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I realize as a 9, I myself am not fit for being a moderator, or for the role of authority. I cannot be authority figure to kids, they all take a liking to me, due to me being chill. Then, they try to push things with me. "Bro, you're so cool..." "C'mon man, you're the coolest person here..." etc. I don't even try to appease them, or get on their good side. I just flowed my way into them thinking I'm a chill af dude. Then, when I am put into a semi-authority role (watch the kids while they play and hang out in the lounge room), I cannot really boss them around. I am closer to a friend then an authority figure to them.

Now, as a moderator in a chat room. A big issue comes about, and I remain laid back, as I always do. I prefer peace, and understanding. I don't want anyone to be hurt, therefore I do not take sides. I try to get both sides to come to an understanding, to calm down. I do not want to ban them, as they are like friends. I truly, do not wish any harsh justice and will refrain from doing so, no matter how hard a person pushes me to be extreme and jump on someone for a little thing. That's just totally against my belief. It goes against my own self for me to do that. On one instance, this causes a close friend to block me. She left. Simply due to a disagreement. Now another member left, and he agrees with her decision. He's shocked that I am not as strict as he would think. I seem like the type of person that would agree with his reasoning, that I would be the voice of reason. Yet no, I did not come to his side. I realize, I'm not truly fit for this role, if it only causes things to go on and on, while I want people to hold hands.

Another time, I have created a clan for Phantasy Star Online, called Radiant Hunters. Generally, most of the clan was having a big issue with a female member, who they disliked heavily, and turned other members away. Yet, again, it was against my view to ban someone for being themselves. I cannot do that. I will never do that. Yet, my group whittled away due to that. Yet thankfully, my co-mod, told me that if I had agreed to the groups demands, that it wouldn't be the type of group he signed up for. So in a way, I'm glad I was the way I was. I will never stop being me.

Yet, I realize that being an authority figure is not the best fit for me, at all. I want to hear your thoughts on 9's being authority figures and moderators. Have you ever been one? How did you feel? How do you feel about 9's being in those roles in general? How can 9's improve in those roles? If they can't improve, how should they cope and deal with those roles?
 

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I want to hear your thoughts on 9's being authority figures and moderators. Have you ever been one? How did you feel? How do you feel about 9's being in those roles in general? How can 9's improve in those roles? If they can't improve, how should they cope and deal with those roles?
I'm a Ti-dom, so keep that in mind for how it colors my comments as a E9. Groups where I've been in leadership roles I've stuck it through for 3+ years. Though laid-back and friendly, I also come off as serious and someone to respect, so when I say something people do consider it. In one position I had voting power for hiring/firing. I don't mind being a moderator/authority figure. I think how E9s fare in authority/leadership roles depends on the demands of the role. Typically I am task-oriented, and my roles aren't so prominent that I can't just operate behind-the-scenes. I also tend to be more mentoring/teaching as a leader, and lead by example. Your questions seem to lean toward the E9 issues of dealing with conflict, so...

Personally, depending on how the conflict/issue is presented to me, I am either okay with it or I get internally tense/anxious. E9 tells me "agh, stick your head in the sand! avoid it!" but my Ti-Se cognition tells me, "girl, you gotta do something about this"

I think what would help E9s is drawing and recognizing boundaries: for themselves, and for those they are overseeing/moderating. So, consider:

1. Who am I moderating/overseeing? How does this relationship affect our interaction?
2. Are there bylaws or established processes of how issues should be handled, what constitutes a member, reasons for removal, etc?
3. What am I willing to do/assert? Who is best able to dispense a conflict's judgment/decision?

To the first point, when I took on a supervising position in one of my groups I had to shift the way I interacted with people who were previously my peer. I had to remove or resist inserting myself in certain social interactions and discussions. I haven't stopped "being me" but I've placed boundaries on myself because the position requires it.

It's important for both you and the other party to recognize the positions you both are in. I've sternly told off someone who I consider a friend for not getting their job done, but outside of that issue I treat them as my friend. I don't hold that issue over their head in our friendship.


To the second point, I wanted to draw on one of your situations:

...I have created a clan for Phantasy Star Online, called Radiant Hunters. Generally, most of the clan was having a big issue with a female member, who they disliked heavily, and turned other members away. Yet, again, it was against my view to ban someone for being themselves. I cannot do that. I will never do that. Yet, my group whittled away due to that. Yet thankfully, my co-mod, told me that if I had agreed to the groups demands, that it wouldn't be the type of group he signed up for. So in a way, I'm glad I was the way I was. I will never stop being me.
What strikes me here is when you say "I cannot do that. I will never do that", I read the "I" to represent you -- personally, ethically.

In many instances as an authority figure/moderator it's not saying "I (personally, by my own beliefs or conflict avoidance) will do something/will not do anything", but presenting a decision backed by a (impersonal, "greater", social/agreed upon) reason. "The point of this group is ___, and we welcome all people so long as they follow ___ guidelines/code of conduct. This person has not violated any of these rules and therefore cannot be banned." or "The board voted on this issue and this is the decision."

I think having a code of conduct, mission statement, constitution, and/or bylaws would have been most helpful there. These things would allow you to assert and maintain a stance even if you are uncomfortable with the confrontation/conflict ("sorry, but rules are rules").

In one of my roles, I was (typical E9) very chill about having people turn in stuff and had not been informed of previous established protocols until I was floundering trying to get people to turn stuff in because it was getting to the deadlines. Only then did my predecessor tell me, "Oh, if they aren't getting stuff in, they have a ban on XYZ until they do." 0_o why did no one tell me this???

In conflicts that fall outside of established bylaw issues, I find myself considering, "what makes the most sense?" Yes, I would like to mediate and have people come to an understanding, but if push-comes-to-shove, 1. how does this issue affect the greater dynamic/culture/environment, for better or worse? 2. what can I do, and what is left to the conflicting parties to deal with? 3. what is fair/reasonable?

In your case of the clan disliking the female member, I think if she hadn't done anything wrong, then your stance of "No, I'm not kicking her out just because you guys don't like her" is fair and reasonable. At the end of the day, it falls to the members to decide what to do (the boundary between the decision and them). "Suck it up and deal with it. If you don't like it, you can leave." OTOH, if you were avoiding dispensing reasonable punishment because of conflict avoidance, then yeah that's a problem to have in an authority figure.


To the third point: Having colleagues with balancing/contrasting personality strengths is useful. Sometimes even if I am part of making a judgment on an issue, I know another person of (greater or shared) authority will do better issuing the decision, so I pass it on to them. I may mediate issues but if it can't be resolved, if needed I will turn the issue over to a greater authority to make an ultimatum.

In one issue, I was considered the best person to deliver a judgment (ironically, because I had been most "neutral" from mediating). Even if it was an undesirable situation, I decided it was something I was willing to do. I had a few other leaders with me when delivering the decision, which was instrumental as personal and functional support. Especially when the recipient derailed me...my comrades deadpanned the judgment for me. *whew*

Not a new statement, but: staying engaged through conflicts instead of avoiding conflict closure is a growth edge for E9s, whether or not they're in an authority role.
 

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You sound like a good leader honestly.

Personally leadership roles bring out my anger, both in healthy and unhealthy ways. And I wind up in them more often than not, which makes literally no sense to me. I've noticed when I review enneagram analyses of American presidents, gut types show up quite often, including 9's. I think 9's have excellent leadership potential, because they genuinely care about the experiences of the people around them and they're typically not in it for their own ego.
 

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It was kinda hard for me at first but I have a 8 wing so I often get the thrill out of ruling over others. I didn't really feel in control in the regular enneagram groups besides they all banned me because I didn't think them simply being a mod was enough for me to respect them. I bet the mods in those groups often loathe 8s and 8 wingers cause we won't stand for being hoodwinked.
 

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My vehicle is INFP, 9w8. Vroom vroom!!
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I'm about to be a teacher, and I'm a 9w8. When I talk to children/teens on a small group basis, I'm a 9. I don't seem authoritative, but more like a helper or source of guidance on generally equal collaborative footing. When I stand in front of the whole class, I get a big teacher persona, and I can direct the kids around, talk in a loud voice, not allow someone's insubordination, etc. I feel pretty powerful when I'm up there. Energetic, extraverted, leaderly, confident, bold. It's strange, and I feel so two-faced sometimes. Kids seem to like me though. Friendly and tears people's faces off—maybe that should go on my resume!
 

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I'm about to be a teacher, and I'm a 9w8. When I talk to children/teens on a small group basis, I'm a 9. I don't seem authoritative, but more like a helper or source of guidance on generally equal collaborative footing. When I stand in front of the whole class, I get a big teacher persona, and I can direct the kids around, talk in a loud voice, not allow someone's insubordination, etc. I feel pretty powerful when I'm up there. Energetic, extraverted, leaderly, confident, bold. It's strange, and I feel so two-faced sometimes. Kids seem to like me though. Friendly and tears people's faces off—maybe that should go on my resume!
Hey, I'm a teacher, too! I have a similar leadership style to you, as well. I use lots of enthusiasm, quirkiness, and positivity in order to motivate my students, with strong results. When I have to discipline misbehavior, I justify the negative consequences I utilize as a way to ensure that everyone has a peaceful, positive environment in which to learn. Every student knows that I'm fair and that I care, and so it's generally pretty simple to redirect off-task behavior.
 
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