how do i turn off my emotions? - Page 2

how do i turn off my emotions?

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This is a discussion on how do i turn off my emotions? within the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers forums, part of the Keirsey Temperament Forums category; Originally Posted by ENFPurpleKitti - no job, can't work, trying for Disability/ failing To get disability, you have to have ...

  1. #11

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFPurpleKitti View Post
    - no job, can't work, trying for Disability/ failing

    To get disability, you have to have a lawyer who specializes in disability claims. My mom has helped a few elderly disabled neighbors get onto it after years of them trying and failing - this is the secret to it.
    SS stonewalls all people until a lawyer comes along and files the paperwork their way. Even our half paralyzed neighbor in a wheelchair couldn't get his until he followed the lawyer advice, and then it came together very quickly for him - just over a month.
    The good thing is that disability lawyers don't charge you - they take their fee from the eventual successful claim. If you've filed previous claims for SS, once you win your case they have to pay you for all the months since your first filing.

  2. #12

    Ph yeah I knoe about getting the disability lawyer. I was in the process of appeal when they moved my case to somebofy else and they didn't gove me the correct contact information. So I tried to call... I forgot who it was, a nurde or someone I had been in contact with up until now, but the number she called me from went to a general circulation desk and when I asked for her by nsme the person on the other end had no idea who I was talking abput. So.... I have to start all ocer again.

    Compartmentalizing kinda worksfor me sometimes but it's hit or miss lately, I guess becaisr of what a disaster zone my emotions have become.

  3. #13

    My phone won't let me edit my previous post. 😛 Also it doesn't always let me access PMs here so I'll check in a bit.

    My local church actually exaserbated our problems and the surrounding church culture out here I already knoe is largely toxic to the point where I don't trust any of them. They even discourage seeking professional help and engage in shame culture for people in my situation. There's a food bank run through a church here and as amazing as the people are just walking into it is triggering some days. But I have also learned from having and overhearing conversations that yhey are of the same mind as these others and will not be comfortable for me to be around. I unfortunately wouldn't trust many programs run through any of the chirches out here, sad to say.
    Marvin the Dendroid thanked this post.

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  5. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFPurpleKitti View Post
    My phone won't let me edit my previous post. 😛 Also it doesn't always let me access PMs here so I'll check in a bit.

    My local church actually exaserbated our problems and the surrounding church culture out here I already knoe is largely toxic to the point where I don't trust any of them. They even discourage seeking professional help and engage in shame culture for people in my situation. There's a food bank run through a church here and as amazing as the people are just walking into it is triggering some days. But I have also learned from having and overhearing conversations that yhey are of the same mind as these others and will not be comfortable for me to be around. I unfortunately wouldn't trust many programs run through any of the chirches out here, sad to say.
    Okay. If you have Medicaid/state insurance (and if you donít, why wouldnít you go apply?). Then some counselors take this insurance and Iíve seen some counselors also do some kind of sliding scale payment or wave co-pays if they usually take them. Many counselors (especially the good experienced ones) when you are calling them to see if you are a good fit can give you some advice on social support in your area or ideas on payment.
    Try www.psychologytoday.com to see local counselors and check what insurance they take. Call a bunch of them and see what they can offer you. Be very upfront about how things are and what youíre feelingó they have likely seen people in similar situations as yours, so donít worry. They will give you a few ideas and at the end of a few calls to the more experienced ones you might even experience some hope.

  6. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFPurpleKitti View Post
    I'm sorry I neglected to mention that this is something I need to do until such time as I'm able to see a therapist. I can't afford one, not even one that's adjusted for income, because we're financially so badly off, it's impossible to afford almost anything. I'm constantly in danger of not being able to buy insulin, constantly suffering the effects of malnutrition from too little food, etc.

    Not too long ago I felt forced to make a post on my Facebook account that I was no longer able to remain mutual friends with anybody who was still friends with my soon-to-be-ex and that I needed them to either remove me or him from their friends list. Moslty it was because seeing certain names and faces (especially in "suggested friends") was triggering too many memories. As it is, I took over his FB and other accounts in order to stop him from some severely unhealthy behavior that was a risk of putting our entire household in danger, having to delete entire website accounts, delete posts with personal identifying information, etc. He had already agreed to let me take over his account and change his password to prevent him abusing it again, and I even told him about the post I had made. He didn't want to read it at the time and took my word for what I said was written in it. But then someone else read it and *LIED TO HIM* about what I had written, and so he spent several weeks being mad at me over things I had *never* said. When he finally brought it up to me, I told him he needed to just read my actual post for himself. I even printed out a copy for him.

    Because that's what I do. I keep copies of just about every little thing I say, or some form of evidence of just about anything that I do, because I KNOW it's going to come up, because I KNOW somebody is going to lie about me. I have a mess of signed paperwork and other scraps of things in writing in my office, screencaps of conversations I've had online on my computers (which I've had to use!) , some of which date back five or six years (the older ones can probably be deleted now, I just haven't gotten around to it yet). And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of keeping proof of every breath I take just to counter other people's arguments. I'm tired of calling out people's lies all the freaking time.

    I HAVE been keeping journals and writing about my feelings, and up until now I've never had a problem with my emotions (if other people have a problem, it's *their* problem, not mine). But it doesn't work anymore. It just makes me feel the emotions even more intensely, and solidifies everything in my memory, which is preventing me from reassociating bad feelings from certain triggers with anything more optimistic. Not only that, but as far as talking to other people about it goes, I basically don't have any friends left anymore because of people turning around and lying about me or manipulating or gaslighting me. And I don't trust the ones I have left. I have very close friends who have never done a damn thing wrong to me their entire lives and I don't trust them, I'm just waiting for them to drop the bomb and leave me too. They won't but I'm waiting.

    But venting my feelings isn't getting me any closer to solving any problems, they are no longer clarifying any kind of understanding of my situation or anybody else's. And I'm so tired of inadvertantly sucking up everybody else's feelings from the shit that life is throwing at them as well, and I'm too disoriented to be of any use to any of them now because I'm trapped in self-preservation mode and virtually non-functional. (Besides being haunted by that damn feeling that any emotional support I give them will just be thrown in my face as soon as they turn traitor.) I spent a two month or so streak where I was throwing up every two or three days, eating only one meal a day, and constantly exhausted beyond functionality.

    My ex is in the process of moving out, he's living with his mom most days and comes back every so often to clean up his stuff, help out with some various loose ends that need tying up, and he does what he can to support us financially. He has been through another round of mental evaluations, diagnoses, adjustments to medications, even has a new therapist, and yes, he's taking it all seriously. It's not like he's some thoroughly vile, hateful criminal, or a sociopath or anything. He makes progress in certain areas, but then he so tragically misses the mark in other areas that it's too much for me to mentally or emotionally handle anymore. But every time he leaves the house, it doesn't matter how good of a mood I was in before, doesn't matter how well we got along (we're not at all the type to clash over much of anything; he's a genuine joy to be around), or how well I'm feeling while he's there, but as soon as he leaves I crash all over again. Worst of all is the desire to try again, to try to "work out our problems" and stay married to him, which is the worst thing I could possibly do to myself right now. I'm sick and tired of still being in love with him. It's killing me.

    I attempted suicide twice last year and I do NOT want to find myself walking down that path ever again. I just want it to stop. I want every strong emotion to. JUST. STOP. I need them to leave me the hell alone so I can function, so I can work, so I can live some little piece of my life, so I can make SOME kind of progress on ANYTHING! Until I'm able to solve the actual problems that are in my face nonstop, day after day, I need to stop FEELING them all the damn time just so I can move for a little while.
    Oh dear, I've been there, breaking up in the digital age is harder than you'd imagine.

    My advise would be to either get off FB for a while, or block your ex/the people who trigger you.

    You don't need this in your life while you're recovering.

    In terms of going through journals etc whilst recovering, that sounds like brooding to me, and you're only hurting yourself by clinging to past hurts.

    Let your ex go, get busy doing something else (I realise that's hard in your current situation since you have to see him often).

    In time he will be but a distant memory and you'll find yourself wondering wth you tied your panties up in knots over him.
    Last edited by Aridela; 08-08-2019 at 12:38 PM.

  7. #16

    I tried turning them off. But I am only pretending in the end. The more you try to turn it off, the more you end up experience loading with emotions, which is not very healthy. However, you can regulate your emotions so you won't be emotionless one day and become too emotional the next. Find things to do that you enjoy to occupy your time. It keeps your emotions steady.
    GusWriter and Sei35 thanked this post.

  8. #17

    Iím the opposite- my emotions shut down and turn off easily - I highly doubt you want to not feel - itís a lot worst than to feel something


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    wums, Marvin the Dendroid and Sei35 thanked this post.

  9. #18
    INFJ

    Quote Originally Posted by ai.tran.75 View Post
    I’m the opposite- my emotions shut down and turn off easily - I highly doubt you want to not feel - it’s a lot worst than to feel something


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    There has to be a balance. Enneagram 4s we hold onto feelings and it’s hard to turn them off or let them go. The problem is they usually belong to the past so as long as we drag out those feelings, they prevent us from accepting the past and disconnect us from moving forward in our lives. They can definitely become problematic in that way. Though technically the emotions themselves are not the problem, the problem is really how we don’t accept the past for what it was and getting caught up in the fantasy of if things had been different.

    (Sorry btw I wrote this on my phone I thought I had remembered OP as being type 4 instead of 2 so maybe it's not completely relevant)
    Last edited by wums; 08-21-2019 at 10:33 AM.
    ai.tran.75 thanked this post.

  10. #19
    Unknown

    The best way to control your emotions is to not try to do so, just like with thoughts, let them come and go on their own accord - you are just the observer.

    Physical exercise is of the uttmost importance, as it can 'dislodge' any bottled up emotions (pluss, you'll feel better overall). It is very important to give yourself time and space in a situation like this, and what better than a long walk somewhere you can be alone?

    It can even become a very healthy kind of meditation, to let go and 'walk it out' in this way.
    GusWriter thanked this post.

  11. #20

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFPurpleKitti View Post
    i need to know every little thing i can possibly do to just shut them off. theyre not solving problems, tjeyre causing them. if it means amputating yet another piece of myself then so be it. it makes no difference now. but they have to stop. any technique is fine. legal oprions not involving alcohol/ drugs.
    I would not suggest actually doing this. I did it years ago when younger and those repressed emotions . . . when they break the floodgates . . . trouble! Like bad trouble.

    Think the key is trying to perceive, channel, and deal with emotions in more constructive ways. Fortunate to have found a good counselor, but they aren't all equal.

    Wish you well.

    Edit: Sorry, I didn't see your follow up post before posting. Yeah that's tough. It sucks that often the people who need a getaway to decompress the most often don't have the ability to do it. Finding a way to step away and gain perspective somehow. What works for one doesn't always work for another. For me after some time out on a hiking trail everything seems a bit more clear. But, that may not be your thing, being more extroverted, unless one of he few people you still deem potentially trustworthy wants to come along.

    Perhaps find an interest to take up your mind away from everything for a few hours a week. I read about things I had no idea I was interested in when I was climbing out of my pit. That brief escape from own life, just long enough to emotionally rest, was a healthy thing.
    Last edited by GusWriter; 08-22-2019 at 03:55 PM.
    secondpassing, VoicesOfSpring and Gurthang thanked this post.


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