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10,402 Posts
I know us ENFPs can be well liked and we can be open and warm. I am not going to start another thread about "Are we flirting or is that just us being 'nice' or 'joking'".
The point is, we do it. And we have enough information by now to know how our behavior is received. Girls-we KNOW some guys get confused by us, by our "friendly" attention. The introverted guy may be questioning "does she really like me or does she do that with everyone?"
Men-You know you have an ability to "out romance anyone" when it comes to romancing someone. Do you save that for only the woman you really want to be with? Or do you also do it on a first date, where you hardly even know each other yet? And then the woman gets blown away by your romance, falls for you, only for you to decide later she isn't right for you. But based on your extreme displays of romance, she felt like she was the one true "forever" special person in your life.
Men and women-we joke. We kid. We DO flirt. I will admit to my behavior in my early 20s. I remember even if I didn't like a guy, I would continue to lead him on just for the attention. I was interested in someone else, but I didn't want to lose this other guy's attention. This leads the guy on. It's so sad. Perhaps this is why it's the underlying issue why it's hard for us to say "no" or reject someone.
We hold on and keep them as friends, secretly knowing they want more from us.
Sure, we can play innocent and say that ENFPs have only the best intentions. We claim we can see other people's perspective so clearly. But when it comes to understanding that our flirting can really hurt someone who really cares about-most of us aren't willing to go the extra step to see that other person's perspective or pain. We innocently claim "I wasn't doing anything" or "I thought we were just friends".
I've seen over and over ENFPs on the forum need the attention from random strangers. Why is that? Why are you so willing to jeapordize a relationship for some flirtatious attention with a stranger?
I think forums can be dangerous. There is a lot of input for our Ne to go crazy. It's a candy shop for us. I'm sure those of us who are in relationships tend to hyper focus on the relationship. I doubt you'd find me here much anymore. And I think it would almost be painful to have my man here.
I see people in relationships, who even live with their partner, yet flirt with everyone on the forum. They have their real life "boyfriend" and then they have their cyber boyfriends. I use females in the example, but it works the same with men too.
My plea is this: Please ENFPs, if you are not interested in a guy/girl: let them go. I know many of you are going to argue with me that you are doing nothing to "lead them on" but then there is the reality. We are WAY to perceptive of human condition to not understand when we are leading someone one or not.
Be okay with being upfront with them. Be okay with the opposite sex even hating you for rejecting them. But for God's sake, don't lead them on and use them for attention or for your temporary cure in your moment of loneliness.
Spend time with a potential mate, but cut the other's lose that you know are into you. Stop using people as a "back up". Learn what true vulnerability is.
I see ENFP girls leading men on WAY more than guys. However-Guys it would help if you could just be more up front from the beginning about your intentions. You almost reap what you sow by not being direct. I'm sort of preaching to the choir here, because I think EnFP men get pretty excited pretty quick so it's hard NOT to see their romantic intentions. But still, ENFP men are not innocent in trying the non-direct approach and trying to "slip through the back door" if they like a girl. This behavior only makes it harder for girls to directly reject you. You've never stated your intentions so the girl never has to reject you. And the guy has now set himself up for being "lead on".
Just own up, ENFP. That's all I ask. Own up and be responsible with your charm.
The point is, we do it. And we have enough information by now to know how our behavior is received. Girls-we KNOW some guys get confused by us, by our "friendly" attention. The introverted guy may be questioning "does she really like me or does she do that with everyone?"
Men-You know you have an ability to "out romance anyone" when it comes to romancing someone. Do you save that for only the woman you really want to be with? Or do you also do it on a first date, where you hardly even know each other yet? And then the woman gets blown away by your romance, falls for you, only for you to decide later she isn't right for you. But based on your extreme displays of romance, she felt like she was the one true "forever" special person in your life.
Men and women-we joke. We kid. We DO flirt. I will admit to my behavior in my early 20s. I remember even if I didn't like a guy, I would continue to lead him on just for the attention. I was interested in someone else, but I didn't want to lose this other guy's attention. This leads the guy on. It's so sad. Perhaps this is why it's the underlying issue why it's hard for us to say "no" or reject someone.
We hold on and keep them as friends, secretly knowing they want more from us.
Sure, we can play innocent and say that ENFPs have only the best intentions. We claim we can see other people's perspective so clearly. But when it comes to understanding that our flirting can really hurt someone who really cares about-most of us aren't willing to go the extra step to see that other person's perspective or pain. We innocently claim "I wasn't doing anything" or "I thought we were just friends".
I've seen over and over ENFPs on the forum need the attention from random strangers. Why is that? Why are you so willing to jeapordize a relationship for some flirtatious attention with a stranger?
I think forums can be dangerous. There is a lot of input for our Ne to go crazy. It's a candy shop for us. I'm sure those of us who are in relationships tend to hyper focus on the relationship. I doubt you'd find me here much anymore. And I think it would almost be painful to have my man here.
I see people in relationships, who even live with their partner, yet flirt with everyone on the forum. They have their real life "boyfriend" and then they have their cyber boyfriends. I use females in the example, but it works the same with men too.
My plea is this: Please ENFPs, if you are not interested in a guy/girl: let them go. I know many of you are going to argue with me that you are doing nothing to "lead them on" but then there is the reality. We are WAY to perceptive of human condition to not understand when we are leading someone one or not.
Be okay with being upfront with them. Be okay with the opposite sex even hating you for rejecting them. But for God's sake, don't lead them on and use them for attention or for your temporary cure in your moment of loneliness.
Spend time with a potential mate, but cut the other's lose that you know are into you. Stop using people as a "back up". Learn what true vulnerability is.
I see ENFP girls leading men on WAY more than guys. However-Guys it would help if you could just be more up front from the beginning about your intentions. You almost reap what you sow by not being direct. I'm sort of preaching to the choir here, because I think EnFP men get pretty excited pretty quick so it's hard NOT to see their romantic intentions. But still, ENFP men are not innocent in trying the non-direct approach and trying to "slip through the back door" if they like a girl. This behavior only makes it harder for girls to directly reject you. You've never stated your intentions so the girl never has to reject you. And the guy has now set himself up for being "lead on".
Just own up, ENFP. That's all I ask. Own up and be responsible with your charm.