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Dear friends,

My big secret is that I spent three years of high school, and during that time whenever I was in school I almost didn't talk. Because the only person I managed to communicate normally failed the first year of grammar school, I was reduced to a plant life in school. All this sounds so silly today. Three years is a long time, the issue isn't small, but somehow, after all I've already written here and because I already started talking about my insecurities and my lack of resourcefulness in social situations to J. and V. this now doesn't seem so scary. Faculty is better, but only because there are people I get along with. With others I almost have a pact of silence.

Besides that, I have a problem with relating with women, as always. I mean, when I'm with them, no problemo, but for instance, M. from faculty is cool and I liked talking with her, but when there are other people around us, I can't open my mouth. Later I feel stupid calling her out when we're not at faculty because we have a chance to socialize at faculty every day. So I completely give up on being her friend.

Maybe it's my egotism speaking again, but after this I think I have no more secrets with you guys. It seems like a miracle. I have so little secrets. (god complex!)

Since I'm already confessing might as well mention another thing. I've been writing a diary for a time. The original idea was to write
down everything I could think of. After about two seconds I realized that there's nothing of it because I would spend the whole day writing all that down. So I prioritized, say let's write down the love stuff because I find that the most important. The result? Two A4 notebooks that look like they've been written by a insecure weak emo teenage girl. The point of this story is to confess I'm a hardcore romantic. A failing one at that. So you would understand how much love means to me in life. I mostly avoid talking about it because it sounds gay, and it's weird just talking about your intimate thoughts about love, but honesty again. Also, for honesty's sake, you can take a peek into the diaries. But be aware that while you do that I'll be HORRIBLY. AWKWARD. B. would probably add me on her hit list because I'm incompetent for life, which I am. :p That's why I'd like you to jump in and help me with that :)

By the way, if you would wish to talk to me about this after reading it... GENTLY. HORRIBLY GENTLY. Please. I will consider joking as acts of hatred.

Written 7th of May 2012.

 
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