Most likely they are in shock. They don't know how to react to the situation or to your reaction yet. I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you reacted.
A coworker committed suicide today...am I not supposed to care?
Today, while i was in the elevator going outside for a smoke, someone in the elevator told me that someone (which turned out to be one of my coworkers who i've never met) jumped out the window to his death...when i got to the plaza, there were people outside, police, (thought i couldnt see the body from inside)...people were coming outside off of the elevators, running outside to look at the body, standing around, talking on the phone, chatting..turning it into a social event.
I started to cry....later on in the office, my coworker asked me if i knew him, since my eyes were red...I said, "no, i just knew he had a life, but didnt want to live anymore, is that not enough?" my coworkers sat around and said people should commit suicide in the privacy of their own home...as if its premeditated, right?
Now people are acting all weird toward me, asking me if Im alright and what not...they're the insensitive ones, talking badly about this man, fascinated with hanging outside to view his dead body...but yet I have to be an outcast for caring? Id rather be hypersensitive than insensitive any day.....but i hate people whispering about me behind my back because of it...I hate that they now know that aspect of who I am...
I started to cry....later on in the office, my coworker asked me if i knew him, since my eyes were red...I said, "no, i just knew he had a life, but didnt want to live anymore, is that not enough?" my coworkers sat around and said people should commit suicide in the privacy of their own home...as if its premeditated, right?
Now people are acting all weird toward me, asking me if Im alright and what not...they're the insensitive ones, talking badly about this man, fascinated with hanging outside to view his dead body...but yet I have to be an outcast for caring? Id rather be hypersensitive than insensitive any day.....but i hate people whispering about me behind my back because of it...I hate that they now know that aspect of who I am...
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people are insensitive, of course you should be affected by it even thoughit had nothing to do with you, if someone life sucks enough that they want to kill themselves then it must be a pretty sad story
You were just being yourself. That is a good thing. I dont think others care any less, its just that they have been trained not to show it as much. Just like a zebra in a herd who just witnessed another zebra caught by a lion. The overriding emotion is that they're glad its not them.
You showed that you did not want to conform to that group enforced way of dealing with the situation.
What do you think would happen to this world if there were no people like you?
You showed that you did not want to conform to that group enforced way of dealing with the situation.
What do you think would happen to this world if there were no people like you?
Thanks you all...I knew I could come on here to feel a little bit better.
They said he was crying the other day, he just got a divorce, his wife moved and wouldnt let him see the kids. And then he lost his security clearance this week. He locked the door to his office, ran through the window holding a chair to break the glass..
They said he was crying the other day, he just got a divorce, his wife moved and wouldnt let him see the kids. And then he lost his security clearance this week. He locked the door to his office, ran through the window holding a chair to break the glass..
From an outsiders point of view (since i'm enfj) people seem to flock to tragedy as a way of self validating as sarek had said. Think of an accident on the freeway so many people slow down not to be careful but instead to get a closer look. Personally I would have cried as well, but I'm also the kind of person who would tell others to show respect to this man and not stare or talk ill of him, that alone would piss me off and send me on an emotional tirade.
How sad is that! That's horrible :sad:
Reading this brought tear to my eye too..
Your coworkers sound like zombies! And that's sad.. but that's reality. :sad:
I think you did nothing wrong... it's admirable to see someone compassionate and caring.. someone not so selfish self-centered or indifferent... You're a human with feelings...
I hope you are doing better now! I really wish you everything good... you're worth of it..
Reading this brought tear to my eye too..
Your coworkers sound like zombies! And that's sad.. but that's reality. :sad:
I think you did nothing wrong... it's admirable to see someone compassionate and caring.. someone not so selfish self-centered or indifferent... You're a human with feelings...
I hope you are doing better now! I really wish you everything good... you're worth of it..
This is so devastating. I'm sorry the man, you, and your co-workers had to experience this. There's nothing wrong with the way any one reacted because their reaction was under stress. Everyone is different, I'm sorry you had to be ridiculed for being who you are. I hope you're doing better and that things are positive for you.
Damn that's sad. If I worked where you worked, I wouldn't cry but it would of made me think of the people I talk to and who is being neglected socially. And it might not be a social thing, but it makes me want to be kind and cheer everyone up when I'm with them...
Dang... That's why I kinda like feelers because I wanna feel that feeling that you're feeling. I probably feel it from the inside but not from the outside. Extroverted feeling i guess? I guess I don't have that extroverted feeling thingy.
Good Luck goes to you
Dang... That's why I kinda like feelers because I wanna feel that feeling that you're feeling. I probably feel it from the inside but not from the outside. Extroverted feeling i guess? I guess I don't have that extroverted feeling thingy.
Good Luck goes to you
Its such a sad thing how much unseen pain is out there. Perhaps now, those that have contributed to this persons pain without perhaps thinking what they might be doing will feel regret.
But the sad thing is, that for everyone it is now too late. Because no one saw, and no one cared and they have lost the chance to make it right forever. Its not so strange you feel like crying over this.
But the sad thing is, that for everyone it is now too late. Because no one saw, and no one cared and they have lost the chance to make it right forever. Its not so strange you feel like crying over this.
Now see, immediately I want to know his story. I start to wonder will his wife (divorced wife) feel relieved? Sad? Guilty? Happy? Will she cry? What about his parents when they are given the news. Did employees have nightmares last night? His kids, will they go through life wondering why he did it. What will they be told about this incident -- how will his history be written since he can no longer contribute to what is said. How tragic to have such violence and in-your-face death & hopelessness right @ work. How unexpected. Who would have thought when leaving that morning to go to work -- they would experience the death of another.
To react the way you did doesn't seem abnormal to me. Of course I don't know this man's circumstances but, sheesh -- people's taking pictures of his body on the concrete -- show some respect for another human who reached such an Awful End.
To react the way you did doesn't seem abnormal to me. Of course I don't know this man's circumstances but, sheesh -- people's taking pictures of his body on the concrete -- show some respect for another human who reached such an Awful End.
I'm sorry for the loss and what you had to experience as a witness. I can't help but wonder how the ex-wife feels now. There are few things that would make it worth keeping a parent from his/her children. And his kids...what they will feel as they get older and find out why this happened.
Insensitive people are not surprise, and being cynical, I'd still want to give them the benefit of the doubt, though if I saw the behavior first hand, not sure how I'd feel now.
Insensitive people are not surprise, and being cynical, I'd still want to give them the benefit of the doubt, though if I saw the behavior first hand, not sure how I'd feel now.
We're all afloat in a boundless sea, and the way we cope is by massing together in groups and pretending in unison that the situation is other than it is. We reinforce the illusion for each other. That's what a society really is, a little band of humanity huddled together against the specter of a pitch black sea. Everyone is treading water to keep their heads above the surface even though they have no reason to believe that the life they're preserving is better than the alternative they're avoiding. It's just that one is known and one is not. Fear of the unknown is what keeps everyone busily treading water. All fear is fear of the unknown. If someone in such a group of water-treaders betrays the group lie by speaking the truth of their situation, that person is called a heretic, and society reserves its most awful punishments for heretics. If someone decides to stop struggling and just sink or float away, every possible effort is made to stop him, not for the benefit of the individual, but for the benefit of the group. To deny at all costs the truth of the situation.
-Jed McKenna
I think people who do such things are looked at as a loser by most of society. I think it messes with their sense of reality. I think infps (and some others of course) respond with compassion instead of disdain.
People might be awkward around your tears because they're feeling judged - not because they're judging you. In any situation like this, those who don't react in such a way as to express their grief openly - because they are more withdrawn or because they feel more shock than grief, or a need to distance or minimise, or a need to understand, or any number of normal human reactions other than straight grief - can sometimes feel like those who are expressing emotion think less of them for not crying (which is not always wrong). They feel awkward, almost like they should feel more, believing the crying person thinks themself a better, more compassionate human being merely because they can express themselves that way. There is a pressure and a paranoia and an uncertainty of social convention - people try not to feel bad, try to minimise and to cope -- and someone who is visibly upset makes everyone else feel like an asshole simply for having a different coping strategy: so they try to avoid them, try to cheer them up, et cetera. Although this is not the fault of the person who is crying (indeed, it is no one's fault), it does create an awkward dynamic sometimes. Perhaps that is more what happened.
There's nothing wrong with your reaction. But theirs just sounds like...coping. Trying to. Differently. Someone just died - you can cut everyone some slack, surely.
There's nothing wrong with your reaction. But theirs just sounds like...coping. Trying to. Differently. Someone just died - you can cut everyone some slack, surely.
That makes me so angry!! Of course you can care. Obviously this poor man was experiencing something terrible in his life if he was pushed to end it. What's wrong with being sympathetic towards that? I feel sick about it, and I know even less about this man than you. Nobody should have to suffer to the point that they just totally give up...
The way you reacted was fine. I'm sorry that people made you feel so uncomfortable. I'm sorry that people can't be more sensitive, can't take a break from their own selfish thoughts to consider the struggles of others. Sure, you can't dwell on it. What's done is done, but I think its okay to mourn for a lost life. I'm just ranting now.
I just... grrr.
Point is: It's okay that you cared. In fact, I would even say its a good thing.
The way you reacted was fine. I'm sorry that people made you feel so uncomfortable. I'm sorry that people can't be more sensitive, can't take a break from their own selfish thoughts to consider the struggles of others. Sure, you can't dwell on it. What's done is done, but I think its okay to mourn for a lost life. I'm just ranting now.
I just... grrr.
Point is: It's okay that you cared. In fact, I would even say its a good thing.
I second this wholeheartedly. Fact is, a soul passed away needlessly. Probably could have been prevented if someone cared enough to do something about his suffering. It's amazing how even one single word of comfort whispered can change the desire to suicide. I think it's perfectly okay to sympathize, in fact I would be disturbed if one lacked sympathy in this type of situation.That makes me so angry!! Of course you can care. Obviously this poor man was experiencing something terrible in his life if he was pushed to end it. What's wrong with being sympathetic towards that? I feel sick about it, and I know even less about this man than you. Nobody should have to suffer to the point that they just totally give up...
The way you reacted was fine. I'm sorry that people made you feel so uncomfortable. I'm sorry that people can't be more sensitive, can't take a break from their own selfish thoughts to consider the struggles of others. Sure, you can't dwell on it. What's done is done, but I think its okay to mourn for a lost life. I'm just ranting now.
I just... grrr.
Point is: It's okay that you cared. In fact, I would even say its a good thing.
Of course you can care. What you did is perfectly fine.
Just try to remember that the grieving process for you is different than for other people. While you might say "Am I not supposed to care?" they might say "Why would I care about someone I don't know and bring myself down like that?" Some might even use humor, while such a tactic might seem completely tasteless to others.
Also, as odd as everyone might seem to you, you might seem to them for reacting in the way you did. Unfortunately we're just going to always be in the minority on that one :/
Just try to remember that the grieving process for you is different than for other people. While you might say "Am I not supposed to care?" they might say "Why would I care about someone I don't know and bring myself down like that?" Some might even use humor, while such a tactic might seem completely tasteless to others.
Also, as odd as everyone might seem to you, you might seem to them for reacting in the way you did. Unfortunately we're just going to always be in the minority on that one :/
Same. I feel it's the wrong people taking their lives in silence all the time. But maybe I am as cold as they are for thinking that. I wish I could be like them sometimes.Reading this brought tear to my eye too..
Honestly, your reaction is the best thing you could have done, in my eyes... People spend so much time numbed out that it doesn't occur to them to react emotionally when something happens... Suicide is a really awful thing, and so many people ignore it or treat it as though it is funny. By reacting emotionally, you not only refused to pretend to be numb about what happened. You responded respectfully... Someone's life ended prematurely, a death that didn't need to happen... Suicide affects everyone, even when we pretend it doesn't.
It's a very shocking and sad thing to have happen. You should be able to express something, feel sorry for those that can't or are unsure in the manner in which to do so.
They sound like a bunch of mentally detached zombies just going on about their daily grind. We're human, we need to stop pretending we aren't. To so coldly say they should do it in the privacy of their own home... wow.. I have no words.
They sound like a bunch of mentally detached zombies just going on about their daily grind. We're human, we need to stop pretending we aren't. To so coldly say they should do it in the privacy of their own home... wow.. I have no words.
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