Let's talk about duals!

Let's talk about duals!

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This is a discussion on Let's talk about duals! within the Socionics Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; First thread post! Am I doing this right? Eh, who cares (: (But seriously, tell me if I'm doing this ...

  1. #1

    Let's talk about duals!

    First thread post! Am I doing this right? Eh, who cares (: (But seriously, tell me if I'm doing this wrong O__O)

    Anyone have any experience with their dual? How did you guys meet and where? How & when did you KNOW they were your dual? This stuff is fascinating to me and since I've had my own experiences with a couple of duals, I'd love to hear about other people's experiences and do some comparing & contrasting



  2. #2

    ...How about you go first? :D

    Most people on this forum aren't solid on their type including myself - we don't even know what our own types are, never mind our dual types. But I'll post anyway! Just know that I don't know what sociotype my dual would be. Can't even guess from relationships, because people don't seem 1-dimensional enough to fit into a box (a sociotype). Basically I'm drawn to opposite of myself, someone is good at everything I'm not, and generally has a different attitude/personality to me (it's why I was convinced of the duality concept to begin with, there's some truth to the opposites attract ordeal). I instantly like people who are humorous and have a tendency to talk about very imaginary "what if" scenarios, and that juxtaposition type of humour. It's just entertaining, they make conversations a whole lot more interesting.

    Another thing is open communication, someone is confident in their ability to cooperate and take the lead, and isn't afraid to take the initiative or confront me. In the past the people I've made friends with very quickly are those type of people. Also that can end up being invasive or stepping into my boundaries too much, I don't actually mind it. It is really is just someone who is like the opposite of myself, like really open, easy going and communicate very readily. Oh and also someone who is positive more than they are negative (I don't positive as in fake and superficial, more like optimistic). I meet people like that very rarely but when I do i'm drawn to them like a magnet. Trying to get along with people who are too similar to me is like trying to bring together two negative charges. They just repel each other, it's near impossible to get them closer to eachother.

    Think that's enough to give you an idea. I would like to hear yours though, since you seem so certain of your
    types (Someone else please post lol)

  3. #3
    LSI

    Relationships sub forum is probably a better place to go, if interested in duality.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidH
    Relationships sub forum is probably a better place to go, if interested in duality.
    lol, you clearly haven't visited that forum recently...

    Stelliferous, sweet morphine and Nissa Nissa thanked this post.

  6. #5
    LSI

    Quote Originally Posted by Wisteria View Post
    lol, you clearly haven't visited that forum recently...

    Maybe I’m just old, but really not seeing a difference lol

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidH View Post
    Maybe I’m just old, but really not seeing a difference lol
    It's definitely different imao. Anyway, duality can include platonic relationships as well.
    L P thanked this post.

  8. #7
    EII

    Idk but Wisteria you sound like you are dual seeking Ne from somethings you mentioned.


    I took socionics test and got EII. I was pretty sure I was EII beforehand as well and I'm not sure how reliable the test is but FWIW my test result was EII. Which makes my dual LSE. I've had duality experiences way before I even knew what socionics was. And initially I experienced it as "This person is how I should be, they are confident, they can take the lead, assert themselves, and organize a crowd." But at the same time I experience "This person is cliche, boring, and too bull headed." Lol so the coin as too sides.

    It seems like LSEs like me because I am not a threat to them. Perhaps they do not like people they cannot control and they see that I am not gonna give them any problems, the thing about their control though is that I see it as a choice, I can choose to follow them if it benefits me or choose not to, whether they know this or not I don't know, but that's generally why I don't fight them too much with their controlling tendencies, because ultimately I won't do anything against my will if I don't want to. Usually the experience is with either me joking alot and them finding my funny nature fun to be around and they can be less serious around me which I think they appreciate, since many of them are work-aholics, or they are all up for helping me with practical matters throwing a bunch of advice at me, resources, and just a general attitude of "Hey, what do you need! I'll Help!", but many times it feels like they want points for helping (3w2?), and that sometimes looks egotistical to me. Also some LSEs can talk about themselves far too much to the point where the conversation becomes almost 100% one-sided. Also LSEs are good to brainstorm with, they appreciate Ne ideas I have usually and will hear me out, though at first some ideas will be met with discomfort or uncertainty.
    But ultimately duality feels like some invisible connection, cliche but I have no more interesting way to describe it, but the invisible connection makes the person feel vague familiar and sort of like family, like deep down I understand them.



    Experiences

    I remember one guy at college was LSE and when he talked to me he had that sort of impressive first impression on me, having the confidence I feel like I should have, had a group of friends he was the leader of, and he knew how to gather a group of people. We initially became friends because he respected my skill in art and wanted to do projects with me. Then I got to know him as we became friends and I saw his faults and recognized he wasn't perfect, and I was sort of able to see through him? One time he said a joke to a group of people, and they all laughed, but the tone of voice he used to say the joke sounded like he had rehearsed that joke with a different group of people and anticipated this new group of people to laugh as well. I sort of called him out saying "Same joke new audience huh?" He looked at me like "Is it that obvious?" Like I stole his thunder.

    I've only had 2 experiences of duality with the opposite sex. One when I was a child in kindergarden, and one much later in life and more recent.

    When I was in kindergarden there was this bossy little girl who acted like everybodies mom, YELLING at people when they did something wrong. Everybody knew her as mean. She just had the ability to speak forcefully without care for hurting ones feelings and ASSERT what people SHOULD be doing or not doing. On her birthday, without her knowledge, a teacher asked me to put her birthday hat on her head, when I did it felt like a really nice "You are special" sort of gesture towards her. After that day she never yelled at me. So much so that when she yelled at other kids and then saw me it was like she was inable to yell or be mean to me. And through the grades she was always not exactly nice to me, just silent towards me, while yelling at everybody else. I guess she had a hard time being mean to me.

    More recent romantic experience was with a co-worker. This experience is amplified by personal insecurity around any woman I am attracted to and not feeling confident around very attractive women because I feel like I lack some crucial quality they want in a man or something (type 4 problems). When I met this girl the minute I saw her I just wrote her off as a girl that was out of my league. When I had to work along side her I wanted to talk to her but did not know how. She was hot and probably had guys trying to talk to her quite a bit so I just felt like I'd be another fan and she wouldn't be impressed. Then she did something that caught my attention. It was nothing special that she did either, all she did was firmly tell customers to move the the right. "Everyone! Move over here!" and idk, I was impressed how she was able to take control of the situation, and be firm without coming off as mean, something I cannot readily do myself. I respected that ability. I felt the urge to tease her about it though, so I went up to her and say "Whoa, your a little abrasive" She asked me what do I mean and I said "Your all yelling at folks." she laughed and tried to convince me that she is not mean. Then at some point we said the same word at the same time and I told her "Jynx you owe me a soda!" and she thought it was all funny and played along, then she caught me later and said I owe her a soda. And it eventually turned into a dynamic where between her handling buisness and being busy to taking a quick break and joking around with me. She started to enjoy joking around with me enough to start questioning me where I was going when I left my work station, because I would be assigned to go somewhere else, she would joke back with me saying "Where are you going! no you can't leave, you are here to entertain me." Everytime I had to leave she would tell me I can't leave, this made me feel appreciated. And everytime I came by she would yell out the nickname she gave me to get my attention, and I would joke back butchering her name on purpose lol and I could just start to feel her enthusiasm everytime I came around, like I brought the fun to her job lol. It got to the point where her friends got in on it and started befriending me as well, they thought I was a quiet, funny, playful sort of guy that they could joke around with. I mean it got to the point where we would have sword fights with wooden rulers at work lol. She was fun and I liked being around her, mostly because all my natural urges to joke around, tease, and be playful were welcomed, and I never thought I could be myself and be confident around this girl who I previously thought was out of my league. It all just felt natural really, so natural that when I tried to get to know her in a more formal way I got the sense she wanted me to just go back to being my goofy self. All this fun started to feel like maybe something is there, why do we like being around each other. I didn't feel any clear romantic feelings until one day where I teased her, she was complaining about something and I just felt like mocking her voice because it sounded so whiny and funny, and then I did, her reaction seemed so pleasured by that, like she had a huge smile on her face, became silent while smiling and just came over and lightly pushed me while saying really quietly "stooop." Like, she thought it was funny but it also made her feel good lol, like some sort of weakness. When she pushed me I felt this silent deeper connection to something between us, some quiet understanding between us. It filled my stomach, and I couldn't help but feel like the girl had a small crush on me. That gesture seemed more than just platonic. I was already attracted to her but I started thinking maybe it's mutual, I had suspected it before but after that I really started thinking it.
    That was the first time I really felt like maybe she liked me. I later found out she had a boyfriend though. The second time was when me and a friend were both working next to her, I mentioned getting food with him, she said I should get her food but I thought she was joking, then when I left she asked where I was going and when I told her I was getting food with my friend she got replied real quick "That's so messed up." and got really silent and walked away. Her friend gave me a hug goodbye and said "Why are you so mean." I was shocked, thinking, if this girl has a boyfriend why does she care if I invite her out to eat or not. Maybe she considered me a good friend.
    There were also times where she would tell me to get back to work, and she was pretty seroius lol and joke that she was gonna teach me how to work lol.
    .
    I have an LSE pastor who is also into personality types and we have some interesting talks about that. On his off time he likes to research alternative views and perspectives and theories out there and such. We make a good team playing black ops though lol.

    Overall LSE seems to provide a safe environment for me, they like to take care of people's comfort and ensure they have all the essentials and that relaxes the crap out of me. Some of them feel like a cozy house, everything is taken care of just relax lol. Some of them feel like charismatic joksters, some achievement braggers, some duty-filled hardworkers, conservative old folk lol, all kind of LSE out there, but usually you will find they enjoy working hard and having a good laugh.

    I've met a bunch others and have felt duality with them also. Idk, it just feels like you belong around this person, like they walk around with a you shaped peg, and once you come around you naturally fill in that peg.
    keepthepeace94 thanked this post.

  9. #8

    I have met persons of my dual before. Sometimes, we get along fine, and sometimes, they are a complete turn-off. Just because someone is one's dual type doesn't ensure the two persons will get along; it takes the right two people of dual types, with a certain level of maturity, for duality theory to work it's magic. I have met one such guy—he's a MBTI ISTP, Socionics LSI, and he's AMAZING. With the exception of my wife (an INFJ), I've never been more drawn to a person in my entire life. Granted, there's a lot more at play than just socionics—we share very similar religious and political views, similar hobbies, similar tastes in music and movies, similar upbringings, and historically, we've had similar tastes in fashion (that sounds weird to say, but essentially I mean we dress similarly).

    His inferior Fe is the cutest Fe I've ever seen. His heart is kind, and he knows just what to say to make people feel included. He's always sticking up for people, but subtly and in a non-dramatic way, while still doing it enough to make a difference. My friendship with him is still growing, but I've already gotten very close to him. He just gets me, in ways that most people don't. And I feel like I get him in a similar fashion. There's a lot we don't understand, and are working to understand because we're so different, but then again, we understand enough. It's scary to me how strong my feelings are for him—while strictly platonic, they are VERY intense, even for me (I'm an Sx/So). I know he appreciates my friendship, though I don't think he's as in touch with/aware of his feelings as I am. I think he gets a bit uncomfortable and embarrassed by them at times. He also needs way more space than I do, and that's something I try to respect.

    I feel like we work together beautifully though, like two cogs on a machine (we both have Ti, so this simile is extra fitting haha).
    Honestly, I think of things like this: My wife is my reflection over the X-axis, and my dual friend is my reflection over the Y-axis. With both of them in my life, I am pulled forward and upward, and in a way, it's exhilarating.

    He's extremely calm and steady, and very logical. I appreciate this about him. He keeps a level head in seemingly all situations, and while I try to do so myself, I am not always successful in that endeavor. He's also pretty quiet until you get to know him, but oh is he brilliant. And his way of thinking complements mine so well—I feel like we're kindred spirits or something. No matter how much time passes, my enthrallment with his companionship never fades or wavers. I've never tired of him. If I'm Frodo, he is my Samwise Gamgee.

    Honestly, I could go on and on about him, but I think y'all get the picture. If anyone has more questions, just ask.
    Last edited by Westy365; 09-07-2018 at 11:21 AM.
    L P and keepthepeace94 thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Oddly enough I don't necessarily like all SEE's I meet. This is particularly the case with the Se subtype, and especially the guys. They tend to come off as being pompous, hyperactive, and ill-informed - and they can also hyper-overestimate their ability in Te matters like business and money, or just be overall way too hyper. Sometimes with the girls I find myself attracted, but still kind of repelled in a weird conflicting way. Either way, SEE-Se tend to strike me as being really full of themselves, while doing things that actually make no sense whatsoever. Even when I like them, I usually start out acting (openly) as if I don't like them at all. This ends up being kind of funny, because if I'm around them for long enough eventually they try to make me like them, and I then realize they aren't that bad. At that point the relationship can build the way you'd expect with a Dual.

    I do love the Fi subtype though. The subtype makes a big difference. I like how they are relatively scattered and sort of all over the place, but still show intention in what they say or do. They check in a lot, and generally have this kind of charismatic warmth that they express while saying even basic things. They don't tend to ramble on as much as the Se subtype - more so, they tend to ask random questions related to the topic you're discussing. I really, really like how they personalize conversations - they tend to use your name a lot when they talk, and intonate in a way that makes them sound kind of comedic. I've noticed I (unconsciously) begin to like people who do this, before knowing socionics not knowing why that was. They can look like they're "deeper" people than they are, as they're actually pretty straight forward.

    Many of these traits are also true of the IEE-Fi subtype (which I also like a lot), but there's something about them (can't put my finger on it) that makes me feel like they're just a bit too nice. The IEE's can be surprisingly formal/picky when it comes to conventions SEE's only passingly acknowledge, yet SEE's somehow also strike me as being more "serious" in the way that I'm serious.

    The Se sub is everywhere, though I meet a lot of them through work. The Fi subtype I tend to meet more through athletics or other hobbies. Overall I like them both but it takes a lot less time and contact for me to become close with the Fi sub.
    Felipe and L P thanked this post.

  11. #10
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Figure View Post
    Many of these traits are also true of the IEE-Fi subtype (which I also like a lot), but there's something about them (can't put my finger on it) that makes me feel like they're just a bit too nice.
    The subtype thing is confusing, how can you tell apart a IEE-Fi subtype from a EII-Ne for instance?


     
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