Personality Cafe banner

General Information

Hey! I'm an INTP and I have been struggling in my relation with my mother from over the past few years. It wasn't as such from my childhood, probably because I was never truly myself and also due to the fact that my mother worked outstation from the time I was six and returned after months only (she almost always felt like a guest tbh). Some years ago, she left her job and returned to us permanently, probably because she too could sense the distance between us.

Anyways, as an INFJ might be, she is super demanding and ordering. She doesn't listens to anyone and cares about no one's words at all which is suppose to be good yet she tries to control me completely and doesn't even thinks it's wrong. She asks me to clean my room up, which I do from time to time but I'm not always in the mood. She keeps on pushing me to indulge in new activities like skating, cycling, basketball, football (normal), driving, creative writing, cooking etc. It's not that I don't like any of these or that I'm too lazy to do these, which I clearly am
πŸ˜…. I am just not always ready to unlock new skills and I hate it when I am being pushed to do things I dislike yet of course, she being my mother is more experienced and knows what's best for me; I might hate these activities and my mom's behaviour for a short while yet it has always been useful to me in the long run. However, I greatly urge my mother to try and understand my feelings too (she thinks that she understands me yet it's the exact opposite).

On the other hand, she is really sweet. She supports me in merely every fight. She cooks the food I like the most and treats me to snacks from time to time. I'm still a minor yet I hate to ask her for even the most basic of needs and so, I decided to find myself a job. She and my father (INTP) refused to it since they want me to focus on my studies only and maybe another possible reason is because I live quite faraway from the main city which makes them concerned about my safety. I am unable to understand my mother and her complicated emotions. From the time I was in high school, I had deep interest in software/computer programming/engineering and I have been trying to persuade both my parents to let me choose computer (in my country we have to choose between biology and computer in class 9th or in second year of high school). My father being the realist pessimist he is, said,' Yeah, it's alright! Do what you want to. After all, you know more than us and computer is obviously better than medical'. Whatsoever, I don't care about his attitude, atleast he agreed. My mom however said things like,'Your friends must have given you these ridiculous ideas', 'Why do you listen to your unethical friends!?', 'Why did we had you admitted in such a nice school when you wanted computer science!?', 'There is no need to waste so much money (on you) if CS is your choice'.

After all this drama, she still disagreed. I was forced to sign up for biology in high school. I'm going to start my first year of collage, or class 11th we may say, in some months and I still am trying to persuade them to let me take mathematics, so that I be able to do something in the field of computer science. My mother is one of the most stubborn, ignorant and carefree women I've ever seen. I have never fought this long for something that my loved one's disagreed on. I mostly give up. For instance, if I want to see a horror movie and my mom decides to see a romantic one, I'll give up. I no more want to see the horror one. If my mom decides to cook chicken, even if I wanted to eat curry a second ago, I let it go. I no longer want to eat curry. I gave up many career related dreams before because of that. I'm not regretful, I just know that I'm serious this time. I need advice for what to do, about my mother's routine behaviour and about my career too. I honestly don't want to know which one of us is correct or how I must understand her stance, I understand her more than I should. I just want to clarify if I'm doing right or not and how must I change myself to either ignore her behaviour or change it.

If you read it till here, thanks a lot for your patience and time and maybe for understanding me too.

Have A Nice day, Everyone!


There are no comments to display.