First question: What do you think of this couple? I think we are very compatible. Do you have any experience? A little. What problems do you think could arise? ENFJ can sometimes lose focus on their mate.We are flirty. We can also sometimes invade peoples space.
Ah, the dreded social function. And I keep wondering how it's possible that I don't know a single ENFJ. Being social is good, but it can make us feel uncomfortable. A bit intimidated too.Second: Where do you guys hang out and what do you like doing in your spare time? I say social functions, maybe church groups, but definitely the hip places. What are some signs that you're an ENFJ? We talk to everyone and try to brighten up a room. We seem like we know everybody even if you are a complete stranger.
Now I can't help but wonder about your sense of humor? Does it corospond with ours? There's nothing I hate more(Okay, that's a right out lie) than when I try to make a joke and no one else gets it/finds it funny. So awkward.Third: Should we approach you or let you approach us? I say if you approach us that it is bonus points because we fear rejection. How should we approach you? I like the direct approach but humor wins me over almost every time. What's too forward or too reserved in your opinions? Everything is game as long as it isn't obnoxious and rude.
This seems to be something our types have in common. And I think you misunderstood what I mean by our fault. I mean the INFP, or whatever other type you're interacting with. But those are always things we can do. Unless we don't want to touch you. In that case, the relationship is probably in trouble.Fourth: How do we know if you're in a bad mood? Just me. You will know. I won't talk to you. Nor anyone. Most likely if I am in a bad mood I will warn you in advance to proceed with caution. How do we tell if it's our fault? Usually if its our fault guilt kicks in and we apologize.How do we make you feel better? compliment, hugs, and hi-fives.
Aw, people who get flustered are adorable. So much better than the people who try to make you think they can't do anything wrong. Nothing attractive about that. And adorable is a good thing, by the way. Just one of those words I use when my tummy churns. As in butterflys, but not quite. I can't get these words out right today. Loyalty is built into the INFP, our attention spans are just as short, and quirty nature? One of my nicknames is "alien".Fifth: What is romance to you? Doing the little things people don't usually notice. How do we tell if you're interested?I will talk your ear off. Or I try to talk your ear off and its incoherent I blush then run off with my tail between legs. Do you like to ask or do the asking to start a relationship? I prefer you ask because I hate rejection. What about casual dating vs. exclusive?Exclusive What do you expect out of a lover and how do you act with them? Extreme loyalty, patience with my short attention span, and someone who appreciates a quirky nature.
Now I can't help but wonder about your sense of humor? Does it corospond with ours? There's nothing I hate more(Okay, that's a right out lie) than when I try to make a joke and no one else gets it/finds it funny. So awkward.
I meant we take the fault. We will apologize even if it isn't our fault. I don't think we place blame very well. We feel bad about the smallest things sometimes.This seems to be something our types have in common. And I think you misunderstood what I mean by our fault. I mean the INFP, or whatever other type you're interacting with. But those are always things we can do. Unless we don't want to touch you. In that case, the relationship is probably in trouble.
My first question is: What do you think of this couple? Do you have any experience? What problems do you think could arise? Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
All of the INFPs I ever knew were already into the sorts of things I was, and we had a pretty good sense of just hanging out together. I think this part of the relationship will just work naturally.Second: Where do you guys hang out and what do you like doing in your spare time?
I approached all of my INFPs, but that was because I could sense an attraction between us from across the room. I REALLY wouldn't have minded if they did the approaching, nor would it have changed anything. You'll very likely just feel the connection between the two of you before anything else, and that connection will resolve itself in you two talking. With this, I say just let it happen naturally. It doesn't matter how. It's going to happen.Third: Should we approach you or let you approach us? How should we approach you? What's too forward or too reserved in your opinions?
I don't think it is possible for an ENFJ to hide a bad mood. We try, but we fail. I've been told that people can actually feel my moods - especially my INFPs. If you're an INFP, and an ENFJ is in a bad mood near you, you will literally feel it.Fourth: How do we know if you're in a bad mood? How do we tell if it's our fault? How do we make you feel better?
The most important thing in the universe.What is romance to you?
Oh you'll know. We won't be able to stop paying attention to you, flirting with you, and wanting your attention. Okay, that's how we treat everybody, but you'll feel us wanting you. I promise.How do we tell if you're interested?
I don't at all care who does the initiating. However, something very important about ENFJs... we hate to make people uncomfortable, so if you want us, don't play hard to get. If we think it will upset you, we won't try, no matter how much we want you. If you want us, smile at us, and seem open to us approaching you. Also, be ready for a little bit of a phase where we're testing to see if you're really open to us being romantic with you. And if you want an ENFJ to get closer to you, ask us for help. We have trouble saying no to people we don't like. When we are interested in someone, we're actually giddy at the chance to help them.Do you like to ask or do the asking to start a relationship?
I don't know about the other ENFJs, but I don't really like casual dating so much. It's like one of those necessary evils in life. You have to go through it to get to know people, but the only real goal for me is to find someone to be exclusive with.What about casual dating vs. exclusive?
Be ready for your ENFJ to be more demanding of you than you're ready to give when it comes to the relationship. We want exclusivity and connection. My INFPs all had issues with me wanting too much for them to not be the free spirits you are. Also, be aware that if we feel like you're not willing or able to give us exclusivity, we will pull away often without any warning. Note, I said "if we feel like". This means if you give us signals like you're interested in other people, we'll drop you like a hot potato until you come back around and make us consider the possibility again - which we'll usually be happy to do. Several of my INFPs told me that they wanted me to chase them harder, so they tried to make me jealous. BIG mistake. When they mentioned other guys, I walked.What do you expect out of a lover and how do you act with them?
Third: Should we approach you or let you approach us? I say if you approach us that it is bonus points because we fear rejection. How should we approach you? I like the direct approach but humor wins me over almost every time. What's too forward or too reserved in your opinions? Everything is game as long as it isn't obnoxious and rude.
Do you like to ask or do the asking to start a relationship? I prefer you ask because I hate rejection.
You're quite sure he is not ISFP? Just speaking for myself, I'm pretty heavily theory-oriented and don't require a lot of real life experience to back a concept. I'm definitely more interested in the general idea than details.the next horrible thing is the rational function difference - me having a Ti and him having a Te, because that means in rational discussions there's a difficulty in understanding, since he always needs the particular, the small detail, the one real experience, whereas i tend to think in models, theories, generalisations. this means a great problem in highly intellectual discussions - i feel he's just stupid, because he does not grasp my advancedm, abstaract models, and he thinks i'm incompetent, because i cannot provide lots or real-life applied examples.
Uh oh - I think this is why so many INFPs & ENFJs report missed opportunities on romantic connections with one another.... :tongue:
You're quite sure he is not ISFP? Just speaking for myself, I'm pretty heavily theory-oriented and don't require a lot of real life experience to back a concept. I'm definitely more interested in the general idea than details.
Some facts are nice, but not always required. I find ISFPs need you to relate experiences and provide concrete details more to accept something. This is actually a clash I have with my ESFP boyfriend....I'm more abstract and theoretical & he's more experienced-focused and prefers things to be literal.
You're quite sure he is not ISFP? Just speaking for myself, I'm pretty heavily theory-oriented and don't require a lot of real life experience to back a concept. I'm definitely more interested in the general idea than details.
ahh, full access to feelings and memories, are you joking?How long does it take you guys to allow a significant other full access to your feelings and memories? Would it take longer if you've been badly rejected in the past?
Also, do you feel pushed to always be happy and always have a smile on your face? Even with your partner?
Thanks!
Actually to me that made sense, in the way that I saw ENFJs do generalised theories and models and for me to understand them, I had to connect them with personalised experiences form my life or others in order to fully comprehend them. Something like ENFJs say "nature is wonderful and sometimes so romantic" and I say, yes, I went to the mountains saw that awesome blue sky witha carpet of stars, there was no source of light for 3 km and I could see so many stars and when I went to the seaside and saw beautiful sunrises and sunsets and those were so beautiful and romantic. I think an S would go into describing small details like how red the sun was and how violet the sky was and how the sand was hot and the air as it was getting darker was getting colder and so on. (see I'm actually giving an example now to what you said)
Or here's another example that would differentiate me from my ISTJ best friend, I look at a picture of a girl, I see her beautiful smile that says to me that she is a happy person, her deep eyes (so still I look at detailed things to create an abstract model, that she is happy, that she is deep), he sees her big tits. Need anymore examples? :laughing: I don't know how ENFJs see it though. (how they analyse pictures of people)
Te may prefer things to make sense externally (as in, does this make sense outside of my own subjective viewpoint?), but I don't see it as being "detail-oriented". ENTJs are described as big picture/visionary people, and they are Te-dom. Detail-oriented often implies sensing, and although any type may be good at something, their way of reasoning is a big clue. Generally, Te & Fe are more focused on external results, and Ti & Fi on underlying principles/ethics, regardless of the results. Where Te can be dismissive, Ti can be pedantic.nope, he' s defintely not a sensor. i think it just might be that he relies on his Te more than you do, couldn't that be the case? like, him singling out the function, whereas you use it together with your Ne, which adds the need for generalisation? i've no idea if this makes any sense, but that would my guess at the moment. or it could also be that you're simply more comfortable with theorising, because you feel more confident of your logic ^^
i also have an infp friend who is like a mix of you two (from what you' re saying) - she likes to gather loads of minute details and she understands and loves general theories, but somehow can't link both of these things together, i wonder what that could mean, functionwise.
I have some walls, and when I was younger I had a lot of difficulty opening up about things that I thought might upset someone. It wasn't so much that I wasn't willing to share my feelings as it was a desire to not bring someone else down. The other issue was that I was afraid that if I shared some unpleasant things that someone would not love me. Rejection can seriously have an affect on this, and when I suffered from it, I was very reluctant to do anything to lose someone I cared about.How long does it take you guys to allow a significant other full access to your feelings and memories? Would it take longer if you've been badly rejected in the past?
When I am really wounded, I tend to bury my feelings. The one thing that hurts me more than anything is truly loving someone and being betrayed, abandoned, or rejected. However, I am getting the feeling that she is avoiding talking about this subject also because she doesn't want you to feel like her ex is more important to her than you.I've never wanted to push my girl into anything so I've been happy to and still am to wait for her to open up. Just recently did she tell me about her experience with her last boyfriend, who had dismissed her for not living up to his (rather skewed) expectations of looks. We've been talking to each other for 5 months now. I know girls who have revealed everything about their latest relationship on the first date.
I feel a need to keep them happy, and not bring them down. However, I'm generally happy when I'm around my partner, so it's not an act.Also, do you feel pushed to always be happy and always have a smile on your face? Even with your partner?
She's being very direct. She's sorry for possibly bringing you down. She's not afraid to be sad or angry. She's afraid of upsetting you, especially if she's suffering from rejection issues. She's afraid that if you're not happy that you'll leave because as an ENFJ, I'm sure she did everything in her power to keep the last guy happy, and he left her anyway. Now she's trying even harder.Right after she told me the story about her ex, she apologized for bringing up a gloomy subject in my presence. It's not the first time. She seems reluctant to show that she can be sad and angry, as well. Of course I tell her that I would always support and care for her in those moments and that she shouldn't be afraid to share them with me, but this avoidance of all things sad also sets her apart from girls I've met before.
I also wouldn't try to boil everything down to function. Frankly, intelligence can play a large part in these issues.
That's still a bit literal for me, and I can't say that is how my mind works. I think I would connect the concept to another concept that resonates as true to me, such as a work of art portraying nature as romantic (ie. a poem) that I had an emotional response to. It is something I obviously experienced in an emotional sense, but not a direct connection to the topic. It's more like linking two similar concepts together to derive meaning. I may have even personally experienced nature as very unromantic and still prefer the theory, as I trust experience less than concepts that appeal to my ideals.
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