INFJ MALE with an ISTP FATHER... How can I coexist with him?

INFJ MALE with an ISTP FATHER... How can I coexist with him?

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This is a discussion on INFJ MALE with an ISTP FATHER... How can I coexist with him? within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Hi, I'm a 30 years old guy. I recently found out about MBTI and got the INFJ results. It has ...

  1. #1

    INFJ MALE with an ISTP FATHER... How can I coexist with him?

    Hi, I'm a 30 years old guy. I recently found out about MBTI and got the INFJ results. It has been a journey of self discovery for this last few weeks. I also found out that my father is an ISTP. No wonder we have such different views of the world. For 30 years I've been living my life trying so hard to learn from him and felt wrong. I felt my father's way is not the right fit for me. He has this clear picture of how a man should fit in this world. He says I have to earn a lot of money, also how a man should be strong and ignore weak feelings, etc. Since I was a kid, my father had already planning to leave me his factory and continue his work, earn lots of money, etc. He said I have to learn about the machines, production, business, management, electronic stuff, etc. I also went to a university and learn about Engineering.

    As you know famous people like Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, etc are INFJs as well. Can you imagine them learning about engineering and operate machines? haha.. It was so late in my 20's that I found out how to live in this world. Just be my best version of myself.

    Oh yeah, my mom is an ESFJ. Sometimes she also felt depressed not having a lot of friends and can't let her feelings out easily. Both my mom and I, are living life not to the fullest because of my father's "perfect family" rules and standards. I love both my parents, but my caring and weird nature sometimes made me too afraid to sound my opinions. I know they just lack the knowledge as parents. But years ago, my father ignored me when I clearly asked for a therapist when I was a teenager. That was me "crying" for self discovery. He said that I don't need therapists, I should just motivate myself and also to save money.

    So, my question is, how to change a traditional and clueless ISTP father's mindset so that I can finally reach my full potential and have my own place in this world? Thank You..
    Anunnaki Spirit thanked this post.

  2. #2

    Why do you need his approval?

  3. #3

    I'm not.. At least I don't think so.. Probably because my INFJ nature, being a perfectionist, I want the best solution to problems.. I can't just ignore the feelings of my parents.. It's never been in my nature to just be spontaneous, and do things without thinking about the feelings of people closest to me.. Being an INFJ, my first function is my Introverted Intuition (Ni) and my second is my Extroverted Feeling (Fe).. These functions made want to make people closest to me feel joy and achieve greatness.. that's why I'm asking how can two completely different people understand each other, without creating disruption around the house.. My father is a good guy, he's just so stubborn, clueless, and difficult to argue with.. Thank you..

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  5. #4

    My sister is an INFJ, and I am an ISTP. We get along just fine, eventhough we are opposites in many ways, and she annoys the fuck outta me sometimes (though I don't let it show). Your father as an ISTP sounds alot different from me...

    You've coexisted with him for 30 years already and you don't need him to reach your full potential. You're not going to change him either. Just take action, show the results, and stop stressing.

  6. #5

    Hmm. I don't know how much you can change his mindset really. He's probably mature in age and already set in ways of thinking. To add to that, ISTPs can be stubborn and due to their inferior Fe - not very people-oriented in the sense of caring what makes others tick, or yearning to understand them. They have their own views and can very harsh with them too. In my experience (my husband is ISTP),they can also be dismissive of things like MBTI - and may not be open to hearing about differences in personality types etc, so that makes it even more challenging.

    Sorry to hear about the frustrations though. I can definitely see how an INFJ and ESFJ would butt heads with an ISTP. ISTPs can see INFJ's/ESFJs them as very feely - and they often have little patience for discussing feelings and emotionally validating others, just for the sake of it. So the INFJ and ESFJ could feel really repressed and also see the ISTP as being too cold and private and intolerant.

    Maybe it would help if you read up on ISTPs more to understand how their minds work etc. Not sure if you would get the ISTP to reciprocate, though. It might have to be a case where you accept him for who he is but that you also understand that you're a different person and that that's okay too. And that you put some boundaries between his expectations for you and what YOU want for you. As others said, try not to rely on him for validation. Focus on understanding and accepting yourself and finding your own journey in the world as an INFJ.

  7. #6

    You can't change his mind. It's not 100% impossible but it's probably close to 99%? Don't bother and just go your own way.

  8. #7

    Poor you it must be miserable to be left to inherit a business drawing profit of all the awful things a parent could do to a child

    My dad left me his funeral tab

    Ok ok fine I will be nicer

    Dude you’re 30
    Do what you want
    It’s your life

    Or compromise and pursue your own destination and figure out how you can honor his wishes (if you care to). Hire a good COO & just remain as an overseer after he dies if you do not want to be apart of it

    Uh my sis is INFJ
    She studied architecture before switching to project management
    So yeah it’s possible
    She still loves all that guru stuff you referred to as well but she is multidimensional
    letsrunlikecrazy thanked this post.

  9. #8

    You might want to try not identifying with INFJ (especially celebrity typing) so seriously. Get rid of the idea that you are like Ghandi and Nelson Mandela, and don't say/think that you can/can't do something because of your "INFJ nature." Be yourself, not a typology category. I don't know why your type is even relevant if your goal is to change your father (which you won't be able to do). Just tell him what you want if you want him to understand you. Since you say that you've spent your whole life trying to live up to what your dad wants: just STOP. Y

  10. #9

    Stop whining ans go have a few drinks. It'll fix things.


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