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Hey all,

I was in a relationship with a 7w6 (also ENFP) and he broke up with me after saying he started "feeling like friends for a couple of months" after a year of being in a relationship together. It was the longest relationship he has ever had and there was little to no conflict between us. Things actually seemed just fine and then he broke up with me out of the blue after we went to a friend's wedding. I tried to suggest us doing fun things and try and mix things up and he says he enjoyed hanging out with me and wanted me to still be a part of his life after the fact. There was no other girl in the mix. He says it's likely he won't date for a while.

Based on my reading of type 7's, when you leave a relationship like this, what are your biggest reasons? Is it infatuation worn off and not really true love? Is it the need to shake things up and feel out something new? Scared of commitment or the desire to be single and free? What is the likelihood you would ever go back to a relationship like this?

Thanks in advance.
 

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Things actually seemed just fine and then he broke up with me out of the blue after we went to a friend's wedding.
Just a guess.. Seven's can be commitment-phobic and going to the wedding may have freaked him out.
Other than that it doesn't make sense unless he's lying about there not being someone else.
 

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"feeling like friends for a couple of months" -> If you trust his reasoning, it's exactly what it says on the tin. He's lost interest. It happens.

e.g. "Things are nice when new, but then you realize it's not what you truly want. But wait! Maybe if you stay for longer you might regain interest, or be able to turn things around?! (positivity triad thinking) It's not like you hate the person, you probably like them a lot and want to be friends forever!

....

Nope, still didn't work. NEXT."
 

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Don't you feel like a good relationship is having the best friend in the world to go through life with? One that you have sex with? I know I'm at a good point when I have someone I can trust and depend on and be myself around and not worry about what they think of me. To know that we make decisions and think about the other person.
 

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Don't you feel like a good relationship is having the best friend in the world to go through life with? One that you have sex with? I know I'm at a good point when I have someone I can trust and depend on and be myself around and not worry about what they think of me. To know that we make decisions and think about the other person.
I have different requirements of my romantic partners than I do of my friends, though. My "best friend" who is a romantic partner is an entirely different animal than my "best friend" who is a platonic partner. It has nothing to do with sex, either; I've been fwbs with a best friend and it was nothing like a relationship.

As a 7, my biggest reason for leaving a relationship (after some sort of betrayal/general incompatibility issue), is boredom. I am very easily bored. I'm loyal, but I am also quick to lose infatuation--most people just can't hold my interest. I have tried staying longer before out of misguided guilt, but it ended up a mistake. You really do not want to keep anyone--least of all a 7--where they do not want to be.
 

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I have different requirements of my romantic partners than I do of my friends, though. My "best friend" who is a romantic partner is an entirely different animal than my "best friend" who is a platonic partner. It has nothing to do with sex, either; I've been fwbs with a best friend and it was nothing like a relationship.

As a 7, my biggest reason for leaving a relationship (after some sort of betrayal/general incompatibility issue), is boredom. I am very easily bored. I'm loyal, but I am also quick to lose infatuation--most people just can't hold my interest. I have tried staying longer before out of misguided guilt, but it ended up a mistake. You really do not want to keep anyone--least of all a 7--where they do not want to be.
Yeah, I understand what you're saying but the thing about sevens and getting bored that is concerning is that infatuation will NEVER last in any relationship. At some point in every relationship things will start to naturally stagnate and the couple has to make an effort to keep things interesting and continue positive growth.

And I do know what you mean about FWB, but generally the feelings there are different because you know you aren't compatible and wouldn't like being in a relationship. There aren't the same constraints. To me it just feels like he lost infatuation and didn't feel like putting in any more effort. Don't sevens see that it is an endless cycle that will continue to repeat itself?

Honestly, after some time has passed and realizing what about him caused this, I'm glad we're not together anymore for the sole fact that I don't think he'd last in a relationship with anyone and is destined to roam aimlessly and then get tired and settle down with the wrong person. I mean I never had a better relationship with anyone else but if he can't commit I'm glad I'm not wasting my time anymore.
 

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Yeah, I understand what you're saying but the thing about sevens and getting bored that is concerning is that infatuation will NEVER last in any relationship. At some point in every relationship things will start to naturally stagnate and the couple has to make an effort to keep things interesting and continue positive growth.

And I do know what you mean about FWB, but generally the feelings there are different because you know you aren't compatible and wouldn't like being in a relationship. There aren't the same constraints. To me it just feels like he lost infatuation and didn't feel like putting in any more effort. Don't sevens see that it is an endless cycle that will continue to repeat itself?

Honestly, after some time has passed and realizing what about him caused this, I'm glad we're not together anymore for the sole fact that I don't think he'd last in a relationship with anyone and is destined to roam aimlessly and then get tired and settle down with the wrong person. I mean I never had a better relationship with anyone else but if he can't commit I'm glad I'm not wasting my time anymore.
I'm sure he can commit, just not to you.
 

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I'm sure he can commit, just not to you.
Regardless if that is true or not, I still don't understand the idea of being able to commit if type 7's "get bored" once infatuation wears off. Every relationship will eventually get boring. How can a 7 truly commit if that's the case?
 

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Regardless if that is true or not, I still don't understand the idea of being able to commit if type 7's "get bored" once infatuation wears off. Every relationship will eventually get boring. How can a 7 truly commit if that's the case?
Frequently getting bored with relationships != inability to commit.

For me, infatuation is the cherry on top of fascination with regards to a select group of people. You evidently were not in that group for him.
 

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maybe Tertiary Te, but I am very direct when ending relationships (which, due to how thoroughly I filter people before they can become my friend, is something I seldom have to do). I simply tell them it's over, why and give them a chance at any last words. unless they are a severe ass, I try to make the parting as empathetic as possible
 

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At times, I've been very blunt and direct because I had to be.
I've become bored with them, I've discovered their nature and values and personality and knew it wasn't someone I wanted to be around at all anymore.
The infatuation or fascination wears off and I'm gone. Keep in mind, these were individuals not worth keeping company imo, they were liars,users, victim role complainers.
Yeah I'm bored time to bounce this relationship to the curb.
Maybe 7's just know what they like and don't like very easily and have no tolerance for what we realize we don't like or know won't be a long term thing.

I know it might suck op, but 7's can't lie to themselves, I think we keep it real in regards to our relationships with people. Idk. Maybe. At least I do.
 

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Regardless if that is true or not, I still don't understand the idea of being able to commit if type 7's "get bored" once infatuation wears off. Every relationship will eventually get boring. How can a 7 truly commit if that's the case?
Very simply - they just need someone who would not bore them. Somebody fascinating, like for example somebody so different and puzzling who will be always fascinating because of that or someone dynamic and adventurous, who would not make things stuck.

Also, not everybody seek the same in relationships.

And not everybody assume that relationship must last forever. Many people prefer to break up and start with someone else, after their previous relationship wears off. Because of cultural and practical reasons it's not always accepted even by those people, but generally a lot of people are like that. Human nature.

And sevens just tend to change things when they see it doesn't work anymore - relationship, job, place they live - I don't say they always do that but they're more tempted to do it than many other types. You may see it as a flaw, but in fact letting oneself getting stuck in unhappy situation is a self-destructive behaviour.
 

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I generally only end things if I think it really needs to end. Most of the time, I've thought long and hard about how best to drop it, and most of the time, a "clean incision" seems like the best way to go. As a 7w6, I think I have the tendency to try to soften my thoughts to the point of them being ineffective. In other words, it's hard to drop subtle hints along the way. Also, when I'm displeased with something, I'm very capable of not showing it.
 

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My boyfriend is a type 7 and we are in a long distance relationship at the moment. I understand the traits of a seven and asked him several times after we had disagreements if he wants to opt out and he said know. In fact when I'm unsure he is the one always saying babe we will get through this. We are working on our communication and he is getting better in sharing his feelings even if I still have to do the work to help him get there. I'm also learning that I need to address concerns with him in a more positive way.

Recently I feel he went from calling daily to every second day. He also text less. In my books that means he is losing interest. I asked him about this twice and he said he is just busy and he still loves me. I can see he is making a effort again because he is a bit more engaging this week and we are having a online 'date' on Saturday which I suggested but he was very enthusiastic about it.

I still have this feeling he is losing interest. Can any 7s please let me know what you do if you losing interest and in my case, do you think he is?
 

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I would say maybe. We need constant stimulation in a relationship. I have a theory that we all enter a relationship for a specific reason. An attachment point. Once that is lost you lose interest so to speak. If it is not reattached or maintained you begin searching for it in other things and or people.
 
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