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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
First, I will say that I will appreciate any sort of advice that comes out of this!

Context: I recent have had this recurring dream: I'm searching for 'someone'. This 'someone' was a close female friend of mine. We met a year ago, and our casual friendship quickly grew. After our initial infatuation ended, we developed strong feelings for one another. I acted on what I felt, but she said 'no' because of her involvement with her boyfriend (though she did admit that she too had feelings similar to mine and appreciated the fact that I expressed what I felt). I eventually felt an unusually strong desire to protect her, and I even acted out of character once or twice to 'defend' her. She saw me as her protector in her dreams (as I murdered her 'antagonists' in her dreams) and as a mentor in her life (at that moment, of course).

Eventually, she left to go home and I haven't seen or heard from her since. The last moment we saw one another we didn't want to leave one another. She smiled, but she seemed like she wanted to cry. I hid what I felt (perhaps, in retrospect, a mistake...). Over the months, I heard and talked some about her with our common friends and acquaintances. I became enraged when my other close friend told me she had become pregnant. I felt she was pressured and wouldn't be able to pursue her dreams (unless, of course, she had an abortion). At the moment I don't have the means to speak or see her.

Needless to say I learned parts about myself I never knew was there while I was around her.

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Dream: Now, the physical surroundings in my dream are always different. Regardless, though, I am searching for and/or wanting to be around her. Often times in the dream I will look through buildings and crowds to find her, but I can't. If she is in my dream, she shimmers like a beacon of light, but I can't reach her even when she can apparently see me. Even then it feels like she can't and that I'm invisible or not noticeable enough.

My mind is obsessive; my chest feels tightened and my breathing tense; I feel compelled to move forward throughout the dream regardless of who is in my way.

This wouldn't be a normal problem for me, but since it has been a recurring dream for the last two or so months I thought I would ask for some advice. This is bothering me greatly.
 

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Very complicated situation. I've done with almost the same situation (difference being it was an ex girl that I still loved and she loved me but chose to get married to sone else) but in my case it didn't work out the way I wanted. I went to her before the wedding to see where we stand and it still didn't solve anything. She again told me she loved me a lot and that even if it is so we can't be together cause both of us will "scorch" each other. I insisted for a while, but it was still a no. Pain can not possibly describe how I felt.

In your case there is also a child involved which makes it even more so complicated. If it were me I'd try to find a way to contact her (whether by phone or in person doesn't matter) and have one last talk. You may find out things which you weren't aware of before. Maybe she left the guy or he left her? Maybe your emotions aren't as strong as they were? You said yourself you don't know much of what is going on and I think you should at least find out. Depending on what you find out you may have an even greater dilemma. :sad:

Contact her would be the only advice I can give.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Very complicated situation. I've done with almost the same situation (difference being it was an ex girl that I still loved and she loved me but chose to get married to sone else) but in my case it didn't work out the way I wanted. I went to her before the wedding to see where we stand and it still didn't solve anything. She again told me she loved me a lot and that even if it is so we can't be together cause both of us will "scorch" each other. I insisted for a while, but it was still a no. Pain can not possibly describe how I felt.

In your case there is also a child involved which makes it even more so complicated. If it were me I'd try to find a way to contact her (whether by phone or in person doesn't matter) and have one last talk. You may find out things which you weren't aware of before. Maybe she left the guy or he left her? Maybe your emotions aren't as strong as they were? You said yourself you don't know much of what is going on and I think you should at least find out. Depending on what you find out you may have an even greater dilemma. :sad:

Contact her would be the only advice I can give.
Thank you. Your story is sort of how I felt (perhaps even feel). I will most likely follow your advice: if I have the chance, I will no doubt take it.

At the same time, you asked an important question: "Maybe your emotions aren't as strong as they were?" As I've reflected on my current feelings, I've begun to understand how sentimental I was and am in regard to her. She came into my life at an important time. I didn't expect to, honestly, make it through at that juncture of my life. If she had not been there to be my friend, I have a hunch I'd have not came out well at all...

Anyway, thank you for your reply!
 

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Losing a close female friend is something I can relate with.
We loved each other...but different.
It was like there was this connection between us.
I can't explain. I loved her for the person she was and...for what she had done..

She came into my life at an important time. I didn't expect to, honestly, make it through at that juncture of my life. If she had not been there to be my friend, I have a hunch I'd have not came out well at all...
This is very important. Same thing happened with me. The right time..both directions.

If you talk with her, you have to know why.
I think you have this dream because you are hurt, not because you love her.
And if you talk with her when you are hurt..it usually does not lead to much good.
So my advice would be to let go of those feelings before talking with her.
 
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