What's it like to be a Feeler? - Page 3

What's it like to be a Feeler?

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This is a discussion on What's it like to be a Feeler? within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; How do you handle relationships? Compared to how I used to be, basically the walking stereotype of an overemotional Feeler, ...

  1. #21
    INFJ - The Protectors

    How do you handle relationships? Compared to how I used to be, basically the walking stereotype of an overemotional Feeler, I would say I handle relationships pretty damn well. I do have very high standards and not in a superficial, you-have-to-be-over-6-feet-tall-and-have-a-six-pack way and that puts off people. I'm also not the most affectionate person ever (inb4 Feelers are all overly affectionate) and that seems to annoy my significant others; one of my exes hated the fact that I never wanted to hug or kiss in public. All in all, I'm loving, understanding, and caring, but still a bit detached.

    How do you react in an argument? Detached. EXTREMELY caustic and sarcastic. Depending on the person and what we're arguing about, I can get pretty heated up and emotional, but that happens rarely.

    Do you tend to understand your emotions? Not really, my emotions overwhelm me on a daily basis. There have been times when I have strong emotional reactions and I don't know why the hell I feel a certain way; my emotions can be very sudden and disturbing.

    Do you consider yourself emotional? Outwardly I am not very emotional. I'm not very expressive especially when I'm not around strangers. But inside I am VERY emotional, simple things that people think are trivial, silly, etc. can incite strong emotions. My family on the other hand, thinks I'm very cold and calculating because a lot of things don't faze me. I know this all sounds very contradictory but I noticed something about myself: I'm not very emotional about things that the average person gets emotional over. Like when my English class reads sad poetry, everyone in the room, except myself, gets sad and tells my teacher that the poem 'ruined their day'. Yet when I think about the inconsistencies of life or overly analyze into otherwise 'happy' literature, I become depressed, while everyone tells me to chill and not read into things.

    Do you sometimes find logic irrelevant or not applicable? Yeah, but only when I get into my Ne mood. When I'm in my Ne mood, I talk incessantly about random stuff and possibilities, which can be illogical or irrational. I KNOW that many of the things I say are very silly and nonsensical but reminding me every time I make an exaggeration is the fastest way to irritate me.

    N.B. Many people, usually Thinkers, believe that all feeling types have very open and boisterous emotions but this can't be further from the truth. Some Feelers, especially those with a high Fi, are emotional but not in a loud or open way.
    MilkyWay132 thanked this post.

  2. #22
    INFJ - The Protectors

    As INFJ, Fe is my aux function. It's how I judge the world, and while I understand that I am much more in tune with other's emotions than most people are, I strongly expect that my loved ones be able to read and understand mine.

    I find it said that most people think feeling is a weakness. While there are some flawed "feelers" out there, letting their emotions run their lives, there are flawed "thinkers" out there, who's logic and reasoning are judgmental and close-minded. Feeling isn't a weakness for me, it's my strength.

    How do you handle relationships?

    I've always been a giver, rather than a taker, and while not all of my relationships have been successful, I'd like to say that I'm a considerate girlfriend. I believe that being considerate also means NOT overreacting, listening to my feelings before acting on them, and respecting and understanding my partner's communication methods.

    How do you react in an argument?

    Usually, I try to stay as logical as possible. However, if I feel that I am being personally attacked, rather than someone "attacking" my argument, then I will feel betrayed....which might lead to anger.

    Do you tend to understand your emotions?

    Very well. I understand all shades of each emotion in myself and in others. It creeps some people out how well I can read emotions. It's also helped me when I took acting classes, to put myself in my character's shoes, emotionally.

    Do you consider yourself emotional?

    I think the word "emotional" has a bad connotation, really. While I would say the answer is yes, I do not intend to admit to being "overemotional". Thinking and feeling must be balanced, and I always strive to maintain that balance. I'd prefer to call myself "passionately protective" about certain things.

    Do you sometimes find logic irrelevant or not applicable?

    I never find it to be irrelevant, unless it's flawed. If I try to explain the flaws in logic, and I'm -still- being personally offended, that's when I allow my emotions to come in. Passion is a wonderful motivator, if used for defense and positive things. On the other hand, when I get emotionally charged, I find it VERY difficult to explain my thought process. Instead of explaining how I came to a conclusion about something, I usually just very passionately defend the product of my thought process and/or my feelings, if they were personally offended.

  3. #23
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by goodgracesbadinfluence View Post
    How do you handle relationships?
    Sometimes good; sometimes bad. When a relationship is bad, (and though i don't show it) i am usually very distressed about the fact.


    How do you react in an argument?
    It depends on whether i respect the person or not. If i do, then i try to argue reasonably. If i don't, i tend to aggresively use sarcasm, logic, and manipulation of conversation dynamics to shut the other person down.

    Its not a good thing...

    Do you tend to understand your emotions?
    For the most part, yes, though i don't always understand *why* im feeling something. In such a case, i use introspection and reasoning to find out why i'm feeling a certain way, and at times *what* i'm feeling. Though i've been finding out recently, that if i just 'let go', i end up immediately 'knowing' what it is. Its a rather strange feeling, and i'm not used to trusting hunches like this - but more often than not, it's correct.

    Do you consider yourself emotional?
    Quite annoyingly, yes. My heart and my head are often at odds with each other.

    Do you sometimes find logic irrelevant or not applicable?
    While i rather value logic, and though it is not a usual occurence, i'd say yes.
    MilkyWay132 and JungyesMBTIno thanked this post.

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  5. #24

    We do analyse our feelings, weget gut instinct that something is wrong and that is how we get logic

  6. #25

    How do you handle relationships?

    Yet to find out, unless you mean family and friends... try and show them love in any way possible but can also be very stubborn and unforgiving

    How do you react in an argument?

    Used to be very reactive when younger and take things really personally, now I'd do my best to cool down any situation, usually through humour, that or just try and see things from the other person's perspective and reach a compromise, unless I feel they're deliberately just being a c*nt then I may get aggressive

    Do you tend to understand your emotions?

    Yes and no, this is a hard one to answer but sometimes you feel really down or upset and don't actually know why it is, although I'd imagine everyone gets that to some extent, but I mean sometimes, for example, you don't get accepted for a job interview or something, you might struggle to analyse how you feel about it because it's like "am I upset because I didn't get the job or because I feel like I've failed something?"

    Do you consider yourself emotional?

    Very, but I never really show it, no one I know in person would have a clue what I'm feeling at any moment because I find it hard to express. Maybe I'm just good at hiding it IDK

    Do you sometimes find logic irrelevant or not applicable?

    No not at all, unless you mean would I make a decision based on what makes sense and is realistic over how I feel about what should be done? Also no, only if I had no choice. Like sometimes you do things you know you really shouldn't and everyone would disapprove of but you still feel this compulsive desire to go with your gut, we can't help it

  7. #26
    ISTP

    How do you handle relationships?

    I mostly don't. I know that sounds shitty, but I don't feel the need for a partner. I got 1 good friend which is it, and he takes it as it goes. Most people can't handle my solitary tendecies. I need alot of time for myself so I often don't talk to him. When I do, its mostly to plan towards the weekend to have some fun together.

    How do you react in an argument?

    Depends on how heated it gets. I am easily influences by other peoples emotions and surrounding vibes.
    Most commonly I try to find common ground, or try to understand why that person has that point of view.

    Do you tend to understand your emotions?

    How does one understand emotions? Feeling them, fine. But whats to understand when I feel sad? Whats to understand when I'm mad?
    So I'll give it a no. I don't understand my emotions. I acknowledge them and most of the time, let them be.

    Do you consider yourself emotional?

    On a normal day, no. I have emotional outbursts that come out of nowhere. I'm not that emotional because I repress pretty much any emotion I get in public, because I don't want to bother others with my emotions. I grew up emotionless and now its the only thing I know.

    Do you sometimes find logic irrelevant or not applicable?

    Yes. Some things have no logical at all, but still are there. And I still want to understand the how and why of it.

  8. #27

    I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep
    DOGSOUP thanked this post.

  9. #28
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by goodgracesbadinfluence View Post
    I can't imagine not using logic to make a decision or not analyzing my feelings rationally. For all I know, those could be stereotypes though.
    Yeah they are. I do both of those things. It's more like…. if I feel strongly about something, I will think about it a lot too! And kind of the other way around with that Jung's patient to repressed thinking - she said she can't think at all something she does not feel, or something along those lines. That was an extremely unhealthy Fe type.

    How do you handle relationships?
    I don't handle them in any way particularly, but I am somewhat sentimental about them. I'm not really looking for romantic relationships, but enjoy dating because it is a good way to meet people lol. I like hanging out with friends but I definitely need my space too and will get salty with people if they are unwilling to leave me alone.

    How do you react in an argument?
    Get mad or try to calm down the situation, really depends on what it is about and who are the people involved.

    Do you tend to understand your emotions?
    Ehh, yes? Unless it's something I actively want to deny.

    Do you consider yourself emotional?
    I'm pretty sensitive and emotionally reactive/expressive, emotional… not really. Not just because it's a mushy word, but because cognitive feeling is about value… it's when emotions become more refined, and help us know what is important, and what's not… it's not just about being an emotional person, surely.

    Do you sometimes find logic irrelevant or not applicable?
    No, but I sometimes find people who think they are being logical irrelevant.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffrei View Post
    At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep
    This unironically… should quit drinking so much coffee.
    Last edited by DOGSOUP; 01-27-2020 at 01:10 AM.
    Jeffrei thanked this post.

  10. #29

    How do you handle relationships?

    Just fine. I'm happily married and have been in love a few times, but I've had lengthy dry spells between long-term relationships. Loved by every girlfriend's mom, sister and brother I've ever known. Cats and dogs, too. I'm very amicable and like making people feel at ease, but I'm not close to many people because I'm fundamentally an introvert.

    How do you react in an argument?

    It varies, but I generally avoid argumentative people. Most thinkers have a blind spot to their emotions, which comes out as an achilles heel in arguments. I may exploit this, or just let it go. Most argumentative people make complete asses of themselves with their displays of narcissism, so I try not to be that person.

    Do you tend to understand your emotions?

    Yes, and I've learned to trust them with age. Young NF's have spider sense, and the elders are damn near psychic. I can control my emotions by changing the focus of my thought, and sometimes turn them into more useful emotions when necessary, like turning fear into useful aggression in sport. It is possible for me to turn flight into fight, or the opposite when it suits me.

    Do you consider yourself emotional?

    No. Men in my culture are raised to hide their emotions, and none do this better than hetero F males. I'm neither a fervent animal, nor an emotionless automaton, but a civilized blend of the two.

    Do you sometimes find logic irrelevant or not applicable?

    No. Logic is a crucial part of my thought process, but it doesn't override my empathy. I can feel sadness and sorrow for people who make bad choices. Animals make decisions based purely on emotion, and machines make decisions based purely on logic. It is the easiest thing in the world to make decisions based purely on one or the other. It takes a blend of feeling and thinking to be a good human being.
    Last edited by Buoyant; 01-29-2020 at 12:03 PM.

  11. #30

    Yes, I think so. I spend a lot of my time emotionally theorizing: analyzing my emotions and trying to figure out why people (myself included) do what we do.


     
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