Esfj-a not ''clicking'' with my supposed ideal matches, ie, esfj, estj, isfj,

Esfj-a not ''clicking'' with my supposed ideal matches, ie, esfj, estj, isfj,

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  • 1 Post By JacksonHeights
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This is a discussion on Esfj-a not ''clicking'' with my supposed ideal matches, ie, esfj, estj, isfj, within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; I am fairly new to the wonderful and fascinating world of MBPT. I knew I was an ESFJ, but I ...

  1. #1

    Esfj-a not ''clicking'' with my supposed ideal matches, ie, esfj, estj, isfj,

    I am fairly new to the wonderful and fascinating world of MBPT. I knew I was an ESFJ, but I am new to being this obsessed! I've googled my ideal matches and those types don't appeal!!!

    I was dumped very efficiently and very suddenly by an ENTJ recently (he told me he was an ENTJ) and when I read through his type's profile, it really helped take the sting out of the speed and absolute certainty with which he rejected me! So I realised that the knowledge could be really useful and helpful in my personal life. Quite literally, something that could have been very painful, I shrugged and thought, well obviously it didn't work.

    I have been internet dating a bit and I've clicked with an INFJ. We have seen each other a few times but we aren't in any sort of relationship and our circumstances are very different, I'm a parent, he's not, we live an awkward journey away from each other. But I did feel that ''click!'' you get me, I get you. We laughed a lot. But we told each other our life stories too........ There's a lot of slow moving going on. Even though every time I back off and give up he reappears. So who knows...

    Meanwhile, an ENFP who I have known for ages as a friend has become very close to me somehow. Because despite our initial attraction to each other, when he said he didn't want a traditional bf/gf relationship I backed away. The relationship grew as friendship. But I talk to him more than I talk to my female friends and I never worry that he won't be in touch.

    I had an esfj bf a few years ago and even though we were crazy about each other to begin with, it hit the skids really quickly as he seemed to get offended by thoughts he TOLD me I'd had (before I met him sometimes). Exhausting. I ended it. I went on a date with an another ESFJ very recently and I found him a bit hyper. He was wagging his tail.

    So I guess my question is, can a mature ESFJ who has survived an abusive relationship where NONE of her needs were met, and who therefore is definitely not more needy than any other MBPT have a good relationship with ENFP or INFJ? Or is 'the type' I am repeatedly drawn to over and over again only ever going to work out as friends?

    My closest female friend is an ENFP so even without the attraction side of things, or any expectations, it's a type I admire and like and feel relaxed around. The xbf who broke my heart many years ago was an enfp (the devastation lead me to an abusive relationship with an ISTP, a good match supposedly but it was miserable).

    Is this why I've been single for so much of my adult life? Any thoughts or advice really welcome!!! Especially from Guardians. But from others too! Interested in any thoughts.
    Last edited by ESFJa9001; 03-21-2016 at 03:19 PM.



  2. #2
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Socionics says Ti-Ne is your best match. Whether that's true or not, I don't know. Are you sure that INFJ isn't really an INTJ? What are you drawn to in a person exactly? Not in terms of what their job/income is, or how they look, but behaviorally? Do you like someone who is analytical, not really prone to emotional swings or expression, nor particularly outgoing; or do you prefer someone who is opposite of those traits?

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I don't think MBTI is very good in predicting relationships, just because each MBTI type is different. For example my ideal type is supposed to be INTJ, but my Feeling is a lot stronger than my iNtuition so I get drawn a lot more often with INFPs or INFJs as opposed to INTJs. So maybe that's what is happening in your situation, the Feeling side is very important for you so you prefer ENFPs and INFJs over types like INTP or ISTP
    ESFJa9001 thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Don't get too hung up on MBTI and "compatibility". It can tend to be inaccurate at times. Just get to know some people, and find types that work for you. You'll definitely find someone someday, don't worry! (b^_^)b
    Retsu and RaisinKG thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Thank you for your reply. He took the test for me, so yes, I think it is right. It rings true.

    I love real people who are kind and clever and interested in the world around them. Funny, considerate, warm people who enjoy a good conversation and seek out and then value others like them. I'm outwardly quite conventional I suppose, I dress well, I'm on time, I make lists, I get things done, I save.... but I feel a bit quirky on the inside. I feel like I censor myself sometimes but I don't have to with other people who are quirky. My types (estj/estj) would be the most likely to totally misunderstand some of my jokes I think! Whereas the enfps in my life think I'm very funny. I'm not the class clown. I just see the humour in a lot of things.

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by mikankoneko View Post
    Don't get too hung up on MBTI and "compatibility". It can tend to be inaccurate at times. Just get to know some people, and find types that work for you. You'll definitely find someone someday, don't worry! (b^_^)b
    Thanks! I hope so, I'm FORTY FIVE. I've had a whole string of relationships that didn't work. But maybe it's because I made those choices when my self esteem was low Maybe that was the crucial point.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by ESFJa9001 View Post
    Thanks! I hope so, I'm FORTY FIVE. I've had a whole string of relationships that didn't work. But maybe it's because I made those choices when my self esteem was low Maybe that was the crucial point.
    That's good that you are starting to realize your downfall; that's a step in the right direction. Don't lose faith! There is someone for you out there, despite what you may think!
    ESFJa9001 thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by JacksonHeights View Post
    I don't think MBTI is very good in predicting relationships, just because each MBTI type is different. For example my ideal type is supposed to be INTJ, but my Feeling is a lot stronger than my iNtuition so I get drawn a lot more often with INFPs or INFJs as opposed to INTJs. So maybe that's what is happening in your situation, the Feeling side is very important for you so you prefer ENFPs and INFJs over types like INTP or ISTP
    Yes, I think that's true. It's the F that makes me feel the potential for a connection


     

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