OK, long story short: I was bullied hard in the elementary school (my parents were quite wealthy, so the parents gossiped about us with the kids and the kids took it off on me; it doesn't help that I was a HUUUUGE show-off). Everyone made fun of me, called me names, hit me, and both the bullies and the teachers seemed to think I was okay with that because "I was naturally an introvert". I've never felt this was quite right though. Even though my classmates were cruel and abusive, I still felt more "at home" with them around than sitting all alone in my room. I would literally go NUTS without human contact. Despite that, I am and have always been awfully awkward. I don't go to parties. I always feel like everybody just talks crap about me whenever I turn around, even though I've just hugged them a second ago. I'm a jolly bumpkin most of the time around people, even around people I don't know, but I have this terrible fear of being judged and rejected. Or kicked. And everyone calls me an introvert (even though when I talk I won't shut the eff up). They say it's just because I never seem to take initiative with social contacts (even though I try to get them to hang out pretty often; they always say "no") It doesn't help that I've had a depression period that lasted for over 5 years and during that time I had diagnosed myself with a bajilion mental illnesses.
Every MBTI test I've ever taken classified me as an ENFP and for the most part, I agree with that. I love being the inspirer, I I'm passionate about the new and I always see the grass on the other side of the fence no matter how much I jump back and forth. The extrovert part bothers me a little bit though. I KNOW I love people, I KNOW I love being around them and feel drained when I've no one to talk to, but this side of me feels kind of suppressed. Somehow people think that they should back off to "respect my space" because "that's just the way I like it". HELL NO.
How to deal with it? I feel trapped. Whether I'm introvert or not, I DO NOT enjoy being alone, yet I'm forced to play the part, probably because I'm so scarred after the previous school. It's not like I think about those experiences all the time, they just shine through in everything I do and say.
Sheesh, I hope you followed all this crazy talk, I often go with the flow and don't really get straight to the point