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I was curious what to other people thought made for a good farewell.
This could be in terms of fare welling someone who had just passed away, someone moving across the country or someone who you worked for a long time with.


I'm about to move across the world and I'm attending a few different social events as a kind of farewell tour. But before finally flying out, I was thinking to write a general letter saying goodbye.
Been looking at quotes and trying to think about what I think of goodbyes.
 

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I was curious what to other people thought made for a good farewell.
This could be in terms of fare welling someone who had just passed away, someone moving across the country or someone who you worked for a long time with.


I'm about to move across the world and I'm attending a few different social events as a kind of farewell tour. But before finally flying out, I was thinking to write a general letter saying goodbye.
Been looking at quotes and trying to think about what I think of goodbyes.
I always felt the truth was the best farewell. When I moved "across the world" I told my close friends and loved ones, I cared very much about them, I'd miss them, and I hope I got to see them again in my life in the future.
 

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Oh wow you're so considerate guys.

I wouldn't say goodbye or anything. I'd make my plans and just one day disappear. But this is because I don't think that my existence is of any importance to my friends, acquaintances or coworkers. I imagine that if one felt close to their friends, then one would say something. I dunno, I've never had that experience of belonging or caring. I just disappear one day without notice. They will know I no longer live at X place when they check my facebook and see that I've changed my location there.

I would tell my parents and sister, as they're the only people I believe are truly impacted by my existence. A goodbye with them would be awkward because I'm not a lovey dovey touchy feely person. I know my parents (both SFs) would hug me for hours and kiss me and stuff. I would endure it all because I'd know how much hugs and kisses mean to them. I would also bake a cake!! :D Eat ice-cream. A mini party with lots of homemade food -but maybe this is just a spanish thing xD Food = Love and Connection with others.

I imagine that if I had a close friend that I believed was impacted by my existence, I would definitely bake a cake and we'd eat it together and chat about life, something intimate. I wouldn't throw a big party with too many people, that'd be terrifying :O
 

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I was scared you were leaving PerC for a minute :hug: so glad you're not! But it's hard to leave your home:(

To be honest, my favorite farewell cards were the ones that included some sort of inside joke or understanding. Like a quote you think up of yourself or one that isn't common or cliche. I find those to be touching. My writer friends will often say things that sound so beautifully poetic and I'll cherish those and when I miss them, I'll recite their words to myself to feel better. Half the times it's some insight they had about me or advice about life in general. I reflect back on those a lot.

I think if I'm very close with someone, I'd share some art with them because it's like sharing a part of myself. So like a meaningful drawing or crocheted object made specially for them. There's almost always a card because I like that the words are right there to think back on from time to time.
 

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Goodbyes are awkward for me (i.e. reference the time I said, "You have my number, right?" to the girl who clearly did not want to keep in touch with me). Lol.

Like @entheos - I would probably just prefer to disappear and not make a big deal of things, especially now since you can keep in touch (if you want to) so easily these days.
 

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What is a good farewell?

I guess a good farewell is something that gives me and the persons I am saying goodbye to a sense of closure and prepares us to move on.

Farewells is a way for me to pay my respect to those few persons I have a meaningful relationship with. It is about taking the time to tell them what they have meant to me and to thank them for what they have brought to my life. If I am not able to say goodbye, I usually end up feeling that I have not treated that person with the respect he or she deserves. As a consequence my memories will be filled with guilt instead of positive thoughts about the the good things he or she brought to my life.

In recent years I have understood that this is a two way street. Sometimes others have a need to say goodbye to me even though I don't always share their desire. Because it is important for me to respect other peoples feelings, so I will try to take part in whatever farewell party or gathering they wish for, even though that can at times feel awkward since I do not share their feeling in the matter.
 

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Sometimes a bad farewell is one that reduces that which was, that makes one look back at what one once thought as good times, as something negative, or that it was a lie, an illusion. I think a good farewell makes one feel like that which was was of importance(or some other positive value, as long as it is true), even if it has come to an end. (I am terrible at good byes... so perhaps I am not the best judge of what a good one is, but a bad one, I think is mainly that, one which withdraws from the shared expeiences, reducing the good memories... and also byes that are unclear, that are clear cuts, but one don't know for sure and don't know how to act.)
 

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I'm surprised no one quoted his one yet.

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." - Bilbo Baggins

I do enjoy a fine farewell, a bad goodbye is a bitter taste. You never know when you might see someone again, I've ran into old friends in the strangest of places. Oddly enough, I've been known to disappear, but I prefer to say something these days. If I didn't leave a bookmark behind I might know where to start when I get back. Page 1 perhaps.
 

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Lots of eye contact with your loved ones, even though it may be painful and the tears may be ready to fall. But you will always be with them, and they with you. A good farewell is something personal, in my opinion. It doesn't have to be something material; it can be as simple as a shared moment.

You can send your friends and family letters and postcards from your new place if you'd like. I always have a good time sending postcards! It's a way to escape the flow of time and allow someone to have a physical reminder of you.

As for someone who has passed away, it doesn't feel like a farewell does the trick for me. It's like the farewell never happens. I send my friend messages on Facebook from time to time. It was her birthday recently, and I had a bit of a joke to tell her! I went to her funeral, of course, but it didn't seem final. One night after her death, I picked out a song to play that had been on my mind, and I danced with her in my room. The main lyrics in the song are, "Sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe, and to love you." I don't know what the heck that has to do with finding closure for her untimely and tragic death—how can you find closure when you love someone? Love is eternal, and our bond is still there, even though I go on living my life. A piece of myself has been laid to rest with her, but that's alright. Other people have pieces of me, and they take me with them when one of us geographically leaves the other or when they die. I don't have a finite amount to give either; it's like seeds from a plant that grow in the lives of others. Perhaps I am a garden for their seeds too. It makes me feel whole when other people have me. I don't really leave them, and they don't really leave me. There aren't farewells, even if we're forgotten, even when we die.
 

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I dont like to say goodbye because it can be so final.
Id rather just say seeya later or stop talking to them until they show up again.

but for people that have passed away I have heard about something called deathsongs..
Where the person or a family member or friend writes a song and sings it at their funeral or before they die..
Its really sweet and reminds me of ashes to ashes, dust to dust..
 
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Sometimes a bad farewell is one that reduces that which was, that makes one look back at what one once thought as good times, as something negative, or that it was a lie, an illusion. I think a good farewell makes one feel like that which was was of importance(or some other positive value, as long as it is true), even if it has come to an end. (I am terrible at good byes... so perhaps I am not the best judge of what a good one is, but a bad one, I think is mainly that, one which withdraws from the shared expeiences, reducing the good memories... and also byes that are unclear, that are clear cuts, but one don't know for sure and don't know how to act.)

This is my experience also, at least for the people I have cared about.

A bad farewell reduces that which was, and after a few bad (or missing) farewells I have realized that is important to for me to take a proper farewell. I don't think I ever will be good at say farewell as it that can be both be painful and at times awkward. But it is better than the feeling of guilt if get I don't do what is right.

Bth, I suspect that If I ever find easy to say goodbye it probably means I have done it to many times and learned not to care.
 

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Discussion Starter #12 (Edited)
So I've written this in the end, though i'm yet to post it today.
Fly out tomorrow.

Before I head off to [place and date] to marry and live with [fiancée], I wanted to write a brief farewell letter to everyone.

It is quite confronting to say goodbye, where it once felt as if things would never change. But with my departure now immanent, it feels all the more real.

There is of course a melancholy that comes with goodbyes, because there is pain in cutting myself out of these relationships and leaving part of myself behind. There will be a kind of space where I will no longer be. There may be moments where you think of me and catch yourself still adjusting to the fact that I’m not there, but it’ll be okay. You can reminisce about what we did together, the idiosyncrasies I had/have, then curse me for leaving. Then perhaps you will feel that you miss me as I miss all of you. This is normal, it’s the pain of adjusting to the abrupt gap I’ve left in your life. For those that it doesn’t hurt, that just means you’re a cold hearted bastard ;)

I feel as if myself is constituted in part by the many relations I have with others. Being threaded by such affectionate experiences mean that I can’t lose them as they are apart of who I am. So when I think to ask who am I? I will not think of myself in isolation, but in relation to all of you and the good times we had. Our relationship need not be defined by the single moment of departure but by the time we have spent together. I've felt much love from everyone in wishing me well. We have been friends and that itself is a tremendous thing.

However, this is not just an end but a beginning. I’m moving to a community filled with wonderful people who will be my family, many who are already my friends and others who will soon be. A small town filled with people who have been nothing but warm and hospitable to me. But most of all, I’ll be starting a life with [fiancée], with whom I hope to build something wonderful into our future. People have often asking me “Are you nervous?” and I’ve told them that I haven’t been. Months ago that this is what I wanted and now it is the realization of that want that [fiancée] and I worked to achieve. I decided that I would be motivated by hope instead of fear. Though I do hope that [fiancée] and I fair well enough that we may be fortunate enough to come back and visit.

I’ll miss you all.
Thank you and good luck to all of you.

“Goodbyes are not forever, Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I’ll miss you, Until we meet again.”
 

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I like the quiet good byes.. because they leave room for opening the door back up again if you ever need to.. then again, sometimes those goodbyes are bad when you are walking away because they are assholes. Sometimes you want the closure of telling the person off, and telling them how they made you feel.

Thats another thing.. getting to tell people how much they meant to you.

I wrote a whole thing on the idea of saying good-bye, though.

"Guests of my life,
You came in the early dawn,
And you came in the night.
Your name was uttered by the spring flowers
And the showers of rain.
You brought the harp into my life,
And you brought the lamp.
After you had taken your leave
I found God's footprints on the floor."
-Rabindranath Tagore

This quote makes me smile with the light of hope in my heart. I have lost a lot of important people in my life.. but they were only meant to be guests, and I hope I honored their presence in my life well enough. They were reminders of the Divine's presence in my life. I will never forget them. As if I could. =P

Time has a way of healing us, but also of changing everything. I still gaze up at the stars and wonder "what if?" but I'm coming to feel grateful just for what was and take comfort in knowing the sun is coming back around again.

Letting go feels like watching the seasons change, leaves fall from trees, flowers bloom.. The world renews itself, different every day. Just like me. I am always growing and changing too. I thank them for the gentle goodbyes and their contribution to my experience of life.
because they gave me something real. A shared moment in the vast ocean of precious time. Thank you "former" friends. Godspeed. :p

I watch the distance grow between us, and find that the world is a stranger place without them, but maybe that's a good thing, I'll discover. ^^ Now there's room for something new to grow here in my heart.
 
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“Goodbyes are not forever, Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I’ll miss you, Until we meet again.”

What a great line! :')
Yes, it is. Going down memory lane makes a nice visit. :)

PS Nice letter.
 
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