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queen of glitter gnomes
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Discussion Starter #1
This is how a baby boomer wakes up early in the morning:
(Phone alarm plays some sort of off-key noise that is, supposedly, music.)
Baby Boomer (opening eyes): It's dark! (hits snooze button)
(Immediately, the baby boomer, lying on her back, begans snoring with so much gusto that you would think that someone was trying to start a lawnmower badly in need of tuning up.)
(alarm sounds again, still off key and raucus because the baby boomer is also a little hard of hearing.)
Baby Boomer: Shit! Shut up! (slams on snooze button)
(the Baby Boomer goes back to sleep. This time, her snoring is so loud that it sounds like a jet engine taking off.)
(The alarm sounds for the third time. The baby boomer opens her eyes and shuts the phone alarm off. Immediately she checks Facebook.)
Baby Boomer: Oh, wow, cool meme.... ugh, I ate too many prunes last night. (races to the bathroom, red faced and stumbling over stuff because she's not wearing her glasses.)
(Phone rings. The landline because, of course, Baby Boomer's house is a Cell Phone Dead Zone, along with her entire neighborhood of curmudgeonly old people, noisy little yippy dogs, and a few young families with colicky babies.)
Baby boomer runs to phone and dives for it, just as it stops ringing. She checks the phone and calls it back. A recording comes on: "Do you need a back brace? A walker? How about a wheel chair? Call this 1-900 number for some not-very-free information."
Baby Boomer: It's cold. I need hot chocolate, not a back brace.
The phone rings again.
Baby Boomer: Hello.
Voice on phone: This is Microsoft. You are having a problem with your computer. I will fix it for you.
Baby Boomer: I don't have a computer, you moron.
Voice on phone: Your computer has been hacked. The signals are coming from your home. I will fix your computer for you.
Baby Boomer: What part of no do you not understand?
Voice on phone: You are to turn on your computer and give me the password to your bank account. Also send me $5,000 in Amazon.com gift cards.
Baby Boomer: Have you been drinking? (hangs up)
Baby Boomer: I need hot chocolate and Bailey's. (makes hot chocolate on the stove. Gets out mug and fills it three quarters of the way with Bailey's and tops it off with hot chocolate and whipped cream)
Baby Boomer: This is delish. I should wake up this way more often. (drinks up her beverage and makes more.)
(By noon, the Baby Boomer is inebriated and snoring on the couch. The neighbors call the police to report that someone next door is operating a chain saw inside the house.)

 

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queen of glitter gnomes
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10,487 Posts
Discussion Starter #2
Feel free to continue the story. You could add more characters, etc. Let's make this into group storytelling, with our drunken/super snorer Baby Boomer as the main character!!!
 

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Spam-I-am
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13,626 Posts
You run to the bathroom and urinate for 5 minutes straight
All you think about while urinating is coffee, sweet delicious coffee
You drink coffee than coffee sends signal to bowls :laughing:
You run to bathroom again hoping not to shit yourself:laughing:
You realize that your 1st bowel movement is better than sex:laughing:
 

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After the obnoxious alarm has been going off for an hour (because that's how long it takes for me to wake up... I've ALWAYS been a completely dead to the world sleeper), I finally come to my senses and have to weigh the urgency of needing to pee versus the dread of the pain that I know will occur in my hip when I try to get up to relieve that urgency. Eventually, I give in and endure the intense pain of getting up and the first several steps until the hip "finds its groove", keenly aware that I need to move faster towards the bathroom but completely unable to comply.

BTW... we have a landline but almost never answer it. Cell service is non-existent inside my house, so we've kept two lines of very cheap Ooma phone service, primarily so that I can work from home occasionally.
 

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queen of glitter gnomes
Joined
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10,487 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
After the alarm has been going off for an hour (because that's how long it takes for me to wake up... I've ALWAYS been a completely dead to the world sleeper), I finally come to my senses and have to weigh the urgency of needing to pee versus the dread of the pain that I know will occur in my hip when I try to get up to relieve that urgency. Eventually, I give in and endure the intense pain of getting up and the first several steps until the hip "finds its groove", keenly aware that I need to move faster to towards the bathroom but completely unable to comply.

BTW... we have a landline but almost never answer it. Cell service is non-existent inside my house, so we've kept two lines of very cheap Ooma phone service, primarily so that I can work from home occasionally.
i am moving soon and will probably switch to Ooma once I move. As a journalist, I sometimes have to do telephone interviews, which are definitely easier on a landline.
 

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i am moving soon and will probably switch to Ooma once I move. As a journalist, I sometimes have to do telephone interviews, which are definitely easier on a landline.
I've had Ooma since 2013... never even the slightest issue. Call quality is excellent. I have the Premier service which gives me the second line for work, enhanced caller ID, greater ability to block spam calls, the ability to ring/answer from my cell phone simultaneously as well as forwarding of voice mails to email and/or text message.

If I recall, cost is about $11-12/mo for Ooma Premier. Basic Ooma is free, but you still pay a buck or two a month for government fees like 911 access and such. The required Ooma Telo "base station" is a one-time purchase... often on sale for $79 or less. Separate internet service is required, but I'd have that anyway. If it matters to you, you can keep your old phone number or you can choose a new one from virtually any area code in the country, irrespective of your actual location.
 
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