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INTJ8w9โญโญโญโญโญ๐ŸŒ€๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿค๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿงก๐Ÿงกโค๐—บ๐—ฒ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ตั•ฯƒฯ…โ„“๐”๐‘๐ƒ๐ˆ๐€๐๐’โ™กโšโ›“๐Ÿชแ’แ‘Œแ”•T แ—ชO YOแ‘Œแ–‡ แ—ทEแ”•T!
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๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ ๐—œ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ ๐—ฆ๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฒ:
๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ ๐—˜๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—บ ๐˜ƒ๐˜€. ๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ ๐—–๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป -Which is the more Superior Self
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Why self-compassion is healthier than self-esteem

The great angst of modern life is this: no matter how hard we try, no matter how successful we are, no matter how good a parent, worker, or spouse we are โ€“ itโ€™s never enough.

There is always someone richer, thinner, smarter, or more powerful, someone that makes us feel small in comparison. Failure of any kind, large or small, is unacceptable.

The result: therapistโ€™s offices, pharmaceutical companies, and the self-help aisles of bookstores are besieged by people who feel theyโ€™re not okay as they are. What to do?

One response has come in the form of the self-esteem movement. Over the years there have been literally thousands of books and magazine articles promoting self-esteem โ€“ how to get it, raise it and keep it.

The pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion, but research indicates this has serious downsides.

Our culture has become so competitive we need to feel special and above average to just to feel okay about ourselves (being called โ€œaverageโ€ is an insult).

Most people, therefore, feel compelled to create what psychologists call a โ€œself-enhancement biasโ€ โ€“ puffing ourselves up and putting others down so that we can feel superior in comparison.

However, this constant need to feel better than our fellow human beings leads to a sense of isolation and separation. And then, once youโ€™ve gotten high self-esteem, how do you keep it?

Itโ€™s an emotional roller-coaster ride: our sense of self-worth bounces around like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lock-step with our latest success or failure.
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One of the most insidious consequences of the self-esteem movement over the last couple of decades is the narcissism epidemic.

Jean Twenge, author of Generation Me, examined the narcissism levels of over 15,000 U.S. college students between 1987 and 2006.

During that 20-year period, narcissism scores went through the roof, with 65 percent of modern-day students scoring higher in narcissism than previous generations.

Not coincidentally, studentsโ€™ average self-esteem levels rose by an even greater margin over the same period. Self-esteem has also been linked to aggression, prejudice and anger towards those who threaten our sense of self-worth.

For example, some kids build up their egos by beating up other kids in the playground. Itโ€™s hardly healthy.

Of course we donโ€™t want to suffer from low self-esteem either, so whatโ€™s the alternative? There is another way to feel good about ourselves: self-compassion.

Self-compassion involves being kind to ourselves when life goes awry or we notice something about ourselves we donโ€™t like, rather than being cold or harshly self-critical. It recognizes that the human condition is imperfect, so that we feel connected to others when we fail or suffer rather than feeling separate or isolated.

It also involves mindfulness โ€” the recognition and non-judgmental acceptance of painful emotions as they arise in the present moment. Rather than suppressing our pain or else making it into an exaggerated personal soap opera, we see ourselves and our situation clearly.

Itโ€™s important to distinguish self-compassion from self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to the degree to which we evaluate ourselves positively.

It represents how much we like or value ourselves, and is often based on comparisons with others. In contrast, self-compassion is not based on positive judgments or evaluations, it is a way of relating to ourselves.

People feel self-compassion because they are human beings, not because they are special and above average. It emphasizes interconnection rather than separateness.

This means that with self-compassion, you donโ€™t have to feel better than others to feel good about yourself. It also offers more emotional stability than self-esteem because it is always there for you โ€“ when youโ€™re on top of the world and when you fall flat on your face.

Research indicates that self-compassion offers the same benefits as self-esteem (less depression, greater happiness, etc.) without its downsides.

In a large survey conducted with over 3000 people from various walks of life, for example, it was found self-compassion was associated with much more stable feelings of self-worth (assessed 12 different times over an 8 month period) than self-esteem.

This may be related to the fact that self-compassion was also found to be less contingent on things like physical attractiveness or successful performances than self-esteem.

Also, self-esteem had a strong association with narcissism while self-compassion had no association with narcissism.

Another study asked people to recall a previous failure, rejection, or loss that made them feel badly about themselves.

One group of participants was asked to think about the event in ways that increased their self-compassion. Another group was asked to think about the situation in ways that protected or bolstered their self-esteem.

People who received the self-compassion instruction reported less negative emotions when thinking about the past event than those in the self-esteem condition.

Moreover, those in the self-compassion condition took more personal responsibility for the event than those in the self-esteem condition.

This suggests that โ€“ unlike self-esteem โ€“ self-compassion does not lead to blaming others in order to feel good about oneself.

Instead of endlessly chasing self-esteem as if it were the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, therefore, I would argue that we should encourage the development of self-compassion.

That way, whether weโ€™re on top of the world or at the bottom of the heap, we can embrace ourselves with a sense a kindness, connectedness and emotional balance.

We can provide the emotional safety needed to see ourselves clearly and make whatever changes are necessary to address our suffering.

We can learn to feel good about ourselves not because weโ€™re special and above average, but because weโ€™re human beings intrinsically worthy of respect.

Many people believe being oneโ€™s own private drill sergeant is the best way to be a good person. Countless advertisements and workout videos have taught us that if we berate ourselves enough, weโ€™ll get up off the couch and be more productive. If we break down, overeat, or underperform, many of us believe it is helpful to call ourselves โ€œmaggotโ€ and โ€œlazy piece of @#$%.โ€

Most of the time when weโ€™re being hard on ourselves, itโ€™s in service of this misguided belief that self-criticism is the fastest road to self-improvement. We believe the meaner we are, the more weโ€™ll want to obey. We suspect the opposite must also be true: if weโ€™re kind and loving to ourselves, that will be an excuse to nap all day or spend countless hours playing video games.

Itโ€™s part of our national history to believe in the โ€œspare the rod, spoil the childโ€ method of motivation. Yet lately we have tempered our child-rearing techniques, teaching via rewards instead of punishments. For ourselves, however, we most often still choose the whip over the carrot. Client after client sits in my office and tells me how, in an attempt to lose weight, they tell themselves they look like a whale. While trying to be a better parent, they scare themselves with thoughts that theyโ€™re destroying their kids. Hoping to get ahead at work, they call themselves useless or pathetic.

Empathy is often a better motivator than cruelty.To be clear, this behavior doesnโ€™t work. Imagine a child who wants to learn math, but the teacher constantly humiliates them, calls them stupid, and points out their mistakes. Most people under this kind of pressure will crack, either agreeing they must be incapable, or rebelling and refusing to try. No one has ever felt energized and ready to learn after being yelled at for their failures.

Instead, the key is to be gentle with yourself. Allowing for failure can give you enough energy to get back up after you stumble and start over again. If you want to cultivate perseverance, resilience, and grit, then you can reinforce these characteristics with praise. Support can create encouragement so you actually want to continue the difficult work of self-improvement.

16 STRATEGIES TO CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF
If you find yourself stuck subscribing to the philosophy of punishment-as-motivation, here are some quick strategies for changing this ingrained habit.

1. Thought stopping: One of the simplest ways to block a thought is to put your mind to stopping it. Picture a red stop sign, yell stop (whether out loud or in your head), stomp your foot, or imagine yourself stomping. This action captures your attention. It reminds you the thought is unhelpful and youโ€™re trying to change it. Done consistently, thought stopping creates a new habit in exchange for the old, mindless pattern of self-criticism.

2. Thought replacing: Once youโ€™ve stopped the thought, itโ€™s time to replace it. Come up with a different statement, one that is actually motivating. Instead of โ€œIโ€™m so dumb,โ€ perhaps you could say โ€œIโ€™m committed to reading more,โ€ making it your mantra until it has power. Write the new phrase on sticky notes and place them where youโ€™ll see the notes daily.

3. Compassion: Empathy is often a better motivator than cruelty. The phrase โ€œIโ€™m trying hard and want to succeedโ€ can build energy, while โ€œIโ€™m no good and never will beโ€ will likely drain it. You may feel sappy telling yourself warm and loving statements, but after you get past the discomfort, you may be shocked at how good you feel.

4. Being realistic: If you strongly believe you must look hard at your faults, go for it. Just do it in a balanced way. Criticism tends to work best when it is constructive. Decide what you want to change and why (โ€œI need to be healthier.โ€). Next, own your faults or past mistakes (โ€œI havenโ€™t exercised enough in the past.โ€). Then move back to a realistic point of view (โ€œIโ€™m working on feeling healthier, so Iโ€™ll do one active thing today.โ€). Constructive criticism can be difficult to do, especially if you have a history of perfectionism, so you may wish get help from a trustworthy individual.

5. Thought labeling: Some thoughts are distorted and canโ€™t be trusted. Sometimes by labeling these thoughts as the cognitive distortions they are, you can take away their power. You can find a list of common cognitive distortions here. Which are your go-tos?

6. Thought observation: โ€œObservingโ€ thoughts means sitting back and watching without judgment. It is a key component of mindfulness. Observation sounds simple, but it can pack a big punch. Gaining some objective distance often waters down the harshness of our critical thoughts. Thought observation often involves a simple meditation in which you relax, breathe, and acknowledge your feelings and thoughts without trying to fix them.

7. Emotion labeling: Reframe automatic thoughts as what they really are: reactions to a feeling, usually fear or anger. So โ€œIโ€™m such a loser for not getting an A on my testโ€ is, in reality, โ€œIโ€™m scared Iโ€™m not lovable unless I am a top achiever.โ€ Try to figure out the feeling under the statement to expose it for what it really is: a vulnerability that needs to be soothed.

8. Being kind to that emotion: Now do the soothing. It can be with words, by talking to yourself about how itโ€™s okay to be scared, or sad, or imperfect. You could try talking things through with someone you trust. You can also sooth yourself by resting more or doing an activity that feels nice. Boosting your confidence and your mood can help energize you to do what you really want.

9. Being kind to the critical voice: Now move that wonderful compassionate approach to the inner critic itself. Thereโ€™s a judge in your mind who thinks it knows all the answers, who has been taught to be cruel. Tell that voice you love and understand it, and watch what happensโ€”many times it shrinks under the weight of all that kindness.

10. Inner child work: Imagine one the first times you told yourself, or were told from someone else, the negative message in question. Who first taught you that eating an extra cookie was repulsive? If you can picture your younger self getting that message, feeling hurt and shame, then you can imagine holding that kid, that part of you, and comforting them.

11. Doing something pleasant: Donโ€™t underestimate the power of distracting your mind. Performing an activity that you enjoy has multiple benefits. Itโ€™s a way of being kind to yourself with actions instead of words. It can keep your mind too busy to continue attacking yourself. Plus, it may increase endorphins and other stress-relieving hormones.

12. Talking to someone who likes you: Social interaction is often a key component of well-being. We tend to be influenced by other peopleโ€™s moods. If your friend is judgmental, you may struggle to curb your own inner critic. But if your friend is energetic and upbeat, you may be inspired toward change. Having a conversation with someone who feels positively about you can help you feel better about yourself.

13. Finding support: Friends arenโ€™t the onlyโ€”and sometimes arenโ€™t the bestโ€”means of support. Often people feel safer talking to someone with no personal ties to them. Some people find it easier to be honest and vulnerable with someone they donโ€™t have to see over dinner. They may turn to an individual therapist, a phone support line, or a support group.

14. Making a list of your achievements or good qualities: Self-esteem building can be as simple as reciting the qualities you like about yourself. When we get in the habit of believing we need to highlight our faults to stay on top of them, we weaken the โ€œmuscleโ€ that reinforces our positive attributes. Start by writing down all the things you and others like about you. Put the list near your bed to look at each night or morning. For more tips, read my earlier blog post on self-esteem.

15. Taking one step in the right direction: If you truly believe thereโ€™s something you should be doing but arenโ€™t, maybe the scope of the undertaking is overwhelming you. Try starting with a bite-sized piece of your plan. For instance, if you want to get a college degree, but a BA program seems too expensive and time-consuming, start by taking one class. If that still sounds intimidating, you could buy a book in one subject. Or talk to one college counselor. Any movement in the direction you want to go can feel like momentum toward your larger goal.

16. Accepting failure: Finally, get way, way more accepting of your limitations. Itโ€™s utterly counterintuitive, but success often requires being okay with mistakes. Giving yourself permission to fail does not mean youโ€™re okay with not trying and not achieving. It means youโ€™re realistic that trying sometimes means screwing up.

Any one of these techniques is its own first step to an approach thatโ€™s more compassionate and realistic. Give yourself the space to experiment, with one goal in mind: switching from being your own worst critic to your biggest fan.

Why We Should Stop Chasing Self-Esteem and Start Developing Self-Compassion
It has almost become a truism in our culture that we need to have high self-esteem in order to be happy and healthy. Psychologists have conducted thousands of studies touting the benefits of self-esteem. Teachers are encouraged to give all their students gold stars so that each one can feel proud and special. We are told to think positively of ourselves at all costs, like in Stuart Smalleyโ€™s book of positive affirmations: โ€œIโ€™m good enough, Iโ€™m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!โ€ But as research is now starting to demonstrate, the need to continually evaluate ourselves positively comes at a high price.
The main problem is that having high self-esteem requires feeling special and above average.

To be called average is considered an insult in our culture. (โ€œHow did you like my performance last night?โ€ โ€œIt was average.โ€ Ouch!) Of course, itโ€™s logically impossible for every human being on the planet to be above average at the same time. So we develop whatโ€™s known as a โ€œself-enhancement bias,โ€ which refers to the tendency to think of ourselves as superior to others on a variety of dimensions.

Studies have shown that most people feel theyโ€™re friendlier, more popular, funnier, nicer, more trustworthy, wiser and more intelligent than others. Ironically, most people also think theyโ€™re above average in the ability to view themselves objectively! The result of wearing these rose-colored glasses isnโ€™t so pretty.

This need to feel superior results in a process of social comparison in which we continually try to puff ourselves up and put others down (just think of the film Mean Girls and youโ€™ll understand what Iโ€™m talking about). Bullies generally have high self-esteem, for instance, since picking on people weaker than themselves is an easy way to boost self-image.

One of the most insidious consequences of the self-esteem movement over the last couple of decades is the narcissism epidemic.

Jean Twenge, author of Generation Me, examined the narcissism levels of over 15,000 U.S. college students between 1987 and 2006. During that 20-year period, narcissism scores went through the roof, with 65 percent of modern-day students scoring higher in narcissism than previous generations.

Not coincidentally, studentsโ€™ average self-esteem levels rose by an even greater margin over the same period.

At the same time that we try to see ourselves as better than others, we also tend to eviscerate ourselves with self-criticism when we donโ€™t meet our high standards.

As soon as our feelings of superiority slip โ€” as they inevitably will โ€” our sense of worthiness takes a nose dive. We swing wildly between overly inflated and overly deflated self-esteem, an emotional roller coaster ride whose end result is often insecurity, anxiety and depression.

So whatโ€™s the alternative? How do we feel good about ourselves without needing to feel better than others and thus falling into the narcissism/self-loathing trap? One answer is to develop self-compassion.

Self-compassion involves being kind to ourselves when life goes awry or we notice something about ourselves we donโ€™t like, rather than being cold or harshly self-critical. It recognizes that the human condition is imperfect, so that we feel connected to others when we fail or suffer rather than feeling separate or isolated.

It also involves mindfulness โ€” the recognition and non-judgmental acceptance of painful emotions as they arise in the present moment. Rather than suppressing our pain or else making it into an exaggerated personal soap opera, we see ourselves and our situation clearly.

Self-compassion doesnโ€™t demand that we evaluate ourselves positively or that we see ourselves as better than others.

Rather, the positive emotions of self-compassion kick in exactly when self-esteem falls down; when we donโ€™t meet our expectations or fail in some way.

This means that the sense of intrinsic self-worth inherent in self-compassion is highly stable. It is constantly available to provide us with care and support in times of need.

My research and that of my colleagues has shown that self-compassion offers the same benefits as high self-esteem, such as less anxiety and depression and greater happiness.

However, it is not associated with the downsides of self-esteem such as narcissism, social comparison or ego-defensiveness.

Instead of endlessly chasing self-esteem as if it were the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, therefore, I would argue that we should encourage the development of self-compassion.

That way, whether weโ€™re on top of the world or at the bottom of the heap, we can embrace ourselves with a sense a kindness, connectedness and emotional balance.

We can provide the emotional safety needed to see ourselves clearly and make whatever changes are necessary to address our suffering.

We can learn to feel good about ourselves not because weโ€™re special and above average, but because weโ€™re human beings intrinsically worthy of respect.

Talking about being kind to yourself may sound like something from a nursery classroom. But even cynics should care about self-compassion โ€“ especially if they want to be resilient.

Think back to the last time you failed or made an important mistake. Do you still blush with shame, and scold yourself for having been so stupid or selfish?

Do you tend to feel alone in that failure, as if you were the only person to have erred? Or do you accept that error is a part of being human, and try to talk to yourself with care and tenderness?

For many people, the most harshly judgemental responses are the most natural. Indeed, we may even take pride in being hard on ourselves as a sign of our ambition and resolution to be our best possible self.

But a wealth of research shows that self-criticism often backfires โ€“ badly. Besides increasing our unhappiness and stress levels, it can increase procrastination, and makes us even less able to achieve our goals in the future.

Instead of chastising ourselves, we should practice self-compassion: greater forgiveness of our mistakes, and a deliberate effort to take care of ourselves throughout times of disappointment or embarrassment.

โ€œMost of us have a good friend in our lives, who is kind of unconditionally supportive,โ€ says Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, who has pioneered this research. โ€œSelf-compassion is learning to be that same warm, supportive friend to yourself.โ€

If you are a cynic, you may initially baulk at the idea. As the British comedian Ruby Wax wrote in her book on mindfulness: โ€œWhen I hear of people being kind to themselves,

I picture the types who light scented candles in their bathrooms and sink into a tub of Himalayan foetal yak milk.โ€

Yet the scientific evidence suggests it can increase our emotional resilience and improve our health, wellbeing and productivity. Importantly, it also helps us to learn from the mistakes that caused our upset in the first place.

[Image: We all make errors, but self-compassion can help us forgive ourselves and take better care during disappointment and embarrassment (Credit: Alamy)]
We all make errors, but self-compassion can help us forgive ourselves and take better care during disappointment and embarrassment (Credit: Alamy)

Relying on self-compassion, not self-esteem

Neffโ€™s research was inspired by a personal crisis. In the late 90s, she was going through a painful divorce. โ€œIt was very messy, and I felt a lot of shame about some bad decisions I had made.โ€ Looking for a way to cope with the stress, she signed up for meditation classes at a local Buddhist centre. The practice of mindfulness did indeed bring some relief, but it was their teachings about compassion โ€“ particularly, the need to direct that kindness toward ourselves โ€“ that brought the greatest comfort. โ€œIt just made an immediate difference,โ€ she says.
Superficially, self-compassion may sound similar to the concept of 'self-esteem', which concerns how much we value ourselves, and whether we see ourselves positively. Questionnaires to measure self-esteem ask participants to rate statements such as, โ€œI feel that Iโ€™m a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with othersโ€.
Unfortunately, this often comes with a sense of competition, and it can easily result in a kind of fragile narcissism that crumbles under potential failure. โ€œSelf-esteem is contingent on success and people liking you, so it is not very stable โ€“ you could have it on a good day but lose it on a bad day,โ€ says Neff. Many people with high self-esteem even resort to aggression and bullying when their confidence is under threat.
A wealth of research shows that self-criticism often backfires โ€“ badly
Cultivating self-compassion, Neff realised, might help you avoid those traps, so that you can pick yourself up when you feel hurt, embarrassed or ashamed โ€“ without taking down others along the way. So, she decided to design a psychological scale to measure the trait, in which participants had to rate a series of statements on a scale of 1 (almost never) to 5 (almost always), such as:
  • I try to be loving toward myself when Iโ€™m feeling emotional pain
  • I try to see my failings as part of the human condition
  • When something painful happens, I try to take a balanced view of the situation
and
  • Iโ€™m disapproving and judgmental about my own flaws and inadequacies
  • When I think about my inadequacies it tends to make me feel more separate and cut off from the rest of the world
  • When Iโ€™m feeling down, I tend to obsess and fixate on everything thatโ€™s wrong
The more you agree with the first set of statements, and the less you agree with the second set of statements, the higher your self-compassion.

Neffโ€™s first studies examined how self-compassion related to peopleโ€™s overall mental health and wellbeing. Questioning hundreds of undergraduate students, she found the trait was negatively correlated with reports of depression and anxiety, and positively correlated with general life satisfaction. Importantly, this study also confirmed that self-compassion was distinct from measures of self-esteem.

In other words, you could have someone with a general sense of superiority, who nevertheless finds it very difficult to forgive themselves for perceived failures โ€“ a far from ideal combination.

[Image: Many think of 'self-compassion' as lighting candles, meditating or other notions of 'self-care', but self-compassion runs deeper โ€“ and even cynics should care (Credit: Alamy)]
Many think of 'self-compassion' as lighting candles, meditating or other notions of 'self-care', but self-compassion runs deeper โ€“ and even cynics should care (Credit: Alamy)

Blossoming field

Later research confirmed these discoveries in more diverse samples, from high-school students to US veterans at risk of suicide, all of which showed that self-compassion increases psychological resilience. Indeed, self-compassion has now become a blossoming field of research, attracting interest from many other researchers.

Some of the most intriguing results concern peopleโ€™s physical health, with a recent study showing that people with high self-compassion are less likely to report a range of different ailments โ€“ such as back pain, headache, nausea and respiratory problems.

One explanation could be a muted stress response, with previous studies revealing that self-compassion reduces the inflammation that normally comes with mental anguish, and which can damage our tissues in the long term. But the health benefits may also be due to behavioural differences, with evidence that people with higher self-compassion take better care of their bodies through diet and exercise.
People who have higher levels of self-compassion are generally more proactive โ€“ Sara Dunne
โ€œPeople who have higher levels of self-compassion are generally more proactive,โ€ says Sara Dunne, a psychologist who studied the link between self-compassion and healthy behaviours at the University of Derby, UK.

She compares it to the advice of a well-meaning parent. โ€œThey would tell you that you need to go to bed, get up early and then tackle your problems,โ€ she says. Similarly, someone with high self-compassion knows that they can treat themselves kindly โ€“ without overly judgemental criticism โ€“ while also recognising what is best for them in the long-term.

This is an important point, says Neff, since some early critics of her work had wondered whether self-compassion would simply lead to lazy behaviour and low willpower. In their view, we need self-criticism to motivate us to make importance changes in our lives. As evidence against this idea, she points to research from 2012, which had found that people with high self-compassion show greater motivation to correct their errors.

They tended to work harder after failing an important test, for instance, and were more determined to make up for a perceived moral transgression, such as betraying a friendโ€™s trust. Self-compassion, it seems, can create a sense of safety that allows us to confront our weaknesses and make positive changes in our lives, rather than becoming overly self-defensive or wallowing in a sense of hopelessness.

[Image: After making mistakes, many jump to highly self-critical responses, but research shows that cutting yourself a little slack can be the key to resilience (Credit: Alamy)]

After making mistakes, many jump to highly self-critical responses, but research shows that cutting yourself a little slack can be the key to resilience (Credit: Alamy)

Rapid interventions

If you would like to gain some of these benefits, there is now abundant evidence โ€“ from Neffโ€™s research group and many others โ€“ that self-compassion can be trained.

Popular interventions include โ€œloving-kindness meditationโ€, which guides you to focus on feelings of forgiveness and warmth to yourself and others.

In one recent trial, Tobias Krieger and colleagues at the University of Bern in Switzerland designed an online course to teach this exercise alongside more theoretical lessons about the causes of self-criticism and its consequences.

After seven sessions, they found significant increases in the participantsโ€™ self-compassion scores, along with reduced stress, anxiety and depressive feelings. โ€œWe measured a lot of outcomes,โ€ says Krieger, โ€œand they all went in the expected direction.โ€

There are also written interventions, such as composing a letter from the perspective of a loving friend, that can provide a significant boost, says Neff.

For most people, the habit of self-criticism does not seem to be so deeply ingrained that it is beyond repair. (Neffโ€™s website includes more detailed guidelines on the ways to put this and the loving-kindness meditation into practice.)
Neff says that she has seen an increased interest in these techniques during the pandemic.

For many of us, the struggles of isolation, remote working and caring for the people we love have provided the perfect breeding ground for self-criticism and doubt.

While we cannot eliminate those stresses, we can at least change the ways we view ourselves, giving us the resilience to face the challenges head on.

More than ever, we need to stop seeing self-compassion and self-care as a sign of weakness, says Neff. โ€œThe research is really overwhelming at this point, showing that when life gets tough, you want to be self-compassionate. It's going to make you stronger.โ€

 
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I remember going through a phase were ego felt like the ultimate evil to me although, logically I don't think there is such a thing as some one who can truly be 'selfless' as noble an aspiration that may sound to in contrast live you're life for others - it's simply not realistic, so I say tomato tomotto ...

._. seriously though, maybe the secret is not trying or thinking too hard and being honest with you're self enough to make the checks and balances when and were you need them as life is very dynamic/nuanced for it's variety of potential situations :v
 

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INTJ8w9โญโญโญโญโญ๐ŸŒ€๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿค๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿงก๐Ÿงกโค๐—บ๐—ฒ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ตั•ฯƒฯ…โ„“๐”๐‘๐ƒ๐ˆ๐€๐๐’โ™กโšโ›“๐Ÿชแ’แ‘Œแ”•T แ—ชO YOแ‘Œแ–‡ แ—ทEแ”•T!
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Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
Also If you had Toxic Parents, you need to undo the toxicity as part of the self improvement journey. Build your self compassion. Heal and grow. Dear one.๐Ÿ’œ
 
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