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As someone else said, this list is more going to pertain to me, instead of INFJs at large.

(Sorry for the jumbo amount of text--I tried separating each number with color. I Hope that's easier on the eyes?)

01: I'm not a fan of talking about myself, so writing a list of ten things is kind of hard!

02: I find a lot of beauty in symmetry. I believe it is because symmetry offers an idea of "patterns" and "structures" which I thoroughly enjoy. For instance, I went back and added a zero before each number just so it could match the last ten--because I thought it looked prettier. :p

03: Continuing on of beauty, I really enjoy nature the most. I love the water puckering up against the sand while the wind turns trees into professional entertainers. There is actually a nice, quiet road that is paved in pebbles and runs along the water and weaves into the forest. It's my favorite place here.

04: Now that some of the cutesy stuff is out of the way: People exhaust me to no end. They do it so frequently that I resist ever going out, because I know what the result will be. So if you really want to hang out with me, you need to make plans with me a week in advance when I feel refreshed. This way I will most likely say yes, and you will be able to make me stick to my word when that day comes and I don't want to go. xD Because even if I don't want to hang out, that doesn't mean I won't have a good time when the time comes. ;) I'm hard to understand, I know. Sometimes I'm still trying to figure my patterns out.

05: I'm easily a panic-induced individual. I may not show it, and at the time I may be acting secure, but truth be told, I'm thinking about the next project--the next presentation--money--when I'll get my next alone time--my future--will I do well in my future career--should I change before wasting my college years on something I'm not good at--will no one like me saturday when I have to hang out with a lot of people I dont know; will my one friend ultimately abandon me for the other people--damn, someone is calling me...is it something I don't want to hear? :dry: haha. So, if you're close to me, try to pick up the subtle signs. While most people who say, "Yeah...man I have to present to my class next week. I'm not looking forward to that. So! Anything on TV?" are just making small talk, when an INFJ (or I) say it, we are actually scared and are hoping you might pick it up so you could start a conversation around it.

06: Which leads into a very important point: We do not like looking inferior, stupid, or weak. While this goes without saying with every single person, INFJs have a hard time rebounding from those situations. We'd give the world if we were able to joke our way out of it, but our feelings get hurt too fast before we have no control over them. :crying: So please don't put us in that situation. If we are ever in a group, there is no sure fire way to make us shut up and never say a word during the whole outing than belittling us in front of people. I recently got to experience this--one of my good friends did it kind of on accident. It's that whole "group" mentality, and to be funny, she made a joke at my expenses. I didn't say much after that. :)

07: I don't know about most INFJs, but I have a hard time fully expressing myself in verbal words. I can't focus on what I want to say, and when I'm talking to someone in person, I'm pushed out of my head, making it even harder to think, and I'm more focused on the person than I am on myself. So I have a hard time with articulating. However, none of that applies to writing. One reason why I really love the online world is that I can express myself extremely easily due to everything being in written word. It gives me time to pause and thing. Yet, in person, I feel pressured to speak fast because I just want to get everything out so I can fade back into the background--I believe people don't want to hear what I want to say. Even if they don't even think that.

Thus, if you could, when talking with an INFJ one-on-one, verbally tell them, "Okay, sit, breath, and think--then say it." Let them know you are willing to wait for their brain to come up with the best thing to say. It will make the relationship that much more enjoyable for the both, because we want to express everything to you in person.


08: Please don't surprise us. If we come home to a surprise party, you will see a smile, but I guarantee we aren't smiling on the inside. If you are in a relationship with an INFJ, it is always nice to do little surprises here and there, but make sure the surprise involves just the two of you. We don't like the words, "SURPRISE, WE ARE GOING TO A CROWDED CONCERT IN 10 MINUTES! GET READY!"

If you are a person who loves the crowded scene, let the INFJ be the one to surprise you with that so they can prepare, while you surprise them with an intimate one-on-one time.


09: If you have a hard time decrypting things, you will have a hard time with your INFJ. We spill our emotions in code. We use massive amounts of metaphor and images to convey our emotions. There are even times when we use metaphors that we aren't even sure correlate with how we feel--we just like the metaphor. :p Prepare yourself for that.

We all claim we want to be understood, but in truth, we don't want to be understood. We don't want you to know our entire world. That scares us a little, which is why we speak in code. Instead, we want you to want to know us. We want you want to decode us.

We want you want us.

Out of all of our selfless actions, that is our most selfish one. We're an ISFJ in that way. :crazy:


10: And to end on a positive note, INFJs are incredibly passionate. If you want us to run away, belittle our passion or question it. It will work wonders. I don't care if their passion is being a doctor, teacher, writer, lawyer, collector, video game player, movie water, or bug observer. If the passion belongs to an INFJ, it will be a powerful.

Also, if you really want an INFJ to open up, express your same interest for their passion, and then be quite. Let them talk about it, because trust me, they will talk for hours about their passion. We don't say much, but trick us into talking about that, and you will learn a lot from them in mere minutes.
 

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1. I’m sorry if I can’t tell you what you or our relationship really means to me. It can be difficult to convey my true feelings without coming off as either cool and unaffected or inappropriately intense. So I’ll select the former or just say nothing.

2. Please tell me how much you appreciate what I do. I love helping people, but if you don’t express appreciation or gratitude for, what I sometimes consider, a huge effort to make your life as convenient and as easy as possible, I’ll soon come to resent you. However, I’ll likely never tell you because I can’t point to one incident or moment that I’m particularly angry about. It’d be so nebulous, it’d seem petty to confront you, combined with the fact that these are most likely voluntary acts of assistance, it’d feel wrong to make you feel guilty for an unexpressed expectation. And yet, I’ll still feel compelled to make those extra efforts.

3. I can’t stand genuine mean-spiritedness. It’s so ugly to me. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t like sarcasm, or playfully making fun of people on a show, or enjoy watching a good prank! These types of fun “at someone else’s expense” still has a degree of insincerity behind it that separates it from pure maliciousness.

4. I didn’t really consider myself secretive, until I realized how little people really knew about me. However, please know this isn’t actually a conscious effort to hide who I am from you. I just don’t volunteer “irrelevant” information unless someone wants to know something specifically. You just have to ask the right question, and you’ll get a direct and truthful answer. It’s not that I don’t want you to know; I just don’t think you need to. If you don’t need to know, why would I tell you? You might think I have some motivation in telling you something (maybe I want you to share something equally personal, etc.). I don’t want you to think I have these motivations so I’ll just refrain from telling you without having been asked. However, I always want to be as authentic and genuine as possible, and thus will never refuse to answer a direct question honestly.

5. To serious types, I hope you don’t mistake my bubbly, easy-going and lighthearted banter as airheaded-ness. I think you do, and it’s annoying, but really, I don’t know you well enough to use other method of communication. It’s just my way of helping you to feel I’m approachable, non-judgmental, and hope you walk away from the conversation emotionally unencumbered. If I were more serious, I’d worry that you’d think there was a reason I was being serious just around you.

6. We might not have had the best interactions together, but I hope you know that when I say I hope you find someone who makes you happy, you know that I mean it. This is for friends, colleagues, lovers: I might feel jaded the way things worked out, and it may help my ego to know that you couldn’t find a person as good as me to fulfill all your expectations, but I don’t honestly want that for you. Just because I couldn’t be all that you needed, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have that, and I genuinely hope you find what you’re looking for. Please don’t think I’m being insincere or have unkind motivations. I want you to understand that you and others too are capable removing your own emotions from a situation and wish the person better. It can help to restore one faith in, and maybe even expectations for, humanity.

7. Sometimes I’m not always interested in what you’re saying and kind of wish I could go back to doing my thing before you interrupted me. I’m really sorry, and I’m trying better to make sure I’m present for everything you’re telling me.

8. If I do open up to you by volunteering delicate information about myself, please acknowledge your appreciation for me telling you that, and, for the love of God, don’t interrupt me while I’m talking. Also, this might not be the time to try to relate to me by sharing a similar experience: it may sound like “one-upping” or like you’re trying to take away the importance of what I’m sharing. I will likely never open up to you again if you offend me while I volunteer this sense of my deeper self (as providing a sincere answer to a direct question).

9. If you try to make small talk with me and I answer in short sentences, I’m very sorry if it makes you feel like I’m brushing you off. I’m not! It makes me anxious as I try to come up with something to say that is both entertaining, continues the conversations, and doesn’t sound like I’m rejecting your efforts to be congenial and social. I might not like small talk, but I appreciate that it’s your way of relieving my (imagined) tension caused by silence.

10. If you ask my opinion on something I will always be honest but never blunt. To be blunt is to provide an unnecessarily unkind delivery. I equally appreciate directness and honesty, but it should always be delivered with tact. Anything else strikes me unnecessary and thus, mean-spirited.

Side note: Burning question: what do other people/personality types think about all day, I wonder? Like many other INFJs, I spend most of my day either thinking of things that I have to do (and planning my actions accordingly), am investigating some new interest online and getting lost in rabbit holes, or am thinking up imaginary scenarios and conversations in my head (mostly involving me and people listening/appreciating my all-knowing wisdom, lol). If you’re not doing that, what do you think about during the day?
 

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Man, only 10 things? I don't think that is near enough bullet points to fully express what all of us really want. I guess I'll give it a try.

1) The most important thing we want others to understand that it is not appreciation that we seek or any kind of thanks given, but to let others know that there is such a thing as unconditional love in this world and hopefully they let it flow from their hearts. That it is not that we see ourselves superior to everyone else but that the only way we can actively communicate ourselves is through our actions. We are the type that follow the motto of lead by example.

2) That neither side of any argument is inherently right or wrong. We will come off as a devil's advocate in most moral/ethical debates. This is not to be taken as a motive that we enjoy doing it, but that we are simply trying to get you to see that right and wrong are an entirely subject and objective analysis. It boils down to our love of symmetry and how we innately see all sides of any topic to be equally true. Fanaticism is down right scary to me and must help fight against it.

3) Don't ever gossip, shit-talking behind backs(I consider it acceptable for friends or good collegues but only when they are present to give it back), and any sense of betrayal will be taken very seriously. If your someone that just consently only ever talks about how other people are useless or worthless(expectantly when it is someone I deeply care for) then all respect is lost and will never be given back. That kind of constant negativism will rapidly drain our energy supply and kill us for the rest of the day.

4) Since we strongly feel exactly what your feeling, at all times, and have to learn to cope with it, plus figure out our own emotional state, does not mean that we will be your consistent punching bag. We don't mind helping you talk yourself through it or at least listen to what you have to say but when you start to take out your emotions on us will you see us turn the coldest anyone has ever been, but you'll never know because we hide it with a smile. If the abuse still persists, after we try and remove ourselves, will you see the scariest thing on this planet, an angry INFJ. In the course of over 2 minutes you will have felt an anger that has no limits and anymore more pushing will put us past our control limit and action will be swift and painful. I use to feel a since of shame when these moments happen but have long stopped when I realized that anger is my real driving force in my emotional state.

5) Learn to accept that we are very independent people that sometimes gives off a dependent vibes to give you some way to actually show that we do care. Where just oddly, independently dependent people that just does what feels right to them. You can't control us or try and force us into something we don't care about or want to do but do love to find those people that will help us to engage in new experiences and ideas. We don't mind to follow on occasion if it fits with what we see as true but once you start to force any kind of control or manipulate us will we push far away. We are very particular on giving our own selves a sense of meaning or purpose, or else we would have shot ourselves already and been done with that miserable existence.

6) Just remember that INFJ's are like ogre's. We are composed of multiple layers of walls that only come down a few times in our entire lives. If your willing to stick with us for that long then you will come to see the child like innocence that we still harbor deep down. You'll finally understand who we are at the core and become dazzled by its purity.

7)-10) BLah blah blah blah! I grow tired of talking about myself now so this will have to be considered 4 bullet points. The real reason that we seldomly talk about ourselves is that we tend to see ourselves as boring. We already understand ourselves in degrees no other type could compare with. Ni and Ti does enough talking about ourselves to ourselves that we use other people as an escape from having to keep hearing about ourselves from ourselves. This is when we become dependent of others is when we need to start our natural ego-centric inner monologue long enough to hopefully find a new idea or some problem that needs solved. I couldn't ever become a hermit because I would get to the point that I would just start writing and without anything to break the writing up I would become lost in finding the right way to explain myself to people that don't matter.
 

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Just don't pretend to be who you're not, that's just going to piss me off. That's all any MB type has to remember about me.

If you're a Type A, egotistical jerk who gets off on jerking people around, don't come near me because you will regret it. Life is too short to deal with egotistical jerks and frankly, I'm not going to - I have better things to do with my time.

My family is important to me. You F*ck with them, you will DIE. And that is no joke. I am Japanese (Canadian). We're big on the revenge thing. The safety of my family is worth going to jail for.

 
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I love my space. Keep it that way or I'll fence myself in and you could never talk to me again!!!

If anyone hurts the people I love, I won't hesitate to nip your ass right back. (Don't try it because I've done it before.)

Silence is golden. Literally, when I'm silent, I want to stay silent. It is my golden time.

I'm complicated. So what? Don't make fun of me for it. Anyways, it's complexity that makes us unique and intelligent. If you rather be boring, fine by me.

Most of the time we won't manipulate. We love y'all so accept our help! It makes us feel bad when you don't.

:)It's not ten but close enough
 

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I love my space. Keep it that way or I'll fence myself in and you could never talk to me again!!!
One of the best things about my wife (INFJ) too is that she instinctively knows when I need my space, unlike with some other MBTI types which you have to put up a big flashing neon sign.
 

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(I posted this in another thread, figured it'd be effective here too).

1. When your revelations are overpowering.

2. When you begin to truly see just what is inside another person's mind throughout a relationship, any kind of relationship.

3. When you're trying to figure out another person's thought process.

4. When your quiet forcefulness feels like it's not forceful enough to the other person's eye.

5. When music brings out the most of you inside, quietly, intensely.

6. When you realize your actions caused someone harm negatively and discreetly change your ways if it's going to cause the world unnecessary suffering.

7. When you realize your questioning behavior allows you to learn so much about a person and they don't even need to give you a direct answer.

8. When you rather a stranger study you than explain yourself because explaining yourself burns you out quickly.

9. When you rather someone do research on you instead of giving up on understanding you.

10. When it feels like nobody will ever understand you because you are in doubt in what seems like forever.
 

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1. If I strike up a conversation with you and rant on, please just say something. I find this silence awkward as heck and would rather go out of my comfort zone and speak than allow it to continue. I'm not an extrovert, I just can't stand the tense atmosphere!

2. Please don't be confused when I'm talkative (kind of) with one group and completely silent with another. Honestly, I'm a pathetic coward. I don't like being around people I don't know well. It makes me uncomfortable, and to avoid hurting other people's feelings and telling them that I just don't say anything.

3. I'm not really emotionless, and to an extent I DO care what you think of me. However, I take criticism seriously in an attempt to better myself. Just because I didn't scream at you when you told me I was too ____ didn't mean I was ignoring you, I was trying to figure out when I did that and how to remedy the situation!

4. If we were getting along fine one day and I get quiet again the next or don't come over to talk, chances say I'm not angry with you. Even worse, I'm starting to really get close to you. Again, I'm a coward, and feeling close to someone new scares me because I'm afraid that person does not feel the same way. I need time to sort things out, or if you just ask me what's up... I'm not ditching you, I need a moment and lost my Twix

5. Speaking of sarcasm, I'm really very sarcastic. I try to keep it lighthearted but some people can't stand sarcasm or cheesy puns at all. If I offend you, please just tell me! If you are confused about why I was uber polite one day and being playful and sarcastic the next, I just got comfortable with you. That's really all there is to it!

6. I get tense when you hug me. It doesn't mean I don't like you, I'm just not used to physical affection. If you'll promise to take it slow and not be all over me constantly, I will promise to stop being so worried. Eventually I'll even be willing to randomly glomp you. Why? Because you need a hug, I actually want to too, and because the look on your face when I initiate contact will be freaking hilarious and then you won't be upset anymore!

7. You've heard "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? It takes a lot to make me angry, but I'm not a doormat. If you don't want to be around me anymore, tell me in plain terms. If you betray my trust you're going to have a problem. Same thing for hurting those that I have managed to trust.

8. I am not an airhead. Yes, I am weird, I am clumsy, and I am often lost in my own world. However, there is a lot going on in my mind. Stick around for a bit and I'm willing to bet I'll pop off with something that really makes you think.

9. Please don't feel offended if I brush off a compliment or refuse to sing your favorite song with you. What is this "self confidence" of which you speak? You can't really build my confidence either, many have tried and all it does is make The Awkward grow stronger.

10. No, I am not psychic and I did not need to stalk you to figure out you just went to the pool. I know something's bothering you because of your body language. Also, you are soaked and your pool pass is hanging from your pocket... It is possible to be observant and still have no sense of direction!
 

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If i am quiet in a group of people...i am not upset and something is not bothering me:) I am completely content but feel free to ask me a question i will be excited to answer.
Also if i forget something it is not cause i don't care...i am just so stuck in my head im unaware so please let me know and ill get right on it:)
 

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1) I'm a very quiet person. Often if someone thinks they know me they will insist that I'm not (it just shows how fundamentally incorrect they are). I may seem quiet and aloof when I don't know you, or we might chat a little bit if i do know you, but it is when I'm truly comfortable around you I can sit in silence for hours and enjoy your company even if we've nothing to say, sometimes I wish people would remember that when they make assumptions. It really is enough sometimes just to be in the same room as people I truly care about.

Though, I can talk for hours and hours if you engage me in an interesting conversation or if I'm really passionate about something. I'm a paradox, deal with it! :tongue:

2) I do come across as being completely serious when we aren't close, but similar to my previous point, if I'm close to you, I can be silly, I do like to make jokes! I love to laugh and smile just like everyone else. All I do is smile most of the time. You just have to be there to notice it.

3) I'm particularly selfless. If it comes to me needing something and someone I love needing something, they'll get what they need first regardless. I often give to people in so many ways and they don't even know it. Don't ever call me selfish unless you want me to revert back into myself and shut you out. I'm not conceited, sometimes it's nice to be appreciated. (but i will always feel guilty for wishing for acknowledgement! again paradoxical!)
4) Unless we're really close, please respect my personal space! :bored:

5) I'm a very forgiving person. I don't believe in carrying pain or anger around, it's bad for the mind and soul. However, if you did something extremely bad, I will forgive you, there are no hard feelings from me, but you will be 'let go'.

6) I can already feel and sense what kind of person you are within seconds of us meeting, whether you like it or not, I see you! :tongue:

7) You can tell me all about you, I don't mind. I can listen for hours!

8) You can tell me anything and it will stay between us. People have the habit of telling me things that are nothing to do with me, but I'll keep it to myself. You can tell me little details about yourself that you won't remember telling me, but I will remember them.

9)I don't like to debate about ideals and such. Don't mock mine and I won't mock yours. We have completely different minds and ideas and I'm totally fine with that. We can talk, we can converse, but I don't like heated debate. If I wanted to be told that I'm wrong all the time I'd probably have had that conversation with myself in my head a million times before you even think about it:tongue:

10) I have very high tolerance and patience when it comes to myself but annoy, upset, or unsettle my loved ones at your own RISK. Just saying.

11) Hurt or abuse animals or nature or even joke about it, I'll door slam you faster than you can imagine. Nature (as well as my mind) is my happy place. Respect it accordingly!
 

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  1. I am me.
  2. I am me.
  3. I am me.
  4. I am me.
  5. I am me.
  6. I am (still) me.
  7. I am a million different people from one day to the next.
  8. I am myself again.
  9. I try to be the best 'me' I can be.
  10. Want to get to know 'me'? Look harder…
 

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These are real examples from my life. I may not be able to give 10:

1. At work - You didn't tell me to do it, so I DIDN'T. I'm working for YOU and go by YOUR rules.

2. In past relationship with ENTP - If you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't do anything about it.

3. To "friends" - I'm sorry I'm almost never around, but I don't do it because I don't like you. I'm trying to figure things out on my own.

4. To ENFJ dad (who wasn't around for a long time beforehand) - Maybe if you would STOP CALLING ME for a fucking minute, I'd come to you when I was ready.

5. To mom who I strongly suspect is ESTJ (very overbearing imo) - Nobody is asking you to do things for me. I'd do them on my own, and on my own time.

6. To strangers I have not yet spoken to - If you'd just come up to me, you'd see that I'm not nearly as "scary" as I look.

7. To the government - I think your job is useless.

8. To myself - I really wish you'd stop being so confusing.

9. To many sensors - You should think more before you do or say things, because I highly doubt it's as hard to accept others as you're making it.

10. To mom, again - Sorry, but I wish I'd never had to live with you.

...11. To any advice givers - You're wasting your time. If I haven't decided it for myself first, I damn sure will not take it from you.
 

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1. We care deeply about people. We can't not feel what others in our direct vicinity are feeling; it's a reflex as natural as when your leg kicks out when the doctor strikes your knee with a reflex hammer. It is instinctive to respond to relieve negative emotion. When physically adjacent to others, or emotionally knit with them out of concern or out of real friendship, it is impossible to shut off feeling what they are feeling ~ the vibes infiltrate us and we experience the feelings in a way almost as if they were our own. When someone feels emotional pain, we feel struck with emotional pain. When someone feels angry, we feel it in the air. When someone feels critical, we sense the judgmental spirit. When someone lies, we sense the tension buildup and vibes associated with that. When someone is holding a grudge against us, we can feel it even if they deny it or pretend friendly feelings towards us.

Relational tension makes our muscles tight. Conflict settings are thick with negative emotions - and we feel every one of them and end up emotionally exhausted afterwards, which wears us down physically to the point of severe stress and fatigue. This makes us averse to conflict. There is nothing in us that is incapable of being direct or aggressive or that is afraid of conflict (although core 9s may be averse due to comfort). Fe holds us back most of the time from venting what we'd like to say or acting in line with our own negative emotions, because Ni predicts and is fully aware of how these things could affect others emotionally. We just have to limit engagement in conflict for physical reasons, and tend only to engage where we deem it really necessary or potentially profitable (in the long term or short term) in terms of getting a solution or forging peace, because it's inevitable that we will physically suffer for engaging in it afterwards, and our social life will suffer as well. So we don't feel very happy about people who try to pull us into unnecessary conflict or introduce disharmony by constantly starting fights.

We can sense another's emotion sometimes before the other person even realizes what they are feeling, and it is a physical AND emotional sensation. We can't just "not let it get to us," there is no on/off switch for an involuntary function.

You have no idea how emotions affect us, or how ambient emotions wear us out. So we are going to disappear off the planet sometimes just to try to get away from ambient feelings and be able to recover physical energy again. That means we may take a while replying to your messages when in that state, we may not return your calls or texts, we may turn down invitations to socialize together (which means sometimes they can pile up and we can get very behind for long periods of time even after we are back to socializing). That doesn't mean anything in our attitude has changed towards you or that we are not still friends just like before.

When you assume that something is wrong in the relationship because we temporarily disappeared, or aren't constantly available to communicate/socialize, or didn't reply in a timely manner, it only makes us more exhausted and makes it physically tiring for us to be your friend. We aren't going to be available to socialize all the time because we physically don't have the resources to do so, because our bodies wear out so fast from the experience of ambient emotion...not because we have any lack of love towards you.

2. Most of what we do that people don't understand - or criticize - is motivated by protectiveness towards those we care about, or an attempt to restore positive emotion where someone is experiencing emotional pain (sometimes it takes confrontation to stop someone from hurting someone else).

It costs us to be this way and sometimes it feels like a nightmare but we can't stand to watch people alone and hurting. Remember, as long as their pain exists, we feel it, and there is an instinctive reaction to do something to take it away.

3. Whatever you think I am, I can probably be the opposite of it, given the right set of circumstances. And this doesn't mean I have changed - I have always been that way - different circumstances bring out different, actually contradictory, sides of me. The best word for an INFJ is "oxymoron," our personalities have many facets, many of which seem incongruous with one another.

4. If you think you understand us, there's a 99% chance you don't. If you think you don't understand us, there's a 1% chance you're wrong. Please don't misinterpret that as a snarky comment, I'm just trying to say what the typical experience of an INFJ is - and those are percentages taken from my life experience. Most people in my life think they know some things about me. Approximately 1% of them tend to get it right, or see me as I actually am, or ascribe what are actually my real motives to the choices I make.

The rest get it wrong, but they also tend to feel very sure about it even though it's wrong - until by being myself I end up confusing them. And we never "change to throw people off the track" who have figured us out; if you think we're doing that, it's just because you never had us accurately figured out in the first place. We want to be understood so we try to portray ourselves accurately.

So assume at your own risk. xD

5. You are violating sacred territory if you encroach on our privacy. Please don't ask us personal questions or push us to reveal more than we are ready. Let us volunteer the information if/when we want you to know it.

It's okay to say 'what's wrong?' to express concern (at least I don't mind that, some people may). But don't probe about private things in our personal lives or for deep explanations of our personal thoughts or drives or vulnerabilities. Stay with neutral topics, talk about yourself, talk about the emotional effects of things on people. and until we know you very well, when you ask about us, don't make it deeply personal (stay with stuff like, how are you? or how is that [insert situation or problem we're experiencing that we told you about] going...or how are you feeling about it? (i'm concerned about you - and be emotionally supportive) or books we're reading or our hobbies or our job, etc.). If we confide anything to you, keep it between us alone or we might never share any information with you again.

@Ningsta Kitty, we understand you by the experience of being INFJs ourselves. we know what it is like to be completely misunderstood. we know how it feels to hurt and feel very alone. we don't want you to go through all that. we are here for you and you can vent to us, and we will do whatever we can to let you know you are understood and loved. :)
Not sure if you will ever see this reply or are still a member but wow, what insight. My mind is completely blown.
 
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