INFP-INFJ-ENFJ Love Triangle

INFP-INFJ-ENFJ Love Triangle

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This is a discussion on INFP-INFJ-ENFJ Love Triangle within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; ...

  1. #1

    INFP-INFJ-ENFJ Love Triangle

    Good afternoon, dear PersonalityCafe friends!

    I was hoping to find some advice in a love triangle I am currently in the middle of. Long-term, I believe love triangles are sad and unhealthy for everyone involved, though there has been open and honest communication between us all, and as of right now, all is well, though some things may be simmering beneath the surface.

    To give some details: I am a female INFP, and the INFJ and ENFJ in question are both males.

    Last winter, I had my first real serious relationship with an ENFP. When he moved and we subsequently ended things, I was heartbroken; my ENFJ friend, who had admired me for years, comforted me and was there for every step of the way during the recovery process. At first, I was uncomfortable with him, knowing I couldnít return the feeling, but slowly, and over time, my heart softened somewhat; I found myself utterly and truly grateful for him.

    He gives wholeheartedly and loves wholeheartedly. We share the same religion (we are both Christian, though as of late, I have been drifting away from the church, something I know he is trying to help me with), like the same books, movies, etc. He is simply wonderful.

    However, I do have a slight difficulty in respecting him; up until recently, he has always been a clown, is a full-grown man who works part time, lives with his parents, and doesnít yet drive (things that are important, especially to my family and religious culture).

    About three months after things ended with my ENFP boyfriend, and a month after the ENFJ and I started getting close, I met the INFJ man. He was a coworkers roommate, and there was a magical connection between us, something deeper, less light and fluffy, but real and raw. He is agnostic, has struggled with depression (but is overcoming it), and is a deep, philosophical musical genius. Iíve never met someone more open-minded, intelligent, yet so caring for people, even though people often times take advantage of him.

    The INFJ refers to me as ďfriendĒ consistently and constantly, though I get mixed signals. I think the reason he hasnít pursued anything is because I told him I wasnít interested in a relationship because of the ENFP, and perhaps he is trying to go slow. So though he isnít pursuing me now, I do suspect a flicker of interest, though that he is trying to play it safe. He invited me to meet his parents yesterday, and we have only known each other as friends about about a month and a half.

    While I respect the INFJ, and connect with him on a deeper level, things donít feel quite as safe. He isnít as enthusiastic or open about his feelings like the ENFJ, and the fact that we donít share a religion is also a key factor.

    TLDR: INFP, INFJ, and ENFJ love triangleówhat to do?

    Any advice or questions to consider from you all would be greatly appreciated, especially viewpoints from the INFJ POV, since he keeps a lot of his feelings inside, so it seems.

    Have a lovely day, and donít forget to eat your vegetables!

  2. #2

    Maybe neither of them are actually the right person. Just throwing this out there as something to think about... I feel like if you're with the ENFJ but have feelings for the INFJ or curious where that could go and you went along with meeting his parents etc. then I think that there's something missing with the ENFJ where he's not enough to keep you from looking around. The ENFJ sounds like a rebound and that's it. A guy who comforted you and of course is a nice guy, but it's not holding your interest. It's playing it safe.

    With the INFJ, I think if religion is important to you then this could be an issue. You mentioned you've been straying away from your religion so if this is something you're okay with then it shouldn't be an issue but if you deep down want help to get back to your religion then the INFJ doesn't sound like he'll be the best fit for you.

    Let's say you could come to terms with the religion thing, then I'd just say end things with the ENFJ (who is kind of sounding like "back up" / settling at this point) and then give it a shot with the INFJ. If he turns you down or you realize you were just in friend mode then at least now you know and can move on to someone else.

    Just asking this because you seem to move between relationships rather quickly. Are you okay with just being single for awhile or do you only feel comfortable if you're in a relationship?

  3. #3

    Good evening, SummerRoads:

    Thank you dearly for your insightful reply. It was just the answer I was looking for, in many ways.

    As for being single, yes, I think some time, especially to heal, would be a good idea. I am in fact planning on becoming a missionary for a year, one of the requirements being a commitment to singleness/celibacy during the missionary year. Although things have ended between the ENFP for quite some months now, I have not fully recovered from that relationship, and though it sounds cruel, the ENFJ was perhaps a rebound. I don’t want to think of him in that way—I genuinely want things to work—though you are right, that would be settling.

    As for religion, I am still discerning. I want to believe, to have faith, and I believe it is very important and that it matters. The INFJ is very open to religion, and used to be Christian as well—he now goes to several different religious services by himself every week, just to learn more about religion—though that difference in religion could most definitely be a big problem between us.

    In that case, I think I might gently try ending things (the possible romantic expectation) with the ENFJ, remain single for a while (while being friends with the INFJ, especially while being a missionary), and perhaps pursue something with the INFJ, if we can work through our differences in beliefs.

    Again, thank you so much for your questions and for analyzing the situation.
    SummerRoads thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Glad I could help in some small way. Relationships and sorting out your feelings are never easy. Good luck with all of it and I'm glad you'll have some time to be single and really focus on your own healing and discerning where you want to go with your romantic relationships in the future. All the best!
    marythecanary thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Sounds kinky. Have you considered inviting an ESTJ or an ESTP into the situation?

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