4w3s, I've a Question. Let Us Pow Wow

7legion77 said:

I find that I can mold others' impressions of me. Usually I just don't bother, and I am seen as very aloof; when I am intent on charming someone, I can be very attractive and entertaining, using the 4's intuition (to read people's mind and be very sensitive to their reactions) and the 3's social confidence (to please and delight)... but here's the catch. The person who happens to like me because I put on such a good show, will always be kept at an arm's length, so while I can amaze and impress, I will never actually get close to people. The curtains close, and I return to my addictive loneliness. As a true 4 I am much more comfortable in my own head being my natural self-indulgent self, and the social persona I construct runs on a limited battery.

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Just the kind of answer I hope for. What skill it must take to mold how others see you. I'm powerless there. Teach me! lol But really, I'm good with it. By the sound of how closeness, for you, doesn't seem to register between you and your interested listener, it appears you don't have an interest in developing a "selfless" relationship? Regrettably, that's the only word that would come to me. But it's like you said, you'll thrill and excite someone, but your energy doesn't always linger with the person for long. It flows wherever your yearning takes you, right? I think I know someone like that who is also a 4w3.

That aside, I relate to you on returning to the loneliness. Even after great encounters, it's like I leave empty-handed. Something's not satisfying about what I'm left with. And yeah, self-indulgence is sweet.

7legion77 said:

I wasn't always that way. Through acting on a stage a lot when I was young, being a musician, and now working daily in customer service I've developed a way to turn my self-consciousness inside out. I am so aware of every nuance of impression I make on someone, that my fine attention to these details helps me surf the wave, so to speak.
When I'm in that mode, I won't stutter or miss a beat and I feel untouchable.
But it is always objective-oriented; I do it as a job so I can get rid of all the fourish sentiments; as I tap into this pure focus on performing. My true thoughts and feelings are left to fester and mutate on their own, concealed perfectly inside the world that I always escape into come night.

The ability to be selfless and form close relationships with others is badly underdeveloped in me. The self-preservation instinct runs strong.

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That's fascinating, making me wonder about something. What you did was adaptation that anyone could do, but you also have a strength that helps you to move in rhythm with how you desire to act, or with what goes on around you. I can adapt, but the meaning of that strength you have, in regard to my differing strength, escapes me. I do wish I could do that, but I use my 4w3 energy differently. Yeah, it could be the adaptability of the instinctual variants for all I know. So, one way in which you use your awareness of yourself and others is to play any role that benefits you the most? And when you're not "performing," you return to that painfully self-indulgent fantasy world where you reflectively peel off your dead skin, so to speak?

And tell me about your aloof side, as people may see it. Are you seen by your peers as difficult, in any respect? Do you have a "reputation" (one assigned to you by people)?

@unico Do you try to come off a certain way to people around you? Does it create friction?

@jaurim You react to all people in the same core manner, right? The identity that you let be known, what response does it get from the typical person? I know it depends on the person, but you can probably divide people into two categories: those that "get it" and those that don't. Do more people seem to "get it," or in other words, receive you well (not necessarily like you, but coexist easily with you)?

@jaurim I've been witness to the same sensation of having vibes of someone. My tertiary Ni has its moments. I often can grasp someone's nature, knowing whether I can totally trust them or not. I'm surprised at how accurate it can be. If I were an ENFP, then I might be bulldozed flat by all that inferential information! You're making great use of that Ne.And I've experienced the thing with intuition jumping from stream to stream. An INFJ I know had me puzzled and feeling offended years ago when I understood the phenomenon much, much less than I do now. It's unfortunate that sensation and intuition have such difficulties meeting in the middle. It's probably because of relying too much on what we're used to.

That's great that people's reactions to you are typically enthusiastic, whether they get you or not. You've got a point. People do like their humors being appreciated. I know an ENFP 4w3. This chatting could help me figure her perspective. So, as a 4w3, you relate to retiring from the extroverted energy to secure your footing? Do people ever see that part of you coming through your public persona?

"Let Us Pow Wow." heh heh I seem to have gotten good results.

jaurim said:

@Le9acyMuse

Yes, I need time for myself at the end of the day to just "center" everything and withdraw from people for a while.

Nope, no one ever has. To be honest I'm pretty good at hiding these things such as emotions ; people wouldn't even expect me to have such a "private" side. It's not something I am comfortable with showing anybody though I have told people about my public/private split.

LOL I FEEL YOU. I know exactly what you mean! ヽ(　￣д￣ノ

Are you going to confront that ENFP 4w3 about his/her private/public split? xD

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I've read 4w3s are pretty adept at repressing their pain and putting on a mask to play their daily roles. I relate a lot to that, but I cannot keep up the act around people when I feel my 'ugliness' catching up to me. That may be a 4w3 introvert thing. Like 7legion77, that would be the point where I come off as intensely aloof. I'm fascinated by how people wouldn't even imagine that you have that part of you. And that it never exposes itself, even though you are an extrovert. Do you think people see you as dramatic?

"ヽ(　￣д￣ノ" ROFLMAO And my quotation symbols makes it look like it's flicking everyone off. *sighs* Good, online times...

About the ENFP, nah. I've always been afraid that she'd turn her back on me, being she comes off as so...popular. But, surprisingly, she hasn't done that. Makes me respect her. So, I don't feel the need to question her split identity. She's like me and I just get her. Though, similarly to you, I rarely see her other side come through. There was once, but women do have it rough compared to men, internally and societally. So, I just figured it was a moment of that nature that she was having. She tried hard to be seen the same way, but there was this austerity about it, to which you knew something wasn't right.

Drama has been used to describe us in descriptions. I can understand people seeing me that way, though it's for the most unintentional. I introspect a great deal. I guess I just pick up on how I'm seen in that regard.

I'm fascinated because it seems to be such a huge part of a 4w3 to suffer from the inner sense of deficiency. I don't do well to hide it most of the time, though I've gotten carried away with my masks before, regretting it later on. My turbulences are often very on the surface. Yet, you take it in stride pretty well, in public. This is important. I'm seeing how 4w3s differ, which was just what I hoped for from this thread. Tell me, what makes you individualistic? I can clearly see how you manage your social side. Now I want to know of your private side (I know, that didn't sound right...ヽ(　￣д￣ノ).

I usually don't like smileys, but that one has character. lol

@jaurim I remember a detail of one description not sitting well with me. It said something about us playing emotional games and causing dramas of various sorts with people. Now, it could be true for some, but info like that sounds like it's coming from someone who isn't a 4w3 who is thinking of how we affect them without understanding why it's happening. However, I can see us coming off like that, but it's not who we are or what we intend. which should be emphasized. But the word "dramatic" isn't really a disagreeable term to me. The word is oft associated with fakery and narcissism. I see it as a state of emotion. The person shouldn't be seen as dramatic, which does make it sound...forced and unrealistic.

@adverseaffects What do you feel you offer to people who seek you out? Describe to me your idea of "weird rarity." What led you to thinking you are seen and treated as such? I want to understand your experience well.

adverseaffects said:

I think people like someone who can be themself and carry that with pride. I can't always do that, btu when I can be unashamedly myself, people appreciate that.

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You sound very forthright and brusque. I could definitely appreciate what you bring to the table. In 4w3 fashion, are there times where you sorta morph yourself around people and enjoy attention? If so, how do people react to it? What's going on when you can't always find that pride in yourself?

@silverlined I'd dig for more, but I'd have to reorient my aims as you appear to be 4w5. Is that so? If you are a 4w5, how are you aware of yourself in the social sense? I'm under the impression that 4w5s are much less keen on fitting in with a potential audience.

@unico What upsets you more; being misunderstood by anyone, or being confronted about who you are?

@iMaven 'Sup, GTO dude. So, SX/SP 4w3. I finally know a SX/SP 8(w9?) and a SX/SOC 4w3. 'Wow,' to say the least. Once I realized this, I became intrigued by SX-primary 4w3s. As a SX/SP 4w3, how do you experience the SX 4w3 energy? I'd explain what I mean by asking, but I hope you know to what I'm referring. The combination seems somewhat eruptive. Since SP is your supporting instinct, which is supposedly the one of the three that comes most naturally, that makes you pretty ahead-of-the-game, right? Makes me wonder just what kind of presence you have. Also, you said you try everything not to be a douche or shady. Is that because you're prone to it, or people are prone to misinterpret you that way?