I feel very self-conscious in the street when I'm by myself because I can't feel how I come across.It's all in people's reactions which I can't pick up on since there are so many people around. I started to feel at some point that I don't even have an understandable blank face. Not even the infamous resting bitch face. I look at people a lot so as not to appear dead. When around people and trying to avoid looking at them I was asked if I'm ok so it is very rare that I am not engaged through eye contact with people around, even at the changing room. It's like I've only have a sense of self when I'm engaged with somebody and look them in the eyes. Even technical things, I seem to draw them out of people's eyes. I monitor their reactions for approval of the things I say. At work, when my mind is in my business and I can't pay attention to people's reaction to what I say I just shut up. It's not only about fear of judgement, but for fear of lack of control of social interaction. I can't perceive if I am consistent. If i show a different behaviour to someone than to someone else. If I start to repeat myself. If I said something a little offensive that I can't assess how well went down or not so as to make things up. I also start to shut up in groups the more I am involved in them for fear of people getting to know my mannerisms. One on one is better. If I see someone cracking a slight smile because they feel I'm fake or getting to know me, I change my tone right away.
I think many will say it's just social anxiety BUT it stems from something. It's like saying ENFP is just adhd or ISTJ is just OCD. I guess my underlying source of this behaviour is Fe, but I don't know how strong or weak. Well I'm a clear intuitive but which? ENFJ, INFJ or INTP? There's no way I'm an ENTP