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So here a serious thread about my problem, and I hope we can all share or relate about anxiety related things.

So like other 6, I have been always a bit "apprehensive", but this never had disturbed me. When young I found easy to create moral code about what I see, I was really in contact with myself, especially what I felt, and all emotionnal complexity. From 0 to 17 yo, I was a "dreamer" I can say. Always ponderating stuff about what I like, creating music in my head, big imagination (as a anti-boredom toy and as a way to "represent" what I felt great/trust profoundly about life or society, and as a way to process feeling too). I was somewhat warm, choosed my friend from what I feeled, in a "stay true to myself" mode, liked science, psychology, human science, music and some sport especially snowboard. I planned for my life to dont give too much importance about career, even if I liked what I do at 17 (computerscience), I liked to learn, but human and "aesthetic" side lacked too much for me. Optimally I wanted to concentrate on creative stuff like music (that was the passion of the passion, ie the only one wich surrounded all other multiple thing Ive been interrested into), and hoped to see the world, travelling, ect. At the bad side I have had some relationship problem, moment of void, some family diferent, some social anxiety especially at the beginning of my teenage, and a 6 month depression, ect. Not too hard anyway, thats how life is learned, and how with time we can relate to more ppl I presume.

So where is the problem ? not many before 17 (or 18, I dont want to calculate now), ya. Not many while I was living a life. Real problem came when I loosed it.

Somewhere february 2005 I made an EPIC cannabis bad trip, where I firstly ran through my whole house, then go to my bed getting strange memory of my chillhood. It have taked 2 day to calm down and come normal again.
Then 27 march 2005 precisely, I was going to a party, with my ex-girlfriend, and many unknow ppl. I remember that I percieved when arriving that the Spring feeling was not quite right, as if too warm, fleeting, strange. I cant explain this sensation. 1 hour after, I remember at a time having just a chill with a smoke (just tobacco), and I suddenly get the impression to disappear in the void of the blackness I seen while eye closed. I have had the feeling that I was in the space while eye closed. When you are young, you think sometime that if you close your eyes other dont see us, here thats similar but the contrary. I closed my eyes then I disapeared. Freak. Fuck it. Following that, a huge 3 hours panic attack. If only that just fucked this party night. But not.
The day after, I remember I stayed anxious for some reason I cant pinpoint. My perception was somewhat wrecked. I just tried to calm down. I met a friend, begin to speak usual stuff, then the truth appeared : I was no longer myself. My sensation of "self", all what I have trusted before, all passion and moral view have just magically vanished from me. I saw suddenly my personnality as a kind of construction wich have totally collapsed. I knowed who I was, what I like but emotions about it was gone. A kind of nude personnality, like a tree in winter. What was lost ? I can say I lost the ability to experience emotions, the ability of imagination/creativity, and my sight perception are bizarre, as if emotionnal coloring and 3D is lacking. Body perception is bizarre too. Ability to introspect or having a clear image of self is fucked too.

Following that, I get a 3 month over-anxious period where all kind of psychological drama was feared, various type of schizophrenia, depression, and finally I have understand that I have depersonnalization and derealization (Depersonalization disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia , Depersonalization Community).

So now, quickly, from 2005 to now :
Ive managed after the 3 month of pure anxiety to calm down, to try to avoid think about it, do the best reconstructing myself, and this have worked for at least 1 year. Ive get license, master, while experiencing aggravation of my state in 2007 and 2009 or something like that. Nothing spectacular happened. Before aggravation that was manageable.

Actually, in 2012, I can say without risk that my life is fucked, especially from the last aggravation. Dont want to expend too much on that, thats classical DP experience (hard time to concentrate on simple task, ocd type of thought, depression, life slipping away, family and psy themself are not able to understand, ect). Its now at least 10 month I retreat into my mind, and considerate the worst.

If you have similar experience, or some things to share about anxiety, feel free to share.
 

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@no_id

Hey man, you're not alone. The same exact thing happened to me and in 2005 as well. I smoked marijuana then a month later had a huge panic attack out of nowhere and after that I was never the same. It was all depersonalization from there non stop. Although mine led into major depression, however I'm bipolar 2 so before all that I was a pretty energetic person and I just sort of crashed. I dealt with DP for at least 2 years. I overcame it though.

It is hard to overcome. The one thing I know is that you can't think your way out of it, you have to live your way out of it. You have to start forcing yourself to focus on things because that's the only way it leaves. Remember this: The mind likes to focus. It's all about focus, even if it hard you have to do it. Also, talking about it doesn't solve it because no one understands. Plus talking about it perpetuates it. It's as mysterious as life itself. PM me if you want to ask me more questions. It's something very significant to me as well even though I don't feel it very often anymore.
 

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I'll...never smoke weed...sounds like a long baaad trip....

It could be the result of imbalance in brain chemistry. Proper sleep from 22 pm to 6 am, some sunlight and proper diet(eat well and take vitamins, drink enough water) with a bit of exercise can set things right in a few months. It requires effort on your part.

Not sure if it is similar but I have been suffering from existential depression for quite a while now (years). It is what sort of led me here, to find answers to who I am and what meaning life has for me...because everything seems gray and lifeless..trivial..insignificant etc. It feels like I'm in this suspended state where I just stopped and nothing seems to catch my eye, things have no substance, its like a dream without color.

The world seems to have faded into this blurry mess and I react with a lot of apathy towards so much of it. Especially being social has gone down form low to bare minimum. I lost interest in other people...so to say.

Regardless of my current state I understood that this is where I either stagnate till I die or overcome it and find an answer, because it is a stage in my life where I need to grow. The way I understood this is that everyone who reaches a level of consciousness where they question existence must go through this and the answers they find will differ. it is none the less important to find answers.


To conclude:

- take care of your physical self
- find your answers
- cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
- establish a flexible routine

The lack of both may be causing the excessive anxiety. I think you lost your "something to hold onto" and the resulting insecurity is causing your anxiety. You need to find firm ground again.

If you are on any drugs atm I suggest talking with your psychologist or psychiatrist about gradually getting off them. T

The key here is to find security again with who you are and how you relate to the world.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
How sh-- I didnt expect ppl will respond on this ! thx guy. Ive to say that Im not 100% preoccupied by this, but when anxiety increase too much it became really hard to deal with that (like when Ive writed his topic). I dont think there is a way to go out, yeah I try to "find my responses", but I think the very fact I try it is a scam : before DP I was having my responses without thinking about it, now because of permanent fucking rationnalization in my head I cant attain that anymore. The rationnalizator part of my brain is concentrated always on things outside myself, even when I think about myself. I feel like my unconscious is gone behind logical/thinking chunking. I hate logic. Lol. I think I have a really funny ability wich can be summed up this way : when a question come to my mind, it is always at the very moment I cant attain the response anymore.

Sometime it get a bit better, especially when Im into something I like or relationship, but as life make its way, it seem just harder and harder. Relationship become 90% untrue and dick waving (service work world, welcome...), and its harder to find passion or person you feel connected with. Like a permanent unstoppable loss of simple innocence, of youth, even simple and real happinness. Strangely some seem to be happy with that. I never understanded that.

I dont really trust about these "life have no meaning" stuff, because if I remember my chilhood, I was not having hard time to create or see meaning : so its more "I loss gradualy the ability to see meaning where it exist" (and it seem I replace that by a kind of narcissistic thinking, but thats another story)

What I feel I need is to go out fast, I feel I need to escape this robotic work world, all these current political stuff about crisis wich for the name of change will only arrive to the same result, travelling with random ppl, reconnecting with nature and spirituality, go into a retreated part of India or Mongolia lol (my dream ^^).

edit : Ntuitive Ill think about pm you, Im bipolar III (cyclo), perhaps there is a kind of link ?

edit 2 :
The key here is to find security again with who you are and how you relate to the world.
Not sure of that : defining "who am I" is really hard, as "how I relate to the world". Its hard simply because its not something fixed, you cant introvert and say "Im intelligent and faithfull" as one of your characteristic, simply because it will perhaps not be the case in one year,or its perhaps not even the case in the now. "Who I am" is much more dynamic and undefinable imo.
And... and the big joke is here... If you refuse things like "categorizing/defining ppl" is possible, if you see yourself somewhat like a "rebel" (cp welcome :D), you refuse without wanting by the same process to trust your ability to define yourself with your "rationnalization". Here is the joke of the 6 imo. Its like accepting vs refusing "rule", but if you refuse external, you will inevitably end by refusing your internal rules for "yourself", simply cuz they come from the same process.

For myself its more about "the key to find security is to stop looking for it". If you look closely you see security dont exist in the history (even in yourself : if you want security, why are you trying to destruct it permanently by new worst case scenario ?), and if you decide it exist, trying to implement it is at the price to stop to live and experience things. Ive dropped LSD. If I concentrated too much on the fear my dp could go worse, I would never taked it and would never have the wonderfull experience of it. Idiot exemple, yes.

Here for example we are thinking trying to find response, but why the fuck we need to do that ? Do you remember even the why ? Repair a loss ? for pleasure ? Having the pretention to find meaning in life by logical chunking ?
Try now to take a shit of paper and describe what you see IRL, a person you have seen or a landscape wich have inspired you in some way. You can try even to describe yourself thru a day. You will see that you will think in another way than "problem solving" and wich is probably more interesting/faithfull to yourself while less personnal, and in a way "the response of the problem" isnt really usefull or important.

If you are on any drugs atm I suggest talking with your psychologist or psychiatrist about gradually getting off them. T
Yes Ive stopped my drug story, medicinal or not. Actually the medicinal one aggravated my BP xD. Thx for your life way advices, im currently trying to implement it, but thats kinda hard Im not used to have regular sleep.
 

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Hi @no_id. I have a very bad weekend after me and very bad week before me, so i make it quick for now. I DO know how you feel, exactly. I have DR DP from childhood issues. It is 14 years +- now, that i am struggling with this. I had everything that you can have with this condition. Vision problems, existential questions, weird feelings, numbness, loss of concentration, anxiety, depression, floating issues, no body feelings, no control over my body/life feeling, those incredibly strange feelings of unreality of the world and many more. I had it all, trust me. I had it all for 14 years, and I am still alive. ;) I have plenty of problems and issues, but there were definitely days when i was almost happy, even after this began.

Dont worry, what you have could be reverse. It si hard and complicated and to be honest, nobody knows really how to do it. But I know personaly plenty of people that did it.

You may feel dead, but you will not feel worst. You will not became crazy, you will not die from this. And as bad as you might feel right now, you will feel better. I am sure of it, because thats how it works.

There are many theories about how this can start, how you can cure it. Plenty of theories, but no simple answers.

I can give you mor informations about this with some good sources and you might decide for yourself.

You are not dead yet, my friend. I feel your pain and sympathise with you. But you can be better. I was up and down. But I was up, and thats something. :) And I am not especially brave or skilled person. I suck at many things, my life is a complete mess right now. But you can survive this. And you will be better.

Sorry for not having much time now, just ask anything or tell me, what you wanna know and we can discuss this more, if I will be able. ;) I am expecting hard times ahead of me.

Take care and best of luck.

And you are still alive, underneath. Trust me. ;)
 
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I've experienced depersonalization. It was terrifying. What set me off was a traumatic event that left me with a head injury. Doctors put me on antidepressants that made me manic. My family convinced me to quit them cold turkey. That caused me to have a pretty bad seizure. I felt a robot for a long time. No feelings. Things looked surreal. But my life is really good now. I went to school for massage therapy and I work in a supplement store, so I've learned some healthy ways to deal with my ever-present anxiety:) I agree with Ntuitive, you have to live your way through it. Rim's advice is great, too. I actually went on a healthy diet and started jogging. That may have helped to pull me out of DP. Best of luck to you.
 

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I've had depersonalization and derealization. Never been a result of drug or alcohol use, to my knowledge -- may have been a side effect from prescriptions, but I highly doubt it. It's been happening for several years to me. It doesn't really affect how I act or seem to others, but it's kind of like my body goes on autopilot and the only thing that's really real is my mind. Sometimes it's randomly triggered. Other times it has a clear source. My therapist has been considering that it could be PTSD.

...even talking about it spurs it on, and now I'm having a bit of an episode...thankfully, they're not much concern. Just annoying.
 
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I've had depersonalization and derealization. Never been a result of drug or alcohol use, to my knowledge -- may have been a side effect from prescriptions, but I highly doubt it. It's been happening for several years to me. It doesn't really affect how I act or seem to others, but it's kind of like my body goes on autopilot and the only thing that's really real is my mind. Sometimes it's randomly triggered. Other times it has a clear source. My therapist has been considering that it could be PTSD.
I had something similar to this as a kid...I'd suddenly feel like everyone else was on a TV screen or something and I was just sitting there inside my head watching. I couldn't interact properly because it felt too weird; I called it "I feel like I'm not in life". Strobe lights would set it off, and then sometimes I'd think about why it happened so much that I'd induce another attack of it.

It would really disturb me at the time, but later on I found out it's a symptom of panic/your brain being under attack, which strobe lights can induce in sensitive individuals. It's really weird. And uncomfortable.

So basically, I stay away from strobe lights.
 

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I have dissociative attacks from time to time, about once a year. I've even had a couple of fugue-attacks. These have occured when I have walked out of my house, gone to the supermarket, perused the aisle for about ten minutes, picked what I wanted, walked out the supermarket and then stopped in my tracks in the car park and thought : "What? What did I do in the last ten minutes? Oh... right."
 

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I had something similar to this as a kid...I'd suddenly feel like everyone else was on a TV screen or something and I was just sitting there inside my head watching. I couldn't interact properly because it felt too weird; I called it "I feel like I'm not in life". Strobe lights would set it off, and then sometimes I'd think about why it happened so much that I'd induce another attack of it.

It would really disturb me at the time, but later on I found out it's a symptom of panic/your brain being under attack, which strobe lights can induce in sensitive individuals. It's really weird. And uncomfortable.

So basically, I stay away from strobe lights.
Exactly how I feel. Strobe lights and fast movements set it off for me too. And thinking about it induces an attack as well.
Did you ever get over it in general? Is it just strobe lights that triggered it?
I never feel panicky when it happens. Maybe it's because I'm so used to it.
 
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The same part of your brain thats stimulated during an episode of dissociation is stimulated during meditation, but its comparable to a bad trip, rather than a good one. So basically you're already anxious, and somehow you have tapped into that part of your brain to trigger dissociation. I find that keeping this in mind helps. If I can -name- the problem, I can calmly wait it out until it passes, typically.

What has triggered this in me is low blood-sugar, so it may vary from individual to individual.

I used to get scared and freak out on weed, but I don't anymore. I can keep my head.

Meditation will help you learn how to better control your mind so you don't freak out when these things happen.

I have dissociative attacks from time to time, about once a year. I've even had a couple of fugue-attacks. These have occured when I have walked out of my house, gone to the supermarket, perused the aisle for about ten minutes, picked what I wanted, walked out the supermarket and then stopped in my tracks in the car park and thought : "What? What did I do in the last ten minutes? Oh... right."
Stuff like that is totally normal and everyone experiences it, but an anxious mind sort of bends in on itself to analyze what just happened.. mindbending. Most people can just walk around behaving and not start 'monitoring' (thats a term used in the psychology of anxiety a lot to describe the thing that happens when you freak out and for example, start paying a ton of attention to every little thing that happens in your body.. then its all amplified and you think something weird is happening.) So, the trick is to just accept it. Accept the dissociation, the lapses in awareness when you're on autopilot, the weird random body sensitivities. Accept that you will not lose control if you simply allow them to pass without engaging them in a dialogue - its the dialogue that builds it up into something when it was nothing.
 

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The same part of your brain thats stimulated during an episode of dissociation is stimulated during meditation, but its comparable to a bad trip, rather than a good one. So basically you're already anxious, and somehow you have tapped into that part of your brain to trigger dissociation. I find that keeping this in mind helps. If I can -name- the problem, I can calmly wait it out until it passes, typically.

What has triggered this in me is low blood-sugar, so it may vary from individual to individual.

I used to get scared and freak out on weed, but I don't anymore. I can keep my head.

Meditation will help you learn how to better control your mind so you don't freak out when these things happen.



Stuff like that is totally normal and everyone experiences it, but an anxious mind sort of bends in on itself to analyze what just happened.. mindbending. Most people can just walk around behaving and not start 'monitoring' (thats a term used in the psychology of anxiety a lot to describe the thing that happens when you freak out and for example, start paying a ton of attention to every little thing that happens in your body.. then its all amplified and you think something weird is happening.) So, the trick is to just accept it. Accept the dissociation, the lapses in awareness when you're on autopilot, the weird random body sensitivities. Accept that you will not lose control if you simply allow them to pass without engaging them in a dialogue - its the dialogue that builds it up into something when it was nothing.
Am not sure. It was as if I had just turned my brain off and then turned it back on.

I had always thought that dissociation was related to stress, i.e. as a way of combating stress. I have thought that stress and anxiety are basically related.
 

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Am not sure. It was as if I had just turned my brain off and then turned it back on.

I had always thought that dissociation was related to stress, i.e. as a way of combating stress. I have thought that stress and anxiety are basically related.
Many deal with stress and never manage to experience panic attacks, dissociation, etc. A more hypervigilant person however can trigger these things as a result of the anxiety their stress has caused them. They also don't even need anything necessarily stressful out of the ordinary to go on, to cause this - just the normal hypervigilant mode can prime them for it.
 
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Exactly how I feel. Strobe lights and fast movements set it off for me too. And thinking about it induces an attack as well.
Did you ever get over it in general? Is it just strobe lights that triggered it?
I never feel panicky when it happens. Maybe it's because I'm so used to it.
Yeah, I realized I hated it, so I just willed it out of existence when I was about 10. You actually have control over it, I think, although I still try to stay away from strobe lights.

And yes, they seem to have been the main trigger...also when I went to girl scouts, but I think that was psychological. I hated girl scouts, and tried very hard not to be "present".
 

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You had a bad trip on weed? Yeah, it happens. :) I don't smoke if I'm anxious, though I do if I'm tired. I also wait until the afternoon, usually. It's perfect if you are hiking. It doesn't dehydrate like alcohol does, is lighter, and is really nice for the joints. It is quite often prescribed for pain. I am in Washington state and on my 26th birthday (December 6th) it will be legal for those over 21. I think its cool but then again I like for it to be taboo. I also don't want all the drinkers who said people who smoke weed are stupid, to start smoking weed and bring meat heads into the mix. I sure hope not. I like for it to be nerds, writers, and artists, and misfits. ;)

I think venting about anxiety is a good thing. In the sense that it is nothing to be ashamed of or to feel weak about. Then again sometimes anxiety can beget anxiety. If I'm pissed off I climb a hill. At least a ten minute climb and then maybe an hour long walk, or so. There is something about your lungs expanding and your heart beating quickly that relieves stress. Nature seems to be healing, as well. Nature brings everything into perspective, slows you down, and gets you to notice and enjoy the breeze toppling the grass, the flow of water, or the excitement of a storm. That calms me down every time.

Also, adrenaline. If you are feeling this retreating, phobic feeling, or apathy it really can bring a kick-ass feeling to the table. It's empowering. I love adrenaline. I have really had to work myself into it. It's worth it to work past particular phobias. The more you do, the easier it is to overcome things. I also have found I can break activities down to the smallest little pieces. I also find ways to learn things through everything I do. I break everything I do in my mind and realize this will benefit this area and so forth. I love adrenaline, though. It's a beautiful thing and I want a lot of it in my life. I like being excited and seeing life like an adventure. I also try and face my anxiety. If I couldn't do something before, I try in the future to suck it up and do it. I realize the anxiety is usually more harmful than just avoiding it all together and doing what I set out to do. It's hard. I have a tendency to freeze up. I just now know the repercussions of that and I want to move forward, so I suck it up.
 
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