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[edit: fffffff-;;; Typo! Typo! I mean 4w5 in the title........orz.]

Hey, roselett here. c;
I was wondering what Enneagram I was--I took a test, and I generally get 7w6 as my main type, and then 4w5 then 9w8 for the weaker ones. Reading a description for 7w6, it seems quite accurate for my outward behavior, but the basic fear/basic desires don't quite fit. 4w5 tends to fit more of my inner behavior, but well...I'm fairly new to the concept of enneagram, so I thought I'd leave this up to you guys. uwu

Prerequisites

What age range are you in?
20.

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
I have had depression for about seven-ish years.

Main Questions

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

I try to discover myself and get to know everything there is about me--the way I see it, the better I know myself, the more I can work on my weaknesses and amplify my strengths. I need to know the way my brain works, the way I cope, the way I judge things. I need to analyze what I do and the reasons behind it all. I also want to understand the world around me, both the beautiful things and the terrible--experience it all and know all of it.

2. What were you like as a kid?

Energetic, enthusiastic, and very perceptive. I was curious and devoured encyclopedias and books of any kind, and had excellent memory of what I read. I loved people, and had no problems approaching strangers and striking up conversations and offering advice. I was imaginative and creative, and I spent most of my time playing out elaborate, dramatic stories with my dolls, drawing, writing, or crafting out of junk. I was very social, but due to being an only child, it was easier for me to have serious conversations with adults than chatting with my peers.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

As a kid, I was very affectionate and sensitive to them. When they fought I took it very hard, and tried to mediate as best as I could. I liked to make meals for my mother, or write cards and make gifts for my parents. I think I had a fear of our family falling apart, and would get upset if my parents were separated, even just for a few hours. They were very supportive of me. When I hit my teens I was cold and didn't like displays of affection like I used to. I isolated myself, and my parents were worried and confused. They tried to understand my increasingly erratic behavior, and tried to help me make friends, as I struggled with making connections to my peers and was becoming depressed. The older I got, the more apparent it became to them that was different, and it took them a while to accept that I have different needs and viewpoints than them or their friends' children.

4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

Being open-minded, independent, flexible, but always staying true to oneself. Being authentic and unique is important, but in my experience it has brought a lot of hardship, being different. I think it's important to accept that everyone's unique and appreciate the differences. I would never want to become close minded or compromise myself and dissolve into the crowd. I also don't want to become dependent and become a burden on others.

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

As I have mentioned before, I think I actually was terrified that my parents would separate because they have opposite personalities. I had typical children's worries that something bad might happen to my parents. These fears haven't exactly gone away, but they're not as strong because I understand that my parents do love each other. I still am the mediator between them, and I still become stressed when they aren't getting along and I have to make things okay again. I still worry about their safety, but a lot of that might be related to the fact that we are immigrants, and so I grew up making sure they weren't being conned or treated badly for it.

Other than that, I have always struggled with being different than my peers, the constant conflict of wanting to fit in and have friends, but being unable to fit into the mold. I've also had a hard time with self-worth, and feeling like I will never be good enough/that my parents deserve so much better/that I might be 'damaged goods.' And after having a few bad times when some people broke my trust, I find it a bit difficult to trust others as I once did, and the biggest fear that dominated my teens was being paranoid about when this friend would leave/betray my trust.

6. a.) How do you see yourself?

As a different person, in both good and bad ways. I like novelty, and variety, and I like to think I accept people for their differences and try not to judge people off the bat. I used to be very idealistic, but the older I got, the more pragmatic and cynical I became. I am an emotionally driven person, but I value logic, and often feel the need to apply logic and rationalize things to help myself accept/face things.

b.) How do you want others to see you?

Hmmm. I would simply like them to understand me, both the good and bad. More ideally, I'd like them to see that I am different, but be okay with it. Maybe as a strong, capable person, someone they can count on.

c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?

Close-mindedness, being unable to see things from different perspectives/other people's shoes. Insisting convention is correct and all else is wrong. Selfishness. Going along with whatever, just because everyone else is.

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).

a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. (3)
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you (1)
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. (2)

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

My wandering mind never stays too long on one subject. It's constantly bouncing from one thing to the next, but when I'm given the time, I usually do some serious self reflecting and analyzing. These are automatic, a wandering mind is my mind's default state.

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

When I'm either on a creative high and I create something that truly expresses me, or when I feel like I belong and am being accepted completely. When I know I'm helping and the person receiving help is happy/thankful.

I feel at my worst when I have to conform and be someone I'm not, or when I feel the waves of depression/self-hatred coming on.

10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger
b.) shame
c.) anxiety


A. Anger doesn't come too often for me, unless it's being angry at myself--that comes with both shame and anxiety. Feeling helpless or powerless makes me angry. When it's others, someone who is close-minded refusing to see other possibilities and insisting their way is the only right way/judging people they don't really understand might get me pretty irritated--mostly when that sort of thinking harms other people. Certain topics like sexism, sexual assault, racism can get me fired up easily.

B. Failure, whether perceived, or actual. Upsetting my parents because of my differences, lapsing back into bad habits, sinking back into a depressive state that makes me unable to do anything. Shame and anxiety are very closely interlocked, and it's usually felt together at once or each closely leads to the other. Being anxious and reacting badly makes me feel ashamed that I couldn't handle the situation with more resilience. Feeling shameful leads to depression and anxiety, and the cycle continues.

C. Conflict in the family, having to make big life decisions quickly, having to do something I know I have failed at before, being in a group where I feel like the outsider, anything that reminds me of a traumatic event in the past. When I get extremely anxious, I might become emotionally erratic, and end up having panic attacks, often in public. However, I'm careful not to let others (aside from family) notice, because I am very vulnerable and sensitive when it comes to my depression in general.

11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress
b.) negative unexpected change
c.) conflict


A) I try to resolve it by doing the things I enjoy, like art, music, writing, going out to shop, etc, and it helps a great deal. But when I don't even have the time to do so, I have a much harder time. I'll hold out as long as I can, but I don't do well with stress and start withdrawing, getting emotional/depressed. If the stress continues to build, I'll become so anxious and emotionally unstable that I will be unable to go on with normal routine like school or work. A lot of the time I will feel actually sick, aches and pains, headaches.

B) I'm fairly adaptable, and change doesn't affect me as much as other people. I am spontaneous in temperament, after all. I won't focus too much on it. I'll have a 'meh, oh well' attitude and won't obsess about changing the situation if it's not possible. If it's a very bad change, like a death or something similar, I'll do my best to keep things together and running smoothly, but it'll eventually lead to a lot of stress.

C) Conflict in the house is something I highly dislike. I have to get it resolved, or at least move on. I'll be stressed, but I'll focus more on fixing the issue and counseling the people involved. If it's conflict elsewhere, I usually don't stress, instead trying to lend a listening ear or give advice, and try to cheer people up by taking them out or doing something nice for them.

12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?


A) As a child, I was older than most of my peers by at least a year. I was always the leader/older sister figure, getting things figured out, resolving conflict. As a teen, I was the outcast, and was the black sheep in the group, and had a hard time fitting in. Nowadays, I'm flexible--I don't take direct charge most of the time, but I will always make my opinions clear. I also enjoy befriending younger kids in their early teens, and I take on the older sister/friend role, being both silly friend and serious adviser depending on the circumstance.

B) I consider others' opinions when it comes to a group decision, and try to come up with something that everyone's okay with. A lot of brainstorming, more relaxed, not a lot of rules. With a younger group that I feel responsibility to take care of, I'm a lot stricter. I'll make sure that they're safe, and everyone is being taken care of.

C) As long as we are on good terms/they do not try to make me compromise my values, I'm okay with authority. If they try to make me conform or break a value, I will become a lot less cooperative and more assertive and aggressive. I hate being micro-managed as well. I also tend not to trust organized authority systems, like school systems, big corporations, governments in general. If I don't know them personally and I know what kind of person they are, it's hard for me to go along without asking a lot of questions.

13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

Their feelings, their quirks. their relationships to others. I tend to catch onto what a person is like and the values and insecurities they have fairly quickly.

14. Comment on your relationship with trust.

I used to value loyalty very highly when I was younger, and I still do. However, I now know that my trust shouldn't be freely given, because there are people who will violate that trust and hurt you. I don't trust easily anymore, but I'm a lot less suspicious about others than I was before. However, once I know I can trust someone, I will also be deathly loyal.

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?

I am religious, but I am politically neutral/I don't participate in politics. I don't think they've really influenced my responses here.


I was gonna answer the extra questions too, but my wrist got really tired from this wall of text;;;; Sorry for how long this is, orz;;. Thanks in advance~~
 

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Oh, oh my gosh xDDDD I was about to reply, '4w6?? Is that even possible?' until I saw.....;;;; Oh man, I don't think I can fix that typo hhhhhh;;; orz
 
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