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So, lately ive been watching videos and researching Jung, after learning about archetypes in one of my classes, and im pretty sure something is up with my "ego". It isnt "dead", but i am very aware of it.
Im thinking this is why i have so many anxious thoughts and mental conflicts, because i am aware of...well...my self. There are like, 2 minds arguing in my head all time, criticizing my conscious thoughts and behaviors. For example, i will think something like, "i believe i am really good at this thing", then i unconsciously think, "no your not, you just WANT to be good at it".
And i am aware of all the stupid things i do, behaviorally. Like things we all do in order to seem "normal" with our bodies, from the way I sit, to how i am walking, i am aware of in myself...
The fucked up part is, i am aware of my self, but i seem to not be able to influence my self much...my persona. I will recognize that im doing something just to seem cool or whatever, but i wont change what im doing. Thats why i know my ego is still here...It feels like i am inside a shell...I, being my consciousness. And this shell is like, torn apart, but my consciousness and true self is very solid and rigid, although i haven't seen much of it. The torn apart shell is my ego, and i know its torn apart because thats what it feels like. The persona mask that we all have. Mine is fucked up.
so...ideas?? Ive never felt normal, but this is somewhat recent. For maybe about a year or so i have felt like this. I just came out of a deep depression. Its that depression, loneliness, and anxiety that turns me into an introspective self-reflecting freak haha.
Im thinking this is why i have so many anxious thoughts and mental conflicts, because i am aware of...well...my self. There are like, 2 minds arguing in my head all time, criticizing my conscious thoughts and behaviors. For example, i will think something like, "i believe i am really good at this thing", then i unconsciously think, "no your not, you just WANT to be good at it".
And i am aware of all the stupid things i do, behaviorally. Like things we all do in order to seem "normal" with our bodies, from the way I sit, to how i am walking, i am aware of in myself...
The fucked up part is, i am aware of my self, but i seem to not be able to influence my self much...my persona. I will recognize that im doing something just to seem cool or whatever, but i wont change what im doing. Thats why i know my ego is still here...It feels like i am inside a shell...I, being my consciousness. And this shell is like, torn apart, but my consciousness and true self is very solid and rigid, although i haven't seen much of it. The torn apart shell is my ego, and i know its torn apart because thats what it feels like. The persona mask that we all have. Mine is fucked up.
so...ideas?? Ive never felt normal, but this is somewhat recent. For maybe about a year or so i have felt like this. I just came out of a deep depression. Its that depression, loneliness, and anxiety that turns me into an introspective self-reflecting freak haha.