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Sometimes the relationships we have with ourselves can be love/hate ones. It's our own "skin," abstractly speaking, the whole inescapable perspective through which we experience the world. And in that world, there of course are things for each personality which we naturally have that make that experience wonderful and likewise others that can be a pain in the butt.

So what are ten things that are a part of you as an INFJ which you sort of really hate sometimes? And if you want to go deeper, how have you worked with them towards an overall happier experience of your INFJ-lensed world?


I'll go first (these are not in a particular order):

• I idealize things and people way too easily in the albeit fairly infrequent times they make strong impressions on me, and it can become very challenging to get beyond that idealized view which can hinder a more realistic view
• I have an annoyingly hard time just accepting those times when what I'm feeling might not make "sense;" I hate not being able to know what a problem is and "do" something about perhaps too much for my own good at times
• I can obsess over things a little much sometimes
• I love some aspects of my sensitivity, but there are plenty of times when the world is just too darn overwhelming and noisy and people-y, you know?
• I have this sometimes intense love/hate thing with "feelings," sometimes really favoring pushing them completely away, too much so to be balanced really, and other times falling into overwhelm
• I can be too all in or all out
• I can sometimes lean towards being a bit of a snob, especially around matters of taste and aesthetics
• sometimes I just think way too much about stuff
• indecision/overthinking again
• I sometimes shut people out when I most need them because overwhelm just makes me naturally go to closing off the outer world more and more

I haven't really fixed any of these things:happy:


Your turn!! :)
 

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  1. I will never encapsulate the masculine stereotype that society directs me to be - In short I will never be overly assertive and domineering simply to make my presence known, Nor will I ever match the motivation
    and ambition that many men exhibit in order to achieve their goals.
  2. I will always struggle to showcase my true personality and will hide a majority of it when first getting to know someone - This ensures that I cannot make the best first impression that could potentially draw people to me and instead I have to resign to the fact that unless I pursue or get pursued it will always be an uphill battle comparative to other guys.
  3. I will always feel emotions intensely and will always be in touch with them - Quite an unfortunate amount of people mistake emotional intensity and sensitivity as a sign of emotional instability because for most people expressing emotion is hard and if they do it's out pouring is a sign of a loss of control. While I had the unfortunate circumstance of being constantly bombarded with intense emotion I have grown accustomed to those experiences and thus can navigate some pretty treacherous waters as a result.
  4. Because my mind has the ability to think in multiple different directions at a time I struggle with focusing on one thing in particular. - This challenges my ability to stay sufficiently motivated in order to accomplish the task I need to do in life.
  5. My high expectations for self are often times reflected with high expectations for others leading to disappointment a lot of times. - This is my own fault and until I learn to lessen it I will constantly be allowing myself to feel dissatisfied.
  6. I struggle with conformity in terms of likes and interests - Thus I am making it all the more difficult for me to find relatable like minded people to enjoy life with.
  7. My empathy at times can cause me to want to push people away - Yet my feeling side functions best when it holds people close creating this opposing push and pull that can wear down the soul.
  8. My thirst for knowledge and understanding of the world can leave me unsatisfied with what I already have before me - This can further compound my demotivation and yield an unnecessarily negative outlook on life.
  9. I yearn so deeply for a meaningful romantic relationship yet I hurt just as deeply when I open myself up to one - I have grown tired of hurting so much and constantly worry about it sealing my fate in lonesomeness or perpetually leading to me breaking, picking up the pieces and moving on again. I essentially have an all or nothing approach because for me to fully seriously commit to one I have to open up to my intense emotion that can burn people to a crisp(or a pile of ash) if I am not careful.
  10. I cannot stand the fact that I struggle with somethings that people find so easy yet find easy some things that people struggle with - It makes my ability to relate to others all the more difficult and life a confusing pile of contradictory feelings.
 

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  1. I will never encapsulate the masculine stereotype that society directs me to be - In short I will never be overly assertive and domineering simply to make my presence known, Nor will I ever match the motivation
    and ambition that many men exhibit in order to achieve their goals.
  2. I will always struggle to showcase my true personality and will hide a majority of it when first getting to know someone - This ensures that I cannot make the best first impression that could potentially draw people to me and instead I have to resign to the fact that unless I pursue or get pursued it will always be an uphill battle comparative to other guys.
  3. I will always feel emotions intensely and will always be in touch with them - Quite an unfortunate amount of people mistake emotional intensity and sensitivity as a sign of emotional instability because for most people expressing emotion is hard and if they do it's out pouring is a sign of a loss of control. While I had the unfortunate circumstance of being constantly bombarded with intense emotion I have grown accustomed to those experiences and thus can navigate some pretty treacherous waters as a result.
  4. Because my mind has the ability to think in multiple different directions at a time I struggle with focusing on one thing in particular. - This challenges my ability to stay sufficiently motivated in order to accomplish the task I need to do in life.
  5. My high expectations for self are often times reflected with high expectations for others leading to disappointment a lot of times. - This is my own fault and until I learn to lessen it I will constantly be allowing myself to feel dissatisfied.
  6. I struggle with conformity in terms of likes and interests - Thus I am making it all the more difficult for me to find relatable like minded people to enjoy life with.
  7. My empathy at times can cause me to want to push people away - Yet my feeling side functions best when it holds people close creating this opposing push and pull that can wear down the soul.
  8. My thirst for knowledge and understanding of the world can leave me unsatisfied with what I already have before me - This can further compound my demotivation and yield an unnecessarily negative outlook on life.
  9. I yearn so deeply for a meaningful romantic relationship yet I hurt just as deeply when I open myself up to one - I have grown tired of hurting so much and constantly worry about it sealing my fate in lonesomeness or perpetually leading to me breaking, picking up the pieces and moving on again. I essentially have an all or nothing approach because for me to fully seriously commit to one I have to open up to my intense emotion that can burn people to a crisp(or a pile of ash) if I am not careful.
  10. I cannot stand the fact that I struggle with somethings that people find so easy yet find easy some things that people struggle with - It makes my ability to relate to others all the more difficult and life a confusing pile of contradictory feelings.
You just encapsulated my life experience in one post. For realsies.
 

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SAY MY NAME
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8,475 Posts
  1. I will never encapsulate the masculine stereotype that society directs me to be - In short I will never be overly assertive and domineering simply to make my presence known, Nor will I ever match the motivation
    and ambition that many men exhibit in order to achieve their goals.
  2. I will always struggle to showcase my true personality and will hide a majority of it when first getting to know someone - This ensures that I cannot make the best first impression that could potentially draw people to me and instead I have to resign to the fact that unless I pursue or get pursued it will always be an uphill battle comparative to other guys.
  3. I will always feel emotions intensely and will always be in touch with them - Quite an unfortunate amount of people mistake emotional intensity and sensitivity as a sign of emotional instability because for most people expressing emotion is hard and if they do it's out pouring is a sign of a loss of control. While I had the unfortunate circumstance of being constantly bombarded with intense emotion I have grown accustomed to those experiences and thus can navigate some pretty treacherous waters as a result.
  4. Because my mind has the ability to think in multiple different directions at a time I struggle with focusing on one thing in particular. - This challenges my ability to stay sufficiently motivated in order to accomplish the task I need to do in life.
  5. My high expectations for self are often times reflected with high expectations for others leading to disappointment a lot of times. - This is my own fault and until I learn to lessen it I will constantly be allowing myself to feel dissatisfied.
  6. I struggle with conformity in terms of likes and interests - Thus I am making it all the more difficult for me to find relatable like minded people to enjoy life with.
  7. My empathy at times can cause me to want to push people away - Yet my feeling side functions best when it holds people close creating this opposing push and pull that can wear down the soul.
  8. My thirst for knowledge and understanding of the world can leave me unsatisfied with what I already have before me - This can further compound my demotivation and yield an unnecessarily negative outlook on life.
  9. I yearn so deeply for a meaningful romantic relationship yet I hurt just as deeply when I open myself up to one - I have grown tired of hurting so much and constantly worry about it sealing my fate in lonesomeness or perpetually leading to me breaking, picking up the pieces and moving on again. I essentially have an all or nothing approach because for me to fully seriously commit to one I have to open up to my intense emotion that can burn people to a crisp(or a pile of ash) if I am not careful.
  10. I cannot stand the fact that I struggle with somethings that people find so easy yet find easy some things that people struggle with - It makes my ability to relate to others all the more difficult and life a confusing pile of contradictory feelings.
That's beautiful. The feels man :sad: I relate
 

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  1. I will never encapsulate the masculine stereotype that society directs me to be - In short I will never be overly assertive and domineering simply to make my presence known, Nor will I ever match the motivation
    and ambition that many men exhibit in order to achieve their goals.
  2. I will always struggle to showcase my true personality and will hide a majority of it when first getting to know someone - This ensures that I cannot make the best first impression that could potentially draw people to me and instead I have to resign to the fact that unless I pursue or get pursued it will always be an uphill battle comparative to other guys.
  3. I will always feel emotions intensely and will always be in touch with them - Quite an unfortunate amount of people mistake emotional intensity and sensitivity as a sign of emotional instability because for most people expressing emotion is hard and if they do it's out pouring is a sign of a loss of control. While I had the unfortunate circumstance of being constantly bombarded with intense emotion I have grown accustomed to those experiences and thus can navigate some pretty treacherous waters as a result.
  4. Because my mind has the ability to think in multiple different directions at a time I struggle with focusing on one thing in particular. - This challenges my ability to stay sufficiently motivated in order to accomplish the task I need to do in life.
  5. My high expectations for self are often times reflected with high expectations for others leading to disappointment a lot of times. - This is my own fault and until I learn to lessen it I will constantly be allowing myself to feel dissatisfied.
  6. I struggle with conformity in terms of likes and interests - Thus I am making it all the more difficult for me to find relatable like minded people to enjoy life with.
  7. My empathy at times can cause me to want to push people away - Yet my feeling side functions best when it holds people close creating this opposing push and pull that can wear down the soul.
  8. My thirst for knowledge and understanding of the world can leave me unsatisfied with what I already have before me - This can further compound my demotivation and yield an unnecessarily negative outlook on life.
  9. I yearn so deeply for a meaningful romantic relationship yet I hurt just as deeply when I open myself up to one - I have grown tired of hurting so much and constantly worry about it sealing my fate in lonesomeness or perpetually leading to me breaking, picking up the pieces and moving on again. I essentially have an all or nothing approach because for me to fully seriously commit to one I have to open up to my intense emotion that can burn people to a crisp(or a pile of ash) if I am not careful.
  10. I cannot stand the fact that I struggle with somethings that people find so easy yet find easy some things that people struggle with - It makes my ability to relate to others all the more difficult and life a confusing pile of contradictory feelings.
Felt like you found my diary and put it on the internet, as i read that .. SO TRUE
 

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Well I was going to say that I struggle to come up with 10 things since there aren't many things I loathe about myself and I try not to hate on aspects about myself because I find it to be unproductive but looks like I came up with more than 10 so I guess I hate myself more than I realized! lol I joke as these are all things I can manage. Overall, I am happy with who I am and the way I think or I probably would have different preferences. It was in good fun writing it all out though.

 

-Mostly things having to do with inferior Se. My control freak tendencies about wanting to physically manifest the things I envision and when that doesn't go as planned - that can be a frustrating/stressful experience for me. This can also make me kind of bitchy/cold towards others and that isn't fair to them.

-My perfectionist/obsessive tendencies over these Se things. It's also sort of a love/hate relationship because at least I'm meticulous?

-Another thing I hate is that I don't have much patience for concrete details. Like if something starts to annoy me about the physical environment - it being chaotic or unorganized, I feel the rage rise up sometimes. It's a stupid reaction. I wish I had more patience for these minute details at times.

-Also has to do with being HSP but it is annoying having a hard time dealing with crowds because I feel overwhelmed about being in the way and moving my body quickly when I rather just focus on other things. This is why I avoid crowds and am basically a vampire because I prefer to go out at night lol.

-Over-empathizing with people and losing myself in the process. Not knowing where I begin and they end. I'd like to think I improve on this as time goes on, however. I used to want to rescue people from their struggles more but now I realize that A. I can't do that and B. even if I could, I'd be robbing them of an important lesson that they probably need to learn.

-Ni-Ti loops and self-doubt. Insecurities surrounding my intelligence. Maybe has more to do with unhealthy 6 tendencies though. I am really hard on myself when i feel like I was accidentally hypocritical in some way. Maybe that's my 1 fix.

-The difficulty that comes with being present when I'm still chewing on some problem in my head that doesn't feel resolved. The tendency to mentally drift and dwell even when I don't want to. Well, I want to do both. I want to be focused on the present but reflect at the same time.

-It's hard for me not to go into problem solving mode when someone comes to me to vent. This is my version of caring but most of the time, people want you to listen and empathize. I feel I've improved on that though with just reflecting back their emotions to them. It's so gosh darn simple but it makes a huge difference. I guess it doesn't occur to me to keep it simple sometimes?

-Getting so lost in the big picture or reading too much into things that sometimes I miss the very obvious.


-When someone asks you how you got from A to Z and you wish you could just instantly transfer your thoughts and feelings to them so you didn't have to spend the energy to back track through how you got there! lol

-My tendencies to become distant at times without meaning to be. I have improved on this by just making more of an effort to reach out when I catch myself withdrawing too much. The irony is, I really crave intimacy so it's unintentional. Just a bad habit.

-Feeling like everyone else is transparent and therefore being paranoid that I'm transparent to everyone else too. Just being too aware of others at times or more that...I worry that I don't do enough for others sometimes or that I came across the wrong way or accidentally gave them the wrong impression and hurt them. But then also feeling resentful towards people when you pick up on their feelings towards you which feel unjustified. The dilemma of wanting to please but frustration that comes when people expect things from you that they shouldn't. I don't know if that makes sense.

-Love/Hate relationship with people.

-Difficulties with being vulnerable and fully letting my guard down. Even though I'm still pretty all or nothing.

-The dilemma of having a limited amount of energy as an introvert and yet wanting to immerse myself into many different people and things. I am forced to be more selective...which I guess isn't the worst thing in the world.

-Worrying that my gaze is too penetrating and stupid stuff like that.
 

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Off the cuff, INFJ things I hate (except when I love them):

--Mind teeming with different perspectives . . . which can find a way to justify anything;

--Empathy staying my hand when I should be giving someone a good drubbing;

--Intensity/thoroughness being too much for people to bear;

--People taking advantage of our non-conflictive graciousness;

--Thinkers thinking we're insane;

--Knowing that our explanations will rarely be understood;

--Being patronized by people who think we're gentle, kind, ... and effete;

--Seeming inconsistent when the inconsistencies are only surface ruffles on an otherwise consistent base that others are too shallow to detect;

--Seeing through innocent deceptions and so hating people for something innocuous;

--Being driven by an urge to help the ungrateful;

and a bonus no. 11:

--Feeling things too deeply.

Yay for us. :frustrating:
 

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- Feeling out of touch with the rest of the world (and your body, for the matter; :smilewoot:inferior Se), unable to open up to others easily, but desperately wanting to connect and belong

 

- At times, not being able to tell what is real or a product of your own imagination. :crazy:

- Thinking about things way too much, and being unable to relax and take it easy

 

- Being too nice to people when what you really want to do is tell them what you truthfully think, but you stop yourself because you know how much it will hurt them

- Knowing what you need to do, and visualizing the future you want for yourself, but not having the energy to do it

- Being a perfectionist, and beating yourself up when you get something wrong! :shocked:

- Feeling responsible for everyone's feelings in your life, and feeling guilty when you let them down, because other people seem to forget that despite your giving nature, you too are human and have limits too

- Being ruled by your emotions, and not having any stable emotional state, because it's influenced by everyone you encounter :dry:

 


- Being disappointed at never reaching your ideal sense of self, place in life, and generally, the direction/progress of humanity; In other words, never being content with things as they are now.

 


- Being thought of as "weird" to more normal people, and then suppressing yourself out of embarrassment and for the sake of others, so that no one knows who you truly are

 

-The struggle between being at the mercy of cultural expectations, yet wanting to live life on your own terms

 


- Being clueless about and bored by the mundane tasks of life, and thinking it takes away from your overarching quest for meaning and enlightenment :tongue:

 
 

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- Feeling out of touch with the rest of the world (and your body, for the matter; :smilewoot:inferior Se), unable to open up to others easily, but desperately wanting to connect and belong

 

- At times, not being able to tell what is real or a product of your own imagination. :crazy:

- Thinking about things way too much, and being unable to relax and take it easy

 

- Being too nice to people when what you really want to do is tell them what you truthfully think, but you stop yourself because you know how much it will hurt them

- Knowing what you need to do, and visualizing the future you want for yourself, but not having the energy to do it
- Being a perfectionist, and beating yourself up when you get something wrong! :shocked:

- Feeling responsible for everyone's feelings in your life, and feeling guilty when you let them down, because other people seem to forget that despite your giving nature, you too are human and have limits too

- Being ruled by your emotions, and not having any stable emotional state, because it's influenced by everyone you encounter :dry:

 


- Being disappointed at never reaching your ideal sense of self, place in life, and generally, the direction/progress of humanity; In other words, never being content with things as they are now.

 


- Being thought of as "weird" to more normal people, and then suppressing yourself out of embarrassment and for the sake of others, so that no one knows who you truly are

 

-The struggle between being at the mercy of cultural expectations, yet wanting to live life on your own terms

 


- Being clueless about and bored by the mundane tasks of life, and thinking it takes away from your overarching quest for meaning and enlightenment :tongue:

 
Those quotes were perfectly selected. I especially relate so much to the first one. :redface-new:

Well done! I don't know if I can come up with anything more perfect.
 

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@mistakenforstranger
That's a beautiful post! I'm mentioning you because I thought that thanking it wasn't good enough! I love your post! :)
 
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Discussion Starter #12
- Feeling out of touch with the rest of the world (and your body, for the matter; :smilewoot:inferior Se), unable to open up to others easily, but desperately wanting to connect and belong

 

- At times, not being able to tell what is real or a product of your own imagination. :crazy:

- Thinking about things way too much, and being unable to relax and take it easy

 

- Being too nice to people when what you really want to do is tell them what you truthfully think, but you stop yourself because you know how much it will hurt them

- Knowing what you need to do, and visualizing the future you want for yourself, but not having the energy to do it

- Being a perfectionist, and beating yourself up when you get something wrong! :shocked:

- Feeling responsible for everyone's feelings in your life, and feeling guilty when you let them down, because other people seem to forget that despite your giving nature, you too are human and have limits too

- Being ruled by your emotions, and not having any stable emotional state, because it's influenced by everyone you encounter :dry:

 


- Being disappointed at never reaching your ideal sense of self, place in life, and generally, the direction/progress of humanity; In other words, never being content with things as they are now.

 


- Being thought of as "weird" to more normal people, and then suppressing yourself out of embarrassment and for the sake of others, so that no one knows who you truly are

 

-The struggle between being at the mercy of cultural expectations, yet wanting to live life on your own terms

 


- Being clueless about and bored by the mundane tasks of life, and thinking it takes away from your overarching quest for meaning and enlightenment :tongue:

 

Yes, this is really perfect!!
 

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I haven't really fixed any of these things:happy:


Your turn!! :)
As long as you are willing to say these things to the person you're with, then accept them pointing them out when you are doing it and not just shrug it off as "it's how I am and I can't do anything about them", then you will be fine. You can live with your flaws, as long as you are battling the said flaws constantly.

I don't have 10 things I don't like, so I'll just put the only one I suck at.

I suck at dancing and dancing gives me little to no satisfaction.

Unfortunately, my new found pragmatism cannot fix the lack of skill or interest in dancing, nor do I really give a shit about it that much beyond being an inconvenience.

And I don't even hate myself for it, because it has only social value, no spiritual value.

Done.
 

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I dislike having periods of depression. I am pretty old, and I have learned to accept that this happens from time to time and that i will come out of it, like getting over a physical virus. But right now i feel so sad, cant even tell my spouse because i dont want to wear her down with my problem.
 

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The subtle anxiety that is my resting state.

Constantly underestimating myself due to perfectionist idealism. A small consolation is frequently outperforming my own expectations.

Suffering people who think they know what is in my best interest.

Biting my tongue around fake INFJs on PerC who think they've cracked the code.

Having a dark sense of humor heavily slanted toward karma and shadenfreude.

Living among people led by false prophets and easily distracted by shiny objects.

Reconciling my own sense of masculinity with the societal norm.

Feeling genuine and true in my core, but sometimes being fake and camouflaged in my outward appearance.
 

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- Thinking about things way too much, and being unable to relax and take it easy

 
LOL at this. I was just telling a group of friends the other day that I can't meditate because the moment I sit still, my mind starts to run wild.


I think the one thing that I really hate is my inability at times to stop my Ni-Ti loop, resulting in a lot of unnecessary stress.
 

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Interesting idea. I'll try:

1: Overthinking everything, never getting to actually do the things I want to do

2: Getting overstimulated in any situation that needs attention to detail.

3: Not noticing my own emotions going haywire until it's too late.

4: Having trouble giving concrete examples of things

5: Tunnel-vision, leading to drawing conclusions from a false premisse.

6: Having trouble being direct to someone, especially if they need the feedback. (but I don't want to hurt their precious feelings...)

7: Having trouble setting boundaries for other people.

8: Having trouble setting boundaries for myself (sure, I'll do that other thing that will take me a month to complete, no problem)

9: Getting completely enveloped in a project, to the exclusion of all other things.

10: Having ideas that are so big, that I would need a few armies just to make a start at completing them...

I feel the need to balance this with a "10 things I love about being an INFJ" by the way... (There are great things about it too)
 

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1. having a difficult time making friends
2. and when I do make friends, never showing them my inner thoughts
3. caring too much what others think of me
4. obsessing anxiously over interpersonal problems
5. sometimes too optimistic -- I forget to be vigilant about evil people
6. procrastinating. why? perfectionism has me making simple tasks into huge endeavors.
7. getting overwhelmed by other people's feelings
8. getting overwhelmed by large groups
9. thinking way too much
10. feeling the need to talk things out that others prefer to just let go of.
 
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