[bmxyszss]

@starrykitty, yes, I get what you mean, and that's what I decided to do, though I'm working on the details. Learning itself is never a problem for me, and where I'm lacking in practical interests, so to speak, my intellectual curiosity abounds, but I do have a problem with formal education, at least the way we have it. Costly make believe. But I'm working on alternatives.

@Electra2: No kidding, you're my favourite member of this forum. Now then, when it comes to primal needs, I don't really need many things, and certainly not 100 of them. Let's see: a place I can call home, contact with people I care about and who stimulate me (emotionally, intellectually), silence (or at least not constant noise), relative safety, water, enough to eat, enough clothing, shoes... I think these are the basics.

The kind of thing that put sticks into my wheels... it comes out of some of what is missing from the list above. Like safety. This is a country international tourists get warned about in the agencies—and when people watch the news about something happening here, they don't get surprised. It's easy to get shot, or to start a fight. Sometimes it takes a slight offense—actual or imagined—but there are times when just being different, sticking out in any way, is enough to cause a problem down the way. It makes interaction taxing.

Or take contact with stimulating people. Sometimes I read something, or I watch something, and it fills me with awe, it makes my heart beat harder, and I want to share that experience with someone, but there's no one I can share with. If it comes from books, people don't read, period. If it's something watchable, and it's about feelings, they simply don't get it. Depending of the kind of film, they can get even angry about it. Or they will make fun of it.

I can't, of course, talk about ideas. Most rarely care. Some do, but in a political way, so they will just think what had been previously thought for them, and so there won't be a conversation, but a discourse—or a flamed discussion. Or they care somewhat, and are somewhat interested, but they struggle to understand, maybe they don't know the terminology—not technical terms, but some simple words of their own language ("what does 'procrastinate' even mean?")—or they just aren't used to this kind of stuff, but the dialogue never reaches a productive level—they get something for it, but not me.

Or I just want to read a book, but it's too loud: people watching TV, and outside people having the daily party, and there's no civilized way to get them to take it easy, because this isn't civilization, and the ensuing interaction can be dangerous: someone is always hot-headed, at least someone is armed with something... well, some situations change quickly.

The thing is, I want to experience civilization, before there's nothing left of it outside. That pretty much sums it up, when it comes to mundane needs.

[Shroud Shifter]

"I feel stuck in life, I don't want anything."

I felt like this for the past seven years. And I really didn't do anything either.

Now that the urge to do something with my life has hit me again, I feel like I have to do everything real fast to catch up for those seven years that now feel wasted.

[bmxyszss]

@Shroud Shifter, I think that's a trap, trying to catch up. I've wasted a lot of time, but it won't come back, and I think it would feel like trying to use my fingers to grab spilled water. I'll be good enough if I manage to make the best of what I have from now one.

[Shroud Shifter]

You are right, what's in the past is gone. The best any of us can do is look into the future and try to make it as good as possible.

[bmxyszss]

Hi. I just wanted to thank everyone for your contributions. I'm moving on.