[Rusalka]

A close friend of mine (probably on the border between INFP and INTP, we're very alike) and I were talking a few nights ago, and she pointed out the reason I have been so distressed lately: She said we both had a deep need to know ourselves, and to be in touch with ourselves and our beliefs at almost all times. She said we both had a deep need for introspection, which guided us through our waking lives. I thought of this as a need to be up to date with yourself, to make sure your "core self" had not changed; To proceed into the external world with the knowledge of what "you" would do, believe, think, set in your head, instead of wandering aimlessly, searching the external world for answers to questions so paramount and essential.

Lately I have been struggling with this, because of the massive amount of data that I've collected over the year has been left "unsorted" if you will, with my depression hindering the process and introducing some frightening new experiences to analyze, and all the life changes taking place right now, pushing me forward, stumbling, into a new world where I am unsure of what "I" should think or do. How I should proceed; How I should perceive.

My question is, do you INFPs find themselves doing this a lot? Is it an INFP trait, an INFx trait, or simply an Ixxx trait? Do you have any advice? I've never experienced something so strange, frightening, and yet so specific and clear in how my mind operates.

 

[Acey]

it definitely seems like an INFP trait and i can relate very well. Most of my life is spent alone with my thoughts, either reminiscing on previous situations and how i reacted to them, or making up situations in my head and trying to imagine how i would act. One thing i have realized is one reaction doe not define a belief/value, much less an identity. I still, however, pin myself with labels, inaccurate albeit, to try to grasp a sense of identity.

 

[heartturnedtoporcelain]

Yes, I had exactly the same problem. When I was depressed, I avoided thinking about myself and my issues. It was just too painful and I didn't have the tools to process, only to experience the pain of my problems anew.

Once I took therapy, I could finally think again. I could finally be with myself in a way that I feel is necessary for the survival of an INFP. It was then that I fully became aware of how reliant I was on introspection and the ability to sort out my mental landscape.

So yes, I have experienced that and therapy gave me the tools to deal with it.

 

[Rusalka]

One thing i have realized is one reaction doe not define a belief/value, much less an identity. I still, however, pin myself with labels, inaccurate albeit, to try to grasp a sense of identity.

Yessssss, that is so true. However, having some kind of sense of identity is better than having absolutely no sense of identity. It's kind of the law of averages (not sure if this is the right terminology), where eventually, you would have reacted so many times to a thought or event or whatever, that some kind of pattern forms, showing vaguely where you fit in if you have to label yourself.

I remember reading once somewhere that INFPs have to sort data through their personal value system and see if it has any use to them. If it does not, they toss it. I find I kind of do this. I think that's more of what I meant, now that I remember that analogy. Now the question lies: What is my personal value system?

 

[hood]

it definitely seems like an INFP trait and i can relate very well. Most of my life is spent alone with my thoughts, either reminiscing on previous situations and how i reacted to them, or making up situations in my head and trying to imagine how i would act. One thing i have realized is one reaction doe not define a belief/value, much less an identity. I still, however, pin myself with labels, inaccurate albeit, to try to grasp a sense of identity.

That is pretty much what I go through right now, but for me was because I only knew one lifestyle. Once I learned that there was a much deeper puddle, I've been trying to find a scuba diving suit.

 

[Rusalka]

So yes, I have experienced that and therapy gave me the tools to deal with it.

Oh no, therapy? I'm not really depressed anymore so much as not sure of how to go about analyzing everything that's happened to me.

 

[Acey]

Now the question lies: What is my personal value system?

I find that a lot of my values change on the daily basis (sometimes several times a day) because of my moods. It's extremely frustrating to see myself change from one persona to another because i am completely aware of it and there's nothing i can do to prevent it. I read somewhere our sense of identity is found through analyzing our reactions to situations over a long period of time, and that INFP's are the most inconsistent with their reactions and therefore, have the least sense of identity.

another piece of literature called us "wonderfully unpredictable" , which is both a curse and a blessing. I find my reality changes so frequently and i have to adjust myself appropriately because if i dont i feel completely unnatural, which i hate.

 

[heartturnedtoporcelain]

Oh no, therapy? I'm not really depressed anymore so much as not sure of how to go about analyzing everything that's happened to me.

hmm you may not have a dire need for therapy, but it would still be very helpful if you have unresolved issues surrounding that period of your life. The problem with that is that it doesn't give you as much incentive to spend all that money on it.

I would suggest talking to your friends about it but that doesn't work. I've tried to do it and have had it done to me and neither of those worked. Friends shouldn't have to full on deal with your issues and they usually can't.

 

[Rusalka]

I find that a lot of my values change on the daily basis (sometimes several times a day) because of my moods. It's extremely frustrating to see myself change from one persona to another because i am completely aware of it and there's nothing i can do to prevent it. I read somewhere our sense of identity is found through analyzing our reactions to situations over a long period of time, and that INFP's are the most inconsistent with their reactions and therefore, have the least sense of identity.

another piece of literature called us "wonderfully unpredictable" , which is both a curse and a blessing. I find my reality changes so frequently and i have to adjust myself appropriately because if i dont i feel completely unnatural, which i hate.

Yup. INFPs make great actors because of this. I'm so desperate to make sure of my type because it gives me some kind of identity. I think the best thing you could do in that situation is force yourself to be alone and uninfluenced by any external stimulation (such as friends). I am a completely different person to each person or group I know. Being alone gives me some clarity of thought as to who I am, but not that much. Don't over-analyze what you feel.

If all else fails, create a character or idealized version of yourself you want to be. Become this, or something like it. If it feels natural, stick with it.

 

[Rusalka]

hmm you may not have a dire need for therapy, but it would still be very helpful if you have unresolved issues surrounding that period of your life. The problem with that is that it doesn't give you as much incentive to spend all that money on it.

I would suggest talking to your friends about it but that doesn't work. I've tried to do it and have had it done to me and neither of those worked. Friends shouldn't have to full on deal with your issues and they usually can't.

I was considering therapy at the worst points of my depression. Instead, I went to my parents and friends; they were nearly useless in the grand scheme of things. I won't go into detail, but if I didn't go to therapy then, I don't think I will now.

I am incredibly suspicious of people telling me what to think, telling me about myself, etc., and am naturally critical of people and their opinions, even though I am kind of on the road to become a psychiatrist, or at least researching in that area. This is because I think they don't know something I do, and possibly I unconsciously manipulated them into thinking _______, or they manipulated me into thinking _______. Mind games. I just don't think anyone but me could help me in this abstract a playing field.

 

[heartturnedtoporcelain]

I was considering therapy at the worst points of my depression. Instead, I went to my parents and friends; they were nearly useless in the grand scheme of things. I won't go into detail, but if I didn't go to therapy then, I don't think I will now.

I am incredibly suspicious of people telling me what to think, telling me about myself, etc., and am naturally critical of people and their opinions, even though I am kind of on the road to become a psychiatrist, or at least researching in that area. This is because I think they don't know something I do, and possibly I unconsciously manipulated them into thinking _______, or they manipulated me into thinking _______. Mind games. I just don't think anyone but me could help me in this abstract a playing field.

That's fair enough - I definitely know people for whom therapy wouldn't work. Their personalities don't mesh with the entire experience. I would add, however, that the best therapy sessions, the ones that actually help you in really figuring yourself out, should probably be 90% you and 10% the therapist. They should be providing a different perspective on your conclusions rather than leading you to their own conclusions. At least, that's my impression from talking to people who got something out it and those who didn't.

 

[Rusalka]

I would add, however, that the best therapy sessions, the ones that actually help you in really figuring yourself out, should probably be 90% you and 10% the therapist. They should be providing a different perspective on your conclusions rather than leading you to their own conclusions.

Is it weird I actually do this in my head sometimes? It's just hard knowing... which perspective. What they would say, in this case.

 

[heartturnedtoporcelain]

Is it weird I actually do this in my head sometimes? It's just hard knowing... which perspective. What they would say, in this case.

Not at all. I did have that dilemma but I guess my values, my mindset has settled over time and therapy really helped that. I still constantly, constantly question, but there is something something permanent lodged in there that makes the questioning less unsettling.