Do you think Hoarding can loosely be connected to type?

Do you think Hoarding can loosely be connected to type?

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This is a discussion on Do you think Hoarding can loosely be connected to type? within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Or possibly sequence of birth order. I was forcing my INFP daughter to down size She is about to turn ...

  1. #1

    Do you think Hoarding can loosely be connected to type?

    Or possibly sequence of birth order.

    I was forcing my INFP daughter to down size

    She is about to turn 12 and go into middle school

    She has all these cross over things from changing of age, and then it was all mixed with every childhood thing I could not peel outta her hands without triggering a deep emotional reaction. Because frankly if there is one person in the world who can make me soft it’s her. She’s already INFP, and my youngest, and then has these giant giant brown eyes that I cannot handle to look at when they are sad (gives me a nervous twitch ).

    Ok so literally this last damn year every heavy deeper cleaning cycle I went to her and told her to down size. Even her filling our hall full shit twice it was still too much left, just to properly facilitate. We live in an apartment. Plus I was getting annoyed because we redid her bedroom theme with colors she picked etc but with a more contemporary update and then she has all this shit all over (OMG).

    So then I went just purchased the most giant of giant totes I could find. I said ok you need to stick every single thing you don’t use into this and it’s getting shipped off with your dad and you can have it in your bedroom there. She reacted well to this compromise overall. I told her anything that did not fit in this tote after she were done which was not of any purposeful or practical use or apart of her daily interests must go so she had to be wise with her choices.

    I knew it was really important to not make this traumatic because I didn’t want to give her attachment issues with it. I already dealt with that when a few years ago, I threw away what just looked like and old raggedy doll she never touched, it was like the world ended. So I really took the time and patience to work through her entire room with her. I continually praised her for the progress she was making letting her know how proud I was of her for being so mature and compromising. I showed her the perks of it which were things like she could now actually work in her science laboratory and art area and find the shit.

    But omg this was not easy. At one point we were joking over her initial pause over letting go of an empty old chocolate box from Valentine’s Day. I was like seriously you feel a need to keep that. She says yeah because it was from her sis. I was like but you already have the card and stuffed animal from her from the same day. You have two dried bouquets of flowers and something from every valentines from everyone who loves you. Er wtf is the point on hanging onto the packaging as well.

    I made very clear to her I am not adverse to sentimental belongings. I showed her my own childhood trunk of memories. But I explained my box was half the size and held 18 plus years of stuff. And she was only 11 with this giant tote plus all the crap already at her dads home.

    Her and I discussed potential reasons for this I had two theories she had one:
    -Hers was she was the youngest and she does not have long term memory of events and so she likes to surround herself with everything so she doesn’t forget (OMG adorbs). She was convinced that youngest children need to hang onto more, and older children let things go. She pointed out her dad is a youngest child and he too has a SERIOUS hoarding problem. I noted my own younger sis is a slight mini hoarder.
    -My thought was it’s linked to MBTI, all these people are NFs (tehe) now the NFJs kept theirs under wraps better but still.
    -My next thought was a deeper issue because we had lost all our stuff now 5 years ago in an apartment fire and I wondered if that had effected my daughter more at the time than I realized. (Which would make sense).

    I noticed a few of the people I confided in who were NFs were very personally attached to the issue and advocated for my daughter. The constant theme in their words was self expression. My dispute though was Having too much stuff that you start to not be able to move is no longer a form of self expression.

    I will totally admit I am very much anti hoarder and I like things like closets and closed shelving I cannot stand knick knacks and trinkets all over. I understand my bias, but still it doesn’t change if there is too much crap all over it’s not functional or any easy space to facilitate its needs. I still let my daughter keep memorabilia on a memory board and told her to put the rest in a box. I confess I don’t understand why everything must require to be a form of expression. Like all these NFs are talking about.

    Anyways I do think we reached a middle ground. I think she understands I am not trying to peel her of every memory. I showed her if she has twelve coloring books of the same trendy pattern she doesn’t need to keep them all when she cannot even recall where they all came from. I suggested she has a donation bin she starts for the future when she has duplicate things she receives in gifts as well as having another tote at the top of her closet to store sentimental things as she gets older as more things come in and to throw away packaging from now on.

    Who here relates to hoarding or can think of the biggest hoarders they know, what would you guess their types, birth order, and large traumatic events happen that could of had to do with it?
    Last edited by Sensational; 03-07-2019 at 01:08 PM.

  2. #2

    Hoarding is (strongly) related to mental illness. However, lighter signs of hoarding seems (S/ensory) related.

  3. #3

    The way I understand it, there are different reasons for hoarding, depending on the type. It can be a matter of control (J-based), sentimentality (F-based), or fear of making decisions (P-based) and maybe more I can't think of now. I haven't met a hoarder with pathological levels but the SFJs I know are all very hoardy. Also for INPs it can be difficult to decide what to throw and what to keep, even for T types, because stuff accumulates and they don't have the energy to go thru all that.
    So at the end of the day, you'll have to explore the individual causes behind it, for each person.
    Sensational, lilysocks and ANAXEL thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    well I know if it was me I would be totally traumatized by loosing everything in a house fire..... so yeah...

    I do think hanging onto things could be related to type, but as mentioned already, there's probably reasons for all different types to hold onto things.

    If you go in for function theory INFP would go something like
    Fi: it's pretty, it's so 'me', it expresses some ideal, it inspires me and conjures good feelings and good memories -> it's like it's a part of myself
    Ne: there are so many things I could DO with this! I know I might never get around to it but... the Potential! the Potential!!!
    Si: I don't get tired of things I still like them and still use them, I like the familiar, it's always been here it would feel weird if it wasn't, I re-read, I don't get over previous interests I just add new ones and might have to put one on a backburner for a while but I don't forget or dislike it anymore, or in some cases I feel like I'd like to pass this on to any children I might have some day because things that have lasted a long time like that are awesome. There's a sense of respect for things that have been of use in the past.
    Te: as soon as you get rid of that you will need it and then you'll have to buy another one and that's a waste.

    Personally things that remind me of things in the past are important to my sense of inner continuity, loosing my past leaves me feeling.... adrift, like I've lost myself. I need those memories to be triggered by things around me to... I guess give me a reference point to compare my current self to, am I still who I was if I'm drifting from who I was does it feel "off" and do I need to realign myself with my inner root self? Honestly moving to a new house takes a real toll on my memory which takes a toll on my sense of inner stability. Being in the same place keeps all those memories fresh, when I have to move at least bringing things with me, and maybe arranging them the same way helps maintain the strength of my memories, which in turn helps me to feel more solid mentally/emotionally/spiritually.

    and yeah, throwing out cards somehow feels disrespectful of the person and the sentiments therein. So... I usually save them, and although they just sit in a box, they're there for those once in a while times when I decide to declutter and end up sitting reading through them and getting filled with warm fuzzies.
    lilysocks, TemP14y3R, Sensational and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #5

    For me it's the opposite of hoarding. I usually feel like I should collect something memorable right now but I tend to forget why I should have hoarded in the first place. Whenever I come across something that reminds me of the past I automatically think "Wow, I didn't know this still exists!" Might be related to Se, focusing on gathering "what is" as much as possible until new things come and push old things away. I rarely actively pursue the past unless someone brings it up in convo.

    As opposed to my ESTJ dad tho... He loves to take photos so I can be "part of history". Everyone, every place, every action. I HAVE TO be in every photo and I always end up walking away as fast as possible from him xD
    Last edited by TemP14y3R; 03-09-2019 at 09:15 AM.
    Aelthwyn and Sensational thanked this post.

  7. #6

    the only adult hoarder i know is clearly mentally ill. but she's so ill and in (imo) so many different ways that i'm not sure she's a fair benchmark for anyone who 'just' hoards. if it helps you any, i can say that discussion and negotiation like what your daughter engaged in to find an answer with you . . . those wouldn't be options with her. she's a retaliator and counter-attacker instead.

    'type' has no meaning wrt the woman i know. her illness(es) are running her, not the other way round. there's nothing about her that isn't dictated by them, so there's no reliable info to type her from.

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Panda View Post
    even for T types, because stuff accumulates and they don't have the energy to go thru all that.
    lol. and right here, you have just nailed at least part of me. i don't hoard in the sense of getting invested in objectively-worthless objects. but i have very poor spatial-aesthetics sense, i don't care about things, and i am lazy as fuck. so i can live pretty comfortably right on top of/around things that serve no useful purpose at all but that i just can't be arsed to throw out.

    *plus, i do have a yarn fetish. no point trying to pretend that i don't.*

    Quote Originally Posted by Aelthwyn View Post
    well I know if it was me I would be totally traumatized by loosing everything in a house fire..... so yeah...
    i was an emigrant at the age of just-over 15. a family of three teens and an adult came over here with one cubic-metre packing case to hold what all of us 'wanted to keep'. i don't personally think i've responded to that by trying to shore myself back up with things, but there is an awareness somewhere of what amputation of that kind feels like. in my case it makes me pretty conflicted, i think. i don't consciously accumulate, i don't think i really cling, but i still don't really know how to feel about 'things'.
    Red Panda and Sensational thanked this post.

  8. #7

    I think it's Si oriented. Everyone I know who collects and holds on tight to a lot of sentimental items, has Si in their stacking.
    Sensational and Aelthwyn thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Apart from children (who are often averse to change and very attached to their belongings, whatever their personality type) or the mentally ill (like pathological hoarders), I do believe that there is a correlation between slight hoarding tendency and the enneagram Five personality.

    Fives tend to be very resource oriented, and we hate to be wasteful. Usually at least our time and energy are seen as scarce resources that need to be carefully conserved, but the same attention can extend to material things that other people see as practically worthless. For instance, this week I got into a situation with my colleague who was tidying up her room and throwing away stuff like old ballpoint pens and used plastic grocery bags. I just had to butt in (she didn't even try if the pens were working before throwing them away!), and the conversation got very embarrassing for me when she finally invited me to the contents of her trash bag, telling me that I can have anything that my heart desires from there.

    Many Fives also have large collections of objects that are somewhat more valuable than old plastic bags (but still considered obsolete by a lot of other types): books, vinyl, cd:s etc.
    Sensational and Elwinz thanked this post.

  10. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    I forgot to mention that something that helped me 'downsize' when I was somewhere in my teens was deciding to keep only Favorites. I may have more favorites than some people might. When getting new things I started asking myself, do I like it sooooo much I want to wear it home? Is this one of my most favorite things? Or do I have other things I like even more? Trying to only have favorite things has helped with getting rid of some of the clutter.
    lilysocks and Sensational thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Think it can be loosely connected to Si and Fi?

    I'm very nostalgic in a way but at the same time I'm the opposite of a hoarder, I don't get attached to physical things and I throw everything away some would say too easily, I see physical things as really easy to replace, I think partly because I easily take one thing as a symbol of many things, even one new thing, and the original thing was never really more than a symbol. doesn't feel like I built memories around the thing, it's more like I already had all these feelings and impressions and I made them more tangible through the thing.

    For me it's more about general feel of the thing and how it carries the spirit of things from the past.
    For example as a baby I had an adorable black onesie with white polka dots, as a teenager I had a black skirt with white polka dots that for me represented the same thing, now I don't have anything black with white polka dots but I'm sure I'm gonna find it one day, or not, but I'll definitely find something that feels the same way, actually I already have something that doesn't look anything like it but I feel a little bit of a presence of that onesie when I look at it.
    I wonder if this is just how my mind works, or maybe learning to think that way could be helpful?
    lilysocks, Aelthwyn and Sensational thanked this post.

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