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I originally typed myself as a 5w4 when I first got into the Enneagram. After learning about tritypes, type 6, and counterphobia, I came to the conclusion I was a 5w6 with a 514 tritype. I feel completely certain about my tritype and instinctual stacking (sp/sx), but recently I started wondering whether I really am a 5w4 after all.

I went with 5w4 at first because of the simplistic "arts vs science" distinction. Then I backed away from the type because people seem to treat it as "type five: feeler edition" and as a more extroverted/social type than 5w6, even though after reviewing type 4 and type 6, descriptions of 5w4 as the more withdrawn of the two makes more sense.


What age range are you in?
25


Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
After years of wondering if there's such a thing as "dyslexia of the ears," I finally did some research a few months ago and am 99% certain I have CAPD (1, 2, 3).


1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
I want to be comfortable, which to me, means minimalism--no kids ever, sufficient reliable income, long-term partner, apartment or small home, not a lot of stuff, urban setting with no need to drive, one or two close friends and otherwise left the fuck alone so I have enough energy to pursue my interests (comics, neuroscience, three foreign languages), explore new ideas, and travel. Comfortable, but not bored.


2. What were you like as a kid?
Mom says I "wowed" a lot of people, but apparently I was totally oblivious because it's news to me in recent years. One time I went back to my elementary school, and another time to my middle school, and basically got mobbed by all these people who remembered me vividly. There was also a private school I was offered a scholarship from and they "really, really wanted" me, according to my mom.
At the age of 1 or 2 (my sister and mom debate the age), instead of playing with a shapes sorter, I played Perfection. Started spontaneously reading before beginning school, read a lot, and at an advanced level. Lots of drawing, writing, music, not as much into science (enjoyed watching documentaries on the topic, though), hooked on the Internet and computers early on, long attention span, started studying Japanese independently in elementary school, quiet, described as "wise" by a teacher in middle school.
My childhood friend, we were best friends until we hit middle school, and then all she had to say to me were complaints; I turned around and walked away from her one day after another shitty remark and just never spoke to her again.
The world felt chaotic and senseless, especially after 9/11, and not because of the attack, but how people were reacting to it. And it seemed like no one ever explained anything to me.


3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
Father: Parents seprated when I was very young--I can't even remember when, between 3 and 5? We have no relationship, but he e-mails me periodically as though I care, and I've only ever responded to get some money out of him for school; ironically, I didn't get to go to private school as a child because he wouldn't pitch in. He started out sending me lavish gifts (massive stuffed animals, kiddie laptops that teach you to program), which eventually tapered into nothing. When he came to the area to see his grandson, he didn't bother trying to see me. I also learned that after separating, he tried to see my sister without me. My mom and sister act like I'm supposed to care about this non-relationship, but I don't get it. He's a stranger.
Mother: There's plenty of good about her--she's probably an above-average parent, and if I had the choice to get a different, completely random person as a parent, I wouldn't do it. There's also a lot of similarities, personality-wise. Obviously, she was a single parent, so her resources ran thin at times, especially when she was working and going to school at the same time (I remember waiting for her to get home after her evening classes, and she'd just dart right to her room without a word). When I slept over friends' houses, their parents were more involved and did things like make breakfast; the (very) few times I had a friend over, I was left to do everything myself.
I also came across the term "emotional invalidation," and found she was pretty guilty of that throughout my life--telling me what to think, what to feel, what to do, bullshitting, being told to stop crying, being told I’m overreacting, being looked at like I’m crazy. And she seems to get most excited/"proud" when I'm doing something that appears normal, or involves social recognition (graduation, awards, etc.), but is disinterested in my actual... interests. We are not emotionally close.


4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
Honesty is pretty important to me. I can't stand when someone's lying to me and I know they're lying--I also hate being put in situations where I'm forced to either lie, or else be considered an asshole. I think self-improvement (especially educating yourself) is very, very important. I don't want to be that person who spends all their time working, hates their job, and spends the time they're not a work just sitting in front of the TV like a zombie, every day is the same, might as well be dead.


5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I generally can't stand people coming into my space uninvited. I remember once my mom wrecked my room in search of an overdue rental video (turned out it wasn't even in my room), and then made me clean it up alone. Which was... the worst possible thing to do. I like having my own space that I have control of, that I can just close the door and shut people out of, and I hate people touching my things or moving things around, and clutter makes me anxious. I don't invite people over often.
I once had a meltdown as a kid because I couldn't get or stay organized, which obviously caused problems. I am organized now, which keeps the meltdowns in check unless someone fucks with my system.
And angry, irrational groups of people, but how is that not terrifying?


7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
1. Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
2. Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
3. Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.


9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Best: When I accomplish personal goals. Never felt better than the year I cranked out 200 pages worth of comics.
Worst: A lot of things make me feel bad, it's hard to pick out what is "worst." The period of my life I felt the worst was during high school--lots of hoop-jumping, forced participation in social rituals I didn't care about, "peers" who weren't but in age only, and the knowledge the entire time that none of it would matter the moment I graduated. The pointlessness of it all really got to me.


14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
It takes a loooong time to earn. I'm the type who puts more weight into actions than words, but my second boyfriend taught me that even actions don't count for shit, so I'm not left with much except to wait it out.


15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
Atheist. Like anti-theist type of atheist. I don't identify with a particular political label anymore, but Political Compass pegs me as more left than right, and more libertarian than authoritarian.


Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient I like having the stuff I want, where I want it, and how I want it, and the best way to get that is to handle it myself. I also feel like if I have to rely too much on others, they're going to expect me to return the favor, and most of the time that stresses me out because other people have too much stuff or too many complications--the kind of things I try to avoid in my life.
 
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