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1. I care about you, but I am not a free therapist. If the only reason you get in touch with me is so you can complain about your same problems over and over again, I'm going to stop answering your calls.

2. I'm happiest when my life and relationships are harmonious. Conflict is draining.

3. I'm very private...please respect that, and don't take it personally.

4. I use both emotions AND logic, and I don't value one over the other.

5. Just because I'm quiet and sweet, it doesn't mean I'm a doormat. If you push me enough and cross my boundaries, I will not be so sweet to you.

6. I beat myself up for not achieving the impossible task of making everybody happy.

7. I get cranky if I go too long without alone time. I'm like a toddler that needs a nap.

8. I hate cilantro. Get that shit away from me.

9. I pick up on your emotions like they're radio signals, and sometimes I still have to struggle to keep myself from absorbing them. But I want you to think I'm tough, so I'll never tell you that.

10. I write better than I speak.

11. I rarely live in the present because I'm constantly thinking about long-term effects.
 

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Not sure if I'm speaking for "Every" INFJ.... I'm hoping I'm speaking for at least the majority though....

10 things I wish people knew about me....

1. I die a slow death whenever I'm continually put in a position such as at work, in which I continually have to let people down even though I know it's because their expectations of me are unrealistic.

2. I want people to think I'm funny. In fact when people describe me, I want that to be one of the words they use. I want them to say "She's so funny!"

3. I'm a very competent person...

4. I'm often more lonely in a crowd than I am actually alone.

5. Sometimes it takes me a long time to answer when someone asks me a question but it doesn't mean that I'm not paying attention; I mean give me a second to get my thoughts together before I make a reply, jeez.

6. I may seem like a huge procrastinator and that may give off the appearance that I'm not taking life seriously, but it's not that at all. It takes me a lot of mental preparation to undertake a major task, because I want to get it right the first time.

7. I wish people could see what the inside of my mind looked like. Even when I was a kid, I wished there was some machine I could hook up to my head like an EKG and people could see what was in my mind and be entertained by it.

8. If I nod and say yeah, every now and then, and sometimes repeat the last few words you speak every now and then, and I don't contribute any more to the conversation, that means that I find you extremely boring; the reason I find you extremely boring is probably because you keep saying the same things over and over again and my mind is screaming for me to ask "Why do you keep saying the same things over and over again? did you think I didn't hear you the first time, or the first two or three times you said it?" but I don't want to hurt your feelings, so I smile and nod and repeat back the last thing you said once in a while instead.

9. I wish people knew when I need to be alone and when I need people around to connect with.

10. I know this one is probably just specific to me, but I wish one person knew how much I'll miss them when the go away because most people "listen" when I talk to them, but this is one of the few people who really listen, who pays attention to my wants and needs, who really makes me feel like I bear some significance, because I find people who treat me that way are kinda rare, and I wish they weren't sometimes. But sometimes I'm glad they are, because it makes them that much more special:)
 

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10. I'm a walking contradiction. I'm constantly finding new ways to look at ideas/perspectives so it makes me change my mind a lot.
I know the feeling! ...and, to add just for flavor:


:D
 

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dear non-INFJs,

some things you should know about us INFJ folk:

1. please don't lie. you can tell us if our butt looks fat. we'll despise you for it, sure, but at least you were honest. bastard.

2. earning our trust takes time, but its not your fault. infact, we hate that its not your fault. we just prefer to open up to those who haven't given up on us in the wait.

3. you don't have to say 'perfectionist' like its a bad thing..

4. don't let the door-slam fool you. we forgive and forget. eventually.

5. we know we can't save the world and everyone in it. we just said we might be able to.

6. we can admit when we're wron... when we're wro... when we're less right than usual.

7. we see right through you. and yes, we know all about those magazines under your bed.

8. verbal communication isn't our strongest suit, so if you try to start a conversation with us, don't say we didn't warn you...

9. what we lack in conversation skills, we make up for in listening, so tell us all about those worries and fears which we already know about.

10. if you think we're normal, its only because you haven't gotten to know us yet.

11. finally, we're very sorry if we criticize you for not being more like jesus. most of the time, its only because we believe you have that potential. other times, well, we're just having a bad day.
 

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I'll speak only for myself, from my little corner of INXJ-dom

1) Look me in the eyes. I'm staring at your eyes to get a glimpse of the you that you've been hiding all day. Let it shine.

2) If you want me to speak all you need is to ask.

3) If you want me to share myself then you need to value the bits I've tried to share.

4) My silence is the place I go to think in. It's called Ti because it's introverted. I don't hate you. I'm not judging you. I'm processing everything you've told me.

5) My world is a place where the music of others is every bit as sweet as my own. I listen to yours with an intensity you didn't often experience... And I'll care if you suddenly push me away.

6) I won't show you that I'm hurting unless you drag it out of me. One of the quirks of my nature, but it has served me well over the years. I'll talk to you about many things, but not that as I usually deem my own suffering to be something "I can solve."

7) I won't just abandon you some day.

8) I am incapable of seeing all the objects in a space... So the word clumsy isn't what I'd apply, but maybe the term "selectively sighted" would probably be applicable.

9) I'm not fond of labels. If you're getting to know me just to label me then it's best this goes no farther than names, which is the only label I'm attached to bearing through life.

10) I won't dish on others with you. If you got to know me only to talk your way into other people's lives through my understanding, you'd have better luck asking a vault door for its combo.
 

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dear non-INFJs,

some things you should know about us INFJ folk:

1. please don't lie. you can tell us if our butt looks fat. we'll despise you for it, sure, but at least you were honest. bastard.

2. earning our trust takes time, but its not your fault. infact, we hate that its not your fault. we just prefer to open up to those who haven't given up on us in the wait.

3. you don't have to say 'perfectionist' like its a bad thing..

4. don't let the door-slam fool you. we forgive and forget. eventually.

5. we know we can't save the world and everyone in it. we just said we might be able to.

6. we can admit when we're wron... when we're wro... when we're less right than usual.

7. we see right through you. and yes, we know all about those magazines under your bed.

8. verbal communication isn't our strongest suit, so if you try to start a conversation with us, don't say we didn't warn you...

9. what we lack in conversation skills, we make up for in listening, so tell us all about those worries and fears which we already know about.

10. if you think we're normal, its only because you haven't gotten to know us yet.

11. finally, we're very sorry if we criticize you for not being more like jesus. most of time, its only because we believe you have that potential. other times, well, we're just having a bad day.
can i just say, you're awesome!!! i love how hilariously you phrased your post...wish i had your sense of humor. :)
 

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Sorry if I repeat anything that some of you may have said. I'm not plagiarizing, but emphasizing! I just wanted to make my own list, so here it is:


  1. I care about all of you more than you’ll ever know or hear me say. I may offer you kind words and help you in various ways, but the true depth of my emotions cannot be expressed so easily.
  2. If I seem hurt when you or other people tell me that you don’t think about me that much, please excuse me. It’s no one’s fault but mine. I shouldn’t be so petty, but those feelings are due to the fact that I really do think about all of you, far more than I do of myself.
  3. When I’m off by myself, I’m not keeping myself away from you. I’m just rebuilding myself up so that I can give you all of me when I am with you.
  4. Even though I may look stoic and/or intimidating at times, I am not trying to keep you away. That’s just me trying to be strong.
  5. Please don’t accuse me of having an agenda. It really hurts me when I try to act through my heart and you think that I have some ulterior motive.
  6. I’m not a schemer, I’m a dreamer and I want to help make you a believer.
  7. Just because I can understand where you are coming from, that doesn’t mean I’m on your side. There are no sides and there are many truths in this world.
  8. When I seem upset when you tell me about your problems, I’m not upset with you for telling me. I’m upset that these things happened to you and that there’s not really much I can do to help the situation.
  9. When you tell me something important and I don’t reply right away, please don’t take it personally or as a sign that you did something wrong. I’m just processing everything with great care and searching for the right words to use. Your experiences and your life are important and for me to do any less than that wouldn’t be right.
  10. Please don’t act like you can control me. I’m my own person and just because I’m not overly aggressive, that doesn’t mean I can’t hold my own.
 

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What a fantastic thread! I hope this resonates with some of you reading this:

1. Don't judge/assume anything about us. Like all human beings, we are constantly changing. Because we follow our intuition, we are constantly expanding our ways of thinking and adjusting to the emotional 'vibes' of the present moment and the people around us. So people often get confused and say 'oh...i thought you were more like...that 2 days ago!' Often, people are surprised when we want to defend ourselves when they betray us. What a huge miscalculation! Stay present in the moment with us and we will give you the world, respect, and show you all of our sides.
***(secret to non infj's - if you don't judge us or our actions, the same we do for others - that is the way to our hearts!)

2. On that note, we understand you. The reason people find it so hard to understand us, is because we understand the wilderness of the human mind and that is why we seem to 'change' so quickly because we are absorbing your information and our own! We respond to however you are feeling by catching your vibes.

3. We are mostly empathic. Most (not all) of us are quite nice because we understand the darkness in ourselves and get exhausted having to deal with it! People love how easy it is for us to understand you. You might find yourself spilling secrets you've never even mentioned to anyone the first time you meet us. Or you might love the fact that we can read you after 3 meetings. Don't abuse that gift!

4. On that note, don't betray us. Because we understand the darkness in your personality and in our own - to us it is just information (for those of us that are reasonably developed). So we accept everything as part of human experience and nothing more. If you do betray us, those of us that are less developed will use whatever secrets you have given us and well... you can guess ;)

I could only think of 4. I am sure there are many more, but i think others will come up with some awesome ones :)>
 

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1. I am idealistic, and I don't see it as a weakness. I can worry ferociously, and be illogically optimistic at times. I dream of things being better, though, and that's what's at the core of me. I will do everything I can to get to that ideal place.
2. I am hard on myself, but I don't want to settle for sort of okay. If I've put my mind to something, I want it to be just right. I have the same high ideals for you, and I want to help you get there, but it's easier to forgive you for falling short than myself.
3. I feel things I don't understand. Some days, I will just be sad and not know why. I am entirely enthralled and obsessed about things and couldn't' tell you why. Just go with it, it's usually fun. :)
4. I love people, they also drive me crazy. If I think someone is worthy, I will give my life and everything to them, and give up anything else to be with them, or be there for them. I'm fiercely loyal.
5. Most of my life is lived in imaginary scenarios inside my head.
6. If you give me a small piece of yourself it's like the tip of the iceburg, and I want to see the whole. I can see and understand parts of you that you're not even aware of. I get vibes and senses, and can sometimes even see light surrounding people. I will remember the little details you told me, years later. I will attempt to put together a picture of your soul, made up of all of it's light and dark parts. I will eventually see you, all of you, as you really are - both light and darkness, and I love you.
7. Please don't tell me I'm crazy, or obsessive, or weird. Those words hurt. I'm learning that who I am has created beauty and the life that I love, and I wouldn't want myself to be any other way. If you can't take it, go play with someone else.
8. My faith in God and the truth I see in the Bible are very core to who I am. You can disagree, but please understand that I did not arrive at what I believe lightly, and it means everything to me.
9. I may have trouble keeping conversation lively, and sometimes stumble on my words, but if you're one of those few who loves to sit with me anyway and likes who I am, you will be rewarded with the most loyal friend imaginable.
10. Sometime I need to be alone, sometimes I need to cry, these are real needs as real as needing to eat and breathe. And that's okay.
 

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I'll write about what I would want friends/acquaintances to know about me.

1. Reaching out to show emotional or social understanding of issues that might effect groups/people does not mean I'm easily attached to people. It just so happens, I am very guarded even when behaving proactively, that I only truly let a few people in. I strive towards ideals that relate to being socially correct (not necessarily socially appropriate or social as in being sociable), what I mean is ideals that relate to understanding, empathy, balance and tact. We can be very empathetic and absorb emotions easily, and speak a very shared emotional language, but it doesn't mean we're attached to you because at the same time we're guarded and easily suspicious when provoked. It may all sound paradoxical, but open and continuous communication with an INFJ will help you understand what it means.

2. Fe can be demanding (at least for me). I am harder on myself than I show on the outside, and intuition plus Fe may be telling me I'm failing in areas I shouldn't. Inwardly, I am big on social compensation and even some form of self punishment. This may seem unhealthy, but if I don't have it, I'm betting I can't be a trustworthy person. What I mean by compensation is,'' Okay Raichan you've done this and that, you absolutely have to make up for it by doing this and that for someone, some people...'' (But then again maybe this is an Enneagram 1 thing :bored:)

3. Being expressive doesn't equal being desperate. Being curious doesn't equal,'' I want to be your friend for life.'' Yes as a human being I need social contact and friends, but if in some way I can't trust you, I would prefer you let me off and let me seek the company of others.

4. @Theosophie mentioned this and I can relate (I hope you don't mind me quoting); ''never underestimate the paranoia of an unhealthy INFJ... especially if she's been hurt enough. It has happened in the past that I've (mistakenly) assumed the worst of people, which assumptions have actually caused great emotional injury to them. Even a moderately unhealthy INFJ can push people away like nobody's business. If you really care for your INFJ, try to communicate with us as directly and authentically as you can when we tend toward these little misunderstandings - that's the only way I trust. '' I think I had upset a number of Fi users because of this :frustrating: But I couldn't help my paranoia, it's something I'm still working on until today.

5. Actually @Theosophie I relate to a lot of things you wrote, including what you wrote about sarcasm and resentment. I feel transparent :p And also what you wrote about social subtleties. We look at subtle social cues yes - how attentive you sound on the phone (don't fake it, an INFJ would notice!), even if the way you usually would type to us had suddenly shifted, and even some changes in body language. Those things are big things to us - in friendships, etc.

6. When an INFJ is acting very unsure, helpless or drained.. remind the INFJ you're close to that you would not reject/leave him/her and that you know he/she is trying their best..Remind and reassure, it does more than enough even if we're still acting emotional or ''crazy.'' Helping to remind us of things important for Se/ living in present moment helps, especially if you're volunteering to do those things with us- things like,''hey do you want to catch a movie and just get your mind off things for a while?'' ''want to walk in the sunlight together?'' unless it's a serious problem that needs emotional fixing/closure right away.

7. We don't care if you're related to us by blood or if you've been our friend for 10 years. We know if you're subconsciously resenting us or playing a game... many times, we may hide it because of Fe. Other times, we won't.

8. Forgiveness for me may take time, so when I'm being silent, it may mean I need a lot more time. If it's gotten too far, however, don't worry you'd know if you were truly door-slammed.

9. I don't like superficial 'modern' cliches with the pretense of sounding intelligence. For the love of God, if you're going to say things like,'' realism is more important than idealism'' explain properly what you mean if the context requires it or I'd roll my eyes behind your back.

10. An INFJ, once has fallen truly in love (and I mean truly, it's not easy to find ), you can be 1000000% assured you would have that INFJ for life, forever. However it must be on a soulmate or truly real level, nothing less. And for me @Orpheus Black is my soulmate, and we want to be everything for each other. I promise, in the name of God, I try and do everything for him as much as he does for me.

I'm being honest in what I wrote. Don't like it? I apologize (not) :kitteh:
 

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1. Just because I'm quiet/observing you/the surroundings does NOT mean that I'm a serial killer.
2. In relation to #1... it also doesn't mean that I'm secretly crazy and will flip out on you.
3. Please don't interrupt me when I'm speaking. It takes me a bit to formulate what I want to say in my head, and you interrupting me makes it all that much harder for me to say what's on my mind.
4. If I pop around with subjects while I'm talking to you with no apparent connection, I'm sorry...I can't really help that...in my head, they are connected, or it's just different layers of what I was thinking to begin with. I will stay on topic eventually. :laughing:
5. I will listen to all your problems/hopes/fears etc if you need me to.
6. Even if I'm not always around, I do give a great deal of crap about you, and I think about you a lot. It's just hard for me to express said feelings.
7. (this may have been posted before, if so, I apologize) If I'm angry and in that "quiet zone" before I explode...please leave me alone. I'll calm down on my own accord, I just have to process being so angry and sort it out before I'm able to be sufficiently social again.
8. When you say you're going to do something, and you don't do it, I remember. I know I shouldn't have expectations, and am working on not doing them...but if you keep telling me that you'll fulfill something you've said you'll do for me/with me, and you keep not fulfilling it, then I may grow emotionally distant from you, or become less motivated to help you out.
9. I need sufficient time to "prepare" myself for social stuff. So, please don't drop by my house unexpectedly. Let me know at least a day ahead of time that you're going to stop by.
10. I welcome debates and conversations...but if you start raising your voice, I'm less likely to take your position seriously. Just because you're being loud, does not mean that you have more of a chance of being right.
 

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1. don't call me stupid when I'm close to you enough to share with you a small part of my world and what I believe in.

2. never call our quiet moments the awkward moments because actually it is not awkward at all. but some of my extroverted friends just can't stand the quiet times that we have and I have to force myself to talk more and make jokes. I think I'd prefer a girlfriend who is an introvert or an extrovert who can understand that being quiet is a good thing.

3. just because I have a face that seems sad or angry all the time, doesn't mean that I'm depressed. I'm actually high as fuck.

4. it's nice of you to remember me when you are having fun at parties or crowded events but please don't invite me in.

5. I may seem quiet and innocent but please don't be afraid to voice up when you need help or when someone looks down on you because I'm actually very aggressive when it comes to protecting someone I love.

6. I'm always available when you need help or when you don't have anyone to talk to. and I'd feel appreciated if you trust me.

7. I'm a human being, so when I say "I'm okay." it often means I'm not and that's when I need someone to talk to.

8. I appreciate you or generally everyone who has stepped into my life. even if you've made an influence in my life or not. even if you are good or bad. I appreciate your existence.

9. please don't get mad at me when I get angry for no reason. I'd feel so much loved if you are able to bear with my unstable emotions.

10. since we all have different ways of thinking and you don't understand the way I see things, be respectful so that everyone can live peacefully in their own creation of reality.
 

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1. don't call me stupid when I'm close to you enough to share with you a small part of my world and what I believe in.

2. never call our quiet moments the awkward moments because actually it is not awkward at all. but some of my extroverted friends just can't stand the quiet times that we have and I have to force myself to talk more and make jokes. I think I'd prefer a girlfriend who is an introvert or an extrovert who can understand that being quiet is a good thing.

3. just because I have a face that seems sad or angry all the time, doesn't mean that I'm depressed. I'm actually high as fuck.

4. it's nice of you to remember me when you are having fun at parties or crowded events but please don't invite me in.

5. I may seem quiet and innocent but please don't be afraid to voice up when you need help or when someone looks down on you because I'm actually very aggressive when it comes to protecting someone I love.

6. I'm always available when you need help or when you don't have anyone to talk to. and I'd feel appreciated if you trust me.

7. I'm a human being, so when I say "I'm okay." it often means I'm not and that's when I need someone to talk to.

8. I appreciate you or generally everyone who has stepped into my life. even if you've made an influence in my life or not. even if you are good or bad. I appreciate your existence.

9. please don't get mad at me when I get angry for no reason. I'd feel so much loved if you are able to bear with my unstable emotions.

10. since we all have different ways of thinking and you don't understand the way I see things, be respectful so that everyone can live peacefully in their own creation of reality.
Very nice list RandomChildish!

I began working on my own list but most people here said it better than I probalby could so little point in that.
I would add one point:

Don't try to take advantage of me because you have foolishly mistaken my kindness for weakness. I will give you a courtesy warning one way or another, if you don't take that hint, you WILL regret it :frustrating:
 

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Very nice list RandomChildish!

I began working on my own list but most people here said it better than I probalby could so little point in that.
I would add one point:

Don't try to take advantage of me because you have foolishly mistaken my kindness for weakness. I will give you a courtesy warning one way or another, if you don't take that hint, you WILL regret it :frustrating:
oh no! here is a place for everyone to share their own thoughts, don't be discouraged if someone said it better than you could. you know, just let out of everything you want to say! XD
 

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Discussion Starter #39
10 things every INFJ wants you to know at a later point in time(maybe)(for some) ...

1. That my temperament are my tendencies, no more, no less. It helps me to understand myself better and understand the world of others. It in no way shape or form defines who I am inevitably because I am always changing and that my character supersedes any fault of my temperament; I am me.

2. I'm most definitely like myself better every year. I have been told this sounds arrogant.
But I think that person might understand why now. ..

3. I am as stupid as I always have been. Only I know myself a whole lot more ...
Hence, I've tamed my stupidity. And continue to do so (more) every year ...

4. I actually DO forget some things. But I remember the feelings always.
Replace bad stuff with good is the way to trip up an elephants memory.

5. I'm confused. I'm sharp. I'm witty and intelligent and none of anything really makes any sense.

6. I compulsively write as many INFJ's do ...

7. I feel as though I experience myself and learn the most by my reflection in others, by bouncing off the spirit of others and observing others reactions to me. When I was young, I was not so much aware of anything beyond myself ...

8. When I try I try with every shred of my being and then try harder. I feel if I stop to accept where I am I will be settling. I always feel like I can do better. I've grown to understand that everyone does the best they can. You will not be held to my standards of me. You will be held accountable for taking responsibility of you, no more, no less; through the happy tango of relationship. The same occurs within my self in relation to those around me

9. I'm VERY Philosophical!

10. I'm kinda controversial! :D

I LIKE FUN. AND I LOVE HAPPY.

I've learned what love really is ... it was the most amazing bitter sweet experience of my life and have yet to figure out what to do with all the left overs ... when there is no room for creativity, I can't breathe ...
 

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1.) Feel free to approach me. Though I'm intense, I do for the most part shield people from my bluntness, and extreme emotions. I believe in trying to rise above little disputes that won't affect my future worth a damn; I HATE having to come down to a lesser person's level to prove some kind of 'point' to them that is outside of a rational framework (something that can be explained sensibly).

2.) Don't assume ANYTHING with me. I've got a firm command over my feelings. The impassive facial expression is just a default face. Remember, while I'm not talking, I'm using Ti...I'm thinking, mulling, and correcting ideas in my head about all kinds of things I have interest in, but don't hesitate to share. Just because I'm introverted doesn't mean I'm shy, nervous, or anxious with others; on the contrary actually I enjoy good conversation, and good friends of ALL types; it just means sometimes, I gotta re-charge my batteries because I'm maxing out the use of my intuition, and listening skills to figure you, and the environment I'm currently in out.

3.) My emotions aren't simple, because I'm passionate, idealistic, and determined; I seek to bring dreams, and ideas into reality, but a sincere, direct inquiry about my psychological terrain will most assuredly get you the truth. It may even earn you a great friend, who can see into your hidden depths and help you realize your potential.

4.) I don't waste my time thinking I'm 'better' than anyone else. I have no need, or time for it, from someone else. I think if I were to turn outward for attention/flattery It only reminds me that what I need to contemplate and correct within myself to work at becoming self-sufficient/independent.

5.) Challenge me! Share your ideas, beliefs, feelings with me! It's all welcome! Anything that comes from another can be synthesized by my Ni, for mutual benefits!

6.) Be sincere; don't approach me with the arrogance, or a facade; I'll see RIGHT through it, and deflect you completely. It's understandable that we all have issues and short comings, but being honest with yourself about them, will

7.) Never, EVER try to give me the impression that I need to be like someone I'm not; it will only end in deep seated resentment towards you, and a possible bloody mouth. That's encroaching on personal territory, that I don't EVER let people cross over. Live your life, and I'll leave you to it, or we can be friends!

8.) I don't mind being weird, silly, or sarcastic...but sometimes I just need to be mysterious, because I'm interested in mysterious things...it's just innate.

9.) I'm nowhere NEAR emotional puddle that most people think INFJ's are: in fact, HOW did that ever start? Underneath this calm, cool, and seemingly aloof exterior beats the heart of a champ and leader...so much so that I don't even focus on others as a threat, which increases my sense of self-security.

10.) I'm spontaneous, creative,and willing to try just about anything once for the experience! Life is an adventure, and it should ALWAYS be geared towards it!

Lastly, life needs meaning; things need to be savored, experienced, and accessed for any info that can help you and me evolve; even better together.
 
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