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1. No, I don't ignore you, neither I have abandoned you, I just need time and space on my own.
2. I hate conflicts but when I feel trapped and pushed towards a corner I am not going to held myself back.
3. Just because we did not get along great on that day does not mean I am going to abandon you. Sun does not shine every day and it would be very draining if it did.
4. Don't take it personally when I doorslam you after a fight. It does not mean that I hate you, but it is just my way to relax and take time out. And I come back like nothing happened about a day or 2 later.
5. Don't make fun of my feelings - it's is probably the most hurtful thing you could do since I am already very shy but genuine about my feelings.
6. I am very forgiving person and I do believe in people but once I experience your greedy, selfish part very personally (or you just simply stab me so hard at the core), I simply lose my respect for you and I do not think I would ever be able to look you as I did before.
7. I hate making mistakes and just in case you think I am all over from it - I am not. I don't think I can ever move 100% on and I do feel guilty.
8. When I am your friend - I will be very loyal, caring and trusting, so please don't use me.
9. When I am focusing hard on something - please don't interrupt me, it makes me feel irritated when someone is interrupting me.
10. Because I am so genuine and sincere about myself I sometimes get disappointed in you when you are not that authentic with me.

Oops, came out more personal than general.
 

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01. You are special.
02. You are unique.
03. You are gifted.
04. You are a blessing.
05. You are here for a reason.
06. You are beautiful/handsome.
07. You are perfect just the way you are.
08. You are worth knowing.
09. You are worth listening to.
10. You are loved.
 

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I'll write about what I would want friends/acquaintances to know about me.

1. Reaching out to show emotional or social understanding of issues that might effect groups/people does not mean I'm easily attached to people. It just so happens, I am very guarded even when behaving proactively, that I only truly let a few people in. I strive towards ideals that relate to being socially correct (not necessarily socially appropriate or social as in being sociable), what I mean is ideals that relate to understanding, empathy, balance and tact. We can be very empathetic and absorb emotions easily, and speak a very shared emotional language, but it doesn't mean we're attached to you because at the same time we're guarded and easily suspicious when provoked. It may all sound paradoxical, but open and continuous communication with an INFJ will help you understand what it means.

2. Fe can be demanding (at least for me). I am harder on myself than I show on the outside, and intuition plus Fe may be telling me I'm failing in areas I shouldn't. Inwardly, I am big on social compensation and even some form of self punishment. This may seem unhealthy, but if I don't have it, I'm betting I can't be a trustworthy person. What I mean by compensation is,'' Okay Raichan you've done this and that, you absolutely have to make up for it by doing this and that for someone, some people...'' (But then again maybe this is an Enneagram 1 thing :bored:)

3. Being expressive doesn't equal being desperate. Being curious doesn't equal,'' I want to be your friend for life.'' Yes as a human being I need social contact and friends, but if in some way I can't trust you, I would prefer you let me off and let me seek the company of others.

4. @Theosophie mentioned this and I can relate (I hope you don't mind me quoting); ''never underestimate the paranoia of an unhealthy INFJ... especially if she's been hurt enough. It has happened in the past that I've (mistakenly) assumed the worst of people, which assumptions have actually caused great emotional injury to them. Even a moderately unhealthy INFJ can push people away like nobody's business. If you really care for your INFJ, try to communicate with us as directly and authentically as you can when we tend toward these little misunderstandings - that's the only way I trust. '' I think I had upset a number of Fi users because of this :frustrating: But I couldn't help my paranoia, it's something I'm still working on until today.

5. Actually @Theosophie I relate to a lot of things you wrote, including what you wrote about sarcasm and resentment. I feel transparent :p And also what you wrote about social subtleties. We look at subtle social cues yes - how attentive you sound on the phone (don't fake it, an INFJ would notice!), even if the way you usually would type to us had suddenly shifted, and even some changes in body language. Those things are big things to us - in friendships, etc.

6. When an INFJ is acting very unsure, helpless or drained.. remind the INFJ you're close to that you would not reject/leave him/her and that you know he/she is trying their best..Remind and reassure, it does more than enough even if we're still acting emotional or ''crazy.'' Helping to remind us of things important for Se/ living in present moment helps, especially if you're volunteering to do those things with us- things like,''hey do you want to catch a movie and just get your mind off things for a while?'' ''want to walk in the sunlight together?'' unless it's a serious problem that needs emotional fixing/closure right away.

7. We don't care if you're related to us by blood or if you've been our friend for 10 years. We know if you're subconsciously resenting us or playing a game... many times, we may hide it because of Fe. Other times, we won't.

8. Forgiveness for me may take time, so when I'm being silent, it may mean I need a lot more time. If it's gotten too far, however, don't worry you'd know if you were truly door-slammed.

9. I don't like superficial 'modern' cliches with the pretense of sounding intelligence. For the love of God, if you're going to say things like,'' realism is more important than idealism'' explain properly what you mean if the context requires it or I'd roll my eyes behind your back.

10. An INFJ, once has fallen truly in love (and I mean truly, it's not easy to find ), you can be 1000000% assured you would have that INFJ for life, forever. However it must be on a soulmate or truly real level, nothing less. And for me @Orpheus Black is my soulmate, and we want to be everything for each other. I promise, in the name of God, I try and do everything for him as much as he does for me.

I'm being honest in what I wrote. Don't like it? I apologize (not) :kitteh:
I feel the need to add other things;

* Sometimes when we withdraw from conflict, it doesn't mean we are afraid of you and think we've lost or that we are wrong. We may actually know that we are right. Ni+Fe makes us concerned with the general overview message, we tend to foresee whether we are communicating the message we in a way that is best/beneficial for others or not. If we perceive that we're not, we tend to drop it.

* At times, our Fe compels us to write things to the others in a way that we may not be able to articulate at first, when we feel those messages are to help or share with others that need to understand. It doesn't mean we think people can't think for themselves, we are just compelled to share. And we try our best to adjust certain cues to accommodate to people in general, even when sharing. When that happens, understand that it is not all about only you, it is the general message :dry: I don't like butthurt Fi users (sensors/intuitives) who make everything about them in a significant conflict.
 

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Discussion Starter #44
01. You are special.
02. You are unique.
03. You are gifted.
04. You are a blessing.
05. You are here for a reason.
06. You are beautiful/handsome.
07. You are perfect just the way you are.
08. You are worth knowing.
09. You are worth listening to.
10. You are loved.
Thank You! This was lovely & True! :)
 

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9. I am not a teachers pet or a favorite at work to be a bitch or a jerk. I really like working and putting my mind to work and coming up with new and creative ideas and solutions. When people see me as something malicious it gets me very depressed.
This. Yes.

Some people say I don't like my persona criticized. Funnily enough most of the time there is a simple reason for why I don't: I don't think they understand me at all and the criticism is based on an staggeringly erroneous perception. There have been a few occasions someone has really disliked me and come up with a really great analysis on the many ways I suck profoundly. Really ripping into me, trying to hurt me the best they can....well I actually think back to these moment with warm tingly fondness because on those rare occasions I have truly felt that someone has actually understood me and seen me. I'm just so flabbergasted by that that I forget to notice it was meant as something negative. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #47
To friends:
1) Don't worry, there is a method to my madness.
2) I'm not as fragile as you think
Oh I ALWAYS say this ALL the time! :D

If there wasn't a method , it wouldn't be madness ;)

And the fragile thing too, often times I think some people don't know how to deal with their own emotions so when faced when someone being "overly emotional" within the heat of a "situation (for the sake of simplicity), they often time, I feel, try to control the situation (their feelings/and try to "save" me from my female feelings). Argh! If they REALLY felt I was super illogical about whatever I am hypothetically upset about, why not let me be upset and figure it out inevitably. In the cases that this has happened (rarely that people deal w/ me that way) but in those events, I always come around and say, "oops, I was upset over nothing. you're right".

But instead, often times people don't like me upset (sad or angry) so they make matters worse by trying to "save" me from my female feelings by way of manipulation (not being honest) etc ...

Sorry :/ That was SO Rambly! Lololol! :tongue:
 

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Oh I ALWAYS say this ALL the time! :D

If there wasn't a method , it wouldn't be madness ;)

And the fragile thing too, often times I think some people don't know how to deal with their own emotions so when faced when someone being "overly emotional" within the heat of a "situation (for the sake of simplicity), they often time, I feel, try to control the situation (their feelings/and try to "save" me from my female feelings). Argh! If they REALLY felt I was super illogical about whatever I am hypothetically upset about, why not let me be upset and figure it out inevitably. In the cases that this has happened (rarely that people deal w/ me that way) but in those events, I always come around and say, "oops, I was upset over nothing. you're right".

But instead, often times people don't like me upset (sad or angry) so they make matters worse by trying to "save" me from my female feelings by way of manipulation (not being honest) etc ...

Sorry :/ That was SO Rambly! Lololol! :tongue:
I mind not ramblyness. :laughing:
I can unscramble the ramble. I've got the secret NF decoder ring for such tasks...
I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone.
...I think a Dali quote is in order
“The only difference between me and a madman is I'm not mad.”
Salvador Dalí
 

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1. I'm a walking contradiction and I can be many things. Different situations bring out different facets of me. I am also pretty shy, so if I'm quiet, it doesn't mean I wouldn't want to talk. Group situations are just unnerving to me, and I hate being in the spotlight. It makes me sad that it is seen sometimes as arrogance or indifference. :(

2. I am very supportive, kind and gentle - I do things to make people I care about happier, but I don't make a big fuss about it, and I don't do it to get something in return. When I give, it is because I want to. But when I get burnt and tired, I find myself sad if no one seems to care as much as I do of them. I'm a very independent, self-reliant person and I don't expect anyone to be responsible of how I feel and am - but it just simply makes me sad, sometimes. But I always bounce back, anyway.

3. Please be understanding, because I know I work in curious ways. Sometimes I just need space, and it is not a signal that there's something wrong or that it is in some way a negative thing. It's a need. I get tense sometimes and very stressed. I take on people's troubles physically as well as emotionally. I can't turn off empathy even if I can rationalise it.

4. Don't make the mistake for taking my kindness and generosity as a sign of weakness - I am not a doormat and anyone who also tries to cross me or someone I care about will see that.

5. I notice more about people than they might think. I get vibes and I observe.

6. I pay extra attention on how people treat others.

7. I love both passion and logic.

8. Erm, in essence, I may come off as quiet and laid-back but be an ass and you will see how non-quiet I can be.
 

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1. Just because I am not verbally speaking!, does not mean that I am silent.

2. I love God, and you at the same time and no it is not a competition, I love God more than I love you or myself, but God loves us all just trust him alongside me and we will be at absolute peace :D.

3.I am emotional and logical and spiritual, I believe it is wonderful to have a balance in life.

4. I enjoy talking to women and men, and I love to try and understand the relationship that we both have in society ^.^

5. Just because I seek out my strengths and know my weaknesses, does not mean that I will be idle about improving myself, I would absolutely love to help you find your strengths, and I will be as gentle and true as I can in helping you with your weaknesses.

6. I am not a doormat, and just because I am feeling a bit moody, doesnt mean I don't love or care about you, I am just dealign with something at the moment and need some time and space to deal with it, I will return to being my loving bright self in a few moments :D.

7. I will pray for you, even if you deny that my God could exist, or even if you don't pray for yourself :).

8. My greatest aspiration is to be wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove and to do what I love with who I love :).

9. I truly, genuinely am who I say I am and appear to be, and I know more than enough people that can attest to it, and I strive to improve myself, and to have an aura of love and purity that will stay with me even until I die. Mistakes of course will happen, but at least I can try to resolve my mistakes and grow as a human being :D.

10. I will always forgive you, but thanks to the fact that I am human, some things may take longer to forgive then others, sadly I don't expect you to do the same especially in this world.... and just because I forgive you, does not mean the door is open to my friendship again, it just means move on and leave me to try and do what I can to heal the wounds i just received.
 

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This is a very cool thread. I resonate with quite a lot of what I've read. Here's my list, strictly applicable only to myself of course, and what it might be helpful for friends and family, or potential friends, to know about me....

1. I require meaning in my life. Where I find it I will be passionate.

2. I require depth in my life. In a generalized sense I disdain shallowness--in people, in ideas. Where I find particular depth of meaning I'm particularly disdainful and reactive to a perception of shallowness, or simply bored and/or impatient.

3. I think of beauty as a guide to value. I have a rich, not a sentimental, understanding of beauty that includes tragedy, joy, change and shadow.

4. I have a narrative sense of understanding. I often think in terms of beginnings, middles, ends, development, themes, symbols and particularly metaphor. I'm fascinated with physical and intellectual origins and evolution. I believe an understanding of the past gives a fuller understanding of the present and a better center from which to visualize the future. I have a strong fascination with and inclination to imagine possible developments and directions.

5. The appeal of metaphor is easily linked to a strong spirituality. I find truth in all religions. Archetypal pyschology is fascinating to me.

6. I have a strong inclination to communicate in writing where I can capture and order all of the many elements that are a part of whatever story/idea/feeling I'm dealing with.

7. I'm extremely empathic and intuitive. I feel that I intuit other people's emotional states well. This doesn't mean that I'm willing or able to act on that information, but it does mean that I'm a confidant in many of my personal relationships. It also means that I have a small circle of close friends, because I'm easily burdened with my intuitive/empathic information and the demands that puts upon me emotionally, and I need to limit that. I track social cues and nuance with a keen awareness. I get "vibes" about people, I base decisions on my gut feeling about them, and I feel very confident in doing so. I remember this stuff. For a long time.

8. I idealize love and sex. I want connection and intimacy in my relationships, which is just another way to say that I require depth in my closest relationship--as much as I can get. I'm much more interested in connection and relationship in sex than I am about mere self gratification. Making my lover happy is very important. My lover will be the focus of intense energy as the closest, most intimate relationship that I have. There are significant upsides and downsides to this intensity both for myself and my lover.

9. I contain a lot of variety in my head. I want, in some strange way, to be in touch with everything. I can find a way to relate to anything authentic, as long as it doesn't involve inflicting pain without consent.

10. I'm intense, in a quiet sort of way. But not always. 1-9 are where the weight of my tendencies reside, but in reading what I've just written, it sounds a bit uptight. I do have my buttons that will result in an eruption of intensity. But I enjoy a good slapstick comedy or lowbrow joke too--see specifically #9. I'm very tolerant, which is easy to mistake as easygoing. There's a very big difference.
 

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1. Don't come into my space unless invited - your presence is an invasion. I'm sorry, it's true. And if you are invited in, please bring only goodness with you. The world overwhelms me, I don't need you adding to it. (Again, apologies, but BY GOD I would like to speak the truth for once, freely).

2. I loathe small talk - this may be an introvert stereotype, but I want to go so deep I never come up for intellectual air. Female circumcision in other countries? Go. Quasars? Go. Immune systems being an subliminal indicator of human attraction? Go. What is your biggest regret? Tell me. Why? Do you want to learn more about Physalia physalis? So do I. And so on.

3. I seek understanding in all things. I am not a man, thus I want to see how they think and interpret the world. I am single, so I want to see how others can surrender self to exist interdependently while still simultaneously remaining independent, and so on.

4. I hold more happiness and joy than is possible for me to contain, and also the corresponding despair and depression. NO< I am not bipolar, I just am an open conduit to all that surrounds me, and @emerald sea called it accurately, "ambient emotion."

5. I fantasize about the future, all the time. Yes, I know this is weird. But I do. LOOK at what's come about in only the last two decades = can you even imagine where we'll be 20 years from now????!!

6. Improving the world in a tangible way is a unrelenting spur constantly digging into my psyche. I am not able to relax and the only time I did so was with an ENTP> he made me forget everything but him, and I am speaking about time spent with him - emotional as well as physical.

7. Little things are the best. They mean the most, and they can't be substituted. Big things? eh. I am more impressed by a casual action than the most plotted out activity. For example, I was sent a photo by someone (I think they took the shot because they knew what I liked) that forgot it promptly after sending it. I cherish the photo months later because it is perfect for me.

8. INFJs hold sensuality in reserve, and when it's unleashed, it's insane. I live in my head, and when an ENTP put me in my flesh... Is it any wonder that I'm now addicted?

9. ART AND LEARNING ARE EVERYTHING. I would rather have a book than food.

10. Treat me well, and I will give you everything.
 

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INFJ (2W1)

1. God comes first! I'm doing my best to be the best person I can be. I want to spend all my time with those who are on this same journey, and none of my time with those who aren't. (When I say this, I mean I want good influences in my life, I am not saying I don't accept sinners, because I am one)

2. I'm very loving, caring and I want to help you! All I ask is that you don't take advantage of this because I really hate to have those awkward conversations about how you're supposed to treat me. So I may 'disown' you altogether to avoid the conflict, ending the madness and emotional discomfort.

3. I'm socially awkward. I love people with a passion I don't think anyone I know can relate to, but I just don't know how to address it without coming off too strong. So I'll stay a good distance away because starting a conversations usually leads to me into 'deep mode' which most people can't relate to.

4. When I do cry, I like to cry in private. Especially if you're not a good comforter.

5. When I ask you to leave me alone, take my word for it. Sometimes I just need time to bring myself to a solution based on the people and personalities involved.

6. I really just want to be adored. I give a lot of myself to people and I just want to be appreciated not for what I do for you, but for who I am. With all my strengths and weaknesses, all my creative talent and all my silly quirks. I just want people to soak up the best from me while appreciating that I have it to offer them. may people will use you, take and soak up all you have. Only to leave you dry, without love and feeling alone. I don't want to be made to feel like that. Use me and love me, or don't use me at all.

7. True, I'm very abstract but highly underestimated. I may live in the clouds but I'm extremely smart and understand quite a lot. As a matter of a fact, I have a way about fixing and putting pieces of the puzzle together in such a way that people compliment my way of doing things all the time. But when a person knows me for my 'head in the clouds' side, they tend to underestimate my ability to be so much more than that. This bothers me a lot.

8. I don't like to be restrained from being positive. I don't want to be restricted from living a fulfilling life. I need love, and if you're the type of person that stops me from experiencing that love, I will resent you for aiding in me being unhealthy and tuning cold towards the world.

9. People I absolutely love can never be replaced. If you're in my life, and I have accepted you in a deep way (you'll know) you will more than likely have my heart forever. No matter what you do, it could never change it. This shouldn't be questioned, because 9 times out of 10 I've thought long and hard about rather I can commit to you unconditionally, and there's few people I can promise this to.

10. I'm an analyzer. I'm a feeler no doubt, but my thought process is cold blooded. I am a psychologist by nature, I know why you scratched your head, moved your leg or tuck your hands under your legs. I also see when a person is in a state of embarrassment, uncomfortable, lying or feeling vain. (and pretty much any other emotion you can think of) However I tend to say 'innocent before proven guilty' so I may have a hard time knowing if you're scheming me because of my strong loving ability. But I would never tell you that if you knew me in person.

 

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Discussion Starter #56
Dear INFJ's (and more specifically, anyone who has posted within this thread).

I would very much like to use the material in this thread for a personal project of sorts, to keep me busy. I will not be copy/pasting or using names or anything skeezy. Rather, I'd like to look to the thread more closely for inspiration and I am hoping that no one will have a problem with that.

PM me with any concerns and/or paranoia :p


Consider this thread officially bumped. :tongue:

You may post any additions if you desire to do so.
 

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5. I'm very forgiving. VERY forgiving. But it is Super HARD for me to forgive unless someone vocally recognizes it. I do not want to be a "nag" and be a horrible person bringing up mistakes. Just that, I feel minimized if people think I can read their emotions of regret etc, and assume that should be enough.
(maybe this is a fault of mine, idk ...)
I agree with all of this and especially #5! (Probs because this is very relevant for me right now!) I need someone to acknowlege that they've made a mistake otherwise I continue to feel slighted, and the air between us continues to be thick.

My natural inclination is to brush things under the rug and just be extra nice to make up for a mistake I've made to someone else, but knowing how this passive "apology" makes me feel, I make a concerted effort to apologize directly for any slight I've made against someone else (and I try to do it in person). I would appreciate the same from others. It's uncomfortable, but it's a skill that can be developed and gets easier with practice.
 

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Discussion Starter #58
I agree with all of this and especially #5! (Probs because this is very relevant for me right now!) I need someone to acknowlege that they've made a mistake otherwise I continue to feel slighted, and the air between us continues to be thick.
well this right here is essentially what I said. >.<

I need people to acknowledge it even though I can feel their apology. I hope that made sense.

And PLEASE .. even if it's redundant ...

I'm hoping for more posts here because I am hoping to pick out the commonalities and other patterns for a project I'm writing. whenever you have time if you are comfortable sharing of course! :kitteh:
 

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well this right here is essentially what I said. >.<
Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to "clarify" what you said or otherwise suggest that what you said was difficult to follow. I guess I just wanted to share the same sentiment in my own words, particularly because I felt I needed to use "acknowledge" in my description of the feeling. It just encapsulates the source of my frustration of someone I know that I wanted to express.
 

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Discussion Starter #60
Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to "clarify" what you said or otherwise suggest that what you said was difficult to follow. I guess I just wanted to share the same sentiment in my own words, particularly because I felt I needed to use "acknowledge" in my description of the feeling. It just encapsulates the source of my frustration of someone I know that I wanted to express.

no. It's okay!

I'm just hoping you might like to express 9 other things too ;)

no pressure :p lol!
 
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