Personality Cafe banner
1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
367 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey, so I'm a nine and I was wondering how other nines deal when their stress levels start to get too high?

I know as nines we don't like conflict or feelings/emotions that make us uncomfortable or threaten our sense of inner peace. So how do you guys usually react? If I do recall, I think it says nines tend to withdraw and avoid . . . or something along those lines. I'm too lazy to go verify that.

I guess my reason for asking all this is because right now I'm pretty stressed.


I think it's a nine thing, but honestly I'm not really sure when I am at a high level of stress (it's hard for me to identify), since nines tend to avoid conflicting feelings so well. Honestly, at the most I'm just feeling really frustrated at the worst of times and super fatigued.

Why my high level of stress you ask?

I literally graduate this coming friday and I'm still cramming, trying to get finals done. I've basically been stressing since I got back from spring break which was like three weeks ago. I had this HUGE group presentation/term paper due this past thursday and it damn near killed me (metaphorically speaking). All the groups in the class were cramming to get everything done on time and my group basically had two days to start and finish a 15 paged paper. I had already pulled 4 all nighters the previous week and then had to pull two more the following week to finish the paper on time (and I was still 15 minutes late!).

It was weird. The closer it got to the paper, the more my group members were asking if I was okay and reminding me to take deep breaths. Which I found odd because I didn't feel like my outward appearance had changed drastically to were it looked like I was freaking out and aside from a constant humming/buzzing feeling I had in my chest that I easily ignored -- I thought I was staying pretty calm.

Anyway, I'm writing this because today I had my first final out of three. And while I was on campus I bumped into one of my group members who asked me if I was ready for our senior seminar final at ten am tomorrow and I COMPLETELY forgot about it! I just had no idea how I had managed to wipe my member of the final. Anyway, she sent me an email of the study guide (that she luckily was kind enough to send it already filled out) and it's eight pages long.

My final is at ten tomorrow morning. I should be writing a paper I have to turn in for tomorrow by midnight for a different class or at the damn least studying for the ten am final tomorrow. Yet here I am . . . . procrastinating -- avoiding my studies that are stressing me the hell out to write this post here :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,312 Posts
I have different modes of response to stress. Sometimes it causes me to dysfunction and freeze up. But there have also been times when a crises activated my problem solving subroutine and I managed to save the world from a disaster my own ADD had created in the first place.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
585 Posts
LOL I shut down and hide in the corner, of course!

But that's not very useful or healthy advice.* I find that the best way to get over it and FACE the stress is making lists. That way I can see exactly what I'm dealing with, which both takes away the fear that you're forgetting something important AND gives you a better sense of direction when you get that OMG-there's-so-much-stuff-to-do-I'll-go-take-a-nap feeling.

*For a nine at least. We come by the go-and-hide-until-the-danger-goes-away method way too easily. But for some of the more ambitious and energetic types, resting and getting-away-from-it-all is actually pretty GOOD advice. Just not usually for us. Unless we're sick and refusing to see that we actually DO need to slow down. Ah, inertia.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,124 Posts
Distract myself, put off thinking about it/dealing with it by focusing on something - anything - else. Also, eat. I'm one of those people who eats their feelings, often without even realizing it.

Honestly, these habits are what keeps me convinced I'm a Nine and not some other type.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
137 Posts
This image comes to mind

Sand Fun Beach Soil Photography

It's pretty hard helping a stressed 9 as that seems to lead to the 9 wanting to give you 'everything' instead, so that they can snooze somewhere else and forget about it.

I can see why people can be pissed off by that, which just puts the problem right back at the 9, now possibly without someone wanting to help them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
521 Posts
I've always ran away. Then I stew on it and become angry eventually, although, I don't know why. Maybe because I see it as a kind of attack on my peace and well being. I literally sometimes see life and circumstances as in my way and interrupting my routine and peace. I hate problems where there's nothing I can do about them, like if I have anxiety, and it gets the best of me I feel helpless. Or if somebody I care about gets sick I think about that abandonment if something happens to them, I feel powerless. So I bury myself in the sand at all costs to avoid thinking about it.

Sometimes you hear people talk about how life's struggles make you strong or how it's all a lesson and I've always thought that was such bullshit. I mean, to me, it's unnecessary. I don't need it.

This song's chorus really works for me as a 9 and can be my motto at times:

''Just a little bit. Just a little more information. To add to my confusion. To add to the frustration -- I DON'T NEED IT''

The last part about not needing it is a key line.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
271 Posts
In the past for years, I just avoided conflict and I was very lazy so I never really ended up in a situation that was very stress-inducing. If something did upset me, I would usually become angry about it, stew for a while and eventually return to my natural setting of being in neutral emotionallly. As I have gotten healthier and more confident, I turn to things that consistently give me comfort or relieve stress, like walking a dog, walking in nature, doing creative work or in cases of personal conflict, actually talk to/confront the person I have an issue with.

Also, as I have gotten older I have gotten much better at being in the moment. If you can keep your focus on the present that can help to reduce your stress. That could be something like noticing the breeze or a flower or when working on your school stuff, just focus on the assignment you have to do right now, don't worry about the other ones. When you find your mind wandering you have to stop it and bring it back to focus. Also for me, getting to work on something makes me feel better. Like you, I am a student. Getting to work on the assignments, although still stressful, does make it less stressful for me. Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
148 Posts
If I am stressed out and fatigue, I just shut down and watch videos all day long! And get some sleep too! When I start to feel better, I may start doing other things like chores, organize something and watch more videos on Netflix, YouTube and Xfinity Stream. If I want to close my eyes, I may listen to a podcast or the pastor of Douglas UCC. If I am feeling creative and with more energy, I may draw, paint, sing, dance, etc... I avoid going out when I do not have to until my stress level is back down low.

If I have homework to do, I will try to sleep a lot, so I will have the energy to do my homework and meet the deadline. I still may take a day or two off to veg out on videos if I can! Hahaha! I go into lazy mode when I am stressed out.


 

·
Registered
Joined
·
347 Posts
I tend to get avoidant. Sometimes I'll binge watch shows. I used to stress eat but now I don't really eat maybe drink fruit juice, vegetable juice, and coconut water. It feels like it is purifying my body from negativity.

Sometimes I'll sleep for a long time! Sometimes I will barely sleep even though I will do everything in my power to get back to sleep.

When I had boyfriends I would get even more stressed because the way I cope, I would always not understand what he wanted me to tell him. Like did he want me to cry? Did he want me to start venting? My ideal was telling him "I'm sad" and then cuddles. But I feel like sometimes it wasn't enough cause they would go in to worry fits. Or tell me I was wrong in some way or another for reasons I didn't understand.

I have a hard time making and keeping friends. I mean they'll always be my friend but I drift away and maybe catch up once in a rare while. I think it's because when I see conflict triggers in groups of friends that's when I tend to drift because I don't want to take sides or offer advice, because saying nothing means you haven't contributed something that they might have already heard in the past and are tired of hearing.

I end up giving people some of my stuffed animals or some of my rock collection cause I don't know what to do, lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
50 Posts
Ohhhhh mannn. you'd be amazed how much a good list can do.
I find that sometimes it seems like much more is stressing me out than there actually is, and after writing things down, I feel much more at peace.
It helps me realize that not all has gone to hell just yet.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,826 Posts
Well right now I find it weird that things are worse than before, still about to become significantly worse, and somehow I am happier than in recent times anyways in spite of mounting problems. I keep finding myself stopping, looking at the mess I'm in, and going..."how the fuck am I smiling?" Although, I guess when I genuinely look at everything, the anxiety sets in. Sometimes problems stack up for us because we tried running for so long. We get an underlying anxiety over the things we haven't been facing. So I'm thinking about strategies to face it...to eat the elephant one bite at a time without becoming overwhelmed by it all. Maybe the way we numb out to everything can be used as a strength if we selectively and strategically numb out to the right things when there is too much on our plate. In reality I know I'm in over my head. I'm in pretty deep. I don't really know what to do. But I am smiling and I'm okay. Everyone can become overwhelmed with problems in life sometimes, but selectively numbing out might enable us to be the ones who stay calm in the face of overwhelming circumstances instead, as long as we're eating that elephant one bit at a time simultaneously. Just slowly grinding through it all. Look at everything, prioritize, make a plan, and just forget about later on down the road and focus on one step at a time. Or in other words, prepare the elephant to be eaten and then just play ostrich with all but the bite in your hand until it's gone. Looking too far ahead can be overwhelming.

Trying to transcend everything prematurely for the sake of maintaining inertia is detrimental because problems stack up and they are ignored, neglected...but maybe if we use it selectively, we can use that to be more enduring than average instead...remaining calm in the storm, and lasting longer.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,826 Posts
Ringo Starr was a 9w8 according to the "Wisdom of the Enneagram" book by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson. I think he adds on to both this topic and what I said above quite nicely:


I guess it's reflective of looking on the bright side and moving forward. Believing things will work out and be alright instead of playing ostrich at the bottom of that mountain of things that can build up sometimes. That's...the stereotypical 9 way of dealing with it, at least. Lol you asked for answers in 9's style, here you go...

[HR][/HR]
Sorry, one last thing: just realized that looking on the bright side, being positive, etc. is how a 9 maintains inertia without playing ostrich.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
148 Posts
[B said:
photon[/B]]I tend to get avoidant. Sometimes I'll binge watch shows. I used to stress eat but now I don't really eat maybe drink fruit juice, vegetable juice, and coconut water. It feels like it is purifying my body from negativity.

Sometimes I'll sleep for a long time! Sometimes I will barely sleep even though I will do everything in my power to get back to sleep.

When I had boyfriends I would get even more stressed because the way I cope, I would always not understand what he wanted me to tell him. Like did he want me to cry? Did he want me to start venting? My ideal was telling him "I'm sad" and then cuddles. But I feel like sometimes it wasn't enough cause they would go in to worry fits. Or tell me I was wrong in some way or another for reasons I didn't understand.

I have a hard time making and keeping friends. I mean they'll always be my friend but I drift away and maybe catch up once in a rare while. I think it's because when I see conflict triggers in groups of friends that's when I tend to drift because I don't want to take sides or offer advice, because saying nothing means you haven't contributed something that they might have already heard in the past and are tired of hearing.

I end up giving people some of my stuffed animals or some of my rock collection cause I don't know what to do, lol.

Hello Photon,

It sounds like you are a Self-Preservationist, like me. I can relate to what you are saying. Thanks for helping me to realized that I am sort of behaving like that with food, sleep and TV. I need to snap out of it and get back into productivity. I do get out and take a break and socialized once in a while... too little lately.
:confused:

Your boyfriends sound a little too stressful to be with. I admit, it motivates me to stay single to avoid all of that. I don't need to have my energy drained in that manner. Have you ever get angry enough with them and ask them "What do you want from me?!?!"
:frustrating: I am curious was your boyfriends type Twos? :tongue:

I can relate to the friends thing. I enjoy having a lot of time alone to enjoy my peaceful home environment. And I had enough of people's chaotic nonsense and don't deal with that sort of thing in my life now. I enjoy having friends more when they don't drain my energy and overwhelmed me with their toxic negativity. I decided I want friends that I can enjoy life with and have a little fun, which I need more of in my life.

You sound like a nice person to share your stuff animals and rocks. I don't share mines unless I was going to get rid of them!
:tongue: You will find you would be different with people who are more healthy and make no demands on your energy. As a former doormat, I have learned to live by a win-win philosophy so I don't lose anymore. :wink: I am a lot happier since I gave up living like that and not having those friends anymore. You don't have to tolerate them. I will share with you what first open my eyes to start the process of being aware of bad friends I needed to learn to get rid of. I hope this list has helped someone to start a path towards a more positive and happier direction away from these type of people.

I think it is best not to contribute or add to the negativity or toxicity.
:shocked:I think the best contribution you can give is offer yourself peace and walk away if you need to. I have a One wing, so I may give them my opinion about their behavior and want nothing to do with it. Or if I am smart, I will just walk away and go do something that makes me happy and feel at peace. :brocoli:

TYPES TO AVOID
Six types of friends who can sap your strength, from "Take Time for Your Life:
A 7-Step Program for Creating the Life You Want":
THE BLAMER: She blames you and others for everything that is wrong in her
life, thereby avoiding responsibility for her own actions.
THE COMPLAINER: Nothing works in his life, but he does nothing to change it
and gets his energy from dumping his frustrations on you.
THE DRAINER: She is so needy that the conversation always revolves around
her and she never shows any interest in you.
THE SHAMER: He may reprimand or belittle you and your ideas in front of
others while convincing you his criticism is for your own good.
THE DISCOUNTER: She has a strong need to be right and challenges every word
you say to the point of exhaustion - for you.
THE GOSSIP: He gets energy by avoiding intimacy and creating buzz about
others - thereby offering no safety in his friendship.

Source: https://www.newsday.com/lifestyle/advice/protect-yourself-from-a-friendship-that-is-toxic-1.497350
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
I try to take regular breaks when I get stressed and do something I enjoy. That seems to help...as long as the break doesn't last too long. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
82 Posts
I meditate a bit. I cut off my thought process, the mind becomes blank, and re-energize my self. After that it is easier to focus on the work at hand.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,826 Posts
No, but in all seriousness...a while ago I was stressed out, frustrated, or something??? I listened to "Serenity" by Godsmack on repeat, spent some time enjoying solitude, breathing, and correcting some of my perspectives. Some--such as Enneagram--call that reframing. 50 minutes later I was fine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Depends on what kind of stress. If it's something really important that isn't urgent I can get avoidant but if it's something that demands my attention in the moment I normally have premeditated ways of dealing with it. Otherwise, whilst being avoidant to calm myself down I'll usually listen to relaxing music, binaural beats, asmr, anything calming. I am against drugs and alcohol but I'm sure some 9's would turn to that stuff. Personally though, meditate, assure yourself that everything will be okay. I tend to have this inner sense of knowing everything will be fine in the end and that gets me through anything.
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Top