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Discussion Starter #21
I can only offer an example of what has worked in the past for me.

My ISTP boyfriend is generally a disaster on learning that I am upset. He looks at me a little like I am an alien creature wondering what has happened to his usually happy bubbly girlfriend (INFP). One particular time he simply ignored me. I sat on the bed crying. He lay on the bed under the duvet facing the other way ignoring me. It didn't work. I kept on crying.

I turned on the light and he looked up at me. I told him I was not all right. He thought for a while and then sat up purposefully. He looked around the room and found a pack of playing cards. At 1am on a morning where I'd been upset all of the evening before I found myself playing an increasingly competitive game of snap. I was laughing and teasing him back. After a while I realised I was tired and ready to sleep. He tucked me into bed and turned off the light.

In the morning my problems seemed less problematic and more solvable by myself.
Would you have preferred he just comfort you?
 

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Yes, but it wouldn't have solved anything. I would have cried more and struggled to sleep. It helped me that he took control of the situation. He respected that my problem was my problem and that the only person who could solve it would be me. I had to come to terms with what I felt. At the time I was desperate to be held and comforted. In hindsight, that he simply supported and distracted me I think helped more.

The best way I have found of expressing myself to him is for me to write everything down, wait and then us read it together later when I am calm and happy again. Most of the time I take things he says as hurtful, when they shouldn't be. I get upset about his lack of affirmation and reassurance. A text without a kiss at the end can make me unsure of myself.

Sometimes when I'm upset I can't be touched. It's almost as if adding touch is too much at once for me to process.
 

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Discussion Starter #23
Yes, but it wouldn't have solved anything. I would have cried more and struggled to sleep. It helped me that he took control of the situation. He respected that my problem was my problem and that the only person who could solve it would be me. I had to come to terms with what I felt. At the time I was desperate to be held and comforted. In hindsight, that he simply supported and distracted me I think helped more.

The best way I have found of expressing myself to him is for me to write everything down, wait and then us read it together later when I am calm and happy again. Most of the time I take things he says as hurtful, when they shouldn't be. I get upset about his lack of affirmation and reassurance. A text without a kiss at the end can make me unsure of myself.

Sometimes when I'm upset I can't be touched. It's almost as if adding touch is too much at once for me to process.
So while you're upset, would comforting you and distracting you be the best solution?
How on earth do you kiss someone in a text?
 

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So while you're upset, would comforting you and distracting you be the best solution?
How on earth do you kiss someone in a text?
For me, the best option I think is to simply ask what you can do for me and then listen. Sometimes it's best to distract and take some control of the situation. Most importantly stay positive, I feed off positivity. Why don't you bring it up with her at a time when she is feeling good, tell her you find it difficult and you'd like to know better what to do when she is upset. It's always good to hear that someone cares about you.

To actually solve a problem I generally need a mix of conversation with a trusted friend to voice my ideas and plenty of time on my own to settle with them. I can't do either when I'm feeling excessively emotional.

A kiss is a 'x' at the end of a text or message. Most of the time I put one or two. One of my friends religiously sends xxxxxxxxxxx to his gf. To me that seems a little excessive and comes off as fake. My bf sends between none and three. When he sends none its normally just conversational, sometimes it irrationally annoys me, but then when he sends three I become excessively happy about it.
 
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