Personality Cafe banner
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Alas my birthday is but just a week away. And still I am yet to know the touch of a woman or possibly a very attractive man (like Gerard Way). Yet my very large family. Well I have 5 siblings, not all to the same father and my mum is still pretty young and a grandmother. I know the concept of being a 19 year old virgin isn't that frightening considering how far there is left to go. But my eldest sister barely 24 and with 3 children... with another on the way... and my brother expecting his third. My other sister is shacked up... and well they all pretty much know I'm a virgin and it feels... embarrassing. I mean they were doing it from like 14 to 16.

Being an INFP... I of course am looking for that special something but what excuse is that when all three of my older siblings a living with their high school sweethearts one pair dating back to 13 years old. Of course I know the answer. "Just go your own pace" "it will happen very soon."

I guess I gotta just come to grips with that, but is anyone else out there feeling the same kind of pressure. You know. The kind that's around you all the time at all get togethers reminding you how inferior your life is running around calling you Uncle?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
421 Posts
Alas my birthday is but just a week away. And still I am yet to know the touch of a woman or possibly a very attractive man (like Gerard Way). Yet my very large family. Well I have 5 siblings, not all to the same father and my mum is still pretty young and a grandmother. I know the concept of being a 19 year old virgin isn't that frightening considering how far there is left to go. But my eldest sister barely 24 and with 3 children... with another on the way... and my brother expecting his third. My other sister is shacked up... and well they all pretty much know I'm a virgin and it feels... embarrassing. I mean they were doing it from like 14 to 16.

Being an INFP... I of course am looking for that special something but what excuse is that when all three of my older siblings a living with their high school sweethearts one pair dating back to 13 years old. Of course I know the answer. "Just go your own pace" "it will happen very soon."

I guess I gotta just come to grips with that, but is anyone else out there feeling the same kind of pressure. You know. The kind that's around you all the time at all get togethers reminding you how inferior your life is running around calling you Uncle?

I definitely know many people with your same situation. In my own family, I have aunts who always ask if I'm dating someone because most of my cousins are in serious relationships. I think you should just stay true to yourself. There's no point in getting into a relationship just for the sake of fitting in with your family members. It's important to wait for the right person to come along and while this may take some time, it's going to work out in the end. If you're not ready for that kind of relationship right now, that's perfectly fine! For the time being, you can probably learn from the relationships of your family members so that you're better prepared to have one yourself.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,396 Posts
I really hope you don't allow your family to pressure or influence your decisions in this regard, especially for something as potentially irreversible (like having kids with the wrong person) as relationships. There are so many more benefits to waiting some time to make the right decision, than "breeding" and divorcing (which is quite statistically possible), and having to deal with the children who weren't at fault for anything.
 

·
Host
ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE Honorary INTJ VLFE
Joined
·
20,927 Posts
@Dramatic Gecko

You don't have to live up to anyone elses image but your own. The pressure you feel is perfectly normal.

Losing your virginity will likely happen when the time is right, when the person is right. If you are meant to be a dad, that will happen too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,489 Posts
Why on earth would it matter to you when other people started having sex? Everyone's situation is different. There is not a right or wrong way to live a life. I'm 3 years older than you and still a virgin. I rarely give it a second thought. Whether or not you have had sex yet is not what defines you as a person. Do not limit yourself in life by making your happiness dependent on a particular outcome. There is no reason why your timeline should have to suit anyone else. Not everyone who has sex in their teens winds up so fortunate. The tables often turn in the long run, and they could for you, too.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,877 Posts
Sexuality has no deadlines, you can be a virgin at 19, 29 or 39 and that's perfectly alright because every person has different timing, needs and expectations for sex and that doesn't mean make them less of a (wo)man. There's endless reasons for that, late blooming, not having found the right partner or both waiting on it for personal motivations, not feeling ready, not having any luck, feeling body conscious, religious reasons, self restraint, coming to terms with their sexual orientation, physical or mental conditions or simply having decided it wasn't time yet.

Comparisons and pressure from your family and surrounding can be annoying and exhausting but why should you concern yourself with those? You're not your siblings, you have your own desires, timing and dreams and besides you're plenty young and life is unpredictable. Either way there's no shame in being a virgin, it's nothing special that doesn't need to be either fetishized/idolized or criticized and it doesn't mean you are a prude, one can be a virgin and extremely kinky or sexually driven.

Your life is not inferior to anyone else's, enjoy your nieces and don't fret.
You are you, your sister is her own person, comparing yourself to others only brings more shame.
If you truly want it and it's meant to happen, it will happen naturally anyway.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,767 Posts
It's not a competition who can lose his/her virginity first. I refuse to have intercourse just to no longer be a virgin. To me it is something precious which only someone of great value to me is allowed to take away.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top