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9s, childhood emotional neglect, parents with NPD

10742 Views 15 Replies 15 Participants Last post by  Lunar Lamp
I've been on a huge self-help kick for a few months now. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it (probably) but I keep finding articles like the following two that resonate strongly with me.

Do other 9s identify a lot with these two articles? (have to search in Google due to my low post count)
We Have Kids: The Long Term Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect
Psychology Today: 10 Signs of A Narcissistic Parent

I'm starting to wonder if I even am a 9 or if the way I am is a result of the way I grew up as much as it is a result of my inborn personality and perspective. I read these two articles and start nodding when I really think back to my childhood. My dad in particular meets almost all the requirements for NPD and to this day he still tries to control, guilt trip me, use me and constantly beg me for reassurance.

I associate strongly with a lot of the aspects of type 9... I've looked into Myers Briggs and got ISFJ as my type but none of that has resonated with me as strongly as type 9. But, am I reading into it too much? Is the enneagram a reflection of life experience or something inborn?

Interested in other perspectives...
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My mother has pretty severe NPD. She never really showed it with us as babies, though, maybe because we couldn't be independent from you, so her disorder was appeased? I'm not sure. But I remember it started really bad with me when I became "too heavy to carry". So maybe around 3 years old. I don't remember a whole lot before that, but I do remember seeing some home videos where I was very hyper, loud, performing for the camera, almost 7ish. But what part of that is just being a kid?
Then the hell started, and I became very withdrawn from around 5 to 14. I guess it's too hard to tell if it influenced my enneagram, but if I had to say, I probably would have still been a 9, but in this case, I had to grow up very unhealthy, leaning a lot towards my destructive and paranoid 6.
Interestingly, my husband's dad has severe NPD, so we are both survivors. I don't know what enneagram my husband is, but he seems to have a constant struggle of wanting to be assertive and wondering what too assertive is, as his dad was not just emotionally violent but physically violent.

We both fought our parents way harder than our siblings ever tried though. So I learned to use my dominant Fi and inferior Te to manipulate my mom quite aggressively to survive, and my husband learned to use his dominant Te to stick to his guns and get the sh*t beat out of him.

And now we are in our early 30's and just sort of starting to learn how to function as human beings.

Thanks mom and dad.
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