Hey guys! First of all, I introduce myself, I am from Spain and this was the only enneagram forum that I found around the web, English is not my native language, however, I hope I'll be able to communicate with you!
I was in a short but intense relationshipe with a guy, a 7w 6, adorable and charming at the beginning , we are both in our thirties but neither of us is specially mature or healthy, so I suppose we crash on our unhealthy sides. The thing is, as a 4w5 I am hipersensitive and have an unstable self- steem, I am very vulnerable. At the beginning of the relationship he was so romantic, enthusiastic and engaging, he seemed really commited,too much, I would say, he wanted to live with me from the beginning, and he disarmed me. He wanted to knew my familly the second week of being together, and I agreed because it was Christmas and his family lives far away,so hw came into my family's house for Christmas, and I introduced him to them. I get to know his familly too, two weeks later, in another town ,9 hours from my own, we spend 4 day's at his mum's flat, with his sister and her husband .
After that rush, things changed. I don't know why but he became hipercritical and begun to critizcize everything I said or did, until my self -steem was on the level of the floor. I was confused and sad. He begun to criticize my sadness and confusion,it became worse. He insisted he wanted to make it work and that he loved me , an that he was ok with our relationship... but the reality was quite different, we couldn't communicate anymore, because of our opposite defense mechanisms. I asked him for ten days of being appart, with no communication, because I needed to put my thoughts clear and make sure what could I do to make it work, since when we tried to talk about it I couldn't see what was really happening,he has an overwhelming capacity to theorize about everything, even feelings,which made me feel more and more confused, to the point I didn't know what was happening or what I was doing. After these ten days ( before the break we both make sure it was only a little break and that we loved each other), I called him to talk, he said that he loved me only as a friend now, that he had lost the feelings of inmense desire towards me that he had before,but that I was one of the most important people in his life and didn't wanna lose me. he send me confusing messages: that he wanted me to fight for him, but he never ever called me again, at that moment it was only me doing the callings. He insisted that we hadn't split, but he never remined our appointments. Finally, after a month or so, he told me we weren't together, because he didn't felt the same way for me, and that he was sorry,he had become like a piece of ice, nothing to do with the person I loved, he behaved like a stranger, and I couldn't understand how it is possible, to stop loving someone to that point, if it is not because of some fight which wasn't the case. We had share a lot and always tried to help each other, but not the right way, I guess...
It's been a month after that, I told him to not contact me again, explaining him that I couldn't get over it if he did (we are kinda neighbours). I am sure he won't contact me again now, I only would like to know how it is possible to love somebody with your head, detaching oneself completely from your heart, that's impossible for me, and how, when you decide a relationship has no future, then you stop feeling or something? I don't mean to offend anyone, I really love this guy, and appart from our differences, we had som magic connection before he got incredibly cold and distanced, I just don't understand him and I'd like to, I suppose understanding that would help me to get over him, if I am able to understand, which I am not sure, he's so different from me...
Excuse me for the long story, I have tried to make it brief but you know... I skipped lots of things though,..
Thanks and looking forward your answers
Have a nice day!
Drama
I was in a short but intense relationshipe with a guy, a 7w 6, adorable and charming at the beginning , we are both in our thirties but neither of us is specially mature or healthy, so I suppose we crash on our unhealthy sides. The thing is, as a 4w5 I am hipersensitive and have an unstable self- steem, I am very vulnerable. At the beginning of the relationship he was so romantic, enthusiastic and engaging, he seemed really commited,too much, I would say, he wanted to live with me from the beginning, and he disarmed me. He wanted to knew my familly the second week of being together, and I agreed because it was Christmas and his family lives far away,so hw came into my family's house for Christmas, and I introduced him to them. I get to know his familly too, two weeks later, in another town ,9 hours from my own, we spend 4 day's at his mum's flat, with his sister and her husband .
After that rush, things changed. I don't know why but he became hipercritical and begun to critizcize everything I said or did, until my self -steem was on the level of the floor. I was confused and sad. He begun to criticize my sadness and confusion,it became worse. He insisted he wanted to make it work and that he loved me , an that he was ok with our relationship... but the reality was quite different, we couldn't communicate anymore, because of our opposite defense mechanisms. I asked him for ten days of being appart, with no communication, because I needed to put my thoughts clear and make sure what could I do to make it work, since when we tried to talk about it I couldn't see what was really happening,he has an overwhelming capacity to theorize about everything, even feelings,which made me feel more and more confused, to the point I didn't know what was happening or what I was doing. After these ten days ( before the break we both make sure it was only a little break and that we loved each other), I called him to talk, he said that he loved me only as a friend now, that he had lost the feelings of inmense desire towards me that he had before,but that I was one of the most important people in his life and didn't wanna lose me. he send me confusing messages: that he wanted me to fight for him, but he never ever called me again, at that moment it was only me doing the callings. He insisted that we hadn't split, but he never remined our appointments. Finally, after a month or so, he told me we weren't together, because he didn't felt the same way for me, and that he was sorry,he had become like a piece of ice, nothing to do with the person I loved, he behaved like a stranger, and I couldn't understand how it is possible, to stop loving someone to that point, if it is not because of some fight which wasn't the case. We had share a lot and always tried to help each other, but not the right way, I guess...
It's been a month after that, I told him to not contact me again, explaining him that I couldn't get over it if he did (we are kinda neighbours). I am sure he won't contact me again now, I only would like to know how it is possible to love somebody with your head, detaching oneself completely from your heart, that's impossible for me, and how, when you decide a relationship has no future, then you stop feeling or something? I don't mean to offend anyone, I really love this guy, and appart from our differences, we had som magic connection before he got incredibly cold and distanced, I just don't understand him and I'd like to, I suppose understanding that would help me to get over him, if I am able to understand, which I am not sure, he's so different from me...
Excuse me for the long story, I have tried to make it brief but you know... I skipped lots of things though,..
Thanks and looking forward your answers
Have a nice day!
Drama