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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Dear ENFP,

I am a 19 year old INFJ female. I am a second year college student. I am also a devout Catholic. So there is this ENFP guy who I was very good friends with back at my old college in Chicago but I also have strong feelings for him and still do till this day.

So this is a long story and to begin with, I relocated to Houston, Texas from Chicago, IL over summer vacation because my dad got a job in Houston, TX and the company there told him that he had to sell our house back in Chicago and relocate to Houston permanently. Because of that, I had to transfer to another college in Houston and start my second year of college there and my brother also had to switch schools as well.

Before all this took place, I met this ENFP guy through drama club in my college in February, which is during the second semester of my first year in college. It was really nice getting to know him and we did have some things in common with each other like we were both passionate about music and theatre. He was really one of the nicest guy I have ever met. He is very outgoing, sweet, optimistic, and a fun loving guy. Everyone loves being around him and he has a huge friend group. He is able to befriend anyone on campus including even people who don't know me. But still I really loved and adored him soo much. He was very sweet and caring towards me and felt lucky to have me as his friend. He also knew that I was relocating to Houston and said that he will miss me very much.He also said that he will never forget me and will not stop being my friend because I am an awesome person and a friend.

One problem here is, that he is a Muslim and I am a Catholic because my parents will not allow me to be in an interfaith relationship and it is also against my religion to marry a non-Catholic guy. Another problem here is that I feel like he may be already taken and dating someone else. We were still friends even though he may be dating someone else and this did not stop him from being my friend. In the outside, I seemed okay and cool with him being with someone else but in the inside, it hurted me to see him date someone else and thinking that he will have a future with someone else. Words really can't explain this feeling I have and it is very deep and emotional. I felt soo close with him and I did have meaningful and deep conversations with him and I feel like I can be talking to him for hours nonstop.

So this is where everything started to get worrisome and stressed. So before I relocated to Houston, he would often reply back to text messages . And then few weeks after I moved to Houston in summer and then he stopped replying back to my texts abruptly in the middle of nowhere.
He even did not think about wishing me a happy birthday even though we were friends on facebook and a notification came up on his facebook account.

Then when Hurricane Harvey hit Houston in August , he did not even ask me if I am safe and doing alright. I texted him several times asking if he knew about Hurricane Harvey and not one single reply for him asking if I was doing alright.
Then, his birthday came up on September and I recieved a notification about it on facebook. So I wrote him a lengthy birthday message on his facebook timeline on how great of a guy he is and how much I truly care about him as friend and how I feel so lucky to have him as a friend. Also many of his other friends posted on his facebook timeline wishing him a happy birthday along with pictures of them together. He replied to all of his other friends' post on facebook thanking them with smiley heart emojis and saying that he missed them and hope they were doing well but he did not reply the same way to my birthday message and he only "liked" it.

I talked to one of his other friends about this and assured me that he still misses and cares about and that he is just very busy with college and catching up with his other friends. Few weeks later, I even sent him messages on Instagram and he did not reply to that either. I even called him five times and he did not even call me back. This really started to raise a red flag for me.

So from all of these incidents that took place, I am starting to feel that he never missed or cared about me anymore like he used to.I even feel like that I deserved that to happen to me. I feel like I am the one who is at loss. I even feel scared to go back and visit Chicago because he will not want me there.

So do you know why he is behaving this way? Did he forget me already by this time? Are ENFP guys like this way? What did I do wrong that made him want to ignore me? I also feel worried that I may appear clingy or desperate just because I want to keep in touch with him. I still miss him very much till this day. I feel like I am missing out on him and making memories with him that I can look back and reminisce about when I become older. I feel like I am at loss here.

Sincerley,
an INFJ female
 

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Yes, I will explain what I see. I'm pretty sure I'm right about this. So often when guys don't want to raise a girls's hopes about being in a relationship with them, they will act like jerks until the girl says to herself, "Wow, you are such a jerk! I don't want you anymore!" I'm so sorry. He has moved on and he is worried about you because he wants you to move on as well and have a good life in Houston. This ENFP is too nice to truly go over into "jerk land" like for instance, he is "too nice" to tell you he's moving on and not interested. He's also too nice to be a huge jerk, so he's hoping you get the idea from the silence. He thinks you have feelings for him. If he thought you only had friendship feelings for him he'd still probably move on some due to the distance and just being young and ENFP. Young ENFPs are absorbing too many things in life to commit, usually. Since there are so many people to meet and so much to get interested in, it takes them a while to finally settle and say, "You know what? I want a girl who...." and for them to be sure of themselves about it. A lot of ENFPs are late bloomers. I think I read a lot of us settle down kind of later. I know I did. It took me a long time before I was ready to have a committed relationship. My advice is to pull back. Act like you got his message of silence. It might take him a long time to contact you or he might never contact you because he wants you to move on and because he's out doing his thing. I would wait maybe 6 months and send him a very friendship-like kind of message if you're going to be in Chicago and want to say hi. Believe me, he doesn't think badly of you. If he did you would never have gotten close to him. He's just exploring and has no intension of settling on one person (probably) for a while. He doesn't want you stuck on him. It's tough. I remember being 19, there's a lot of emotion there and it shows what an affectionate wonderful person you are that you have these deep feelings. Give him or some other great ENFP guy another 5 years and they will probably be singing a different tune. Some of us ENFPs absolutely find out that we want INFJs. DO believe in yourself. You are going to be fine. DO know that he appreciated you and will think of you fondly. DO start to get involved and build a life where you are. Bloom where you are planted. You're only 19 and have a million things to do! If you still want to send him a message in 3-6 months then go for it, but definitely know you are going to be okay without him either way. If you want to send me a private message, please do. You need to know you are very valuable.
 

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Oh hey, you created a thread too. Well I'm not going to repeat what I said in the other thread but whilst @Alesha isn't wrong about some guys being like that I don't think there is any potential for a relationship here. The Religion being a big barrier... (I mean I fell for a muslim INFJ, that worked well until a point but it was always going to be an elope sort of relationship if we were going to go longterm) but also from what you've said nothing implies that he shares the same feelings for you. I'm sorry. I would otherwise say that there is potential to build something there but the foundation is already enough of a barrier for it to never go beyond friendship.
 

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I'm not big on maintaining mainly interactions over text or online.. I can do it if I am also seeing the person in-person regularly, but it stresses me out and demands focus to maintain an interaction purely online- ESPECIALLY when I have a big social life around me, because I don't have social energy to spare to keep up contact with someone online.

I did precisely the same thing with a girl I met in Korea just recently if the example helps. I liked her from first meeting her, and at this point I thought I was staying in Korea for a couple of years. We went on a couple of dates and I generally kept pursuing her over messages for months because she was in the middle of very intense exams, the whole situation was just inconvenient, I was literally 100% in on pursuing her (and when I'm all-in, I'm ALL IN, I use all my socialskills/effort to try and make it happen) but I couldn't exactly make her screw her studying over to make her come out with me, and then I got my teaching job outside of Seoul so we messaged less. By the time she finished exams and was more interested in seeing/talking to me my plans had changed and I came back to England to do the masters course I'm on right now. We messaged for a while after that, but I knew I wasn't returning to Korea for years, and I knew I couldn't maintain an online interaction for long, so I just let it bleed out.

So yeah, that's an example of a U-turn by an ENFP male if that was what you were after.
 

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I'm not big on maintaining mainly interactions over text or online.. I can do it if I am also seeing the person in-person regularly, but it stresses me out and demands focus to maintain an interaction purely online- ESPECIALLY when I have a big social life around me, because I don't have social energy to spare to keep up contact with someone online.

I did precisely the same thing with a girl I met in Korea just recently if the example helps. I liked her from first meeting her, and at this point I thought I was staying in Korea for a couple of years. We went on a couple of dates and I generally kept pursuing her over messages for months because she was in the middle of very intense exams, the whole situation was just inconvenient, I was literally 100% in on pursuing her (and when I'm all-in, I'm ALL IN, I use all my socialskills/effort to try and make it happen) but I couldn't exactly make her screw her studying over to make her come out with me, and then I got my teaching job outside of Seoul so we messaged less. By the time she finished exams and was more interested in seeing/talking to me my plans had changed and I came back to England to do the masters course I'm on right now. We messaged for a while after that, but I knew I wasn't returning to Korea for years, and I knew I couldn't maintain an online interaction for long, so I just let it bleed out.

So yeah, that's an example of a U-turn by an ENFP male if that was what you were after.
Yup, all this, I do things like this too.
 

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Copied from prior post:
@Lonisha

I feel very much for your situation.

The reason it hurts so is because you've elevated the intensity of your relationship internally far more than he elevated the intensity with you externally. It can be so easy to mistake someone else's care for you simply because you care for him.

I find some people can can be light like bulbs, heating and cooling very quickly. INFJ's are more like a pot of water; takes an incredible amount of energy to heat, and a lot of energy loss to cool down.

Dial down the intensity until it matches what he's giving you. This is a way you can protect yourself from your own feelings down the road.
 
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