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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A sexy lusty carnal confident woman is lusting after you. She doesn't tell you straight out but you can smell it, you can see it in her body language, you can hear it in the undertones of her words.

- How do you feel? Are you scared? Turned on? Confused?

- Do you believe she wants you or convince yourself it's a ruse?

- How do you react? Do you chase her? Make her chase you? Prod her?

- Do you overthink every interaction with her? What goes through your head?

- How long and hard does she have to work to earn your companionship?
 

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- How do you feel? Are you scared? Turned on? Confused?
OMG, OMG. WIN. WIN. MY life is finally turning around. FINALLY.

- Do you believe she wants you or convince yourself it's a ruse?
She totally wants me. :) FULL STEAM AHEAD.

- How do you react? Do you chase her? Make her chase you? Prod her?
Chase chase chase. Why would I prod her.... that's sexist.


- Do you overthink every interaction with her? What goes through your head?
Sexual intercourse comes to mind

- How long and hard does she have to work to earn your companionship?
If she's on right now about.... 3 seconds.
 

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to be honest i think i have a hard time smelling when people are attracted to me. i usually just fantasize a lot and it turns out that the people i thought were attracted to me aren't at all, it's like i can't see reality sometimes, with things like these. i somehow even doubt that many people are attracted to me, i must have the world's lowest pheromon-secretion. but i'll answer your questions, even though i'm also bisexual:

- How do you feel? Are you scared? Turned on? Confused?

80% worried, 10% turned on, 10% confident

- Do you believe she wants you or convince yourself it's a ruse?
to be honest i would probably think it's a ruse.

- How do you react? Do you chase her? Make her chase you? Prod her?
well so far when there's been people i've been attracted to, i haven't been talking to them at all or showing any signs of attraction. unless they "start" it, and even then... pretty unflirty and very reserved. depends on where i am really, in a public place amongst people i am never quite myself and i always say the wrong things. unless i'm on anxiety-pills which, well... kind of help. i'm not overly sexual and would probably feel uncomfortable saying something sexual to a person i don't know just like that. i guess i would let her do most of the work, even though gender norms say not to.

- Do you overthink every interaction with her? What goes through your head?
what mostly goes through my head would probably be how she perceives me, and i would think happiness, to be seen as a valuable commodity in another person's life? a token of attraction and worth? sounds wonderful. but i would also be suspicious, i've learned to always be suspicious in situations like these. it MIGHT be a joke and you might make a fool out of yourself. i want to avoid embarrassing moments such as those. so what would go through my head would also be on how i act, don't be too excited and don't be too let down, act natural and neutral.

- How long and hard does she have to work to earn your companionship?
not too hard... we would just have to talk you know, i'm prone to talking to anyone who talks to me. maybe 2-4 weeks?
 

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You have to remember that I'm also an ENFP...

A sexy lusty carnal confident woman is lusting after you. She doesn't tell you straight out but you can smell it, you can see it in her body language, you can hear it in the undertones of her words.

- How do you feel? Are you scared? Turned on? Confused?


If I don't know her well, if I never thought of her in that way, I'm kind of intrigued, but it's not something that I'd really be interested in immediately. I don't work that way.

- Do you believe she wants you or convince yourself it's a ruse?

Wanting isn't enough for me, doesn't work that way, so it doesn't really matter.

- How do you react? Do you chase her? Make her chase you? Prod her?

Be polite, I might flirt some if she presents herself in an interesting way.

- Do you overthink every interaction with her? What goes through your head?

I'd probably end up having fun with it, but would be doing some processing in my hindbrain.

- How long and hard does she have to work to earn your companionship?

Long enough to convince me that there's more to it than lust.

Typing that out really points out the irony of image building. We put a picture out for people to see, and for them to want in on, but if we think they buy it, we don't respect them. That's not that complicated, is it? ;)
 

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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Typing that out really points out the irony of image building. We put a picture out for people to see, and for them to want in on, but if we think they buy it, we don't respect them. That's not that complicated, is it? ;)
I know exactly what you mean. And yes, it is complicated but in another way it isn't. You build an image to entice people but you want them to see through it in order to earn being close to 'who you really are?'

Actually, any woman should be able to relate to this. I know that I want a man to think I'm beautiful and love my looks, but if that is all he likes about me I would never talk to him. I'm not turned on without a deeper bond. I can see someone and immediately feel intrigued (because of the way their *spirit* is expressed through their looks; not because of the cut-out shape of their body), but I'd want to know them as a friend before I would even consider doing something physical, regardless of how attracted I might be. Trust needs to build. I'm only turned on when everything about him - his personality, his mind, his spirit, and his body... makes me want to crawl into his arms and never leave, and share my whole world with him. The problem is, I am an 8, and who I am, is someone who expresses my adoration through action and physical means. WheN I adore someone, I want to touch him, I want to make love; I want to do things for him and with him. I don't know how else to express myself except through my hands. Of course I love to listen and explore him and learn everything about his mind and his body and his dreams. But as for mine, I'm so lusty and in the moment - I can give him my past work, my songs, my writing.. I can tell him about my projects.. but most of my expression is all in the doing, sharing experience, making love, holding hands, exchanging glances when we understand something that no one else does, building our own language.

So in the sense of wanting more than just 'something ordinary and physical,' I understand 4s. All you want is someone who understands you right? ;) It's just.. sometimes I've noticed, I can get to know a 4 for months or years and they still don't believe I see them for who they really are - so I wonder, at that point, "Who are you, really?" Is the problem just that the 4 doesn't know who he is, and so, anything I see about him isn't enough? Is the problem, that he feels his persona is fake, and so anything I appreciate about him isn't real? This, to me, seems more of a "that's your problem" issue than "I don't understand you well enough" ... when I look at it from outside. But when I was involved with a 4 who was playing hot & cold with me for years, I blamed myself, like "I was too eager" or "I was too cold" or "I didn't give him enough space" or " I didn't chase him enough." I literally couldn't do anything right. *hangs head*

Is there anything you can do right, if you really, truly, deeply care about a 4 but you also lust for them? Because in my experience, nothing is ever enough.
 

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I know exactly what you mean. And yes, it is complicated but in another way it isn't. You build an image to entice people but you want them to see through it in order to earn being close to 'who you really are?'

Actually, any woman should be able to relate to this. I know that I want a man to think I'm beautiful and love my looks, but if that is all he likes about me I would never talk to him. I'm not turned on without a deeper bond. I can see someone and immediately feel intrigued (because of the way their *spirit* is expressed through their looks; not because of the cut-out shape of their body), but I'd want to know them as a friend before I would even consider doing something physical, regardless of how attracted I might be. Trust needs to build. I'm only turned on when everything about him - his personality, his mind, his spirit, and his body... makes me want to crawl into his arms and never leave, and share my whole world with him. The problem is, I am an 8, and who I am, is someone who expresses my adoration through action and physical means. WheN I adore someone, I want to touch him, I want to make love; I want to do things for him and with him. I don't know how else to express myself except through my hands. Of course I love to listen and explore him and learn everything about his mind and his body and his dreams. But as for mine, I'm so lusty and in the moment - I can give him my past work, my songs, my writing.. I can tell him about my projects.. but most of my expression is all in the doing, sharing experience, making love, holding hands, exchanging glances when we understand something that no one else does, building our own language.

So in the sense of wanting more than just 'something ordinary and physical,' I understand 4s. All you want is someone who understands you right? ;) It's just.. sometimes I've noticed, I can get to know a 4 for months or years and they still don't believe I see them for who they really are - so I wonder, at that point, "Who are you, really?" Is the problem just that the 4 doesn't know who he is, and so, anything I see about him isn't enough? Is the problem, that he feels his persona is fake, and so anything I appreciate about him isn't real? This, to me, seems more of a "that's your problem" issue than "I don't understand you well enough" ... when I look at it from outside. But when I was involved with a 4 who was playing hot & cold with me for years, I blamed myself, like "I was too eager" or "I was too cold" or "I didn't give him enough space" or " I didn't chase him enough." I literally couldn't do anything right. *hangs head*

Is there anything you can do right, if you really, truly, deeply care about a 4 but you also lust for them? Because in my experience, nothing is ever enough.
I have to provide some caveats and qualifications. I don't think that 4s want to build fake images, I think we just subconsciously project to other people what we want to be. I also think plenty of 4 men are fine just getting laid by somebody who wants them, for any reason, but I'd be surprised as hell if there would be any respect involved. I'd suspect it could be the opposite if they believe that she does 'buy-in'.

And to not give any illusions, this has never happened to me outside the very rare drunken bar/club encounter and assertive drunk girls really creep me out (probably for the same reasons I described), even if I'm drunk, too.

But, to answer your question, you just have to find a 4 who is willing to accept it, I don't think it's about anything you do. I think sometimes in an unhealthy 4's mind, lust = control. You don't want to think of your puppets as somebody who really has feelings for you. Also, like I said, lust = seeing only the facade. If a 4 doesn't accept himself, then they're going to have a lot of trouble believing someone else does, they'll do anything to chalk it up to lust, desire, circumstance or anything else possible.
 

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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I have to provide some caveats and qualifications. I don't think that 4s want to build fake images, I think we just subconsciously project to other people what we want to be. I also think plenty of 4 men are fine just getting laid by somebody who wants them, for any reason, but I'd be surprised as hell if there would be any respect involved. I'd suspect it could be the opposite if they believe that she does 'buy-in'.
It has nothing to do with convincing someone to 'sleep with me' - this would be no problem being that I'm female and clearly very sexual. But I don't just want SEX, I want something real, and that is the only thing that turns me on.

I guess, what I'm asking is... when I really care about someone, and really want them too, why do male 4s seem not to 'believe this' (coming from me or ANY other woman- I speak on behalf of others too here) .... it kind of 'stands out' as a pattern I have noticed , that this notion of "I really care about you" gets rejected in favor of "You don't understand me.. you just want one thing"..wtf? Just because I'm sexy doesn't mean that all I want is sex. :( And just because I can't read someone's every last hidden puzzle of an emotion doesn't mean I don't care.

And to not give any illusions, this has never happened to me outside the very rare drunken bar/club encounter and assertive drunk girls really creep me out (probably for the same reasons I described), even if I'm drunk, too.

But, to answer your question, you just have to find a 4 who is willing to accept care. I don't think it's about anything you do.
Yeah.. I'm not that drunk assertive girl, I'm more of a "I am drawn to you right away but I slowly fall in love with you while you become my best friend and then you're the only man in the world whether you want me back or not" type woman. I don't even drink, but when I did for years, I never once had a one night stand or took someone home from a bar. The very thought makes me puke. :p
 

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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Response to your Edit

But, to answer your question, you just have to find a 4 who is willing to accept it, I don't think it's about anything you do. I think sometimes in an unhealthy 4's mind, lust = control. You don't want to think of your puppets as somebody who really has feelings for you. Also, like I said, lust = seeing only the facade. If a 4 doesn't accept himself, then they're going to have a lot of trouble believing someone else does, they'll do anything to chalk it up to lust, desire, circumstance or anything else possible.
:crying:

This. This is exactly, exactly .... what I was sensing.

I will have tremendous lust for someone I care about but that doesn't mean I want to control him. I think you hit the nail on the head with that one. He interprets lust as control. (Is this because he's so turned on that HE feels out of control and projects that on to me 'trying to control him??!!) I interpret his hot & cold "you can't have me" games as control-seeking behavior.

The idea that lust is only 'seeing the facade' - in one sense, I know what you mean... lust can be that way yes. But what about people who deeply, truly hunger for someone who they care about? Hasn't anyone heard of these people anymore? Why should I be accused of being shallow, just because I like sex - on behalf of 90% of the population who is actually shallow, when I am not?

For me, lust doesn't stop at sex or the body. When I lust for someone that much, it comes from a deeper place. I want to know everything about him, understand him, be there for him, show him all of myself. Not just 'all of my body' but also my music, thoughts, feelings. I want to submit; I ALSO want to be understood. But I still have lust, sexual lust, lots of it... that's not going anywhere and yet 4s would then interpret me as shallow, uninterested in something deeper. I really think you just got to the bottom of it. But tell me, having heard this whole explanation, do you still think that type of lust I would have for someone is shallow & 'seeing only the facade?' Why can't I love the body AND the mind??
 

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Alright, here's an answer from an actually Type 4:

How do you feel? Are you scared? Turned on? Confused?

Assuming she's attractive, I would be scared to screw everything up. I would turned on, but curious as to why she'd be attracted to me. But she is so I should stop thinking about it.

I have to agree with Wanderering, though: "MY life is finally turning around. FINALLY."

Do you believe she wants you or convince yourself it's a ruse?
Nah, she wants me!

How do you react? Do you chase her? Make her chase you? Prod her?

Talk to her but not too much, chase her but not too much.

Do you overthink every interaction with her? What goes through your head?

Yes, but my main thought is "Damn, this chick wants me!"

How long and hard does she have to work to earn your companionship?

Not very hard at all.
 

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:crying:

...

For me, lust doesn't stop at sex or the body. When I lust for someone that much, it comes from a deeper place. I want to know everything about him, understand him, be there for him, show him all of myself. Not just 'all of my body' but also my music, thoughts, feelings. I want to submit; I ALSO want to be understood. But I still have lust, sexual lust, lots of it... that's not going anywhere and yet 4s would then interpret me as shallow, uninterested in something deeper. I really think you just got to the bottom of it. But tell me, having heard this whole explanation, do you still think that type of lust I would have for someone is shallow & 'seeing only the facade?' Why can't I love the body AND the mind??
4s don't understand me :crying:



:hugs: I get 'cha girlfriend, as well as being a 4, I'm also an sx primary. I guess when you pit SX against 4, you're gonna run into some thorns, but I don't think they're all that sharper than any other thorns that come from being SX, they just have their own special way of stinging.

Let's face it, SX attentions on full blast will always be more than anybody can handle, unless they're SX and are into you as well.
 
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