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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I'm a chameleon - I try to be what people want me to be. Praise and admiration make me feel good, but I'm terrified of people seeing what I am really like - which is the opposite of how I appear. As a child, my fear/shyness was often mistaken as being cool and calm. I learned through this that people like it that I am cool, calm and organized - so I pretended to be like that and still do. On the outside, I look perfect (and I can keep it together through thick and thin), the ideal balance between cool/calm and warm/friendly, on the inside I am afraid people will realize I am a fraud, I am disorganized (a real mess) and lazy, my emotions are volatile (people would NEVER know that). I worry about everything - if I'm sick, I'm dying, if I hear a loud noise - someone close to me might be hurt etc.

I don't take the limelight, although if I'm forced to take the limelight I enjoy it. I would never start a conversation with a stranger unless I was really had to, and while I loved the idea of being the best etc. in school, I never had the popular/social side of things. I was always envious of those who were popular, but not enough to do anything to make myself popular. I always wanted to be fashionable, but went with a timeless, elegant look because I didn't seem to be able to capture trends well. Even that look took me into my mid-20s to perfect, and I still make many purchasing mistakes and can't achieve the look I want.

I am always focused on making the authority like me - teachers, or particular role models that I admired - almost the point of obsession. I tend to do the same with people I feel are threatening - I usually have a few people in my close circle who I feel threatened by (like they could replace me/do better than me?) and I yo-yo between wanting to be like them and being so envious that I hate them and disagree with them (although again, they would have no idea, except when the occasional passive aggressive comment comes through).

HOWEVER - I don't see myself as a group player at all - I dislike small talk, I dislike delegating, I hate group activities - I feel I can get things done better alone, and others sometimes let me down when I rely on them. I don't invest in friendships and I feel super awkward when people try and get close to me. I don't want to invest effort in getting to know people.

I research a l lot about everything to try and become an expert in many things, I get strong believes that what I'm doing is right (e.g. diet, parenting techniques, etc) and give advice (I'm always afraid my advice isn't wanted - but I still give it). Being told I'm wrong/being disagreed with STINGS like anything and sometimes it's all I can think about for days (even if it was one comment from someone who isn't important to me). Also, I am super serious when in public - I can be witty/funny if I feel it is wanted - but I can't let loose/have fun at all.

I have a very strong attachment to my spouse, and am warm and loving/affectionate with my children, but I don't have connections with many others. When I see an old friend we can talk like we've never been apart - but my friends tend to be listeners, and I am the talker. I sometimes share, depending on who I am talking to - I can be vulnerable but only if I am feeling desperate for support.

Could I be a 6w5 who just feels like they have to act like a 3 to be liked? Something else?
 

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You kind of just sound like a 3w4. I think your 4 wing is pretty pronounced. And I think because we might just be random people on the internet that you're not so much out to impress, that you're integrating to 6 here by sharing your insecurities and being a little bit more real with us.
 
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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks for your reply, it is very insightful - I originally (10 years ago) felt I was a 4. But although I enjoy creativity, it's always very controlled/perfectionist - like copying things that exist, recreating things perfectly - and I shy away from anything expressive or artistic these days. I'm also SO quiet - surely a 3 has to have confidence? And can a 3 have such a turbulent inner world?!

You kind of just sound like a 3w4. I think your 4 wing is pretty pronounced. And I think because we might just be random people on the internet that you're not so much out to impress, that you're integrating to 6 here by sharing your insecurities and being a little bit more real with us.
 

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Thanks for your reply, it is very insightful - I originally (10 years ago) felt I was a 4. But although I enjoy creativity, it's always very controlled/perfectionist - like copying things that exist, recreating things perfectly - and I shy away from anything expressive or artistic these days. I'm also SO quiet - surely a 3 has to have confidence? And can a 3 have such a turbulent inner world?!
A 3 with a strong 4 wing can definitely have a lot of inner doubt and turbulence. But because they are still 3's they usually won't let it steamroll them, and they'll keep putting their best foot forward to get the job done, excel, and dazzle people a little with their accomplishments.
 
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I find 3w4's, 4w3's, 8w9's, and 9w8's kinda interesting because they are mixes of one very assertive type dominated by the ego, and one very withdrawn type dominated by the id. Its like a dichotomy within the person.
 

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I identify as 3w4... I hear you, and can empathize. :)
In fact, I can relate to nearly everything you said in your post.

My major fears in childhood revolved on "not being good enough", or finding myself humiliated one way or another.
There's a tangible, perpetual, involuntary urge to appear a certain way to people I'm with, just because it's
somehow incredibly painful to miss the mark (which, to be very fair, means different things to different people).
I also feel the need to impress, but not in an overtly demanding or kiss-ass manner; admiration and respect offer a "high",
but I hate bargaining for them or seeming excessively needy, insecure, or egocentric.

On a better note I can seem put-together and with the program pretty much all the time.
I don't naturally exhibit a lot of nervousness or instability, and can be sort of charming and dutiful... and very assertive when the situation calls for it...
but honestly, it's because I know that's what people like to see.
 

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I can not tell you if you are a 3 just by what you write, but I learned a lot in a site about 6 types, and I recall thi type being the most difficult to type due to the broad spectrum they have. And also, that there is two different 6: one copes their fears by avoidance and the other type cope his fears with confrontation, so they tend to be more agressive. Maybe you can look it up on the internet. I would sugest you the page I read about it but it is in spanish...
 
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