Listen to my INTP-heart or -mind? ;)

Listen to my INTP-heart or -mind? ;)

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This is a discussion on Listen to my INTP-heart or -mind? ;) within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; ...

  1. #1

    Listen to my INTP-heart or -mind? ;)

    Hi everyone

    I'm 32 and have never been in a longer relationship (various reasons for this, don't wanna go into detail). Lately, I’ve found myself opening up more to the possibility of forming a romantic relationship.

    Some time ago I met this guy from which after a while I believed he was an ENFJ. He treated me very nicely and seemed quite determined to further the relationship. I really liked to discuss stuff with him, loved his charming, people-friendly attitude… I saw how responsible he was, looking for someone to have a family with etc. I really couldn't say anything bad about him. However, there was no initial spark so I was very insecure whether it was right to continue meeting him. I started to grow fond of him after some months but I was still not sure whether it was «enough»... Unfortunately, I couldn’t figure this out any longer (because I had to move really far away...).

    Now there is this other guy who caught my eye. It’s really different with him. From my side there are a lot of sparks and butterflies. I believe he’s an ENFP. He’s an amazing individual, acting like a child many times (good and bad), he’s incredibly funny, playful – whenever I’m with him I feel so light and happy, I can’t stop smiling. We both like music, word plays and laughing about the absurdities of life. I know I can just go and tell him some random stuff and he will understand… But thinking rationally about him makes me doubt whether we would work as a couple. I feel like neither of us would be grounded / emotionally stable enough. Also, when I read about INTP-ENFP compatibility I see there are a lot of pitfalls…

    I had the same feelings with other ENFPs before, so I wonder, can it really just be a trap? How can it be that I so easily fall for someone who might not be right for me? Should I really just ignore this feelings because of (good!) rational reasons? Is it advisable to specifically look for J-types when P-types make one's heart sing? If I was younger I would probably just try out both but I feel like I don’t have enough ressources to do that now.

    Thanks for your thoughts on this in advance!

  2. #2

    Is it all P types that make one's heart sing or just ENFPs? I'm not sure that you need to base things off of P type vs J type. From what you said it seems like you really like the Ne ENFPs provide, so maybe that's your jam. So you can maybe start from there, instead of J or P you can look into whether Ne or not Ne works for you, because right now it seems like you enjoy that so far, the puns and word play and finding the absurd funny and random topics shared between you to. I would try different types with Ne.

  3. #3

    A lot of people on PerC seem to make this false distinction between "emotional" reasons and "rational" reasons. Maybe what is "rational" for an intimate relationship is what makes you happy. You can't really figure this out purely in your head, especially with no previous experience. Just give the relationship a shot.

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  5. #4

    Hi and thanks a lot for your helpful replies! When talking to friends "You can't really figure this out purely in your head" is the answer I use to get to 90% of my questions ... ;)
    @Saiyed En Sabah Nur : Just to make sure, what exactly do you mean by "Maybe what is "rational" for an intimate relationship is what makes you happy."? You mean that taking rational arguments into account can in the end contribute to (emotional) happiness?

    Thanks again :)


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