1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I'm generally not a goal-oriented/ambitious person. I'm not competitive. But say if I do find out I beat everyone in my class at a test or something and I already think they're douchebags, then I'll be like "yeah! That's what they get!" and I've even said this to friends (who don't have relevance to the class or do but I'm obviously not talking about them because I wouldn't be hanging around them, and they look at me like I'm going too far) I generally enjoy my freedom in basking being able to do anything I want. I'm driven by things which interest me. So, for instance, I get this thought in my head "what would that be like?" and that curiosity really gets to me. I love experiencing the underground part of society- the part of the world thats not really shown. I tend to look for humor in things and am driven by curiosity and if I'm feeling anticipatory excitement.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
Crap. I'm still not too sure. I guess one of the biggest things I hope to accomplish in terms of an overall life scheme is to try and eliminate the traits I see as weaknesses in myself and gain traits I prefer to see in myself.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
This is a hard question to answer because I'm not too sure. I want to be a character I can admire. By the way, this has no link to morals but more so to integrity. I hate being seen as this shy, demure thing in the past which has been linked to insecurity by others. Outcomes of that usually are being taken advantage of that and I don't like people to even think they have those intentions and possibilities with me.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I fear having a responsibility for people, commitment to people and performance. I don't like the idea of people having me on their mind and having to obligate myself to them. The idea of spending my time with one person for hours is a hard thing for me, I'd rather have some time with them and then by myself or some time with them, them in a group and then by myself.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want others to see me as assertive, jokey, lighthearted, tough-minded yet easy going and I guess I'd like to be better at dealing with people. How do I see myself? I see myself a lot through the eyes of the people who matter most to me, like family. So irrational, soft and sensitive yet also impartial, can be rude and self-absorbed. I think the public see me as a mixture between quiet/reserved and animated, controversial, too open for my own good, cynical, awkward, serious yet also lighthearted. I know I'm different both at home and on the outside. I have more of my own thoughts/voice and am way more impulsive when in my own company in public. The traits common with both are probably childlike and needing time to myself.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my worst when I have moments where I've had fun and then I'm like "crap, maybe I screwed up there with that" or any sort "oh maybe I shouldve done that" moments or when I'(ve/m) fail(ing/ed) to defend myself (being put down) or feeling incompetent at something. It gets me down when the people who matter most to me see me in a bad/ weak/ dim light like not in terms of good/bad but in terms of negative traits like "niave","not logical", "emotional", "weak".
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
I'm not quick to anger although I feel irritation quick. I tend to pent it up in these little forms of irritation because I hate the escalation that executes when I show anger/frustration at something and the emotional burden of having to go along with it for so long because others get offended. When I do get angry, It usually comes out in quick and intense bursts yet converts to emotionalism after a while of arguing - its like my brain gets so sad over having to get angry that thats how it shows itself.
Shame comes in the form of anxiety for me. I'll try and ignore it, or I'll ask someone about my place in evaluation of rights from wrong in the hope that they'll reassure me, even though it usually has the opposite outcome. Might try and moreso avoid time alone with shame.
I automatically will try to fix it with water, ignoring it or using something as a placebo effect. I get anxiety often and I think its correlated to performance in social situations and knowing whether or not I screwed up in any way (as an aftereffect of being overwhelmed).
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
I feel irritated by stress. Again, I stomach it and try and ignore it. I'll welcome the opportunity to get away from it, may possibly discuss it with who I think would be the most appropriate company (e.g. I wont know this person in a year from now, so I'll talk to them and ask their advice) or I'll have more of a need for company which has nothing to do with the root of the stressful situation.
Eh, I like it. I enjoy the impact of it on the ordinary, mundane day it was meant to be.
Theres only one reason I hate conflict and thats the beginning part of it. I hate not knowing if I'm interpreting initiating conflict as appropriate and the right thing to do/ doing so under the right reasoning and having read the situation correctly. The after part is not so bad for me. I'd hate to work alongside that person afterward though. I also don't like the idea of starting conflict if there's a chance the person beats me up afterward, ill just leave it if thats the case.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
I hate having strict adherence to rules. I generally question people's intentions when they give me orders or requests. For example, at my last job, although I had less experience and the person was only one tier higher than me on the job status/role code, when they would ask me to do things for them, sometimes one after the other, it really got to me because I didn't like having to follow it but was thinking also in terms of job politics.
I respect people who have a sense of confidence and assertion and I can get the impression that they "know-what-they're-doing". I know if I'm working in a group, I will definitely want to get myself involved because I don't like the one sitting where there's no table left and everyone else has the table to lean on, if you catch my drift.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I think people are out for their own survival and I think that the only reason they're here in the first place, not different from any mammal. But I think the fact that modern society has become so well developed that whilst there are still wars being fought, there's also things like politics behind it and we've been able to build out of these primitive instincts to develop things like family, friendship and morals as an amazing thing because it totally contradicts primitive nature and its just weird that its had that result.
If you guys see any possible indication of mbti in this, please feel free to offer it!