's a no-no for me. I much prefer other NPs.
    Zeri thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ISFJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Elwinz View Post
    I don't think it is as simple as that. FJ and TP seems a very common pairing and i can agree.
    However FPs needs their feeling validated and understood more than other types and they are not gonna get it from most of Ts. They needs FJs. I know real examples of marriages like INFP and ESTJ but INFPs in such relationship is miserable and has to suppress large part of herself/himself.

    Well, I wanted to focus on the ISFP and ISTJ match in my theory, specifically. Not just any FP and TJ....

    Agree with you that the INFP and ESTJ pairing can be pretty tumultuous (one of my best friends (INFP) was married to an ESTJ. But the N/S thing was also a huge factor (they saw things VERY differently)- and the ESTJ also was very domineering to the INFP, which could have something to do with the I/E difference.
    @JennyJukes - ok... maybe. I don't know many ISFP and ISTJ couples... although my brother is ISTJ (borderline ISFJ though), and my sister-in-law is a pretty clear-cut ISFP. They seem to get along well - my sister-in-law does have a fiery spirit within her, but she's pretty quiet and easygoing, overall. My brother is quiet and easygoing too..... he's not the typical structured ISTJ, so I dunno...

  9. #8
    Unknown

    Theory that feelers would balance thinkers is nice on paper, but has little to do with reality. Do thinkers really want that emotional balancing ? As ISTJ i say not ...
    You can not make theory based on one data point which is even questionable, because as you say your ISTJ is not even typical one. There is no such thing like ISTJ who is borderline ISFJ. I understand you type by letters, but Te-Fi vs Fe-Ti makes huge difference. I interact with @JennyJukes a lot, difference is very visible, same in my daily life with xSFJ mother.
    ANAXEL and Zeri thanked this post.

  10. #9

    One can't really legitimately theorize something that's so heavily dependent on personal preferences, individual life experiences, and maturity. The personality traits that seem to you like they should be held in common may be things that another person doesn't care about or feel the need for. The things that seem to you to offer good opportunities for personal growth may represent traits that another person has already developed.
    ANAXEL, Zeri and Northern Lights thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Introversion and extroversion tend to fluctuate a lot as necessities.

    I've heard IXFP's preferring extroverts, I've met two ENFJ's with different tastes, one needs the partner to be chill as possible, the other wants her to be energetic and determined.
    I know an INFJ and an ENFP who are in love, and I've had another INFJ tell me how much he appreciates his INFP gf.
    I have actually met an ISFJ who likes the energetic type.
    I personally love introverts, they don't tax my energy and I make it a point to respect their space.

    I think it matters as preference but very little as rule.
    Zeri thanked this post.


     
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