ENFP in relationships

ENFP in relationships

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Results 1 to 2 of 2

This is a discussion on ENFP in relationships within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Hi, I'm very much ENFP and recently came out of a very intense and quite unhealthy relationship with an ENTJ. ...

  1. #1

    ENFP in relationships

    Hi,

    I'm very much ENFP and recently came out of a very intense and quite unhealthy relationship with an ENTJ. It was really detrimental to my self esteem since I doubt myself very readily and he was very quick to project all our issues onto my character flaws which I readily believed. Also being a really emotional and affectionate person who is probably a bit too obsessed with how much I want to be loved back, I really struggled with the fact that he wasn't complimentary, affectionate or doting and I just never properly felt loved.

    Sharing the N trait meant we had a great intellectual connection but the emotional connection felt really lacking to me although he never understood.

    I always wanted to be with someone really warm and loving people but the people that I end up with are always ENTJ or INTJ and everything I read says that these tend to be the best match for my personality type.

    Considering that I overthink everything I'm sure I'm just overthinking this as well and probably also massively generalising but I'm starting to feel like I'll never be with someone who's really warm and affectionate and that I'll always be the person who does the doting instead of being on the receiving end of it.

    Just wondering what other peoples thoughts and experiences are with ENFPs being in relationships with other personality types, maybe other personalities that are more similar to them or other types with the F trait?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated, please stop my incessant over analysing!



  2. #2

    Quote Originally Posted by Abigail969 View Post
    Hi,

    I'm very much ENFP and recently came out of a very intense and quite unhealthy relationship with an ENTJ. It was really detrimental to my self esteem since I doubt myself very readily and he was very quick to project all our issues onto my character flaws which I readily believed. Also being a really emotional and affectionate person who is probably a bit too obsessed with how much I want to be loved back, I really struggled with the fact that he wasn't complimentary, affectionate or doting and I just never properly felt loved.

    Sharing the N trait meant we had a great intellectual connection but the emotional connection felt really lacking to me although he never understood.

    I always wanted to be with someone really warm and loving people but the people that I end up with are always ENTJ or INTJ and everything I read says that these tend to be the best match for my personality type.

    Considering that I overthink everything I'm sure I'm just overthinking this as well and probably also massively generalising but I'm starting to feel like I'll never be with someone who's really warm and affectionate and that I'll always be the person who does the doting instead of being on the receiving end of it.

    Just wondering what other peoples thoughts and experiences are with ENFPs being in relationships with other personality types, maybe other personalities that are more similar to them or other types with the F trait?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated, please stop my incessant over analysing!
    Hi Aibgail!

    A few thoughts on your post from a fellow ENFP!

    1. Take 'type compatibility' with a grain of salt. Maturity, Character, and Values have a massive impact on each type and how they act, which means in relationships you could date two of the same type and have a completely different experience. Two seemingly incompatible types can still share a healthy bond and find satisfaction. I see the goal of the relationship is that each person is better with the other as their partner, and each person can support another in meaningful ways. For a couple to know each others type would hopefully be a tool to better understand each other, not a diagnosis on how good your relationship can be. But the core foundation of a healthy relationship such as communicating and meeting needs, conflict resolution, shared interests/values, etc. are critically important even with very compatible types it isn't a "given" that these all in place.

    2. Just my own observation but I have noticed people who seem to repeat similar patterns of unfulfilling relationships being connected to something quite profound internally. For example, sometimes people who were badly burned by a first love will rush into relationships with very similar people and getting burned again. Or maybe it's a step deeper, maybe your parents had a bad relationship and you subconsciously recreate that relationship. How do these cycles play out? When you start feeling unfulfilled, how do you respond? If you begin to unravel these things you can prevent the cycle from repeating.

    3. As ENFP make sure you balance the practical side of the relationship with the emotional\romantic side, especially at the beginning. We are ENFPs, we are passionate feelers! We relish in romantic chemistry and love to have deep connections with others. The problem is, a long term relationship isn't some emotional high, in fact the most meaningful and impactful dimensions of a relationship are painfully practical. What I am getting at is, choosing a partner who will meet your needs is extremely practical---and not during the first month when they are smitten, but over time like when things are mundane.

    4. Finally, taking ownership over your romantic life. Yes there are laws of attraction and why we have chemistry with certain people and how the stars seem to align to bring us together can seem magical, but you are not a victim to chance, you choose to get deep into it every time. The fact is, the stars align many times to bring people together who have awful relationships lol. So understand as attracted as you are to that new person you just met, you are in fact capable of having feelings for someone else in the same way. this sort of perspective gives you the ability to take hold of your own destiny in a way you may not have otherwise, and you should take it seriously because this is your life to live! Some of the most charming people we will meet would be awful partners and we should be able to happily wave as we pass them by knowing there is something better out there for us.

    best of luck to you!


 

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] SJs in Asian culture in comparison to SJs in the West
    By dragonhead66 in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 10-13-2018, 05:02 PM
  2. [ENTP] SJs in Asian culture in comparison to SJs in the West
    By dragonhead66 in forum ENTP Forum- The Visionaries
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 09-24-2018, 10:42 AM
  3. Replies: 13
    Last Post: 09-19-2018, 12:05 PM
  4. SJs in Asian culture in comparison to SJs in the West
    By dragonhead66 in forum SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-14-2018, 03:53 AM
  5. [INFP] SJs in Asian culture in comparison to SJs in the West
    By dragonhead66 in forum INFP Forum - The Idealists
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-14-2018, 01:44 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:48 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0