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1. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.

I have mental illness. Male, late 20s, calm now.

2. Study these two images here and here. Which one do you prefer and why? How would you describe it?


The one with the lone beach, reflections, northern lights and night sky. There are no people to be seen. It seems like the perfect zone for isolation.

3. Please describe yourself as a person if you were to introduce yourself to someone else like in a cover letter. What kind of person are you and why?

I hate cover letters, merchandising yourself as a product for companies to exploit for capital. I live alone and like to be alone. I am not complete satisfied with solitude, which is not surprising. People are fundamentally gregarious animals.
I live in the moment and don't plan far ahead. It's useless, waste of time, one may plan everything ahead to die tomorrow, what's the point. I look up to optimism and uncorrupted thinking even if I don't possess it myself. If I have to spend time with other people, I prefer the ones who have chosen not to live conventionally as a part of society. I like to consider myself a logical creature, which itself is delusional thinking, because I have mood disorder, which takes over in cycles.

I'm not a relationship-type of a person although I do make time and space in calender for a person who makes me feel calm, good, and present, tied in the moment. My mind and soul are not blanco, I crave for greatness but acknowledging own limitations hold me back.

My relationship with life is ambivalent, turbulent. Recently I have opened my eyes to the life itself. There are beautiful moments in the middle of everyday chaos. I cling to these moments. I recognize the assholeism I have possess, which embarrasses me in delay. I try to take things more seriously but often belittle and joke painful spots, such as intimicy, lack of.

I work in a laboratory alone for research purposes with minimal interaction with other humans. I drown myself in work and spend my spare time alone on computer.

4. What kind of person would you LIKE to be? Why? What kind of person would you NOT want to be? Why?

I would like to be more active. I'm passive when it comes to relationships with humans. I would not want to be one of those people with a dog, kids, big house, big loans, you know the type, trapped in a rat race. I dream of living in the woods in a cottage with minimal connection to outside world. Space station would be ideal but too distant a dream. Perhaps a research station in the antarctica.

5. Do you think there are any differences to how you described yourself and how people actually perceive you? How do you think others would describe you? If there are any discrepancies between these two that are you are aware of; do you know why exactly that is?

People are bad at reading people because they mirror and project themselves onto others and think they are similar, even when the only obvious similarities and overlapping are due to being same species but mindfully, far apart. People have described me quiet, thoughtful and confident. I am quiet and thoughtful but I'm nowhere near being confident. I could be collapsing internally but it could not be detected by observation. I don't have expressions or different tones of voice.

6. What in life do you find to be of importance? Why? If you are unsure you can always take the Value Test and post the results here. Do note that it helps if you narrow it down to 20 or ideally 10 values as suggested at stage 2.

I struggle to find meaning in life, to be honest.

Value test:
1. Intelligence (11 votes)
2. Understanding (11 votes)
3. Solitude (9 votes)
4. Mastery (7 votes)
5. Education (7 votes)
6. Knowledge (7 votes)
7. Supremacy (7 votes)
8. Wisdom (7 votes)
9. Self-reliance (7 votes)
10. Privacy (6 votes)
11. Discovery (6 votes)
12. Tidiness (6 votes)
13. Tranquility (6 votes)
14. Silence (5 votes)
15. Stillness (3 votes)

7. How do you react to new situations in your life? Can you describe an event in your life where you were in an unknown situation? How did you deal with it?

A friend spontaneously introduced me to a stranger at a party and left us alone. I froze completely. I had nothing going on inside my head except as if my heart pulsated in the frontal lobe. I sat there braindead. That's how I react in unexpected situations.

8. Please describe yourself when you are in a stressful situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.

Depends on the stress. See above for social stress. At work, I handle stress well because I know exactly what to do in hazardous situations.

9. Please describe yourself when you are in an enjoyable situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.

The most enjoyable situation I can think of now: me, alone at home, after work, modding the shit out of a game to every detail. I can spend hours on modding and coding without noticing how hours pass by in abundance and enjoy it a great deal.

10. Describe your relationship to socialization. How do you perceive one-on-one interaction? How do you perceive group interaction?

Group situations are easier actually because I feel like I can talk freely and people consider what I say a joke. It's easier to blend in the background at any time and go unnoticed. One-on-one is more difficult, because the focus is on you. A group situation can turn into one-on-one if someone picks you out the crowd and approaches you, which doesn't happen often.

11. Describe your relationship to society. What are the elements of it you hold important or unimportant (e.g. social norms, values, customs, traditions)? How do you see people as a whole?

I don't care about traditions or customs or norms. It's a curse in a way. I have thought I could fake to care about this shit to find a woman but I don't have the energy for that. Society is a whole is a joke that has gone for long enough and needs to end in it's current form. As individual there is nothing I can do to contribute to actual change except remove myself from this reality. People as a whole are doomed to fail because the masses are idiots with similar ideas, see any social media, how the herds join in to support each other's ideology. It's the same with democracy. People think delusionally that they can contribute by voting which is close to being the punchline of the joke. A leftie, rightie and kepulainen walk into a bar. Nobody comes out alive. Ha, ha.

12. Describe your relationship to authority. How do you perceive authority? What does it mean to you, and how do you deal with it?

I have no respect for authority. It's a corrupted social organism. I escape it the best I can.

13. Describe your relationship to order and chaos. What do order and chaos mean to you? How do they manifest in your daily life?

Instantly think of my mental illness. It's closest to order and chaos manifesting in my life. Chaos by nature, attempts to attain the illness in order by medication and therapy.

14. What is it that you fear in life? Why? How does this fear manifest to you both in how you think and how you act?
That this is it. Death is where it ends. This is as good as it gets. What a fucking waste.

15. What is it that you desire in life? What do you strive to achieve? Why? Where do you think these drives and desires stem from or are inspired by?

I desire greatness with acknowledgement I'm never going to achieve it. These are possibly primal instincts with no real value. Perhaps a part of an illness itself. Sometimes I'm inspired to try to fit in harder just to come to a conclusion again, that it's not working.

16. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
Coding, playing, modding, running energize me. Social situations drain me braindead. I don't know why. Maybe the wiring in my head is flawed.

17. Why do you want to know your type? What type do you think you are? Why this/these type(s)? Is there a type that appeals to you, to your self-perception, that you would like to be? Why?

I don't know what type I am. I don't want to be anything in particular. I want to know what type I might be in case there are similarities between me and other people with the same possible type. I got INTJ before, but they are supposed to be masterminds and I'm not.

18. Finally, is there something else you find to be of importance you want to add about yourself you think might be of relevance when helping to type you?

I got irritated in the middle of this questionnaire by external stimuli which might have affected my replies.
 
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