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My girlfriend of 4 years who is an INTP left me 5 months ago to live in New Hampshire with her family. She left me after I couldn't support the life style we were living. She had been unemployed for 8 months and I had been working 50 hour weeks just to maintain. We had a dog and 2 cats. I was so tired every time I came home from work. Everytime I would come home she had just slept for 12 hours and would hate me for not wanting to go out with her.

She had all the time in the world to think about life and use me as I found myself to be the nice guy and overlooked myself. When I came home from work I was drained extrovertly and we would meet on a polar shift of energies. But of course the stress and depression caught up with me and not allowed me to be there as her lover. All I had heard from one of her friends after she left was that she was going to miss how great of a lover I was. Thats all I get?, A I destroyed heart and a compliment as an astounding lover? She ended up visiting her grandparents 2 weeks before the lease was up to our apartment. She came back to florida a week after I had to move everything out of the apartment by myself. I felt like a stepping stone. I did want to mention that a year before we met her father had died in a car accident in New Hampshire.

So after She came back from her trip I was so FUCKING STRESSED about my the way my life was heading. I had to move into a negative family environment. 2 days after she got back from New Hampshire she called me and stated that she was going to move up to New Hampshire for a couple months to get a car and a job and live with her relatives. Then she hung up and refused to answer my phone calls. 2 weeks later she moved up to New Hampshire. She seemed so heartless. She was like I just want to do my own thing and want you to move on. Move on???!!!??? After all that I had invested emotionally for so many years? Fuckin A. Before she left the first time she seemed really eager to get out of the stressful situation that we had found ourselves in.

I kept reassuring her that I would take care of the animals and the move. After she left I felt so used and betrayed. She left on july 1 and I still feel as strongly screwed over by her now as I did then. I feel as if life for me as been alter and I can;t get out of this melancholic, dreamy state of mind I have been in for the last few months. Her birthday is on the 1st of November and I am uncomfortable with it. But she is like on the opposite ends of the country.

She kept telling me that she just wants to be friends and that she was coming back.

I told her 2 months ago that I was feeling betrayed and couldn't stop my emotional depression. I also told her that I couldn't oblige to be a friend and that I hoped she found closer in her fathers passing. I havn't talked to her since. I feel as if my thoughts are floating in space with billy corgan and maynard as passing sound waved entities. Can any one relate?
 

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Totaly. But you need to realise that pushing it will not make it better. You want to be with someone who wants to be with you. If you told her how you feel about her, there is nothing left to say. Its hard beyond anything most would imagine, but every day you stay apart there is less hope you will be able to fix it. So just take a deep breath and realise that life is short and being hung up in the past, great as it was only makes you waste the present.
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Yeah, I'm deep within the process of forgetting someone I loved, and invested a lot into. Girls can really seem heartless, when really I can honestly say that she is going through the same process or has gone through the same process you are going through. Also, her wanting to be friends is her way of saying you left a void in my life, I wish there was a way to fill it. If you actually tried being friends though (even without the raging emo feelings you're going through right now) it just wouldn't work out, you would probably both want things to go back to the way they were (sans bad stuff) and your pain would keep rising up and hurting the relationship (this goes for her as well). Ex's do not make good friends, unless they are only technically exes or not much was really invested.

You're going through the worst of it. Know this, it only gets better from here, and the only way it gets worse is if you are friends with her again. Believe me I've lived it. Your title is correct, that you lost a lover and regained your life back, so use this as a opportunity to build your life again. Spend time doing things to enrich yourself. If nothing else, the next time you see her, you can tell her all the stuff you have been busy doing, and likewise all the successes you've had in those endeavors. It really sucks to lose someone you have worked so hard to love for so long, I should know, especially when you feel like they don't care at all, and she may not. But if she does/did care, and if she saw something in you that she really loves, she may return one day. However don't wait for that day like a dog at the door. :happy:

Also, be glad she parted ways with you by complimenting your skills as a lover. It sounds cold and callous to someone who was trying to honestly love her in far more important ways, but keep in mind, she wanted to leave you with something you would appreciate without giving her true feelings away, because in her mind those feelings were unjustified. I guarantee she still had feelings for you when she left, but she didn't see any way the the relationship could work and meet both your needs so she left, and as she left, she gave you one last gift, she reassured you that you were a good lay. As base and shallow as that sounds, it put to rest an unspoken fear, shared by every man, including you. She may not have been able to thank you for everything else, because of her own opinions on the way things should have been, but she could at least cover that much. And remember, you're lucky, most guys when they lose a girl on bad terms don't get even that much satisfaction.

I know your feelings feel unrewarded, but try to remember her for the good things. It's the final loving gesture you can give her. Then clear your mind and strive forward in your own life, having reclaimed it again as your own. Keep this in mind, knowing that your emotions will take time to adjust, but more importantly, to heal. However, the human heart has an amazing capacity for healing, and it won't be long before you can go a day without thinking about her again.:proud: Keep it up buddy!
 

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As depressing as it sounds, you just need to move on. I'm an ENTP who has also dated an INFP and while he was going on about how he would change things so I would get back with him, I was more along the lines of "Shut up, we're not getting back together, you're disgusting me with your insistent begging, you look pathetic, dear god what did I see in him", I never voiced this because it would crush him which would have just been more annoying, but there was no hope for us.

Of course you two had a lot more invested, but the best thing to do is to remind yourself of both her good points and bad points so you can learn to become neutral towards her. But don't befriend her, it won't work.
 

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I definitely can relate as I have been working 4 jobs. My ex of 1 year was similar. She quit her job... complained about bills. I bought food groceries and other stuff. We both had houses.. She wanted me to pay her house payments and mine and all the utilities. When I would get home she complained that the house wasn't clean. I loved her but man I was miserable. If you were stressed and she did nothing then consider yourself lucky. People like that are just selfish and will just bring you down.
 
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