[Yardiff Bey]

At what point to the following words: "No. It's over." actually register in your mind?

Right now I've got someone having trouble accepting the "No. It's over." It's really driving me nuts. (Especially given that I'm sick as well.)

 

[JigglyJello]

Depends. Short term? Long term? Is this the type of girl who usually dwells in sadness for awhile? And the way that things ended applies as well. Some people can be in the denial state for awhile.

Keep ignoring her as much as possible and eventually she should get the hint. Actions speak louder than words.

If she ends up becoming a stalker... file a restraining order. :tongue:

 

[Yardiff Bey]

If she ends up becoming a stalker... file a restraining order. :tongue:

Jesus, you've just given me nightmare material.

 

[JigglyJello]

Jesus, you've just given me nightmare material.

All of my friends at the moment are guys so I've heard nearly all the nightmarish things. From girls claiming to be pregnant with their child to a girl breaking into the back seat of his car and declaring her unconditional love for him while he was in a traffic jam. :laughing:

 

[viva]

More details are needed.

There's a difference between how a woman deals with being turned down after a few dates and a hookup than after a two-year-long escapade.

 

[Siren]

How did you end it? I had a guy tell me "I don't love you anymore" and I left, never looking back. My dignity and pride were more important. However my current SO has told me "it's too hard" (our LDR) and "it's not right" (me not seeing other people while we are apart). But then I question the reasons and we talk it through and are still together.

Are you sure you ended it convincingly?

 

[Xistiller]

Two options. You could ignore her or crush her.

You could let her stew in her own mess, or you could tell her all the reasons that you don't want to spend another second being with her. Make them unflattering facts about her and how she acted in your relationship.

I recommend the first, because she might be sensitive and crushing her might ruin her forever or at least for a while.

 

[knittigan]

Pretty much immediately for me. I'm hypersensitive to rejection coming from the people I care about. It doesn't even need to be said -- generally speaking, if he feels it or demonstrates it in any way, I'll be withdrawing and pretty much gone long before it gets to point of saying it out loud.

 

[Yardiff Bey]

As @Xistiller suggests, I'm going to pretty-much ignore her. We'd only been going for a couple months and it wasn't going anywhere anyway, so her sudden drama bullshit after a couple weeks of no-going-out made it easy to walk away. Told her that she'd gone well over the limit of what I was prepared to take, that I wasn't interested in it or her, and better luck with her next boyfriend.

Some pouty bullshit. A couple of lame-ass messages about really-really liking me (yeh, that's why she tried to dump the drama on me) and then silence. Now more lame-ass messages for the last couple days, her wanting to get back with me.

I'm sick. Especially because of that I really can't be arsed with her. People like that are just not worth the hassle in my life - I realized that simple fact long ago.

 

[Xistiller]

Glad to hear that you know people like that just are not worth the trouble.

 

[Ayia]

As @Xistiller suggests, I'm going to pretty-much ignore her. We'd only been going for a couple months and it wasn't going anywhere anyway, so her sudden drama bullshit after a couple weeks of no-going-out made it easy to walk away. Told her that she'd gone well over the limit of what I was prepared to take, that I wasn't interested in it or her, and better luck with her next boyfriend.

Some pouty bullshit. A couple of lame-ass messages about really-really liking me (yeh, that's why she tried to dump the drama on me) and then silence. Now more lame-ass messages for the last couple days, her wanting to get back with me.

I'm sick. Especially because of that I really can't be arsed with her. People like that are just not worth the hassle in my life - I realized that simple fact long ago.

Some people are bad with rejection. Especially if they are very attractive, or just really confident, but I don't know how she looks like. and both things are usually a good thing. heck everyone takes rejection badly once in a while.

If it hasn't been more than two weeks it probably is going to blow over by itself. She is just going to be a bit irrational for a while and then she'll be too embarassed to dare to ever see you again.

I feel really bad for you, as I've been both the rejectee and the rejected. but never after as long as two months. so good luck with that.

 

[Jennywocky]

... I'm going to pretty-much ignore her. We'd only been going for a couple months and it wasn't going anywhere anyway, so her sudden drama bullshit after a couple weeks of no-going-out made it easy to walk away. Told her that she'd gone well over the limit of what I was prepared to take, that I wasn't interested in it or her, and better luck with her next boyfriend.

Some pouty bullshit. A couple of lame-ass messages about really-really liking me (yeh, that's why she tried to dump the drama on me) and then silence. Now more lame-ass messages for the last couple days, her wanting to get back with me.

I'm sick. Especially because of that I really can't be arsed with her. People like that are just not worth the hassle in my life - I realized that simple fact long ago.

Yeah, I would just say, "we're done, please do not write me anymore," and be done with it and not respond again. Delete any other messages that come in without reading them. (Or just delete everything now and not respond at all.)

That sounds harsh to some, maybe; but you've already made it clear, and she's choosing to disrespect the boundaries. You also didn't have a long relationship and had a period of silence where she could have walked away, and now she's trying to start things back up again, so do not engage.

Let's face it, it's not just easier for you to not engage, it's easier for her in the long run. As soon as you engage, you're giving her hope she can say something that will change your mind.

 

[Yardiff Bey]

@Jennywocky - I grasp your meaning with the "engage" part. Hadn't thought of that, you are correct.

Reminds me of many years ago, the woman who tried to get back with me after almost two years apart. When I realized that she hadn't changed any I walked away from it again. Six months later she tried once more. I was totally indifferent and it showed. She never tried again, thankfully.

 

[Impavida]

Block her on all socializing media - email, phone, FB, whatever other chatting mediums you used. Much easier to ignore a message when you don't know it's there :wink:

 

[France Petre]

as an ENFP , I can tell u that accepting the "no it is over " for an "NF" requires great communication skills from the person breaking up ..Rejection is the most painfull situation imaginible to many people and certainely to Nf's.
So , my advice is to state it clearly , yes ..but at the same time showing consideration for their feelings by stating positive affirmations and reinsurring words for their self esteem such as "you are a brilliant person ,...." , "it is not you but the situation etc" also , Nfs find it most difficult to break up because they feel guilty and want to understand what it is that they did "wrong" so u may want to discuss it with her a little so that she can understand what went wrong..and that will have the highest impact on her and will increase the probability for her to leave you alone and not hurt herself and most importantely donnot ignore her ! that is the biggest insult that a human being can receive and it will not make her dissapear but will make matter far worst . ...it may seem complicated and ennoying for you to do but it will only take around 15 minutes and will prevent as much as possible the pain she is going to go through , as a human being , she is worthy of that last respect ..also , you donnot want her to keep coming back so ...

 

[Zster]

as an ENFP , I can tell u that accepting the "no it is over " for an "NF" requires great communication skills from the person breaking up ..Rejection is the most painfull situation imaginible to many people and certainely to Nf's.

Qualify that: "some NFs".

I tend to bail on a relationship at the first inkling that things are going south. I hate to be clingy in any way and very much prefer clean breaks.

It really depends on the girl. While there are those like me who might end things borderline prematurely, there are others who will completely deny the ending, and to whom you wont be able to show any kindess or consideration without it granting them hope or supposedly "leading them on". It can be a broad spectrum.

Personally, I do not see the ending as failure or even devastating. I am mature enough to be grateful for whatever time I was granted with that person in my life and how the experience has enriched me. Not all relationships have to bear the stamp "possibly forever" to be worth pursuing/enjoying.

I wish the OP luck getting out of his current situation. I really abhor when a person I am ending things with fights it tooth and nail, forcing me into meaner behavior than I genuinely wanted to employ.

 

[VictoriaB]

I'm an ISTP, so when I come to the realization that "its over" then I'm completly unattached and I have very little 'feelings' lingering around the relationship. I normally reach the point of just wanting to leave and not look back.

Now, I don't know what kind of personality you're dealing with in your situation. All I can say is that this is just from an ISTP side, most personalities dont think that way when it comes time to call it quits.

 

[France Petre]

although I do see your point and indeed , it may not be felt as a catastrophy for some people , and it is a great strength of yours to be able to detach yourself like that , but it will be for an NF in love or even not in love , rejection is the nf biggest nightmare , we already look for affirmations and feel hurt when we donnot , being "dumped" is another story , personnaly , when I love , I love so intensely and entirely that I would feel suicidal when facing a harsh break up ..and when I did break up myself , I was very carefull to do it as humanly as possible as I know how devastating it can be to some individuals especialy the insecured types..and it is possible to be clear about the breaking up while showing consideration for the person feelings and reinforce thier self -esteem , to me breaking up is something that must be done humanly and with caution but firmly too , ok,

 

[Promethea]

I see the end way before its spoken.

 

[France Petre]

me too but as Nfs we focus on possibilities wich explain why we may stay in a relationship that has gone bad and also we tend to feel guilty and take all the blame wich can destroy self esteem especialy if the person who breaks up gives no explanations and we are left with all thoses questions and regrets