The main idea is: 4w3's like to deal with their feelings before their goals, and 3w4's like to deal with their goals before their feelings.Here also, misidentifications are probably the result of confusion over wing versus dominant type: 3w4 and 4w3. The primary difference between these types can be seen in their relationship with their emotional life. Threes tend to focus on task, on efficiency, on performance. Of course, Threes have feelings, but as much as possible, they put them on the backburner whenever there are things to get done—and with many Threes, that is most of the time. As Threes become less healthy, they increasingly see their own feelings as “speed bumps”–annoyances that must be dealt with but which interfere with their effectiveness. Threes want to get their goals accomplished, and then, time permitting, process their feelings.
Fours are almost the exact opposite. Naturally, Fours want to accomplish things too, but when difficult feelings arise, Fours want to stop what they are doing and process them before returning to their tasks. The less healthy the Four, the more he or she will need lots of time to sort through troubling feelings and reactions. Threes can see the Four’s preoccupation with sorting feelings as unprofessional and immature. Fours can see the Three’s obsession with performance as inauthentic and shallow.
It is far more common for Threes to mistype as Fours than vice versa. This is especially true for Threes who grew up in families in which artistic self-expression was particularly valued. They may mistakenly believe that only Fours are creative, while failing to recognize that there have been many noted artists who are Threes.
Sorry, I know this is an old post, but it helped me clarify for myself whether I was 3w4 or 4w3, and I definitely identify with you here. Just wanted to thank you for sharing.This is from my experience as a 3w4:
I'm very artistic, but the way I go about art is more through the lenses of "style" or "class." I adore impressionist and romantic styles, which corresponds perfectly with my 3 enneatype. I dislike horror, or perturbing art; I believe the girl in GhostShadow's video has that vibe. There's darker undertones but more rawness in 4s. However because of my 4w, I enjoy unconventional stuff... But here's the catch: only if it looks good. For instance, I adore this creation here: https://youtu.be/TKpbU_9xEiE
The 3w4 version of outstanding is closer to something that's more w4 exclusive, more unique and original, just out of reach and admired from a distance. 3w4s are more aloof, more melanchonlic and icy cool. They tend to romanticize the hard work needed to get to top when no one was looking: "the dignity that is in work"(Obama). They are about putting their best foot forward in a more professional dignified manner. As one poster put it:
"The 3w4 romanticising of “hard work” is really the keen awareness of the image/reality dichotomy – it’s about “everything you don’t see” – the work it takes to “appear as though there is no effort involved” – it’s about knowing “what it takes”; that sense of bittersweetness every time someone gives you a compliment. It’s the secret you keep of everything you’re not – of how you’ve had to become, but that no one else will ever know. It’s the steely, gracious and enigmatic smile as you walk on stage, thinking about “what it’s taken to get here”. That’s the 3w4 romanticism of hard work. That sense of being born with leaden feet, but having overcome it with nothing but willpower and desire, to take to flight as though always born with great and golden wings."
4w3s are marked by multiple dichotomies due to types 3 and 4 being opposites in so many ways: inferior/superior, being/becoming, self-conscious/confident, putting themselves down/glorifying themselves, withdrawn/assertive, emotional/flatlined, reactive/cool-headed, mired in the past/focused on moving forward, awkward/poised, fragile/resilient, easily discouraged/do whatever it takes, rejecting the game/conquering the game. While they will put up countershame smokescreens to get your attention and see if you are perceptive enough to see and accept the real them underneath, they may seem distant to even close ones to keep up appearances. Ideally they'd have a rich emotional life without having the ugliest parts of themselves exposed.
Underneath a 4w3's more fluid identity their 4ness gives them an awareness of something truer and deeper within themselves that roots everything. Their 3 wing precludes people from seeing fully what is inside them including even themselves. However they know their personal awareness anchor is there no matter where their changeability takes them. They know on a deeper level their fluctuations stem back to a single consistent essence. Still, they wonder if they are fooling themselves. Despite their consistent underlying essence they lead an inconsistent life and wonder if they are being true to themselves. They try to balance selling themselves out in the real world with hanging out amongst the "keeping it real" crowd. They are more likely to go the distance in their career due to their three wing before their fourness causes them to sabotage themselves. In extreme cases 4w3s totally give up on life after finally "making it".
That's generally how it is as an unhealthy 3w4, but on the inside its like selling your soul to satan. Satan being your ego.I dated a 3w4 and I'm a 4w3. I'm coming at an angle from experience, not at all saying that all 3w4s are this way. She was not healthy.
She was less authentic, more caring about appearing perfect, and there was a general "falseness" about her motivations. She knew how to get what she wanted and went after it like a shark. Smooth, charismatic, and a bit of a "suck-up" to people. Generally the disingenuous attitude she had made me feel uncomfortable, because I knew her and I could see through it.