[zen0202]

I tend to put things off and avoid doing anything important until I'm good and ready. Because of this, I miss out on many opportunities. I don't let people too close, I don't really seek out excitement and I do less than I normally would in general. It's almost as if I'm going through the motions but I'm working on myself and constantly trying to make things better. I think a lot of it has to do with always wanting everything to be perfect. I know it's irrational to put your life on hold but I can't imagine seeking out new friendships if I might potentially burden others. And I don't want to take on too much in case I'm unable to mentally handle it. Maybe I can handle it but I just don't give myself a chance. It's frustrating because I want to try new things and live in the moment, but it's like a voice inside my head is saying that you're not ready, you're not good enough yet! I want to feel good enough and I want to feel like I deserve to go for what I want. But it's very difficult.

Do other nines experience this as well? Do you know why this happens? How do you deal with it and have you found any solutions?

 

[swifty3]

I feel exactly the same way. For me, I try to get out of my comfort zone as much as I can. Dating was always tricky for me because I've always been really shy. But I went on eharmony anyway and a couple of weeks later I met my wife.

Also, every 9 has issues with repressed anger. The more anger you can get to the surface and release/express, the better off you'll be.

 

[Alexei Val]

Yeah I think that anger helps me so much to do something. We need to express our anger sometimes, and I don't know for you guys, but my anger is not so bad, it's against me on the first plan, I'm not really angry against others.

 

[Somniorum]

I identify with this... to a hideous degree. It's harmed my life a lot : / Don't precisely want to explain how, to what extent...

So I'm trying to... force myself to do things now, at times. It's... not at all easy.

If you're relatively younger, I wholeheartedly encourage you to consider the desperation you might feel if you keep going this way for *too* long, *too* excessively. You just work yourself into a cage, and it's hard to get out. Just... keep that in mind.

Also keep this in mind: Nobody is good enough for anything, really : / But they do it anyway. So why not you?

 

[nottie]

As an ENFP, I kind of go back and forth on this. There are times when I've been too afraid to try new situations because I didn't think I was ready or able, but at other points I've been fearless and spontaneously gone out alone to do something novel. I'll take risks on inconsequential things and try any random event when bored, but I won't put myself out there if it truly matters to me (unless I'm certain it'll pay off).

I've found that I've gotten more brave and open to new experiences with time, though. The first few risks are always the scariest, but after they turned out well I've realized it tends to pay off. It's much easier to simply jump into things than it used to be.

Comfort zones are lovely, but they can be suffocating. It's when you force yourself out of them that you discover they aren't necessary, and you can grow as a person.

 

[GoodOldDreamer]

If there's any reason why I've missed out on opportunities, it's because I'm an INFJ, rather than a 9 (although I'm sure that doesn't help any, lol). Not only am I very introverted, but I've got Ni and Ti, so I'm in my own head a lot. Time flies by, the world fades away, etc. As if that's not enough, Fe's how I reach out to the world. But Fe's one of those "martyr" type functions. Others above the self, in general.

If anything, being a 9 is probably how I've managed to take advantage of whatever opportunities that I've had. Someone offers me something, like an invite to a get-together, or to try a new meal, or whatever else, and I generally oblige to keep the peace, lol.

 

[Sonny]

Do other nines experience this as well? Do you know why this happens? How do you deal with it and have you found any solutions?

My extroversion refuses to allow me to take this "passenger" approach to life. Certainly there are times when I do not move to action when I should but at the end of the day I know there will never be a perfect time for action, ever, and if you want something you need to act despite yourself. And now.

Why this happens? Two reasons ime one is not wanting to disrupt things, the second is to do with fear, either of failure or some other fear like rejection, the first is a very 9 thing, the second is a people thing.

Solution: Do something. Anything, just don't allow the flow to control things, if you want something pursue it. "Good and ready" never comes, ever, it is merely an excuse for doing nothing when you should be taking action.

Do not wait; the time will never be ''just right.'' Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. --Napoleon Hill

 

[Hruberen]

There are some days (most days) when I feel enslaved by my social inhibtions, with no hope of ever escaping. This is completely at odds of how I want to live my life. I want to live with no missed oppurtunities, die doing something I love that's most likely dangerous, I don't want to grow old, and I want to find someone to love.